Rocked with Passion (A New Adult Rockstar Novel) (6 page)

When I finally saw what was written, I looked up and Noah, confused.

“Well, what’s the matter?” I asked.

“Everything. Everything’s the matter. Do you know how hard I’ve worked to make sure this band doesn’t look exactly like one of the stereotypical rock bands from the 80s? Do you know how hard effort to make sure that what happened between the band and the old PR firm has been kept under wraps?”

“Well, seeing as you can barely author to be civil to me then no, I had no idea. This really is the disaster you think it is. Of course I knew the band was going to be dressed up like an old-style band, but they were fully in favor of it, and I actually think it looks quite hot. As for the scandal we’ve caused, I thought it would be best to come clean with the public, to make sure all of the information came out in a venue of the band’s choosing. They agreed with me, and that’s how this magazine article came to be.”

“You had absolutely no right to do this without talking to me first.”

“Again, we get to the fact that you barely bothered to be civil to me. Why would I ever talk to you about things if I didn’t absolutely have to? I’m the head of PR, and doing interviews with magazines falls under my jurisdiction.
Besides, if the band really thought you were doing the right thing for them, they would’ve told me so and refused to do the magazine.”

I could practically feel the temperature Noah’s body rising. His face went from a light shade of red to a dark purple. Finally, he splattered out a reply.

“You’re a stupid bitch, you know that? You have no idea what you’re doing, you don’t belong here, and you’re going to drive this band into the ground. All because you have a stupid fucking crush on Jonathan.”

“Leave. Get the hell out. You have no right to speak to me that way, and I’m not going to take this sort of shit from you.”

With that, Noah spun around on his heel, and without another word left the room. I was seething with anger. How dare that man speak to me that way? It was outrageous. I had just as much right to be here as he did. I knew I wasn’t the prettiest person, the most confident person or the strongest person. But that didn’t matter. I also knew when I was right, and I knew when other people crossed a line with me. Liam Noah had absolutely done that, and I was completely fuming with rage.

I decided to read the advance issue of the magazine is I finished my lunch. I had to admit, Janice and the editor had done an amazing job. The photo spread was incredible, making the band seem as if they were more than human. The interview however really sealed that they were in fact just people. It was raw, emotional, beautiful and everything I had hoped and then some. I wondered if Jonathan had seen it yet.

I didn’t see Jonathan until later that night at the club. Obviously, I couldn’t bring in advance issue of the magazine with me, so I simply had to describe what it looked like until I got a chance to show him the issue.

“It really sounds amazing, I can’t wait to see it” Jonathan said after he described it to him.

“Yeah, it’s a real work of art.”

“How on earth did you get a copy of it so early?” Jonathan asked. Usually it was Noah who gave me advance issues of our press.

“My copy actually did belong to Noah originally.” And with that, I described to Jonathan the events of the afternoon. I had to yell a few times to be heard over the thumping noise of the bass. This wasn’t exactly the best location to have a conversation.

Jonathan was completely outraged at Noah’s behavior.

“I can’t believe he would speak like that to you. I’m going to have to have a talk with him.”

“No, don’t! It’s fine, Jonathan, thanks for the offer though. He just doesn’t like me for some reason, and it’s something I’m going to have to deal with. As much as I appreciate it, I can’t have you going around and fixing all of my problems.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Yes, I’m sure. We’re both adults, I’m sure we can sort things out eventually.”

“Well, if anything, this calls for a celebratory drink. I’ll be right back.”

I watched Jonathan’s tight body as he got up in front of me and made his way towards the bar. I knew he would be a while, since whenever he got up, small throngs of fans finally dared to ask him for an autograph, or perhaps a photo. I smiled as I watched, Jonathan always too polite to refuse a fan. In a lot of ways, he had never changed. He still had his small-town manners, that same knack of knowing exactly what to say and whenever he spoke to me I still felt like the only girl in the room.

Jonathan came back a few minutes later with a couple of drinks. This must’ve in my third, or was it fourth of the night? I wasn’t quite sure anymore. I could already feel a slight buzz in my head, the happy feeling of being tipsy taking over. This was nice, just Jonathan and I. Jared was on the dance floor, feeling up a tall blonde by the looks of things, and Eric
was busy dealing with his girlfriend drama elsewhere.

We sat in our private booth, the lights flashing around us, the music blasting and I had to admit I enjoyed the lifestyle Jonathan was getting me accustomed to. I was eventually going to have to go back to my home in Ohio, I knew that, but for now this was fun. There was no way I ever would have gotten into this club on my own, let alone have been given a private table. There was just absolutely no way.

I finished my drinking got up to go to the ladies room, stumbling slightly.

“Are you okay?” Jonathan asked, noticing my slight trip.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” I replied, laughing it off. I didn’t really feel super drunk. Still, I stumbled towards the bathroom, trying to find my way through the throngs of people. Realizing I might’ve had a little bit too much to drink, I splashed some water on my face in the bathroom, then tried to reapply my makeup.

I was still sober enough to tell that this had been a good idea. I laughed at myself in the mirror,
then did it again, this time the results much more presentable. When I made my way back to her table, Jonathan was gone. I looked around the club, and spotted him on the dance floor. He caught my eye in waved at me, and I waved back. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was because it was what I had secretly desired for weeks now, but something made me go over there and dance with Jonathan.

I made sure to keep everything appropriate.
I kept a good distance between us, although I had to admit I veered closer and closer to Jonathan’s body from time to time. He did the same, never putting his hands on me, but occasionally hovering them only inches from my skin. The teasing, the lack of his touch, it drove me wild. I didn’t know why, but I wanted more.

Suddenly, the song ended, and it broke my reverie.
Everything was back to normal. I smiled awkwardly at Jonathan, and began to walk back to the table. I sank into the comfortable seat, and motioned for the waitress to bring me another drink. A few minutes later, Jonathan joined me, plopping himself down on the other side. He grinned at me.

“You’re not too bad a dancer” he told me.

“Are you kidding me? Half the people in this club her professional dancers, I don’t hold a candle to them.”

“Yeah, but I’m not comparing you to them. You’d probably be that good too if you had been doing it since you were five. I’m just saying you’re much better dancer than I expected.”

“Did you expect I’d be terrible?” I was definitely drunk, I only gave Jonathan shit about things when I was drunk. Still, there was too much alcohol in me to care.

“I’m just not going to get out of this looking like a good guy, am I?” Jonathan replied.

This time it was my turn to grin at him. I had to admit, he took everything in good nature. God, I wanted him. I tried to think about Kevin, but his picture simply wouldn’t come into my head. It was as though I’d completely forgotten what he looked like. Was this really possible? After all, it was true that I hadn’t seen him in a while, but he was still my boyfriend. I still loved him. Surely I had to remember what he looked like.

Just then, Jonathan leaned in and kissed me. It was completely out of nowhere, but it felt good. Memories of me at fifteen came flooding back into my head. This was exactly like that
night, with Jonathan soft lips against mine. His hands found my hips, and I pulled him closer to me, matching his passion with my own.

Jonathan’s hand found my breast, cupping it gently in his large hand, his fingers tweaking my nipples over my clothes. I rubbed his chest with my hand, reaching under his shirt to get even better access at his muscular body.

My eyes were closed as Jonathan’s tongue slipped into my mouth. He took his mouth from mine just long enough to whisper into my ear “you’re amazing Sara.”

I was in heaven. With every passing second, I felt like I was on a cloud floating higher and higher into the air. Suddenly, the song playing stopped,
and I was hurtled back down to earth. I pulled away from Jonathan suddenly, gasping for air as I looked at him.

“What’s wrong Sara?” Jonathan asked. “Was it something I did?”

“I… I just can’t do this. I’m with Kevin, I can’t do this to him. I can’t do this with you. I thought I could be professional, I thought I could quash all of the feelings I had, but I can’t. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

With that, I got up and rushed out of the club. I could hear Jonathan calling me from inside the building, but I didn’t turn back. When I got outside, I hailed a waiting
cab and gave him my address. Tears welled in my eyes as we sped across Los Angeles, across the streets I was getting to know. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I thought I was stronger than this, I thought I was going to be able to resist him. I knew I was wrong, and as much as my heart wanted to be with Jonathan, I knew that in reality it was never going to happen. I had to cut him loose, and go back to my safe life in Ohio.

When I got to my apartment I asked the cab driver to wait outside. I packed a bag quickly. I just threw in a few clothes, some toiletries, my most important papers then I grabbed my purse and went back out to the taxi. My phone rang, and I checked the number. It was Jonathan, and I let it ring out. I just couldn’t speak with him right now.

“To the airport, please” I asked, and we sped off towards LAX.

I booked a ticket on the first flight back to Cleveland. It was too late to call Kevin to pick me up, so I figured I would just grab a cab and surprise him. As I waited, I drink a bottle of water and slowly began to sober up. The more my wits came back to me, the more upset I was with what I’d done.

This was exactly like the first time Jonathan had broken my heart. It was exactly like that. For the second time in my life, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I felt empty, I felt hollow. There was no denying it anymore, I definitely loved Jonathan. The problem was
, we still couldn’t be together. I wasn’t a cheater, and I had a life with Kevin. I loved Kevin as well, although if I was honest, I never felt that same pang in my chest every time I laid eyes on him. I never felt that same longing whenever he walked into the room, or that feeling of love so strong it hurt. Perhaps I did love Jonathan more than Kevin, but it didn’t matter. I was going back to Kevin now. I should have listened to my gut, and never gone to Los Angeles.

How could I have done that to Kevin? After all, Kevin was going to be my husband. We were going to be married. And I’d kissed someone else! I’d kissed Jonathan, and I’d come really,
really
close to doing a lot more than kiss him. Shame coursed through me. I couldn’t believe I’d done that. I’d always thought cheaters were the worst kind of scum. I’d always told myself I would never be the type of person who would cheat on their boyfriend. And yet now, I’d done it. I’d kissed Jonathan Knight when I was still with Kevin.

I mean yeah, of course I’d been lonely. I really had missed Kevin over the last few months. And I had been a bit drunk. But none of that was an excuse. Jonathan and I had also set a line. We’d decided that we weren’t going to let our relationship be anything other than completely professional and platonic. Hell, I didn’t even think Jonathan loved me anymore. It was also possible he didn’t; perhaps it was the alcohol, or simply pure physical desire without any underlying emotion on his
part that made him lean down and kiss me. None of that mattered though, what mattered was that I’d betrayed Kevin.

There was only one thing to do now, and I was going it. I had to fly back home, admit everything, apologize and hope Kevin could me more forgiving than I imagined I would be in the same situation.
I would beg for forgiveness, and hope beyond hope that I hadn’t ruined our relationship forever.

The nerves felt like they were crushing my chest. I kept going through every terrible scenario in my head, thinking about what would happen when I told Kevin. Would he kick me out immediately, telling me he never wanted to see me again? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him if he did.
Would he tell me I was scum, the worst person on the planet? I would deserve that too. Would he just leave, walk out without saying another word?

I didn’t know, but I couldn’t let myself think anything good would happen. I sipped some water, trying to hide my bloodshot eyes from the flight attendant. I knew I should try and get an hour’s sleep or so, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not with the mental state I was in. The exhaustion, fear, shame and nerves combined to make me feel like complete hell. I felt like I was going to throw up, consistently. It felt like in Grade 10, when we had to do a speech in front of the entire class, just before my name was called, only a hundred times worse. This was my future I might have screwed up.
My future with a man that I loved. My future, that I’d planned on spending with Kevin, which might now be alone.