THE PERIOD! ICK! TABLE
What would a women’s science book be without a spotlight on periods? In this segment, I show a periodic table where every element represents a different aspect of menstruation!
1
H
H
ormonal
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3
Li
L
ight flow
| 4
Be
Be
havioral changes
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11
Na
Na
tural odor
| 12
Mg
15
mg
of iron per menstruating day (recommended)
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19
K
K
otex
| 20
Ca
Ca
ked-on blood on a pad
| 21
Sc
Sc
abs, It looks kind of like wet
| 22
Ti
Ti
me of the month
| 23
V
V
agina
| 24
Cr
Cr
amps
| 25
Mn
“
Mn
strtn” is what it would be spelled like w/out vowels
| 26
Fe
Fe
eling gross
| 27
Co
Co
ld or hot flashes
|
37
Rb
RB
’s (Arby’s) craving
| 38
Sr
Sr
sly this is gross
| 39
Y
Y
ucky
| 40
Zr
Schno
z r
edness (acne)
| 41
Nb
NB
D, it’s just a period
| 42
Mo
Mo
od swings
| 43
Tc
Bi
tc
hy
| 44
Ru
Ru
ins your pants
| 45
Rh
Rh
esus monkeys also have them
|
55
Cs
CS
I, More blood than an episode of
| 56
Ba
Ba
d mood
| 57-71
| 72
Hf
Bus
hf
ire, Red as a
| 73
Ta
Ta
mpon
| 74
W
W
ide-set vagina
| 75
Re
Re
ally wide-set vagina
| 76
Os
Os
cillating moods
| 77
Ir
Ir
ritability
|
87
Fr
Fr
othy discharge
| 88
Ra
Ra
ging hormones
| 89-103
| 104
Rf
Ja
rf
uls of uterus-jam
| 105
Db
Bloo
db
ath
| 106
Sg
It’
s g
ross
| 107
Bh
Turn into a dum
bh
ead
| 108
Hs
Smears on outer thig
hs
| 109
Mt
MT
(empty) vagina
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| 57
La
La
bial sensitivity
| 58
Ce
Ce
rvical mucus
| 59
Pr
Pr
one to crying
| 60
Nd
E
nd
s in menopause
| 61
Pm
PM
S
| 62
Sm
Sm
udges on your inner thighs
| 63
Eu
Eu
phoria and/or depression
|
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| 89
Ac
Ac
ting super crazy
| 90
Th
Th
inning cervix
| 91
Pa
Pa
nty liners
| 92
U
U
nderwear skid marks
| 93
Np
NP
R has done radio pieces on it
| 94
Pu
P.U
., this pad isn’t scented
| 95
Am
Am
ram, gets one, Even I, Megan
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| 2
He
He
avy flow
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| 5
B
B
lood
| 6
C
C
rimson wave, Riding the
| 7
N
N
ot pregnant
| 8
O
O
vulation
| 9
F
F
our-week cycle
| 10
Ne
Ne
w uterine lining
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| 13
Al
Al
so known as menses
| 14
Si
Si
milar in appearance to miscarriage
| 15
P
P
ad
| 16
S
S
tained sheets
| 17
Cl
Cl
ean, Not
| 18
Ar
Ar
eola tenderness
|
28
Ni
Ni
ght sweats
| 29
Cu
Cu
nt” is a rude thing to call it, “Bloody
| 30
Zn
Qui
zn
os cravings
| 31
Ga
Ga
s and bloating
| 32
Ge
Ge
t it for about three to five days
| 33
As
As
long as seven days, though
| 34
Se
Se
e your doctor if it lasts longer than seven days
| 35
Br
Br
ownish-red tissue
| 36
Kr
Kr
eplach, Similar consistency as
|
46
Pd
PD
Q, get me a towel
| 47
Ag
Ag
itated bowels
| 48
Cd
CD
s of sad singers like Jewel on loop
| 49
In
In
convenient
| 50
Sn
S
anitary
n
apkin
| 51
Sb
S
uper
b
itchy
| 52
Te
Te
n ml of menstrual fluid/day
| 53
I
I
ntestinal distress
| 54
Xe
Se
x
?
E
w! Messy!
|
78
Pt
Pt
ooey, there’s blood coming out of my box!
| 79
Au
Au
nt Flo
| 80
Hg
H. G.
Wells couldn’t invent something this crazy
| 81
Tl
TL
C, Need a little extra
| 82
Pb
PB
& J cravings
| 83
Bi
Bi
g ol’ pizza cravings
| 84
Po
Po
cket cravings, Hot
| 85
At
At
rocities in your knickers
| 86
Rn
Unbo
rn
egg-baby
|
110
Ds
Bloo
d s
oup
| 111
Rg
U
rg
e to kill someone
| 112
Cn
A
cn
e
| 113
Uut
Geettt oo
uut
tt of my uterus, lining!
| 114
Fl
Fl
ooding my undies
| 115
Uup
Uup
s, I bled on your couch
| 116
Lv
Vu
lv
a-weeping
| 117
Uus
“Gu
uus
ssh” is the sound the blood makes
| 118
Uuo
Sq
uuo
oosh” the sound me sitting down
|
64
Gd
G-d
created it to punish Eve in the Bible
| 65
Tb
TB
for your vagina (vagina coughing up blood)
| 66
Dy
Dy
ing eggs
| 67
Ho
Ho
le leakage
| 68
Er
Er
ratic emotions
| 69
Tm
Midol
™
| 70
Yb
Cr
yb
aby
| 71
Lu
Lu
mpy panty-custard
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96
Cm
C’m
on, don’t get toxic shock syndrome
| 97
Bk
BK
(Burger King) cravings
| 98
Cf
Pubi
c f
estival
| 99
Es
Es
trogen
| 100
Fm
FM
L, I have my period!
| 101
Md
MD
(Maryland) is a place with periods
| 102
No
No
t for boys
| 103
Lr
Al
L r
ight if you take Advil
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