Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise (14 page)

It took an hour for Robert to drive his courting buggy to get to Lilly’s home. Fifteen minutes to get his horse settled and summon the nerve to walk to her front door.

But only one second to learn that she wasn’t home.

“She’s actually in Cleveland today. She decided to visit some friends,” her mother said when she answered the door. As she looked him over, Mrs. Allen didn’t even try to conceal her curiosity. “I don’t expect her to be back until after dark.”

“I see.”

“But I’ll tell her you stopped by. I’m sure she’ll be happy you did.”

Well, now he felt silly and conspicuous, standing there at her front door like he’d been invited. Like he knew her well enough to come over without notice.

And even more at a loss when he suddenly recalled Abe’s rant about Lilly taking Caleb to the
Englischers
. He should have remembered that.

“I…uh, thank you.” Because there was little else to say, he turned and started down the steps.

“Wait.” When he paused, she stepped out onto the porch. “Would you like to come in for a few minutes?”

He wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was. “Well…I.”

She looked him over, making him feel even more conspicuous. But then, to his surprise, she smiled and held out her hands. “I promise I won’t grill you like we did the other night.”

“Well…” He’d never been good at these English social customs. He shook her hand quickly, taking care not to clasp her hand too hard.

She craned her neck behind him, like she noticed his buggy and horse for the first time. “How about you come in just to get something to drink?”

Now he felt flustered. Mrs. Allen looked like she was wanting something, but he just wasn’t sure what it was. “No. I mean,
Danke
. I mean. No, thank you. I’ll be fine.”

Again, she stilled him with her chatty conversation. “You know, I’ve ridden in our neighbor’s buggy once. It’s a long journey to get out here.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Surveying him with something that almost looked like amusement. “Perhaps your horse might like a break?”

“He would. If you’re sure it’s all right…”

Her eyes lit up. “It’s more than all right. I’m delighted.” Before he could attempt to say anything else, she turned and bustled inside.

Hastily, he stepped in and carefully closed the door behind him.

When he’d visited before, he’d been so aware of Lilly, and so inundated with questions, he hadn’t taken the time to really look at the home.

Now that he had the opportunity, he was surprised to find the house to his liking. It wasn’t terribly fancy like other English homes he’d been in. Some had so much stuff around that he worried about turning around.

Here, though, the furniture was solid oak and not too frilly. Some of it he recognized as Amish craftsmanship, too. That made him feel more at ease, though he didn’t know why.

As he looked around, he was drawn to the many photographs decorating every surface.

His feet slowed as he looked closer and closer. Lots were of Lilly. Happy pictures of her and her brothers. He couldn’t help but smile at one with her wearing thick glasses.

Though he’d never been one to gaze at photographs all that much—his people didn’t subscribe to picture taking, of course—Robert found himself unable to look away from the images of Lilly.

In each one, he tried to study the nuances in her expression.

“Robert? I’m back here,” Mrs. Allen called out from the kitchen.

He hurried in to meet her. “Take a stool and I’ll pour you some iced tea.”

Just as he was about to sit, Midnight appeared from around a corner, meowing a merry hello.

He picked her up and held her at eye level. Like a dancer, she balanced in his large palm and gazed right back at him. Then, just as suddenly, she arched her back a bit and swiped a tiny pink paw across his thumb.

Robert chuckled. “Ach, but you are a fierce one, ain’t ya? Don’t worry none. I mean you no harm.”

The little cat meowed again and squirmed. Amused, Robert set her down and watched the kitten scamper after a band of light shining in through the window.

Next to him, Mrs. Allen watched the cat pounce and spring, and she laughed. “I’m not sure what we did before Midnight came into our life. Since she’s arrived, I’ve laughed more than I can remember.”

“Laughter is always welcome. I take it Lilly is enjoying the kitten? Midnight?”

“Oh, yes. Actually, we all are.” She grinned as the kitten jumped on the beam of light and then scampered away…with one of Ty’s socks in her mouth. “That cat. She takes all kinds of little odds and ends. Half the time, I don’t even know where she stashes them! She’s as dark as midnight, so I guess it’s a fitting name. You know, Robert, I should really be giving you a talking-to about giving my daughter gifts.”

“You don’t like me doing things for her?”

“It’s not that…you’ve made her very happy.” She placed a tall glass of iced tea in front of him. “However, as her mother, I worry about her staying happy.”

“Staying?”

“Robert, Lilly has already been in a relationship once that wasn’t suitable. I don’t know if what you two have can go anywhere.” She stretched a bit, revealing a belly that was starting to swell. The unmistakable look of pregnancy. Remembering just how upset Lilly had been when she’d stopped in his parking lot, he looked away.

She noticed. “I seem to be getting bigger by the day,” she said sheepishly. “I don’t remember growing so huge with my others, but I guess I did.”

There was only one thing to say. “Babies are truly God’s miracles.”

“You are exactly right about that,” she said with a smile.

“I’ve always enjoyed children. My wife and I were never blessed.”

“Lilly told me you are a widower. I am sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” he said simply.

“But now you’re interested in my daughter?”

His heart felt like it leapt up and took a hold of his throat. Having his relatives give them their opinions about things was one thing. But it was quite another for Mrs. Allen to pass on her opinion.

To Robert’s way of thinking, she had every right to speak her mind.

And he had no reason to evade the truth. “I am interested in her.”

Over the rim of her glass, she eyed him. “Thank you for not telling me to mind my own business.”

“She’s your daughter.”

“She’s been through a lot, you know.”

“I know.”

“But I suppose you have, too…”

“Yes.” Thinking about Grace and her death while sitting with Lilly’s mother felt awkward. Not because he couldn’t reconcile the two in his mind, but because he wasn’t sure how to express his strong emotions for Lilly without making it seem that his feelings for Grace had been diminished.

Of course, that had been the way it was when he’d talked to Abe about Lilly. Robert often felt that when he said anything positive about Lilly, it meant he was finding fault with Grace.

While he was still debating how to describe his feelings, Mrs. Allen spoke again. “Robert, Lilly doesn’t tell me too much. Where do you see the two of you heading?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I mean, are you just friends? Is there something more? Do you hope to get married one day? And if so, would you live as you do now, as the Amish?” Drumming her fingers on the counter, she fired off another question.

“And how would all of that happen?” Robert ached to stand up and walk right out of Mrs. Allen’s kitchen. The things she was asking were personal, and needed to be decided between himself and Lilly. “I don’t have all your answers yet,” he said simply.

“I’m sure you don’t. But don’t you have any idea?”

“I am hoping Lilly will become Amish, of course.” He spoke bluntly, his patience at an end from her quick-fire questioning.

A moment passed as he watched her process his words.

Robert half waited for her to tell him everything that was wrong with his statement. Yet, she surprised him by not flying off the handle. “I didn’t think becoming Amish was easy.”

“It’s not.”

“But not impossible?”

“No.”

“What about for you to leave your church. Can you do that?”

Robert considered her question carefully. Truthfully, even the thought of leaving his order made him feel ill. Being a part of the Amish faith wasn’t just his relationship with God—it was his way of life.

But would he ever leave it? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to…but he also was enough of a man to realize that his faith wasn’t all who he was. He had a strong desire to love and to be loved. If he was lucky enough to find love again, he just didn’t know if he could refuse it.

“It’s rarely done,” he said quietly. “I’ve already spoken my vows to the church, you see.”

“But it has been done before?”

“Yes.” Even to his own ears, his spoken affirmative sounded hollow and desolate.

She fumbled for the words. “Perhaps you could become Mennonite? I’ve been doing some reading. That seems like a compromise.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Mrs. Allen. At least, not for me. Religions aren’t interchangeable. Either I’m Amish or I’m not. And I’m afraid, for Lilly’s sake, that I’m Amish.”

Before she could pepper him with questions again, he spoke. Though caution told him to hold his tongue, his heart had something different in mind.

And because the woman sitting across from him loved Lilly, too, he tried his best to explain all the feelings bursting inside of him. “I am intrigued by Lilly. She makes me interested in life again. She makes me want to be married again. But I’m not in a rush. I’m willing to let her think about this. To let her make up her mind in her own time.”

Her whole body relaxed. “It’s so nice to hear you say that. See…I used to want to control everything she did. But now I realize that I can’t do that. I’ve decided that the Lord is really working through us these days. He’s given Scott and me a baby when we thought those days were over. And now he’s brought you into Lilly’s life when I know she hadn’t intended to love again.”

Robert couldn’t help the surge of happiness that ran through him at her words. He wanted Lilly to be as happy as possible.

“If you’re the reason she’s been smiling again…I just want you to know that we’re grateful. And we’ll support whatever she wants to do.”

“Does she know of your support?”

“She should know, but I’m not sure if she believes it. Lilly doesn’t always listen to what I say.”

He had to chuckle at that. That did sound like the Lilly he knew…the girl who wanted so much and wasn’t afraid to reach for it.

But who was still afraid to be rejected. “I thank you for the tea,” he said as he stood up. “You’re welcome. I’ll tell her you stopped by.”

He hoped she would. And once more, he hoped he’d know better what to say when they met again.

Robert was just sanding the edges of some shelves in his workshop when Lilly came in. After taking a moment to admire how pretty her hair looked, pinned back from her face, he pulled off his gloves and approached. “Good morning, Lilly. What brings you here this Monday morning?”

A small smile played on her lips. “Your visit to my house yesterday.”

“Ah.”

“Ah? That’s all you have to say?” As if Lilly couldn’t help herself, she placed her hand on his arm. “Robert, my mom said she invited you in to have tea.”

Her voice sounded musical—so happy and full of whimsy.

“She did,” he said lightly, enjoying the humor he spied in her eyes…and liking how he was responsible for putting it there. “And I accepted her invitation.”

“That was sweet of you.”

Liking the way her hand felt on his arm, he covered it with his palm. “Not so much. Your mother was very…cordial.”

“I hope she didn’t drive you crazy. Did she ask you a bunch of questions about us?”

“She did.”

“I’m sorry. She likes to get a little too involved.”

“It was nothing I couldn’t handle.” He was so happy that she came to see him, happy that she’d reached out to him, that he couldn’t help but take her other hand and hold it as well.

“I’m sorry I missed you.”

“You had good reason, yes? I heard you took Caleb Graber to Cleveland.”

“You heard about that? I guess news travels fast.”

“It always does. So, how was your trip? Were you glad to be back?” Part of him wondered if she was thinking about moving back there now. Returning to some place familiar could make a person long for it more.

“It was interesting. I don’t know if either of us got what we were expecting, though.”

“What were you expecting?”

“Reassurance. I wanted to go back and feel right about my decision not to return to Strongsville. I think Caleb wanted to be sure that he would be okay in the English world.” Her voice lowered. Became more halting.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve kind of turned my back on my hometown and most of my friends. I hadn’t thought that I could go back and be the same person.”

“Were you wrong?”

She shook her head slowly. “No. I’m not the person I used to be. I feel so much older than Cassidy. Like I’ve aged five years instead of just one. I’m not interested in college courses or music or fashion. Not like I used to be, at least.”

“What are you interested in?”

“Sugarcreek.” Her cheeks heated as she slowly lifted her eyes to his. “You.”

Her gaze was so earnest, her lips slightly parted, for a moment he considered lowering his mouth and kissing her again.

With effort, he forced himself to focus on her words. “I’m terribly glad to hear that.”

“That’s funny. Because I am terribly glad to hear you say that, too.”

The way Lilly was looking up at him, like he was everything she’d ever hoped he would be, like they had a chance together, tore down all the barriers he’d put up to keep himself from harm.

Now it felt completely right to wrap his arms around her. And to finally give in to his greatest desire. He leaned down and kissed her.

For just a moment, he wanted to forget their many differences. To push aside a conversation about a future. For just a moment, he wanted to simply feel Lilly in his arms. Responding to him.

For just a few moments, he wanted to have hope.

Later that day, long after Lilly had left his workshop and he’d put in hours of work, Robert forced himself to attend to something that had been troubling him for some time. It was time to visit with Abe.

As his horse made its slow way up the path to his cousin’s white clapboard house, Robert braced himself for the inevitable argument that was sure to come. He also couldn’t help but think as he approached Abe’s white house with its faded yellow chimney, of how much this ride contrasted with the one he made soon after he and Grace had decided to marry. He’d been joyous then; bursting at the seams. And Abe enthusiastically hugged him and congratulated him when they arrived.

A couple of men had even kindly told him that they were jealous of his good fortune. Grace was a lovely woman and had boasted a genuinely sweet nature. Robert had had no doubt that the two of them were going to have a long, happy life together.

Of course, all those dreams had fallen apart.

Robert parked the buggy and spied Abe picking up rocks with his seven-year-old in a field. It was a common chore, rock picking, so as to prepare a garden with soil that was ready to be worked. He picked up a bucket and wandered out to meet him.

“Care for some help?” he called out.

“Of course,” Abe said with a smile. “I was just telling young John here that picking rocks is a mighty important task. But that it can be daunting, too.”

“Some you have to dig out,” John said.

“I know.” Robert followed them, walking down the row, picking up a pebble or small rock and adding it to his bucket.

“Any special reason you came out today?”

“I wanted to talk.”

“In private?”

“Perhaps that would be best.”

Abe looked to his son. “John, you may take a break now.”

When John rushed away eagerly, Robert took a deep breath and plunged in. There was no easy way to say what he was about to say. Especially since the topic meant so much to him. “Abe, I’ve come to talk to you about Lilly Allen.”

A hint of apprehension appeared in Abe’s eyes. “Yes?”

“I know you don’t approve of my relationship with her, but I came here to ask you for your support.”

“Support in what way?”

“I like her, Abe. I like her a lot. Lilly’s made me feel things I never thought I’d feel again. Even if you don’t agree with me, I’m hoping you will at least try to understand my feelings.”

After studying Robert for a moment, Abe bent down and picked up a rock. “You don’t think it’s a passing fancy?”

“Nee.”
Robert waited, half expecting Abe to berate him for being so foolish. Or to bring up Grace—to remind Robert of what a wonderful-
gut
woman she was. To tell him that he should never want someone so different.

After what felt like an hour, Abe sighed. “I don’t want to be your enemy, Robert. I don’t want to make your days miserable. Though I don’t understand your feelings for the English girl, I promise I will try to support you.” He picked up another two rocks. “As best I can.”

“Danke.”

“What are you going to do now? Court her? Persuade Lilly to become Amish?”

“I don’t know. At the moment, I just want to keep seeing her.”

“Perhaps not looking at the future so much is the right thing to do,” suggested Abe.

“Perhaps, yes…or maybe, no. Fact is, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or doing everything wrong.”

“But you know you have to try?”

“But I know I have to try. It can’t be helped, Abe. She’s in my heart.”

After a pause, Abe enfolded Robert into a quick, rough hug. “If she’s in your heart, I suppose I best make a bit of room for her in my heart as well. We only want what’s best for you, you know.”

“I think Lilly might be what’s best.”

“Who am I to tell you no, then? There has to be a reason God has brought the two of you together.”

“When I find out the reason, you’ll be one of the first to know.”

Abe bent down and picked up another rock. “From the looks of things, when you find out, I’ll still be here, picking rocks.”

For the first time all day, Robert relaxed. Everything was going to be just fine.