Second Rate Chances (14 page)

SECOND RATE CHANCES

CHAPTER 15

Lil stared at Toby from down the lane of Christmas trees. He was just what she remembered. Tall, a little on the lanky side and his brown eyes. They once looked at her with concern, but were now menacing. Before that night she had always thought of him as a little on the scary side. Maybe it was the eyebrows and the way they arched as he drank in the sight of her. Never the less, that night she had looked past the crazy look in his eyes. The only thing she saw was a warm body intent on listening to her and comforting her, if only for a few hours.

             
“Miss me?” he asked with a sneer.

             
“Toby,” she said his name slowly. She didn't want to appear surprised or say his name in a way that might suggest that she had missed him.

             
“You're looking good.” Lil didn't respond. It wasn't as if she could return the compliment.

             
Toby laughed. “Hard to get. I like that. It has been a while.” He stepped closer to her. “So why the change of heart? Decided that the baggage you were carrying around then was finally too heavy? Thought maybe you'd come back around and we could finish what we started?”

             
“We didn't start anything,” Lil stressed.

             
“Oh, but we did. As I recall, we started something beautiful.”

             
For whatever reason, Lil couldn't move. Maybe it was the cold, or the fear that had planted her feet to the ground, but as Toby drew nearer and nearer, she stayed firmly where she was. When he was within arm’s reach, she closed her eyes and prayed that he wouldn't make a move on her. She really hated to kick his ass at what was supposed to be a nice family outing for so many people. He touched her shoulder, his arm running up and down the bulky material of her jacket.

             
Lil bit her lip and curled her fists at her sides. She was two seconds away from punching him wherever she decided to make contact. Stomach, face, arm, groin, none of those places really mattered. A voice from down the way called out and it was music to Lil's ears.

             
“What the hell is going on?” Lil opened her eyes to find Toby staring back at her like he was a deer in headlights. He turned around as she looked up only to see Sam all but running toward them. His long legs took three steps at once to reach them and when he did, he threw Toby's arm off of Lil. “I asked you a question.”

             
Toby had the nerve to laugh. He looked at Lil, a smile on his face but it was obvious he found nothing about the situation funny. “You two are back together?”

             
Lil decided not to deny the question. The less Toby knew the better for her. Sam looked at Lil like he was waiting for her to go into the whole spiel about his memory loss but it never came. “Get your hands off of my girlfriend,” Sam demanded. The admission, a lie none the less, sent butterflies dancing in Lil's stomach. She stepped away from Toby and into the safe haven of Sam's arms. Immediately, Lil felt the warmth that was lost in Toby’s presence.

             
“Really?” Toby asked. “Wow. Who would have thought it? Not me. Definitely not me.” Toby shook his head and started to walk away from them. Lil blew out a huge breath thankful that Toby was giving up. Of course, that would be too simple. “Oh,” Toby said, stopping and turning to face them again. The sinister smile was back on his face. “Lil, when he screws you over again, I'll still be here. Just like last time and I can promise you, you won't leave next time. I'll make you remember how good it was. I'll make you forget this loser once and for all.”

             
Sam held on to her and his grip tightened at Toby’s words, but as they watched him walk off, Lil felt Sam pull himself away from her. She felt the loss of his touch, his warmth. She was starting to feel the loss of Sam all over again and she had yet to tell him what that was about. And she knew the question was coming. Unlike her attempts to brush past the subject of why they had broken up, she knew she wouldn’t be able to escape answering for what Toby had said

             
Sam cleared his throat. “Um, I found a tree I think you might like. Why don't we go ahead and get it and get out of here.”

             
Lil nodded dumbly; glad for the moment’s reprieve and for Sam not jumping into a round of twenty questions.

             
After Lil approved the tree Sam had chosen, not like she really cared at this point, he paid for it then strapped the tree to the roof of Lil's SUV.

             
On the drive home, Lil risked a glance every so often in Sam’s direction. Gone were the feelings of being able to detect him watching her. Now he turned his body away as he looked out of the window of the town passing by.

             
Lil waited for the shoe to drop. Then again, maybe, he wasn’t going to ask anything. Maybe he didn’t care enough to wonder what Toby had meant.

             
When they arrived back at her house, Sam lifted the tree at one end, while Lil carried the other, into the cottage. They set it in front of the picturesque windows in the living room. Immediately the house filled with the smells of pine needles and Christmas.

             
“Thank you,” Lil whispered into the room. She wasn't just thanking him for helping with the tree, but also for not asking questions. Distressed, Sam ran a hand through his locks. She had noticed that his hair was staring to get long. It curled over his ears and at the nape of his neck.

             
His expression was blank as he said, “I’m going to go.”

             
This was what Lil wanted. For him to not question Toby’s words. For him to walk away like it didn’t matter. She didn’t want to relive that night with him, of all people.

             
So why did hearing him say he was leaving feel like a knife to her gut? Before she could stop herself and before he could turn the knob and walk out of the door, she said, “You’re not going to ask me about Toby?”

             
Sam froze and his body visibly tensed. He didn’t turn around to face her. He kept his eyes glued to the door in front of him.

             
“What do you want me to ask, Lil?” Slowly, he turned around and the pain and anguish was notable in his stare. “I’ve asked you numerous times about what happened with us and you won’t tell me. What makes you think I want to know about you and Toby Grayson?”

             
Lil could feel the tears brimming in her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled as she said, “I don’t know. I just…”

             
“You just what?” he asked, his voice rising. “That I’d want to hear about my girlfriend sleeping with another guy? Oh,” he let out a short laugh at her stunned expression. “I’m not stupid, Lil. I know that’s what happened. I could see it written all over his face. The way he looked at you, like he was remembering that night all over again.
             

             
“I may have lost my mind, but I haven’t lost the ability to know when another guy wants you.”

             
“Sam?”

             
He held up his hand to stop her. “I don’t want to hear it. I really don’t.”

             
“You don’t want to hear it?” she asked, the tears at bay but her anger at the forefront of her words. “Well, I’m going to tell you, Sam Travers, because it’s been eating at me for three years. I wanted you,” she said, pointing her finger at him. “I wanted you to be here for me but you weren’t! You were off doing who knows what and sneaking in late at night to sleep on the damn couch! I made a mistake, Sam but so did you.” 

             
The traitor tears rolled down her face now. She wiped away what she could with her hands. “He was there when you weren’t,” she mumbled.

             
Sam strode closer to Lil. He hovered over her, but she wasn’t scared of him. They had gone nose to nose plenty of times before. She had no reason to feel anything but safe with him, even when he was at his angriest.

             
“And why wasn’t I?” he sneered.

             
Lil swallowed back the bile rising in her throat. This wasn’t how she wanted to tell him. She didn’t want him to find out what happened between them in the midst of an argument. She wanted to be able to sit him down and show him things. Words only told so much and Lil had a shoebox full of memories that would be able to better explain.

             
“I thought you were leaving.”

             
Sam ran his hands through his hair, a sure sign that he was frustrated. “Is that what you want?” he asked.

             
Lil didn’t want him to go. She wanted him to understand that she hadn’t gone out looking for his replacement. She wanted him to stay and fight for her unlike all those years ago when he walked away like they hadn’t had years together. She wanted him to make up for lost time but she wasn’t about to tell him that.

             
He took her silence as her answer. “God damnit Lil! I can’t be responsible for something I don’t remember. It’s not fair that you keep using it against me when I have no idea what happened! If you’re not going to tell me then stop because I can’t defend myself,” he pleaded.

             
He turned and walked away but Lil wasn’t ready to give up yet. She still had some fight left in her and it was about time, Sam Travers knew just how big of a dick he had become.

             
“You have no right to be pissed about Toby. If anything I should be mad at you.”

             
Again, mere steps away from fleeing her house, he stopped and turned around, his expression appalled.

             
“You? What reason do you have to be pissed at me?”

             
“You’re marrying someone else. It should be me, Sam!” she yelled at him. “I should be the one planning our wedding.”

             
Sobs wracked Lil’s body. She didn’t want to tell him how hurtful it was for her to know he had put a ring on another woman’s finger. Her emotions had clearly gotten the best of her and now she couldn’t hold back exactly how she felt. 

             
He narrowed his eyes at her, and when he spoke, gone was the anger. A calm, icy chill that made her shiver replaced it.

             
“And somewhere along the way we lost us. You quit me just like you quit Kane and Abe. Maybe that’s why I asked someone else to marry me.”

             
Lil’s blurry eyes suddenly sharpened at his words. She was sick with hurt over having to tell Sam about her one night fling with Toby, but now she was furious. How dare he say something like that to her!

             
“Yeah well, she quit you too. Where is she now, huh? Planning a wedding to a guy who doesn’t even know who the hell she is.” Lil fired a big gun at Sam. It was only a matter of time before she ran out of bullets.

             
“You know nothing about her. She didn’t cause our problems.”

             
Lil could take only so many jabs thrown at her, but defending a woman who had gotten her man was the last straw.

             
Lil kept her voice steady even though her body was vibrating with anger as she said, “Get out, Sam.”

             
Sam turned on his foot and wrenched the door open, slamming it on his way out. The sound of his tires squealing out of her driveway was the only clue she had that he was gone. Lil’s knees gave out from under her and she fell to the floor, her body convulsing with sobs. She wasn’t sure where Sam was headed and she knew she shouldn’t care.

             
She didn’t know what was worse. Knowing she had hurt him because of something that happened in the past or hearing him tell her that he may have chosen Chloe because their relationship was stronger. The problem was she didn’t know if this was the Sam she knew talking, or was he remembering things he had forgotten?

109

SECOND RATE CHANCES

CHAPTER 16

Sam didn’t care how much noise he made as he peeled out of Lil’s driveway. He was pissed. So she had slept with Toby  Grayson. He knew they weren’t together. Lil, along with everyone else made sure he understood that. It was one thing for his head to understand that, it was another to accept it.

             
He loved Lil. He knew he wanted to beat the shit out of Toby for looking at her the way he did. His eyes roaming over her body, taking in all of her curves through the clothes she had on to keep her warm. Toby didn’t have to use his imagination regarding what Lil looked like naked. He knew firsthand.

             
Sam sped through the streets, not sure where he was going until his car pulled into the parking lot of Rusty’s. He stepped out into the cold night, the air leaving his mouth like wisps of smoke.

             
The bell dinged as he entered but nostalgia wasn’t on Sam’s mind. Getting hammered and doing his best to erase the image of Toby making love to his girl was at the front.

             
Had it been making love? Did Toby hold her tight and whisper promises in her ear? Did he tell her that she was beautiful and worship her body like the goddess she was? That’s what Sam would have done. If Sam were given another chance to share a bed with Lil, he would tell her all of those things. He would make sure she knew how special she was.

             
Sam nodded to Rusty, who was behind the bar pouring drinks.

             
“Two nights in one week,” he mused with a smile. “Like old times for you boys.”

             
Sam didn’t return the man’s smile when he said, “What do you mean?”

             
Rusty nodded to the back of the bar. “Your boys are here again too.”

             
Sam looked over his shoulder and saw Kane and Abe sitting at the same table as Monday night.

             
“You like that beer the other night?” Rusty asked. Sam nodded. “Another coming up, but you’re paying for this one.”

             
Sam gave Rusty a half smile and waited for his drink. As he leaned his hip against the bar, his thoughts strayed from Lil and whatever kind of relationship she did or didn’t have with Toby to the last thing he said to her.

             
He knew he struck a nerve as soon as he defended Chloe. He was speaking in the heat of the moment. The argument had gotten the better of his judgment. She was pissed. He could see the fire dance in her eyes when she told him to get out.

             
Sam wasn’t sure what pissed him off more. The fact that Lil slept with someone that wasn’t him, even though apparently he had no room to be pissed because he was engaged, or the fact that in all the years he and Lil had been together, never did they let an argument push them away from one another. It made Sam wonder, what could he have done that made Lil resent him so much? What was so bad that they pulled apart from each other and into the arms of another person, or in his case, work?

             
Rusty slid Sam’s beer mug to him. Sam pulled out his wallet and laid down a twenty-dollar bill. When Rusty went to the register for his change, Sam told him to keep it. It was the least he could do for not coming by his old stomping grounds in the last three years.

             
He took his glass and walked the same path to Kane and Abe as he did the night before. Both looked up at him as he approached their smiles dropping when they took in the frown on his face.

             
“What happened?” Abe asked.

             
Sam sat down and took a pull from his beer before he dove into the ugly details.

             
“Lil told me what happened.” Sam couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud that Lil had a one-night stand with Toby.

             
Was it a one-night stand? He hadn’t asked. The thought of her with him for one night sent him into a jealous rage but repeat performances made him feel like he was walking around with a loaded gun.

             
He held the handle of his mug tight like it was the vice that kept him from throwing the chair he sat in across the room. He stared at the condensation that had formed on the sides of the glass as he waited for his friends to say something. An encouraging word that it would be okay.  An assurance that it was a one night affair. Something! What his friends provided was far from what Sam was expecting.

             
“And you left her?” Kane shouted. “Again!” He looked around the bar to the patrons who had turned at his outburst. Kane lowered his voice and leaned in, his eyes never wavering from Sam’s.

             
“What did I ask you last night? I asked you,” he said in a rush, not giving Sam the opportunity to respond. “Not to leave her. I asked you to be there for her. To talk to her.” Each statement was punctuated with a fierce tap of his finger against the Formica top.

             
“And you left.” He leaned back against his chair and shook his head. “Typical, Sam.”

             
“Typical?” Sam asked, his anger boiling to the surface once again. “She tells me she slept with Toby Grayson and you expect me to hold her and tell her its okay? That it’s no big deal?”

             
The wide-eyed looks of both Kane and Abe had Sam realizing that they thought he was talking about something else. Most likely the break up.

             
“You didn’t know?” he asked. A part of him slightly relieved that this hadn’t been the talk of the town.

             
Abe opened his mouth as if to say something only to shut it like a fish out of water.

             
“Well,” Sam said. “Guess that cat’s out of the bag.”

             
“Toby. Grayson.” Abe was finally able to say. “The same Toby Grayson whose great uncle owns the tree lot? The one,” Abe waved his hands in the air and around his face, “that has those awful, bushy eyebrows? Like he should be on a poster for America’s Most Wanted?
That
Toby Grayson?”

             
Was it really necessary for Abe to say his name over and over again, Sam thought? He didn’t need a reminder of who the guy was. He was pretty sure that if his memory ever decided to leave him again, this would be the one thing that would be stuck with him.

             
“Yeah.” Sam nodded.

             
“Wow,” Abe said, even though no words came out of his mouth. The dramatic effect of sounding the word out slowly allowed Sam to read his lips.

             
“That’s,” Kane began.

             
“Disgusting,” Abe finished.

             
Sam had downed his beer and signaled to Rusty for another round.

             
“And she openly told you this?” Kane asked.

             
“No,” Sam said, and then filled his friends in on the events that took place an hour or so before he walked into the bar. It felt like days had passed since this bomb had dropped on him.

             
When he was done talking, Abe wore a look of distaste and Kane pursed his lips together.

             
On a sigh he said, “Sam, I’m not defending Lil. Please understand that, but she made a mistake and she knows that now. Hell, I’m sure she knew it then.

             
“Lil was in a rough place at that time. She pulled away from you. She shut us out. Honestly, I don’t think she was talking to Ellie much either. He happened to catch her at a vulnerable moment. She was weak. You can’t fault her for that.”

             
“It makes me ill to think of her with him.” Sam released a dry laugh. “It makes me sick thinking of her with anyone else.”

             
“But it’s okay for you to be with Chloe?” Abe questioned. “No, I’m sorry, friend. That’s not how this works.”

             
“I’m not with Chloe!” Sam cried out.

             
“Aren’t you?” Abe asked with a raise of his eye.

             
“Abe’s right,” Kane said. “Have you thought about what happens when you remember? You have a life to go back to, a fiancée. Lil doesn’t have that, Sam. She has her job and Ellie.”

             
Abe covered Kane’s hand with his own. He looked over at him with a small smile and said. “And she has us.”

             
Kane returned his smile then looked back to Sam. “Yes, she has us. But you? She won’t have you.

             
“Don’t punish her for the sins of her past when you’ll be asking for her forgiveness.”

             
With those words, Sam knew they were right. What was going to happen when his memory returned? Would he remember his love for Chloe and go on with the wedding? Would all that happened with Lil and spending time with her make him realize the mistakes of his past? Would he rectify those mistakes and beg her to forgive him or would be turn a blind eye and go on with his life? Without her.

             
“I fucked up didn’t I?” Kane and Abe nodded in agreement.

             
“The question is,” Kane said, “what are you going to do about it?”

~~~~

Sam drove like a bat out of hell toward Lil’s house. He didn’t know what he was going to say once he got there, only that he knew he had to go to her.

             
He pulled into her driveway, quieter than when he had left. The light in the living room was still on. He felt better about not waking her up.

             
When the engine shut off, he jumped out of his car and practically leapt up the steps to her door. He started knocking, once fierce hard rap after another.

             
He was a man on a mission and he wouldn’t leave until he at least apologized to her.

             
Lil opened the door and, before the door started to close in his face, he stared into her red, blood shot eyes.

             
Damn.

             
He’d made her cry even after he left. The tears she shed while he had been there earlier had dried like the last drops of water in the desert when she told him to get out.

             
He strong-armed the door, keeping it open so she couldn’t totally shut him out.

             
“Please,” he pleaded. “Hear me out.”

             
“Hear you out?” she asked, trying her best to close the door. It proved futile since his six foot two; one hundred and ninety pound frame could easily out maneuver her five foot two, one hundred and ten pounds.

             
“Lil, please,” he said again. “I’m sorry. I had no right.”

             
She eased back from her linebacker stance to openly gape at him.

             
“You’re sorry?” she asked incredulously. “You come at me tonight like I was Hester Prynne. I wasn’t marked, Sam!” she yelled. “I was broken!”

             
Sam used her moment of weakness against the door to his advantage. He stepped in and without giving it a second thought he cupped her delicate face in his hands. He wanted to kiss her, feel her against his lips.

             
He moved closer, his forehead pressed against hers, his thumbs wiping away her tears. All Lil needed to do was give him a sign; any sign and he’d make a move.

             
Her hands gripped the lapels of his jacket pulling him closer. “Samson,” she whispered, her lips barely grazing his.

             
It was all the invitation he needed.

             
His lips moved over hers like they had done so many times before. It had killed him, in these last few days, to be so close to her yet so far away. He wanted to be able to kiss her whenever he wanted. And right now, with their lips pressed together, he wanted to kiss the hell out of her.

             
Her mouth was soft against his own. He took a risk and slipped his tongue out, parting her lips in a silent request to enter. She granted him the access he sought by allowing him to ease in his tongue.

             
Lil sighed against his mouth and he had to suppress a smile. Now wasn’t the time to get cocky about having her in his arms. Now was the time to relish the feeling because who knew when it would happen again.

             
He pulled away to catch his breath. He hated the disconnected feeling immediately. He pressed his forehead against her and closed his eyes. His thumbs traced over her cheekbones as he breathed in the alluring scent of the woman he would always love.