Second Chance with Love (17 page)

Nathan sat back and knotted his brows.

"You know, I am moving up pretty fast. You're not used to it, are you?"

Nathan sighed and shook his head. It was cringe-worthy seeing his own attitude played out in front of him, how he behaved back when all wanted was to be in the position where he was now.

"You know me pretty well. I'll be in discussions with a number of people I trust in the Montgomery area technology startup and venture scene, and I have decided that this is the right time to exit the Industry."

"So what will you do for money?"

"Probably try my hand at something entrepreneurial."

"Hey, this is a pretty big deal. Forgive me for saying, but you don't want to make such a rash decision for a woman"

Nathan grit his teeth and took a deep breath. "I know you aren't aiming to insult me, but Hilda isn't just a woman. She's
my
woman. The woman for me. The beautiful mother of my son, my passion, and the one person I want to spend my whole life with. Even if it's making up for the past." After expressing his thoughts in a torrent of emotion, Nathan felt a wave of relief wash over him.

"Wow, I can't believe you're leaving the investing gig. When're you planning to announce it?"

"This coming Friday. Believe me, finance is pretty much all I've ever known, all I've ever gone after. Getting to the position as partner in the firm was something I wanted for a long time."

Clive nodded. "Well. I hope what you're going after now is worth it."

Nathan smiled.

Chapter 25

Hilda walked through the mall, holding Aaron's hand. She slumped down on a bench. She waited for Nathan. It was Saturday and they'd agreed to meet to discuss her father. After prayer and much ruminating, she was glad to finally reach a decision. She was going to meet her him. Nathan was happy when she called, but clearly disappointed that she had not yet had an answer about whether or not she would marry him.

Though Hilda really wanted to marry Nathan, she had to find the missing pieces in her past. She had conflicting feelings when she found out her father was alive. Surely, her mother had a good explanation for not revealing the truth to her. But Hilda thought the best way would be to always strive to be honest, that as a Christian, she could not live a life of deceit. Yet, how much was her father part of the lie she'd been born into? And who was he? The mixed feelings were present in the form of feeling rejected by someone she always thought had loved her.

There was a part of Hilda that was glad for the distraction of meeting her father. It distracted her from the more important matter at hand – her love for Nathan. She felt a strong pull of feelings towards Nathan like she'd never felt before. Now more than ever she wanted him to be a part of her life. But still she was afraid. Though he behaved as if he had her and Aaron's best interests at heart, she felt it would be a matter of time before she forgot everything and lived for him. Aaron and God would take a backseat to Nathan's desires and needs. He was such an overwhelming man. She wished she could tell him about her fears of not losing herself to him.

She removed her iPhone from the bag and she focused the camera on Aaron, who played by a plant. Without thinking, she saw Aaron and the beauty and innocence of her world through the camera. Seeing the dual light that surrounded him, Aaron illuminated in her eyes, her son, an example of God's illumination, in a world with shadows. Aaron reached out for a leaf. She couldn't take the photo. She was not an artist anymore.

She knew Aaron always enjoyed photos taken of him. But she'd never taken one from an artist's standpoint. She wondered if he'd grow up to have a photographer's eye like she did, If he'd be able to give meaning to photos.

She used to let herself get lost in the world and all its beautiful dimensions of color. After leaving Nathan, there were times she had to close her eyes to drown out the influx of visual sensation and stimulation. Before she took many photos of Nathan, him standing with the reservoir at his back, Nathan's silhouette in twilight, poses of them in the mirror, any quality that embellished his features or emphasized his character, she captured. He often wanted her in front of the lens with him, but she liked being behind the camera.

She never kept their photos. She never kept any of her work, but threw them out in trash bags when she left.

Hilda spotted him coming towards her through the crowd. He had not seen her yet. Her heart skipped a beat and she shoved her iPhone back into her bag. She got up and held Aaron's hand. Waving, they walked to Nathan.

Nathan hugged Aaron and rose to face Hilda.

"Are you sure you're up for doing this?" He handed Hilda the letter. "You don't have to go through with this alone, I can be there with you."

"This is something I must do alone." Seeing the concerned look on his face, Hilda was surprised. "Thanks, Nathan. I'll be back to pick him up later," she said about Aaron, wiping an eyelash from his face.

"Are we going to see daddy's house?" Aaron asked excitedly.

"Mommy won't see it now. I'll be back later to see it." Hilda moved in to kiss Aaron on the cheek. The action put her closer to Nathan. This time she didn't retreat. She stood staring into his eyes.

"Hilda, what about us?" Nathan's voice was so choked with emotion, desire and passion for her, that a moment later and she feared he would have kissed her.

"Aaron was overjoyed to hear he was staying with you for the evening." Hilda said, ignoring Nathan's question. "If there is a problem, call me, okay?"

"Will do." Nathan half-smiled.

Hilda and Nathan walked out of the mall, without another word said to the other. Instead, they were able to both engage in conversation with Aaron, which dispelled some of the tension between them. Nathan offered to take Hilda to the reservoir where she would meet her father. But she refused, preferring to be alone with her thoughts on the drive to Tuscaloosa lake, where he said he'd meet her.

The taxi arrived.

"Now, make sure you call me if you need, anything. Even if you're just getting cold feet and need someone there to stand by you. Alright?" Nathan gave Hilda a smile so genuinely sweet that unexpected warmth rushed through Hilda. She agreed.

Hilda watched him breathe before realizing her shoulders were tense. Unaware that she'd been holding her breath, she let out a long exhale. There was no doubt in her mind that to have Nathan in her life again was a gift from God. Hilda knew she lacked the strength to confront her fear and let go of the past. He had changed. She had changed. Yet she carried her former self around with her. At first she believed it necessary to continue to remind herself of how she had allowed her infatuation for Nathan to pull her away from her faith in God, and to never get caught in that situation again. But gradually it became a crutch to explain why she couldn't move on, why she couldn't find happiness and love and companionship. Then when Nathan returned, the threat he posed was Code Red. Or so she allowed herself to believe. How was she supposed to resolve the conflicting feelings of love and fear?

Not wanting Nathan to turn around and catch her watching him, Hilda got into the taxi. She told the driver her destination. Resting with her head rested back, she closed her eyes. Finally, she opened the letter to read the words of her father that had once touched her heart to provided a source of comfort.

She read them. It had been six years since she'd seen the words. And still Hilda knew every word by heart. She'd touch every each word with her heart, eyes, hand, and heart. Seeing each word illuminated in the light of the day, Hilda read on. She knew the next word before her eyes read it, remembered the impact every word had on her emotions. But as she read it in the front seat of the taxi...

There was nothing.

She felt nothing.

Hilda wondered what this meant about the woman she'd become over the years.

Chapter 26

Nathan stepped into his apartment with Aaron at his side and he stretched. He was tired from meeting with clients and friends all week, to update them about his plans to leave the firm. Then when Hilda's father called him to say he wanted to meet Hilda, Nathan immediately contacted her with the news. His urgency was partly selfish, he just wanted to speak with her again. To see her again. But Nathan also wanted Hilda to have closure. The man who spoke with Nathan had a deep voice, authoritative sounding. Nathan had known who he was from the first time he contacted Nathan's office. And even though Nathan knew Hilda was in no danger, his attentiveness to the woman she had become, someone strong, independent and of profound faith, yet innocent, delicate and fragile, made him want to be there for her when she met the man whose absence affected her so deeply.

"They are all for you.” Nathan said to Aaron as his son gazed back at him in shock after seeing the living room filled with gifts. Placed in the center of the living room were Lego models of Star Wars, a Magformers set, a Snap Circuit Jr. Set, an electric chess set, and the gifts went on. Nathan had used most of the morning buying presents.

Nathan's heartstrings strummed to see Aaron excited. Aaron ran to Nathan and hugged him.

That moment his cell rang, Nathan rushed to answer it.

“Hi, ma.” he said.

“I'm just checking on you. You have news for me?” Nathan had told her he'd been contemplating an important change in his life.

“Well, yeah. I've decided to leave the firm.”

“Oh, my. Nathan, are you sure?”

Nathan watched Aaron playing with his truck. “More sure than I've ever been about any decision. God has blessed me with something more valuable in my life.”

“Aaron.”

“And hopefully Hilda, too. But, right now Aaron is here with me.”

“Aaron's with you! Where's Hilda?”

Nathan explained to his mother everything that had occurred with Hilda's father.

“I'll come over, I have to see him.”

“Alright. But, there's something else.” Nathan felt the his bicep muscles twitch and he'd not realized, he'd been pulling on his hair again.

“What is it?”

“It's about Hilda's father.”

Chapter 27

Hilda faced the lakefront and watched it shimmer with rays of light. A deep sense of peace came over her, despite the anticipation that charged within her. The lake always made her reflect on how the source that called light to be her big clarity and made what she viewed more beautiful.

“It's beautiful, ain't it?” The voice came from behind her.

Hilda turned. The man she came to face had hard green eyes that the light made lucid. No ethereal Almost intuitively Hilda recognized her father.

"I've come here to enjoy the beauty over the years."

"Yeah. Brings back lots of memories," he said.

The both stood. Silence fell like a curtain between them.

"Did you contact Nathan?"

"Ah, yes, my client. I wasn't aware that he knew you until recently. My name is Gerald Grady. And you must be Hilda... my daughter?"

"You're my father? I've heard of you." Hilda's mind went blank.

Gerald decided to fill her in. "I've recently decided to fund the Good Hope mission trips. I was surprised to learn … my daughter was a part of the mission program."

Hilda noted that he referred to her as his daughter. It stung.

They walked. The sun looked as if it wanted to retreat beneath the horizon. Its blaring colors bombarded the blue canopy with a dash of white, red, and orange that would recede to dark obscurity once the sun fled.

"I suppose you have a ton of questions?"

Hilda was almost inclined to support her inner voice that said to tell him to shove his story and be done with their meeting. Before she got a word out he began talking.

He told her candidly of how he left her mother because he didn't want the responsibility of a family and wife when he had a career to pursue. Their affair was a mistake and one he was sure they both regretted.

"I know you have a son. You work as a medical secretary. You didn't finish college for obvious reasons. I've done a bit of research to find out more about you," he said.

It was as if he'd had torn Hilda's heart from her chest and stomped on it. Hilda didn't want to think this was the man she had held in such high regard all this time. It was more than how carelessly he chose his words, how indifferent he'd seemed to any discomfort he might cause her. It was just a feeling she picked up, as if Gerald Grady was not whole.

"Do you know my son wants to run track one day? Do you know that I prayed to God at night, when I woke and no one was around? I prayed because I was scared of losing my child? Do you know how much I like photography, how it's the one thing that helps me see the beauty in life and inspires me to want to all the ugliness that humans have caused the world?"

Gerald stopped. "You're into photography?"

"Hmm, hmm." Hilda pursed her lips in assent.

"Well, I'll be." Gerald, gripped the back of his neck and looked flabbergasted. "I never would have guessed it," he said in a low voice.

"Well, I haven't touched a camera in years--" Hilda began to say.