Scarred Hearts (Blackrock) (31 page)
When I return he is sitting on the end of the bed just wearing jeans, his arms are resting on his knees and his head is bent down, I watch him for a few seconds before I approach him. Sitting beside him I smooth the loose hairs out of his eyes "Everything ok?" I ask watching as he fights within himself. He looks at me for a time before speaking "I don't want to loose you Bailey. I know its only been a few weeks but I really care about you" he runs his hands over his face and through his hair before going on "I had some bad shit happen to me last year, I need to tell you but it is hard, very hard" Watching him struggle within himself is torture we both have scars on our hearts and we both are trying to find a way to heal and move on.
I place my finger on his lips "Not tonight. Tonight I just want you to hold me. If you need to leave I will understand but just so you know, I care about you to" he takes my hand kissing my palm "I would like to stay with you. I don't want to be anywhere else right now" standing up off the bed I take his hand pulling him close to me, just holding him against my skin gives me a little light I so desperately need to penetrate my heart. "Can we get into bed now?" he asks smiling down at me "Sure babe" we lay down together with Knox wrapping his arms around me securely we both drift off to sleep.
About seven in the morning I wake to find Knox staring at me, I frown "Hi, Why are you awake?" I ask rubbing his bicep, "Didn't sleep to good" he answers, I close my eyes for a minute then opening them I put on a brave face "Is everything ok?" he gives me a weak smile "Yeah, I should probably head home now. Max and I are going for a ride today" My heart is thundering in my chest and my head is pounding with pain, I nod "Ok Sure. Do you want me to make you something before you go?" he shakes his head then climbs out of the bed, I watch him as he gets dressed in silence. I really don't know what to think, is he coming back, ever? Is this goodbye? Shit.
I climb out of bed putting on a sweatshirt and pants, following him down the stairs we reach the front door I swallow a lump in my throat "Will I see you later?" I croak out, Knox looks at me then pulls me into a tight hug kissing my forehead; he turns and walks out of the house. I feel sick, I step onto the porch after him, my breathing is shallow and rapid "Knox, if this is goodbye please tell me because I can't take not knowing" I say feeling tears prick my eyes. He stops on the last step turning "No darlin this isn't goodbye" he says, "I just need to sort some things out in my head" I nod looking at him hoping he is not leaving for good. "How about you and I go on a date on Tuesday and we can talk?" he asks me "Ok sounds good" he just smiles then walks away.
Walking into the kitchen I begin dissecting last night, going over and over in my head the whole night trying to find when things went weird. Do I really push people away? I don't think I do. I know I can be unforgiving sometimes but I still don't push people away, I think anyway. All this thinking is giving me a headache, I pop my pain meds then hit the shower at least I know the water will sooth my mind for a while.
When I arrive in the kitchen after my shower I see Roger sitting there with his bags packed, "Going somewhere?" I ask him nodding at the bags. Roger scratches his chin looking over at me "Yeah, I think I should go home for the rest of the week" I lean against the counter watching him. "I am sorry I put my hands on you Bailey, there was no excuse and I truly do apologize. I am also sorry for what I said, you are right I have only known you guys for four years but I love you both and I always will. I do not think that you neglected Summer; If I am being honest I did that. I didn't want to deal with all that girl drama that her and Emily were getting into so I stayed away from you guys. I was the one who was a crap friend, to both of you. I am sorry Bailey, I didn't mean to hurt you in anyway so if you don't want to talk to me ever again I'll get it," He says looking at the floor.
Pushing off the counter I walk over to him "Roger, no you never put your hands on a woman no matter how annoyed or pissed you are, but I forgive you this once. I am still your friend and I love you too. I am sorry for saying that about the four years, you knew Summer as well as I did. I don't think either of us is to blame over Summer, she took her own life. It rips my heart apart everyday because she didn't confide in me so that makes me feel like crap all of the time, trust me. But deep down I don't think anyone would have stopped her, she must have been hurting so bad that not living was better than being with us and getting help. We will never know for sure. I miss you both I really do, but I came here to start over and try put the bad memories behind me and just remember the good times" I smile at him "Roger, you will always be in my life and I am still your friend and I want you to be mine, ok"
He looks up to me we both have tears in our eyes. I hug him as if my life depended on it "You don't have to go, we can find a club to go to tonight" I say smiling, "No I have to before I get into anymore trouble. I want to talk to my parents anyway, I came here to avoid it" he shrugs.
We hear a beep coming from outside "That's my cab" he says standing up "I would have taken you to the airport Roger" I say to him as we walk out to the cab "I know but I think its easier this way, love you Bails" he says hugging me tightly "Love you Roger, you better still email and text me" I say to him, "Of course I will". I wave to him as the cab pulls away, crying knowing that our relationship will never be the same again.
By noon I am all done crying, well at least for today I hope. I text Paige telling her I am on my way to her place. I park in her second spot just as she comes out of the building "Hey Bailey how's the head?" she asks opening her car "Ten stitches" I say as her jaw drops "Well, I hope you beat the shit out him for that, let's go in my car" she says climbing into her BMW. We arrive at an outdoor mall "Wow this place is awesome" I say getting excited. Paige just laughs at me "Have you never been to a mall before, Bailey?" she teases me "Ha ha" I say back.
We shop for about five hours this place is great; we also got out nails done. Paige was looking at some makeup while I was checking out some new perfume "Hey what do you think of this color?" she asks holding up a lip-gloss. Looking at it I smile "It's awesome and I have next spring's collection" she gives me a funny look "What do you mean?" walking over I pick up the boxed product, "this is Summers dad's company, he inherited it from his mother and Summer was going to inherit it after him" "Oh" Paige replies.
"Can I ask you something?" "Sure go for it" I tell her while browsing again "What happened to your Friend?" putting down the lipsticks I turn to Paige "She killed herself over a boy and his nasty sister who cyber bullied her for almost a year" Paige puts her arm around my shoulders "I am sorry Bailey" hugging her I tell her thanks. Thanks for being a friend, we decide to eat dinner out tonight, there is a great restaurant here at the mall. "I'll just text Knox to tell him, I don't think he is expecting me to hang out tonight anyway" I say to Paige as I type,
Me: Hi babe having dinner with Paige at mall U doing ok?
Knox: Yeah just got home. Tired, had a good day with Max. U want me 2 come over later?
Me: Sure if U want will let you know when I get home
Knox: ok
I can't help the big grin that spreads across my face "Look at you" Paige points to my face "I have not seen you smile like that before, Knox must pretty good at sexting" I laugh at her "No, he is coming over tonight, no sexting involved" Paige and I laugh while we look through our menus.
Knox and Max
I arrive home at seven thirty in the morning; I am starving and need a coffee badly. Spike greets me at the door meowing for his dinner "C'mon spike" I say picking him up walking into the kitchen. I put on the coffee pot then feed the cat, all the way home I have been thinking about Bailey. I was such an ass last night I can't even believe that was me what the fuck kind of idiot acts like that towards their girlfriend. Pouring my coffee I head up to my room, I hear Max moving about so I knock on his door.
"Yeah, come in" he shouts, opening the door I see him sitting at his desk messing with his guitar. "What you doing up so early" I ask sitting on his bed "Couldn't sleep"
"Tell me about it" I say to him. "You and Bailey good?" he looks at me in the eye, I just shrug because I don't really know what I want. Max just shakes his head then strums his guitar "I'm going to shower then we can hit the road if you want" "Yeah whatever" he answers; now I know he is annoyed with me. Max can be a complicated beast at times, sometimes he shouts and sometimes especially when he is really mad he gets quiet, like now.
I stay in the shower longer than needed trying to wash away old feelings that have surfaced, I didn't think getting involved with one bad chick could ruin you for good. Life can be messy and I am right in the middle of some shit. Max is waiting on the porch for me "Ready bro?" he nods "Yep lets do this" we both get on our bikes putting on sunglasses we hit the road. We drive up to the mountains by the ski resorts and round the lake; we have been driving for about two hours when we pull into a look out area that has picnic tables. Both Max and I stretch as we get off the bikes.
"Man it's nice to be out in the fresh air," he says taking off his backpack. He pulls out sandwiches, soda and some chips "I figured your head is up your ass so I grabbed some food" he smiles at me "Yeah Max, thanks" "No worries bro, I got your back" shaking my head I laugh at him "Yeah you always do". We sit in silence eating, looking at the city below us "Hey, I think I'm gonna tell Bailey about Lindsey" Max nods watching me "Everything or just the shit she pulled with you" looking down to the city I still am not sure "I want to tell her everything but I don't know if she will stick around after"
Max puts his soda on the table letting out a sigh "Look Knox, Bailey is a cool chick. I think she can handle more that you give her credit for" he shrugs. "Yeah, I guess so. She has just had so much shit in her life in the last six months I feel like a dick putting my stuff on her"
"Like what kind of shit?" letting out a breath "Too much, she found her best friends dead body, then moved here and her grandmother dies then that crazy bitch wrecks her car and now me" I tell him, he looks at me with disbelief "Shit she found her friend, I didn't know that bit" I nod "Yeah in the bath tub, she cut her wrists and Bailey found her but slipped on the blood knocking herself out in the process"
I think Max is about to choke, his eyes are huge "Jesus Christ Knox, no wonder she was like a skittish cat the first time I saw her" I smile remembering when Max came in to the tattoo shop that day he told me he just saw my future wife take off into the college. At that time I said he was a dick but now maybe he was right. "I love her Max, I didn't think it would even be possible after Lindsey but I do" Max is watching me "How do you know its love?"
I smile at him and he throws his empty soda bottle at me laughing "I know it is, everyday I don't see her I am wondering where she is and when I will see her again. I check my phone like a teenage girl to see if I missed a call or text. Even now I am thinking about her hoping she is ok and her head is not hurting her" I shake my head at myself. Max is howling, "Damn Knox you got it bad bro" I laugh with him feeling lighter for my revelation "Why is her head hurting her?" Max says looking perplexed "I don't know the details but I think her and Roger got into it last night, she told me she hit her head on the gym wall but I don't know for sure if he did it. I took her to the emergency room, she ended up with ten stitches"
"Seriously? Did you beat his ass?" "No she didn't tell me the whole story but I wanted to last night for him telling Bailey it was her fault Summer died" I take out my phone showing him the picture of Bailey and Summer that Roger texted me "Holy Fuck!! Knox who is that?"
"Yeah I thought you might like her, that was Summer" Max shakes his head "Wow they look fucking beautiful" I smile taking my phone back "Yep she sure does" I say looking at Bailey's picture. "I hate to break up our brotherly love fest but I have to work tonight so we need to go" Standing up I grab all the trash and put it in the old metal oil drum. "Hey so you don't mind if I tell Bailey everything" I ask Max "No, It's your story to tell not mine" I nod giving my brother a hug "Thanks bro" he hugs me back "Let's go pussy, before I have knock you into a man again" I laugh at him "Wow Max you wound me, I'm you're only brother and you wanna get down like that" both of us are laughing "No Knox, I want to see you happy again and if Bailey is the one to do it then I am all for it".
We ride around the top of the mountain again before going home. Just as I walk into the house my baby text's me. I can't help the grin on my face as I text her back, uncle George is looking at me "What you smiling about Knox?" "Nothing Uncle George" I say running up to my room. It's only four thirty so I decide to get some sleep before I go hang out with Bailey because I don't intend on getting much tonight.
By seven o'clock I am out of the shower I told Max I'd be there at eight to let him eat. Walking into the kitchen I see my uncle sitting at the table going over the bar stock. "All set for Halloween this Friday?" I ask as I grab a water "Yeah I got all booze but you boys still don't have a theme for me, I need it tomorrow so one of you can go to the printers" I nod "Yeah I'll see what Max has come up with tonight" My uncles snorts "Make sure you do, Lucy is trying to get me to do a Playboy and Bunny theme" he says chuckling. "Ugh Jesus, Tell me you said no" My uncle laughs harder shaking his head.
"Hey are you still involved with Frank's kid?" I look at him over my water bottle "Bailey, yes I am why?" I watch him for a minute I know he wants to say something "Spit it out old man" he looks over at me "I just want to make sure you are still concentrating on your school and not getting involved with another girl" "I am fine in school and Bailey is nothing like "her" Bailey is ten times better" I say tossing the bottle. My uncle has pissed me off so I decide to leave early "Ok I am going to let Max have his dinner" I say walking out of the house.