Rocked with Passion (A New Adult Rockstar Novel) (9 page)

“Hey, Jonny, were getting started again in there if you want to come” Eric mentioned.

“Yeah man thanks, see ya in a sec” Jonathan replied.

“Sorry, I’ll come back out and chat with you later” he told me, apologetically. I just nodded, numbly.

A few other times during the day Jonathan came in and tried to have a conversation with me, but every time we were interrupted before we managed to get anything going. Every time he apologized, and I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I was starting to get pretty pissed off. I wasn’t in a good place emotionally, and to not getting to have this conversation was definitely not the sort of thing that was going to make me feel better.

Eventually I ran out of things to do. I’d set up a few interviews for the band in the coming weeks, and prepared a press release for the new single, but when all of that was done I had nothing to do except sit in that room with my thoughts. Obviously, my thoughts turned to the pain which I had felt.

I thought about Kevin’s betrayal once more. It was funny, it had just happened yesterday, but the memory already felt fuzzy. When it actually happened, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. But now, the details weren’t clear, and while I could remember my emotions they seemed clearer in my head than the actual actions.

In fact, I wasn’t even 100% sure that I’d recognize the other woman if I saw her in the street today. Nonetheless, the memory hurt me deep. As I remembered how I felt as I walked into the living room and saw the boyfriend that I loved, the man I loved, with another woman, I felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart all over again.

Tears suddenly formed in my eyes. I couldn’t help them from flowing. They came automatically, as I began to grieve for the relationship that was over, for the husband I would never have. I tried to reason with myself, tried to tell myself over and over that it was better to discover his cheating ways now than in the future, but it still hurt like hell.

I closed my laptop, put it to one side, put my head on the table and collapsed into tears. I just had to get it all out there, cry it all out until the pain disappeared. It just hurt so god damn much. I knew I’d kissed Jonathan, and I knew I still loved Jonathan, but I also loved Kevin, and my plan had been to be with Kevin forever. Jonathan and I weren’t going to be. He might’ve kissed me with alcohol fueled passion, but he had told me we weren’t going to be together.

I’m not sure how long I sat there crying. I know the same thoughts kept running through my head. The same memory of the betrayal, the same pain over and over like I was being stabbed continuously, all of it ran through my head time after time. It was as though I hope to that by going over time and time again I would numb myself to the pain, and it would all be over.

My sobbing must’ve been so loud that I didn’t even notice the door open. Suddenly, Jonathan’s hand was on my back, and I popped up, surprised.

“What? What are you doing here?” I asked, not even worried about the fact that my red, bloodstained eyes must have made me look like an old hag.

“We just finished with the DJ. Sara, what’s wrong? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing, really.”

“It obviously is something” Jonathan replied, getting down on his knees and taking my hands into his. He looked into my eyes, and I could see then that he
cared, I could see that he cared so much. It was genuine. I wasn’t going to tell him, I was going to keep this a secret myself, but something about the way Jonathan looked at me made me spill my guts.

The tears flowed once more as for the second time in two days I told my story. I told Jonathan about how I left after the club and went straight to the airport, I told him about how I decided to surprise Kevin by coming home, how I found him with the other woman and discovered he been cheating on me for a year, how Sally told me that I should come back and that that was what I’d done.

Jonathan listened as I spoke, not uttering a single word of interruption. His hands held mine, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was practically feeling my sadness with me. I knew he cared and I knew that I’d made the right choice by telling him. When I finally finished my story it felt as though I’d been talking for hours. For a few moments, he didn’t speak, and then finally he did.

“Oh Sara, I’m so sorry. I’m so very, very sorry that that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through anything like that. You’re such a wonderful, beautiful, strong woman, and you deserve so much better than somebody who cheated on you.”

I nodded. “Thanks Jonathan, it means a lot.”

“Look, Sara, I know we didn’t get a chance to talk today, but I really did want to speak to you. I understand this because of what happened you want a few days or weeks to deal with things on your own...”

“No, no it’s fine. I want to move on from this as quickly as I can. Honestly, I think the best thing I can do right now is try to forget about Kevin. You can tell me whatever you want to say.”

“Is it too forward to invite you to dinner?” Jonathan asked, and if I didn’t know better, I would have almost thought he looked sheepish about it. I thought about his offer for a minute.

“Is this… A date you’re asking me out on?”

“What if it is?”

“That’s not really an answer.”

“Well, in that case yes. Will you go out to dinner on a date with me Sara?”

It was funny, I’d waited over 10 years to hear those words. Well, not really waited so much as hoped and now for the first time in my life I was hearing them. Jonathan Knight wanted to take me out to dinner. I always thought this would be a joyous occasion, that I’d feel amazing, but really it just made things feel more complicated. I was happy about it, of course, but at the same time I still couldn’t get that punched in the gut feeling to go away. Maybe this wasn’t exactly the best time to go on a date.

Still, I couldn’t deny the fact that I’d wanted this. I think that’s partly why I answered “yes, that sounds nice.”

Jonathan smiled. “Excellent, I was hoping you’d say that. Shall I come pick you up say around seven?”

“Seven sounds good.”

When Jonathan left I took the opportunity to look at the clock. I didn’t realize that it was already after five. I was going to have to get going if I was going to be ready in time for the date.

John took me home, and I immediately went about acting like a lovesick teenager, trying to figure out what to wear. I had a few nice outfits by now, nicer than what I had when I first arrived in Los Angeles, but I still went through trying almost everything I owned, trying to find the perfect
thing to wear. It felt like I was a teenager again. I wasn’t giddy with excitement, thanks to the events of the last few days, but I had to admit, the fact that Jonathan had asked me on a date was pretty cool.

Finally, I settled on an elegant navy blue dress with a plunging neckline and a few ruffles. It was modern and elegant, and when I matched it with some silver jewelry I decided that this was in fact the perfect outfit to wear. I looked elegant and sexy, and while I was sure I wouldn’t fit in with the crowd at whatever restaurant Jonathan took me to, I’d probably be better at faking it.

The closer it was to seven, the more nervous I got. What if this was just an elaborate prank? What if Jonathan was actually taking me out to tell me he was firing me for leaving my job? What if I was going to be humiliated, crushed for a second time tonight? I didn’t know if I could handle it.
Get it together, Sara. He’s not going to do that. He’s asked you on a date. Nothing’s going to go wrong.
The small pep talk helped, and I calmed down slightly as it came closer and closer to being time for our date.

Sure enough, at 7 o’clock John was waiting for me. I slipped into the backseat of the car, expecting it to be empty, but Jonathan was there waiting for me. He beamed as he looked me up and down.

“You look really amazing” he told me, admiring my body. I felt a blush creep my face and I was thankful it was dark in the back of the card.

“Thanks” I muttered, not really sure what else to reply. It was true that I’d gone out to dinner with Jonathan the first night I was in Los Angeles, but that was different. That was simply to professionals getting a business deal sorted out. Now, we were on a date. I was on a date with the man I loved since high school. I felt awkward, clumsy, and as though every attempt a conversation was going to fail miserably. What had happened to the strong, confident Sara who arrived in Los Angeles to grow her business?
She certainly wasn’t here tonight.

We made small talk in the car on the way to the restaurant, the entire time I was hoping I wouldn’t screw anything up too badly. It was
funny, doing my best not to make everything seem super awkward made me forget about the pain of losing Kevin just yesterday. Even the pain in my chest seemed to dullen slightly.

When we finally arrived at the restaurant, Jonathan took my hand and led me out of the car. Hordes of waiting photographers came by trying to take her picture, but Jonathan confidently took my hand and led me pass them and into the safety of the restaurant.

“What are they here for?” I asked, curious as to how the paparazzi knew where we were going to be. I imagine there must be somebody else even more famous than Jonathan inside the restaurant.

Jonathan looked at me, bemused. “Do you know what restaurant this is?” I shook my head. “This is The
Oak, the paparazzi are here because every night somebody incredibly famous always shows up.”

My eyes widened as I looked around and realized Jonathan was right. We were in The Oak, which was hands-down the most famous restaurant in Los Angeles. Every famous celebrity, everyone who is anybody, was seen eating here. No wonder there were so many photographers around, it was easy pickings. As the waiter let us to our table, I spotted at least four movie stars and tried not to stare.

I didn’t actually believe it was possible for Jonathan to take me somewhere even more impressive, even more filled with famous people than the last restaurant we had been two together, but here he had managed to do it. It was rumored that ordinary people couldn’t even get a reservation at the restaurant, and that one had to be a celebrity of a certain stature in order to be guaranteed a table. Jonathan was evidently of that stature.

Once again, the waiter brought us our menus, and I was thankful to notice that this time it seemed to mainly be in English. I commented as such to Jonathan, who laughed.

“I’m sorry, he exclaimed in between chuckles. I never actually thought about the fact that you wouldn’t have known what you are ordering the last time we went out. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, to be honest I already had felt out of place enough. I didn’t want to seem like even more of an outsider by not knowing what words on the menu meant.”

“Did you really? Honestly, I had no idea. You looked completely comfortable.”

“That’s something at least, since I was doing my best to act it. But really, it was my first time to a real restaurant outside of our small town in Ohio, and when I saw the beautiful clothing that everybody else was wearing, I was incredibly intimidated. They all seemed so beautiful, so glamorous and like they actually belonged, whereas I just felt like an imposter.”

It felt funny, but it also felt good to be admitting all of these things to Jonathan. I felt like I was opening my heart to him, even though it was just our first date. Perhaps our only date. I didn’t know if he intended to ask me out again, but I decided that I was going to enjoy this evening while it lasted. Even if I could only have one date with this man, one night in which to live out my dreams, I was going to take it and I wasn’t going to brood about it.

“Well, if you stick with me kid, I’ll make sure that sort of thing is normal” Jonathan told me with a wink. Once again I felt the blush creeping up my face.
“But seriously, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I just thought you might be impressed that I could get a table here.”

“Oh believe me, I’m definitely impressed. In fact, I don’t even think you’re the most famous person here!”

Jonathan laughed again. “That’s definitely true. Honestly, some days I wouldn’t mind just going and sitting in a diner somewhere, but that’s not really an option anymore if I want to do something private. There are always fans coming up to me and stuff, which isn’t to say that I mind, it just makes it a bit awkward if I’m trying to have a conversation with someone. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a fake as well, like I don’t belong in these places either. It definitely took some getting used to, but don’t worry. No one here is staring at you, they’re not thinking that you don’t belong. You look fine.”

“Thanks, Jonathan. I appreciate you saying that” I told him, and I did.
In a way, this was how things had always been between us. I felt awkward and insecure, and Jonathan made me feel like I was important, like I was the most beautiful woman in the room.

The conversation moved on, and I began to feel more at ease here with Jonathan.
He ordered us some wine once again, and we ordered the special of the night. I wasn’t sure how much it cost, but I knew it was going to be expensive. Still, it wasn’t nearly as expensive as the bottle of wine which Jonathan ordered. As I browsed through the wine list, barely knowing the difference between a Chardonnay and a Riesling, I did notice the bottle he eventually ordered, namely because the price tag, at over $600, had caught my eye.
Surely no one ever orders that one
, I thought to myself as I looked in awe at the bottle of wine that cost more than a month’s rent back home. Of course, I never expected Jonathan to order it!