Scared of Forever (Scared #2) (19 page)

“Emily is a really
sweet girl, and gorgeous. The second hottest woman I know. The first
being Maia, obviously. Chicks like that, they don’t wait. Guys line
up to chase girls like her. Even though you know what?”

“Man, you gossip like
a woman,” I laugh.

“Hey, don’t blame
me! The only two people I really care about in this state are Maia
and Jade, who happens to be my lesbionic best friend.” Jackson
shrugs. “It was either bitch up, or be bored!”

“Even though he’s
screwing around.” I finish, immediately regretting my words.

“What, your
stick-up-his-ass brother?” Jackson says, stunned.

“Looks can be
deceiving. I was going to tell Emily today, but then—”

“But then you
didn’t,” he finishes for me.

“Nah. But I shouldn’t
have said anything. Don’t tell Maia,” I say quickly, realizing
the repercussions that such a revelation could present.

“Okay, but I’m
going to unhear that, and you’re going to unsay that shit. If Maia
finds out I knew this and didn’t tell her so she could tell Emily,
I’ll be cold at night for a long time. And I don’t like to be
cold at night!” Jackson says. “But for the record, if it ever
comes to it, I’m definitely voting for you for the win.”

“Thanks man,” I
say, clasping him on the shoulder before leaving.

When I arrive back at
the apartment, Blake’s car still isn’t in its spot. It’s almost
eight. I thought that he would have raced home, at least attempting
to play the loving fiancée for a few days. But unless he genuinely
is working late, and I doubt he is, the asshole isn’t as finished
with Aria as he would like me to believe. I slam the Jeep’s door
hard, the sound echoing through the cold concrete garage.

I wanted to stay away.
Aria told me to stay away. But I wasn’t going to accept defeat. She
wants to be with me.
She knows
it
. Now I’m sitting in the BMW at a set of traffic
lights. A right turn takes me home to Emily, and a left turn leads me
to Aria.
How ironic.
Even
topography is trying to tell me that Emily’s direction is the right
one to choose.

The light turns green,
but I don’t move my foot from the brake pedal. I tried several
times to call Emily today. I sent her a text or two, but didn’t
receive a reply in any form. If Tyler had gotten to her, I would
probably have heard about it. A cold fear sets in as I realize that
Emily is too much of a lady to come to the hospital and make a big
scene. She would probably just pack her bags and leave.
And
I would likely never find her
. My heart seizes
uncomfortably at the thought.

Adding to my anxiety is
the fact that Aria hasn’t replied any of my messages either. After
last night, I don’t expect her to. I
had
half-expected the crazy bitch to come to the hospital and key my car,
though. She’s volatile when she’s mad. And I made her mad.
No
scratch that, Tyler made her mad
. None of this would be
happening if he hadn’t stuck his fucking nose in my business.
Why
does he care so much about Emily’s feelings?
They’re
not his fucking feelings to worry about.

I turn left. Once I
calm Aria down, I can work on Emily and plot how to get rid of my
pain in the ass brother.

Arriving at her place,
I see the lights in the shop off. I walk around to the side, the only
glimpse of light visible from the crack below the door. I move the
ceramic frog aside, and find the key missing. Not unexpected. I
knock, quietly at first then growing more desperate, until eventually
my fists are pounding solidly into the wood. The door opens a
fraction, and I immediately push my hand against it. It rebounds
fiercely against my wrist, bending it back painfully.

I look up to see the
metal chain still fixed to the door. “Aria,” I say with a sigh.

“Go the fuck away,
Blake. Did I not make myself clear yesterday?”

“You know I can’t
be away from you,” I plead.

“You’ll have to
learn!”

“Please, Aria. I
promise I won’t touch you, or step a foot out of line, I swear. But
I need to see you.”

I hear a huge sigh come
from behind the door, then a pause, and eventually she unhooks the
chain separating us. I barge in and pull her into my arms, kissing
her violently.
Owning her
.
She shoves me back mercilessly against the entry wall. She’s
little, but she knows how to fight back.

“I said, don’t
touch me,” she growls through gritted teeth. She turns and walks
into the small kitchen. The table is strewn with papers.

“What’s going on?”
I ask with a frown.

“None of your
business,” she says. “Say what you came here to say, so you can
leave.”

“Baby, you don’t
actually want me to go,” I say softly, taking a step forward. She
glares at me with a warning look.

“The way you spoke to
me was unforgiveable. These papers,” she says gesturing to the mess
on the table, “are the financials for this place. I’m selling it,
Blake. So I can get away from your toxicity. So I can stop hearing
your motherfucking ass tell me that you’re my sugar daddy! You made
me feel like a whore! I thought I meant more to you!”

“You do!” I
counter. “You mean everything to me.”

“Oh really?” she
replies, laughing sardonically. “Is that why you’re marrying
someone else? Since this chick showed up, I have taken second place
in your life. And I’m done.”

“You can’t be done.
We
can’t be done. I
need you.”

“Then make a choice.
Do it quickly. Because if you don’t, this is the last time we
speak. Ever.”

“I love you,” I say
desperately.
Worse, far worse
than Emily leaving me, is Aria leaving me.

“Can I stay with you
tonight?” I ask hopefully. I’m desperate for her forgiveness.

“No. This time Blake,
it’s all of me, or none of me. I’m leaving New York, regardless
of what your decision is. So if you choose me, you choose to leave
with me.”

“What would we do for
money? Where would I work?”
Is
she crazy, asking me to leave everything behind?

“If I mean as much to
you as you say I do, then it should be a no-brainer.” I never
expected an ultimatum like this to come from Aria.

Aria turns her body
away from. The conversation is over, at least for her. And she’s
stubborn. There’s no reasoning with her. This ultimatum is rock
solid, and she will follow through on every word of it. I turn and
leave, feeling both dejected and rejected.
What
am I supposed to do?

Arriving at the
apartment, I notice that Emily is already asleep. Her back rises and
falls slowly, evenly. I walk to the bed, kneeling at her side and
kiss her softly on the cheek. She doesn’t stir. I need to feel
wanted, needed. I need to know that someone loves me.
Is
here for me
. But Emily doesn’t wake. She moves her head,
facing it away from me, and my heart sinks.

I stay awake all night,
not quite giving a fuck that I have work in the morning.
Why
the fuck should I care about the sick and dying?
I’m
dying inside, and no one gives a flying fuck!
My mother
and her pressure. And Emily. Well, Emily is just distant lately. She
doesn’t have the same look in her eyes when she sees me anymore.
Aria is just plain fucking pissed. I’m starting to get the distinct
impression that they hate me.
All
of them
. All I was really trying to do, this whole time,
was to please everyone.

And look where that’s
getting me. If I leave with Aria, I give up everything: my social
status, my mother’s approval, my money, my future, my whole life
here. But I would have Aria, the only woman on earth who is crazy
enough to understand me. Emily was everything I thought I wanted.
Now, Emily is synonymous with the claustrophobic future I have in
store. She is the mascot for a life of servitude to the Carson name,
and all the shit that goes with it.

And as much as I want
to, I can’t even fucking blame Tyler. I was the one who spent the
last five months trying to convince myself that I was madly in love
with Emily. Emily deserves better. Aria deserves better. I couldn’t
be what Emily needed, but I can be everything for Aria. I hesitate
momentarily before punching a text into my phone and hitting
send
.
Step one: my resignation. I just sent a text to Chief Resident Jules.
I just resigned my job by
fucking text message
. And I smile, finally happy with
something I’ve done.

Pretending to be asleep
when Blake gets home every night is getting old. After being with
Tyler, I don’t want Blake to touch me anymore. The mere thought is
reviling to my senses. Again, I’m complicating this situation for
myself. After seeing Tyler again, I had finally made peace with my
decision to talk to Blake. End things with him.

But then Blake was gone
before I woke up this morning. And I had spent an hour looking around
the apartment, thinking of how good he has been to me the last few
months. Remembering how lost I was when I got to New York. Realizing
that I actually had so much to thank him for. I’m so consumed with
my own emotional rollercoaster that I fail to even pause to reflect
on Blake’s absence.

“We need to talk,”
I begin, barging into Tyler’s apartment an hour later. His smile
immediately dissipates when he sees my serious face. He walks over
and leans against the kitchen counter.
I
can’t focus.
My mind keeps reverting to the memory of
him inside of me yesterday. I relive the memory of me on the
barstool, millimeters away from Tyler’s present position. I need to
get my bearings here. More than just wanting to be around Tyler, I
wanted to
be
with
Tyler.
But where would that
leave Blake? How could I abandon him like that?
I knew how
that felt.

“Tyler,” I start
again, looking down. “This has to stop. I made a commitment to
Blake.” There, I said it. But then Mac’s words float into my
mind.
Love and commitment are
not mutually exclusive.
“I had to pretend that I was
sleeping last night, because I couldn’t bear to look Blake in the
eye.”

“So leave with me,”
he says simply. “Leave him.”

I look at him in
disbelief. “Emily,” he says softly. “You don’t want to be
there. You want to be with me. Admit it.”

“If I do that, then I
have to admit to myself that what we did yesterday was terrible. Only
it wasn’t. But because of my commitment to your brother, it was
wrong. Very wrong,” I say sadly.

Tyler rubs his forehead
in frustration. Then his brow creases thoughtfully. “Are you sure
Blake is committed to you?”

“I know he is,” I
reply confidently.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes. I may not
always like him, but I do love him.”

“And you’ve never
doubted him, in any way?”

“Tyler, where is all
this coming from?” I ask, confused. “This whole situation is too
wrong. Even if I leave Blake and go with you, I’m always going to
be the girl that fucked his brother.” I look to the side and see
Tyler’s packed suitcases. “It’s a good thing you leave soon.
Before this all got too far out of hand. Before—”

“First of all, I
didn’t fuck you. What happened yesterday or the day before doesn’t
deserve such a trashy definition. To call it that is offensive to me
and my feelings for you. Second, why do you care about what everyone
else thinks? And before what? And why?” he asks. “Because you
think it will make it easier for either of us? It won’t. It’s
just distance. He doesn’t deserve you, Emily. I don’t even know
if I do.” Tyler drops his head in frustration.