Second Chance with Love (18 page)

"Neither have I," Gerald chuckled, still looking stunned.

"You were into photography?" Hilda turned to face the man who she had little choice but to acknowledge as her father.

"Oh yeah, your mother always said that me being without my camera was like a car without wheels."

"Wow." Hilda exclaimed. "Why'd you give it up?"

"What can I say? I looked back a lot and ask myself why I gave up on so many things that I loved." He sighed. "Well, to this day, I still don't have an answer. Why did I leave a good Christian woman who loved me? Why'd I leave the chance to have a family? Don't get me wrong, I have a family now, and all the money that I worked so hard to get. But sometimes, if I imagine going back and doing it all again, I often wondered, would I do it the same way?"

"And would you?" Hilda forced herself to continue despite the aching in her throat. "Would you leave mother and me?"

"I know it means little at this point. But no."

Hilda blew out a long breath. She needed to do whatever she could to prevent herself from crying, to prevent the salty tears from tumbling down her cheeks.

Her father was a man many considered successful, who many people modeled themselves upon. The gossip about him in her college years was that he was believed to have made billions in oil deals and not business ventures. Now he was confessing that he wanted more?

"Did you have anything to do with me being removed from my role as team leader in the Good Hope mission?" The dots were connecting instantly.

"That's right. I did it for a good reason." Gerald cleared his throat.

"This seems to be a constant factor in my life." Hilda could sense the teeming anger at the pit of her stomach.
Lord give me strength
.

"I had good reasons, I know I went about it the wrong way, but I wanted to present you with an offer."

"You can't just walk back into my life and try and take control, Gerald." Hilda reminded herself to keep calm, to keep a level head. But the more she thought about it the more she wanted to leave. Her father was better when she dreamed he was a valiant hero who would turn up and rescue her mother her from their woes.

"I want you to build a company. It would be a charity that you would be the head off. And of course, I'll give you paid allotment for your assistance."

Hilda shook her head. "No."

"What?"

"I didn't came here for your money, help, or interference. I just wanted to know something."

"What?"

"I already have my answer." Hilda opened her bag and removed the letter. Gerald's eyes followed her, but he remained rooted where he stood. As Hilda walked to the reservoir, she tore the letter to pieces and tossed it into the lake. She stood and stared at the scattered shredded paper for a brief moment. Then she turned to Gerald. “It was nice meeting you.”

"Oh Lord help him!" Nathan's mother stood and stared at all of the toys Nathan had brought Aaron. "You really went out of your way to spoil him, didn't you, Nathan?" Aaron sat on his grandmother's lap.

"I just didn't know what he liked. It isn't such a big deal, ma. He's my son and I'd buy him the whole mall if he wants."

"Nathan. I always thought you'd be the strict one if you ever had a child. Even at times when you were pushing yourself so hard, I thought it a good thing you didn't want children because you might have pushed them too hard. But seeing this... he's going to have you wrapped around his finger once he realizes how much you adore him."

"Well, all in all I'm okay with that." Nathan started setting up a few of the toys.

"And Christmas? Will you leave me any room for presents?"

"Come on, ma. I ain't that bad." Nathan only seemed too happy to shower his son with gifts. He also knew it could not make up for time passed.

"You love him. That's all that counts." She stroked both Nathan's and Aaron's hair. "He has your hair." She laughed.

"I know." Nathan smiled and jerked his eyebrows.

The doorbell went.

Nathan got up to answer it. It was Hilda.

"So he wanted me to head a fundraising company. I couldn't bring myself to do it. He wasn't what I thought he'd be." Hilda leaned on Nathan's kitchen counter and stared at him.

"I'm you sorry it didn't go as you thought it would." Nathan studied Hilda's face. He saw that a lot weighed on her mind. "So your dad wanted to give you a company. And you said no sir. I can't say I'm not glad."

"It was a pretty serious offer. I just didn't want to do it, is all. I don't even know him."

"I admire that," Nathan said, pouring her a drink of wine and putting crushed ice in it at her request. He passed it to her.

"Thank you." Hilda smiled. "I held onto the letter for so long, in the belief that he wrote it. Anyway, we must be going now. It's getting late for Aaron."

Aaron had just walked in and heard. "Mommy, I don't want to go. I want to stay."

"I want you both to stay with me." Nathan hastened to say.

"I don't know," Hilda said, using the countertop to steady herself as Aaron hugged her in what seemed to Nathan, his way of convincing her how badly he wanted to stay.

Chapter 28

“You are afraid, is that it?” Nathan whispered the words so Aaron wouldn't hear.

“Okay, yes, I'm afraid. We haven't had anyone in our life for so long. A father, a husband.” Her voice was slightly raised and filled with emotion that hinted at oncoming tears. Nathan's mother appeared.

“Come on Aaron, let's take a look at more of your toys,” she smiled and held out her hand after looking at Nathan and Hilda.

“I’m glad I found you,” said Nathan, and he looked at Hilda while she faced towards the direction where Aaron had just left. “Hilda, marry me.”

Then she stared at him with more emotion in her eyes than he'd ever seen. He stepped toward her with his hand out. Nathan wanted to hold her. To touch her. Feel the warm of her skin. Cuddle her. It had been so long since he had loved.

Hilda moved away, and paced out of the kitchen area. Then she spun around and he saw the tears in her eyes.

“I'm sorry, Nathan. Goodbye,” she said. She sighed, “I know you mean well, but you took the one thing that meant something to me away. Now what do I have?” Tears streamed down her face, “you can be a part of Aaron's life, but not mine. If I let you back into my life I will never know if you actually love me. I won't feel secure,” Hilda's voice pierced Nathan.

“Do you love me?” Nathan asked.

“Yes,” she said in a breathy voice.

Nathan felt desperation being to overtake him, “take a chance. Please.” Pain clutched his heart, “I'll do anything for you. I'm begging you.”

Her absence hurt too much. When he woke to find her gone, agony welled up inside him. At times in the depths of his loneliness, he prayed for a second chance, a second chance with love, a second chance with Hilda.

“I'm willing to take the chance and not be held back by who we were in the past. Who I was in the past. I used to want to be exactly like the type of man your father is, to worship money and power. Well, not anymore. Once I experienced the loveless path my ambition had taken me down, I didn’t know if there was any way back. I prayed to God to help me escape from the emptiness my life had become. Then I saw you again.”

“I want us to work. I want to marry you, Nathan. But it's been me and Aaron up until this point. I've only had God’s grace and guidance for support, God’s love for comfort. The love I have for my son is unconditional. And even when I felt all alone, just knowing my baby depended on me and loved me helped carry me through.”

“That doesn't have to change,” said Nathan.

“And even with everything me and Aaron have,” Hilda continued, “we might not be perfect in your eyes. I don't want you to feel that you’re settling.” Her shoulders were rising and falling, her tears plastered to her face and her body slightly shuddered.

“You are more than I could have hoped for, and with you and Aaron as my family, I am the most blessed man in the world,” Nathan dared to walk to Hilda now. And to his surprise, she didn't retreat. She had plenty of room to move away from him, he made sure of that. He wanted her to know that she still had options, she could still walk out of the house. But he knew in his heart she was the woman for him.

“Nathan,” Hilda's voice wavered, “I'm scared, I don't know where to go from here. If I accept… what then?” She looked at him. He was touched by the beauty in her eyes.

“I don't know either. We’ll have to trust each other. To have faith that God will guide us. You are more beautiful now than ever before. I don't know how I never saw it. I how put money, success, and my drive to achieve before you. Well, now I have a new drive, something I want to achieve that I know will make me wake up every morning with a smile.”

Hilda faced him with eyes fixed and lips parted. Nathan could see a vitality come over her as if his words brightened her mood.

He wasn't sure what would happen, how they would go about things from here. But one thing was certain – he was now more vulnerable than he'd ever been. And sometimes wounds needed exposure in order to be healed. He was prepared to share pain and pleasure with her, love and affection, life and family. Nathan, eyes watery, got down on one knee and held her hand.

“Be my wife.”

Chapter 29

“It’s been a miracle that we’ve made it through the past few weeks,” Hilda held Melanie's hand as she spoke, while Melanie held Rae, who was asleep. Hilda had been around to visit Melanie, Scott, and Rae as much as she could. Scott had gone grocery shopping and he left the girls to catch up. They had so much to talk about. Scott and Melanie were experiencing sleepless nights with Rae, so Hilda took time off work to visit during the day so they could sleep.

“I can't believe Nathan is making such a fuss over you and Aaron, but he should be,” Melanie said. “You have to bring over Aaron's new puppy.”

“We’re calling him Rox,” Hilda displayed a beaming smile. “I have to get used to Nathan's visit. He does all the cooking, he's joined my church, and he even wants us to start our own Christian mission organization. He is really going out his way for me. And he loves to play football with Aaron, they're at it for hours in the park.” Hilda’s smile felt as if it started as a glow from within her.

“There's more, isn't there?” Melanie asked.

“We have a date for our wedding. It's in six months,” Hilda clarified happily.

Both women hugged.

When they parted, Melanie advised, “stay strong for your family now, Hilda. The fluidity of the word of God, the living breathing word of God, will have resonance at certain points in our lives.” Melanie closed her eyes and recited, “Micah 7:18 says, 'Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love.'” When Melanie opened her eyes again, they radiated with vitality and serenity.

“Thank you,” Hilda said. She needed the words and they resonated with her instantly. She knew what needed to be done.

The seconds after she rang the bell to her mother's house felt like minutes. Hilda didn't know what she was going to say to her mother as she stood outside of her house. Perhaps she wouldn't open the door, Hilda thought, despite knowing her mother was at home, having called before she arrived. Certainly things where civil between them now, dredging up the past would only reopen old wounds. But Hilda had so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to know.

Hilda's mother opened the door and welcomed her inside. Hilda halted for an instant as she was struck by a feeling of resemblance.

“How are you, Hilda?” Her mother asked as soon as Hilda was in the house. Hilda had to collect herself. The similarity she felt a moment ago toward her mother was far more than physical appearance. It went deeper.

But Hilda felt as if an invisible curtain existed between herself and her mother, preventing them from expressing how they really felt toward each other. Hilda stepped across it. She embrace her mother. At first the action had come as a surprise, even to Hilda herself. But as she held her mother close, she knew it was her heart's gift for her mother.

Her mother's body first tensed when Hilda hugged her, but soon began to relax. When her mother held her, Hilda felt her mother's body shaking, suddenly felt tears roll down her cheek at feeling her mother’s vulnerability. The remained locked in an embrace. Eventually when they parted, gratitude for the clarity that God gave welled up in Hilda.

“You wrote it, mother,” Hilda’s voice sounded faint, but lucid. They stood deep in silence. No one blinked or moved. Outside, the world seemed to have stopped, and sound seemed to have been sucked from the air itself.

Then her mother nodded slowly.

“I see,” she said in a quiet voice. The deafening silence could be heard to reverberate throughout the house like a cymbal.

Touched by the retreating look on her mother's face, Hilda felt instantly apologetic. Her mother had always prided herself on her honesty, but that in itself had been a façade, Hilda began to realize.