Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise (18 page)

“Of course.”

“Good. Now, the first thing you need to do is—” This time she was the interrupting one. “Caleb, hold on a sec. I’m actually sitting here with your parents. Now, start from the beginning. What happened?”

“Too much.”

Tears pricked her eyes, he sounded so dejected. “I know it’s hard, but we need to be prepared. What have you been doing? You know, we wondered why you never showed up at the hospital.”

“I got in some trouble with some English kids.”

“Eric and his friends?” That didn’t make sense. Had they come all the way in town from Strongsville?

“Oh, no. These are just local kids I’ve hung around with.”

“And?”

“And, I’ve been feeling so confused that, when they asked me to go to Callie’s house to drink beer, I accepted.”

Lilly closed her eyes in frustration. “So you went to Callie’s house to drink beer…” she prodded.

Elsa gasped. Frank’s face became thunderous. “But then we got bored, so we started driving around.” He choked on a sob. “Later, Blake ran the Jeep into a tree, and the police came. When they found alcohol on our breath, they brought us all here.” After a moment, he added, “It’s been horrible.”

Lilly knew there would be time to get more information when they saw him. “Is anyone hurt?”

“No. Well, Blake’s kind of bruised from the air bag going off, but other than that he’s okay. I’m just really ready to get out of here.” The phone jiggled for a moment, then he got back on the line. “I have to get off the phone now. Lilly, will you come get me? Soon?”

“Of course. We’ll be right there, Caleb.”

She heard his heartfelt sigh of relief through the phone. “Thanks. Hey, and Lilly?”

“Yes?”

“I’m so glad you had your cell phone. I’ve been freaking out. If you hadn’t answered, I don’t know what I would have done.”

Because his words were so true…because at the moment she felt like thanking the Lord for providing her with the means to talk to Caleb, Lilly couldn’t help but agree. Feeling hollow, she nodded, though she knew, of course, that he couldn’t see her. “Don’t worry. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

When she disconnected, she reached out and curved her left hand over Elsa’s clasped ones. “Caleb was out drinking with some English kids.”

“And he’s at the police station?” Frank asked.

“Yes. The boy who was driving lost control of his car and hit a tree. When the police arrived, they found three drunk boys, so they took them there to settle down.”

“Is this a normal chain of events?”

“I don’t know. If the boy who got in the accident was drinking, he would be in big trouble.” She shrugged. “I don’t know what will happen to the other kids in the car.”

“I, for one, am plenty scared,” Elsa said. “Frank, I just don’t know what we’re going to do with that boy of ours. More and more, I think we’re losing touch with him.”

Frank opened his mouth, then looking Lilly’s way, shut it just as quickly. “I’ll gather the
kinner
,” he mumbled as he turned away.

“Lilly, we’d be
verra
grateful if you could take us to the police station as soon as possible. Do you know where to go?”

“I’m not sure, but I can find out,” she murmured. “I promise, I’ll get us there as soon as I can.”

As she followed the Grabers out to her car, she called information and got the address and directions to the courthouse. By the time everyone was buckled in, she was able to look at Caleb’s parents with more than a bit of assurance. “I know where to go,” she said with a weak smile.

“Thank the good Lord for you,” Elsa said, her voice thick with gratitude. “I just don’t know what we’d do without you.”

As Lilly exited the parking lot and made her way to the highway, she silently gave praise to their Maker. He’d just given her a sign.

It was going to be up to her to follow his wishes and plans, even if her heart was going to break one more time.

Blake’s and Jeremy’s parents arrived before Caleb had even gotten off the phone with Lilly. When the officer came to the cell and removed them, the boys left without so much as a backward glance in Caleb’s direction.

When the iron door slammed shut again, enclosing him in the bare, cold room, Caleb wondered if he’d ever felt so low.

He had truly made a huge mistake.

He hadn’t known the boys very well, and what little he did know of them, he hadn’t liked that much. What was worse was that they seemed to instinctively know that and used his feelings to their benefit.

Their seemingly good-natured teasing about his clothes and long hair had been expected. But then, when they gave him a beer…and then a shot of whiskey…and then another shot…and then expected him to give them money for it all, Caleb knew he was in a very bad situation, indeed.

He’d given them ten dollars in one-dollar bills he’d earned in tips working at the store last Saturday. His parents didn’t like him accepting tip money for carrying groceries and such to
Englischers’
cars, but Caleb hadn’t thought there’d been any great harm in taking the money.

Most of the people’s wallets had been full of paper money and Caleb believed they wouldn’t feel the loss much. While he, on the other hand, appreciated having some spending money of his own.

Of course, now it was all gone.

The door leading into the main part of the police station opened again and the same man who had escorted Blake and Jeremy approached.

Caleb stood up.

To his surprise, the man almost smiled. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“I heard you threw up.”

Oh, he had. Right in the back of Blake’s car when they’d crashed. Blake had sworn at him, but Caleb had been too green around the gills to care. “I’m better now.”

The officer—his name was Ferguson—shook his head. “Drinking and joyriding isn’t a good way to spend your extra time, son.”

“I know that.”

“Now.”

Caleb nodded, thoroughly miserable. “Yes. Now.”

“Blake Reamy, he’s been here before. He’s got a wild streak about a mile wide. You two friends now?”

Caleb wasn’t sure where the conversation was going, but he was so afraid of sitting in the room all alone, he didn’t care. Anything was better than being alone with just his regrets. “No.”

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“I made a mistake.”

“Uh-hum?”

Because the officer sounded so sympathetic, Caleb spoke a little more. “See, I’ve been wondering what to do with my life. I’ve thought that maybe I should become English. Leave my family. Leave Sugarcreek.”

“I know some Amish kids do that.”

“A friend took me to Cleveland to meet some of her English friends. They were real nice. But they’re far away. I started thinking maybe I could get along with some English kids here.”

“Ah.”

“That’s not the whole truth. Part of me just wanted to rebel a little.”

“You did that. Do you have a taste for it?”

“Not at all.” Because Officer Ferguson didn’t look like he’d mind, Caleb took his seat again back on the hard plastic mattress on the cot. “Now I just want to go home.”

The man looked at him thoughtfully. “I don’t know if this helps, but I will tell you that you’re sure not the first person to ever try walking on the wild side and regretting it. We’ve all done it.”

“Even you?”

“Even me.” He grinned, showing perfect white teeth.

“Now, that doesn’t mean what I did was right, because it wasn’t. I learned that I like being where it’s comfortable. And being around people who know and love me.”

A hard rap on the door behind them made the officer turn. “Yes?”

A lady with short red hair poked her head down the hall. “The boy’s parents are here. A Mr. and Mrs. Graber.”

“Good. I think Caleb’s ready to see them. Give them the paperwork, Janice. We’ll be right out.” Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out his keys. “Ready to get out of here?”

“Yeah. How mad do you think my folks are going to be?”

“On a scale of one to ten? I’d say an eleven or twelve. Parents don’t like fishing their kids out of jail, Caleb.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Officer Ferguson placed a hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “I have a feeling you’re going to be okay, though. You seem like a nice kid, and the nice ones always come from nice parents.”

Officer Ferguson was tall. Caleb tilted his head up to meet his gaze. “This sounds weird, but thanks for coming back here and talking to me.”

He winked. “This sounds weird, but I’m kind of glad you came in today. We don’t get too many kids like you.”

“Amish?”

“Good kids. You’re going to be just fine, Caleb Graber. But—and I mean this in the best way—I hope I never see you again.”

Feeling like each foot weighed a hundred pounds, Caleb slowly followed Officer Ferguson down the dim hallway. He braced himself for a torrent of tears from his mother and a litany of retorts from his father when the officer opened the door and directed Caleb to step out into the bright lobby.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling more embarrassed than when he forced himself to face his family. His head pounded when, one by one, each of his four siblings, his parents, and Lilly turned and looked at him, each one more agitated than the last.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Knowing how insignificant his apology sounded.

After a long moment, his father stepped forward. “Oh, Caleb,” he murmured, then hugged him close. Right there in front of everyone.

Caleb closed his eyes and gave thanks. Gave thanks for everything. Even the bad stuff.

Robert’s mind was spinning. There was so much to plan. He needed to see if Lilly wanted to live with an Amish family, and perhaps if Mary would be able to help teach her Pennsylvania Dutch.

Antsy, he got to his feet and paced the length of his home. He’d need to help Lilly learn how to do laundry. He imagined some of the neighbor ladies would need to show her how to can and care for the house.

But as he turned a corner, he looked around again, and tried to imagine the rooms from Lilly’s point of view. Suddenly, the cozy rooms and clean lines didn’t look as perfect as he liked.

And perhaps they were dirtier than she was used to as well. He made a mental note to try and mop the floors.

Most likely, she’d never lived in a home as plain and simple as this one. To a foreign eye, the simple two-story house might seem small and bare.

What if she didn’t care for it?

When a car pulled into his driveway, he looked through the window and at first saw that it needed some cleaning. Then, with a start, he realized Lilly had come.

Seeing him through the window, she gave a little wave. Feeling like a lovesick fool, he waved right back. Then hurried to the door and opened it.

Dressed in black slacks and a vibrant blue sweater, he thought she looked beautiful. Lilly’s coloring of dark blond curls and deep brown eyes seemed to offer the perfect palate to anything she wore.

Of course, he was so taken by her, Robert was sure that almost anything she wore would look pretty to him. Already, he was imagining her dressed Plain. Even a gray dress wouldn’t diminish the glow she seemed to exude.

Hesitantly, she stopped just a few steps away.

Which in turn made his fanciful thoughts break into a thousand pieces. Something was new with her. Something different, and it didn’t look to be treating her well, either.

“Lilly, I’m glad you came to visit. But it’s a surprise, to be sure.”

“Is it a bad time?”

“Of course not. But did you need something? What are you doing here?”

“I thought we needed to talk,” she murmured as she stepped closer. Close enough for him to smell the scented shampoo she seemed to like so much.

And close enough to see that her eyes were a little puffy around the edges, as if she’d been crying.

“I went by your shop, but it was closed. So I took a chance that you might still be here.”

Oh, what a blessing her presence was. “I’m glad you found me. What did you want to discuss?”

“Can we sit somewhere? Do you have time?”

“I have time.” Belatedly, Robert noticed that her expression wasn’t especially carefree. No, she looked like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Before he could offer a chair, she sat on his front stoop.

Cautiously, he sat beside her. “Is everything all right?”

“I don’t know.” A wayward curl sprung out of her ponytail and caressed her face. With an impatient tug, she pushed it behind her ear. “Gretta had her baby.”

“Did something go wrong?” He’d heard she’d delivered, but hadn’t asked for any details. It wasn’t a man’s way to ask, anyway.

“Oh, no. She’s fine. And the baby is, too. It’s a boy.”

“Well, then. That’s a blessing.”

“It is. Elsa and Frank are so excited, too. All of the Grabers are. His name is William.”

Robert sat quietly as he waited for her to let him know what else was on her mind.

His patience was rewarded when she licked her bottom lip and spoke again. “Caleb wasn’t at the hospital, though. Did you hear about what happened to him?”

“Nee.”

“He, um, he went off with some kids and got in a car accident.” Tilting her head toward his, she looked at him worriedly. “He’s okay, though. But he was taken to the police station. We had to pick him up there.”

“We?”

“I was having ice cream with the Grabers and they needed someone to drive them.”

“Ah.” Robert didn’t know what she was expecting from him. He wasn’t shocked that a teenager was drinking, or that an Amish teen had been in the company of some English ones.

“Frank and Elsa were really upset with him.”

“I would imagine so.” When she sent him another meaningful look, he shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what you’re wanting to hear from me, Lilly,” he said honestly. “I feel sorry for Caleb and his parents, but I’m not all that surprised. Teenagers do all kinds of things they’re not supposed to.”

“I sure know that.”

There was bitterness in her voice. Ah, was that what all of this was about? She was troubled by her past again? Or worse, worried that he was troubled? “Everyone makes mistakes, Lilly. The Lord doesn’t expect perfection.” He swallowed. “I…I don’t expect it, either.”

“Robert, I’m trying so hard to tell you something, but I don’t know how.”

“All you have to do is say the words.” Though he was trying his best to be as calm as she needed him to be—inside, his nerves were awhirl. Did she not love him anymore?

“I love you.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “I’m glad.”

“But I don’t know if I can marry you.” She held up a hand before he could speak a word. “This sounds so trite, but it’s not you. It’s me.”

He didn’t understand what trite meant. He also didn’t understand what she was talking about. “What does that mean?” He tried to reach for her hand, but she moved it from his reach. “Lilly? If we marry, there won’t be just you and me. It will be the two of us. Together.” Her gaze softened just as the brown eyes he adored so much filled with tears.

“You are so sweet.”

“Don’t make falling in love difficult,” said Robert.

“We’ll get through everything.”

“It’s not falling in love that I’m worried about. It’s being Amish.”

“Ah.” He felt like a fool for not addressing her concerns immediately. “I’ve already got that worked out, Lilly. I think you should move in with the Grabers. They live right next door to you, and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t think—”

“I promise, they’ll be patient with you. And I would never expect you to learn our ways immediately. And I’ll help you with the language, too. And I bet my sister-in-law Mary could help, too. She’s a wonderful-
gut
teacher.”

“But I don’t think I can—”

“And I’d never expect you to do everything yourself. I’ll help you with the housework and things.” He smiled.

“After all, I’ve been doing things here for years now. I just want you to be in my life, Lilly. All I know is that I can’t lose you.”

Two tears slipped from her cheeks as more filled her eyes. “Robert, everything you have said is great. And I thought I could do all that. But when I was talking with Elsa and Frank, I realized I just can’t. I’m not going to be able to become Amish.”

Confused, he was doing his best to understand her train of thought. “Elsa and Frank talked you out of our plans?”

Her eyes widened. “No. I mean, not in the way you’re thinking.” She shrugged. “It’s just, well…they know me well.”

“Not that well…”

“Well enough for them to encourage me to question my motives. To question my goals.”

“And what are those?” She flinched, and he hated himself for making her wary, but he couldn’t help himself. Lilly was about to fall through his fingers. Was about to slip out of his life, and he couldn’t bear it. Not now.

Not when he’d already lost so much.

Not when he’d already fought so hard for her. “My goals to be true to myself,” Lilly said quietly. “Robert, I know you don’t like me to talk about Alec and my pregnancy, but I have to tell you that it was an extremely difficult time. Not just the pregnancy and miscarriage…but my relationship with my parents and brothers and even my friends. In a lot of ways, I lost everyone.”

Had that been the problem? He was confused. “I never said I didn’t want you to talk of those things. Of course, I know all that was hard for you.”

“I don’t think you do.”

“I lost a wife, Lilly. I sat by her side until she took her last dying breath. I know what pain and loss is about.”

“But you had the rest of the community by your side. I had none of that. I was alone. And because I was alone, I began to cherish some things about myself. Especially my independence.”

He felt like they were talking in circles. “So you don’t want to marry?”

“Robert, I don’t want to lose my car. Or my phone.” She rolled her eyes, as if she was utterly frustrated with her weaknesses. “Or my computer.”

None of that meant anything to him. “But those are just things.”

“To you, maybe so. To me, they allow me to accomplish things without relying on others.”

“But God is the only one we should rely on.”

“If that’s true, then I think He’s already given me permission to have those things.” Looking sadder than ever, she murmured, “Robert, even the thought of going without my car—of having to ask someone to take me places, of not being able to call up a friend or not being able to have email or information right away—it frightens me.”

“You could get used to it,” he said firmly. He would help her, too. She just had to believe in them enough—

“But I’m not ready to do that. Robert, I love you, and I love the Lord, but I can’t become Amish. I can’t give up everything that I am. Not even for you.”

Finally, he saw her. Not through the haze of dreams he’d been holding close. He finally saw her. Lilly Allen. And the truth became terribly clear. No, she couldn’t give up everything she felt comfortable with for him.

He could see that now.

Part of what made her so vibrant was her zest for life. Her spark of independence. Her ability to do something without asking a half dozen people what they thought about it first. It was that fire inside of her that had led her to say yes to their outing to the farmer’s market. It was that burst of self-reliance that allowed her to talk with everyone and anyone.

And it was her maturity that had spurred her to kiss him in the cornfield.

No, she wasn’t a moldable girl, ready to rely on him to help her through things. She was strong. And she wanted what she wanted.

And she didn’t want him. At least not enough. Slowly getting to his feet, he adjusted the brim of his straw hat so it would shield his eyes.

She was too bright for him now. It hurt to look at her. “Goodbye, Lilly Allen.”

“But, wait! Robert!” She scrambled to her feet. “I want to talk to you about this.”

“I think we have talked,
jah
?” A feeling of despair washed over him as he realized none of his plans were going to come to pass. He’d completely misjudged her.

And, perhaps, he’d completely misjudged himself. “Not enough. Not about what to do.”

He stepped closer to the door. Closer to the confines of his house, where there was safety and everything was the same as it ever was. “Lilly, there’s nothing more to do or say. You’ve made a good point. I see now that it would be foolish for you to adopt our ways.”

Though he tried not to, he adjusted his hat brim so that he could again see her face. She was crying unabashedly now. Tears fell from her cheeks and splashed to her sweater. Her shoulders shook.

And because she needed him to do one more thing, he did. Because he would do almost anything for her. “Goodbye, Lilly,” he said again. And then, before he could stop himself, he turned and walked into his house.

Away from the vibrant fall colors. Away from the sun. Away from Lilly’s light and cheer.

Behind him, the door shut.

He almost welcomed the darkness that surrounded him.