Secrets (13 page)

The guy called her over to the chair
after changing out his instruments and cleaning up.  Sam didn’t even bat an eye.  Apparently she had a sudden boost of bravery after watching me endure the pain. 

“You don’t have
to do this just because
I
did.” I offered her this one last opportunity to change her mind, but she ignored me

“I’m ready,” she replied
to the tattoo artist and closed her eyes.  As soon as the needle touched her skin, she asked me to hold her other hand.  Her foot twitched the whole time and her face turned bright red.  This was by far the most spontaneous thing we’d ever done, and it definitely wouldn’t come without a price.  Our parents were would kill us when they saw what we’d done.   

The artist finished with Sam and i
t was nearly 1:00 when we left the parlor. I may have just been the rush of adrenaline, but she was actually giddy when it was all over with. I needed to get on the road, so I walked her back to her room and grabbed my bag off the floor.  When I leaned in to kiss her goodbye, I held her waist tightly and wouldn’t let go. 

“I hate that you have to leave,”
she sighed. 

“Me too.”
  Saying goodbye wasn’t getting any easier.  In fact, it seemed to be getting harder each time we had to say it.  

“Be safe and call me as soon as you get in.”
  Her dimples reappeared when she forced a smile, the tears welling in her eyes in direct contradiction of the gesture.  I stared down on her and seriously thought about not leaving at all.

Stealing
another kiss, I sobered up “Alright.  You need anything before I go?  Cash? 
Anything
?”

“
I’m good,” she replied. 

I nodded with a heav
y heart and embraced her again before walking away.

When I reached the stairs,
I saw Terrell coming up carrying a bag full of laundry.  “What’s up, man?  You about to hit the road?”  He asked cordially. 

“Yeah, Sam and I ran out this morning and just got back a little while ago.”
 

He nodded and then a thought occurred to him.  “Aye
listen,  my bad about last night.  I had no idea she hadn’t told you about –“

I stopped his apology and laughed a little.  “It’s cool.  Thanks actually – you know…
..for looking out for her while I can’t be here,” I said humbly. 

Terrell smiled and shook his
head.  “Not a problem.”  He pointed at my phone holstered on my hip.  “Let me give you my number just in case you ever wanna check up on her without….you know….seeming like your checking up on her.  I get the impression that she really wants to feel like she can do this all on her own.  I mean, I’m sure she can, but….it just never hurts for people to have your back.”

He’
d figured Sam out already – stubbornness and all.  We exchanged information and I continued the walk toward my car.  When I looked up at Sam’s window from the walkway, she was standing there watching me.  She waved with sadness in her eyes and the only way I was able to actually leave her was by reminding myself that I’d see her again in a couple months when we were both home for Thanksgiving Break. 

*****

Sam

Friday, Terrell and I
met up again for our tutoring session at five.  Just like the week before, he came fully stocked with snacks and pop again.  We ate and then studied for an hour, but spent the rest of the time playing Uno.   If it wasn’t for having him around to keep me company, I probably would’ve gone crazy from boredom.  He was alone most nights, too, because Maisha was usually working. And I didn’t see much of Deanna because she spent most of her time with Karl.  We had plans to meet up and go out to dinner tonight, though.   

At around
6:35, Terrell and I were finishing up a rematch when my phone went off.  He watched me from where he sat on the floor as I got up and glanced at the caller ID.  I tried my best to hide how shocked I was to see Antonio’s number come up.  I’d long since taken his name out of my contacts, but I still recognized that it was him.  Why on earth would he be calling me now?

I was careful not to give
anything away with my facial expression – Terrell’s like a bloodhound when it comes to picking up on something being wrong.  When I didn’t answer and just continued playing the game, Terrell stared.  My voicemail alert chirped and I didn’t even flinch.

“You
don’t need to get that?”  Terrell asked.

I shot him a
‘mind your business’
look that made him put his hands up defensively. 

I threw out a ‘Draw Four’.  “Stop worrying about who’s calling me and pay attention to th
e game, ‘cause in case you didn’t notice, you’re not doing so good.” 

He groaned and took four cards from the deck while I smirked.

              From where he sat across from me on the rug, I could see Terrell’s wheels turning.  If I had to guess, he’d be speaking his mind in five…..four…..three…..two…..

“That was your ex wasn’t it?”  He asked flatly.

I kept my face blank.  “Now of all the people who could be calling my –“

“Avoiding the question.
  That’s as good as a yes,” he interjected.  “Y’all been talking or something?”

I shot him a look.  “Excuse me?  Not that it’s your business, but no.  Antonio and I have said everything that we have to say to one another.”

Terrell laid out a wild, changed the color to blue, and then continued.  “Quit being defensive.”

“It’s hard NOT to be defensive when you put your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

He was quiet….real quite.  Maybe that was mean.

“Listen, I know you just
wanna look out for me, I’m just not the ‘sharing is caring’ type anymore.”  A flood of examples of how letting people get too close to me came to mind and validated my reasoning.

“Anymore?”

I sighed and pulled a card from the deck.  “Let’s just say I’ve had my share of backstabbing friends.  Since then I just keep to myself for the most part, except with Deanna, and well…..you, I guess.”

The corner of his mouth hitched into a smile
and I rolled my eyes when I smirked.  With a sigh I went ahead and told him about my history with Leslie, Megan, and the rest of the bunch.  Two rounds of Uno later, Terrell was up to speed with the less complicated aspects of me and AJ’s history, including the part about how I’d lost pretty much every friend I had in the process.

“Now the nasty attitude makes sense,” he said casually as if it wasn’t an insult.

I laughed and reached to slap his arm.  “I don’t have an attitude, I’m just selective about who I’m nice to.  Keeps down the riffraff.”

“Ah, I see,” he shot back sarcastically.

I grabbed the pink hair tie that I use to keep my cards together and then put the game away.  I leaned against my bed and picked at a loose thread on my rug while I thought.

“So….now that you’ve admitted that I’m one of the only friends you have – and you hit the lottery with that, by the way – tell me about Antonio.”

I smiled a little, but didn’t lift my eyes.  “There’s not much to tell, but we were okay the last time we talked.  I just eventually cut him off after awhile because I was ready to move forward.”

“How you feel knowing he’s living here?”

I shrugged.  “Honestly?  I feel bad for him.  He’s a good guy, Terrell.  Seriously.  I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression that night at the store by hiding behind you,” I laughed, “but I just don’t feel like rehashing old stuff.  You know?  We didn’t break up because he did me wrong or anything like that; I was actually the one who messed things up.  I just fell for AJ so hard that…..I didn’t think about anything I was doing when it came to him.”  I smiled when nostalgia set in.  “He got me into a lot of trouble…..mostly the fun kind.”

Terrell laughed. 

“I just hope he’s not here still trying to hold on.  I want him to be happy, too,” I concluded,.

Terrell was thoughtful for a few seconds.  “I guess I get it – the holding on part. 
Seems pointless, but…..I get it,” he repeated.

I nodded and then glanced over at my phone.

“I’m gonna take off,” Terrell announced.  “Told my grandma I’d call before she goes to bed.”

I stood to let him out. When I was alone again, I
paced over to my bed and sat, eyeing my phone once again.  Curiosity was eating me alive, wondering what, after all this time, Antonio had to say.

“You have one unheard message.  First message,” the automated voice announced just before I heard Antonio on the other end.

“Hey, whassup.  I was just…..”
he paused and reworded his statement.
  “You were on my mind and I know school just started up, sooooo I thought I’d check and see how it was going.  If you’re busy, I get it.  It’s cool.  Call or text back when you get time.  Or….don’t.  I’d understand that, too.”

Hearing how uncertain he sounded made my heart sink to the pit of my stomach.  I still felt terribly guilty for what I’d done to him, but not about being with AJ.  It took me a while to get to that point, but I didn’t anymore.  I w
as pretty sure all Antonio wanted from me was to ask how I’d been, but I couldn’t allow myself to even entertain the idea.  There was too much history there and too many memories – good and bad.  Either way, I decided it’d be best to just act like he never called and not allow myself to look back.  I sighed as I deleted the message and set the phone back down on the nightstand.

C
hapte
r
7

Sam

Deanna, Karl and I decided to carpool home for Thanksgiving.  We were all pretty much broke, so we pitched in what money we had and rode back to Fairfax in my car.  I wasn’t quite ready to drive long distances yet since the accident, so I willingly handed Karl the keys.  I sat in the backseat and watched the passing scenery as I thought.  Eventually, the landmarks became more familiar as well as the street names on the freeway exits.

I couldn’t wait to see AJ.  His impromptu visit
was the last time we’d been together which means it’d been over two months since I laid eyes on him in person.  Our chat sessions definitely helped, but they were no replacement for the real deal.  We already had plans to meet up later tonight once we’d both had a chance to see our families and to get settled in.  To say that I was excited would be the understatement of the century.

Things between us had gotten so much better, too.  While there still hadn’t been any light shed on what was going on with his father, it wasn’t affecting us as much as before.  I decided to let him work through whatever he needed to work through on his own and I’d just be here for him when he was ready to talk.

We pulled up to Karl’s house at about 5:00pm.  Deanna planned to stay there awhile to visit and then Karl would use his dad’s truck to take her home later.  After he unloaded the last of their bags, they waved goodbye and I drove the short distance to my
own
home. 

When I pulled into the driveway,
Uncle Todd, Aunt Lisa and Angel were already there.  Before I could even reach the door, Daddy had it open and was waiting for me with a smile on his face.  He hugged me so tightly that I wheezed.  I
heard
Mom way before I saw her; she was screaming like I’d been away for years.

“My baby!”
  She yelled and literally snatched me from Daddy’s grasp. 

“Hey
, Mom,” I said.  She stood back and looked at me, assessing my appearance.  “You look good.  Have you been eating alright?  Not too much fast food I hope.”

I rolled my eyes
with a smile.  “I’m fine.”  She pulled me into her arms again and held me there.

“Well, let the rest of us hug the girl
, too,” Aunt Lisa interjected; however, Angel grabbed me before her mother even had a chance. 

“Long time no see
, Cuz,” she said with a slick smile on her face, pretending like we hadn’t just seen one another at the end of August when AJ and I snuck to New York. 

I laughed and
reached for Aunt Lisa. 

“I missed you
, honey,” she said as she looked me over.  It was to be expected because she hadn’t seen me since the accident.  

Aunt Lisa was still staring when Angel said, “A
lright, Ma.  Let her go so we can go talk.” 

The next thing I know, Angel
pulled me upstairs by my hand and shut the door behind us.  My room was so empty that I probably felt just as much like a visitor as Angel did.  There were no pictures on the walls, nothing on the shelves, and the closet was almost completely empty.

Angel sat beside me on the bed
and took out her phone to check a text.  “What you got planned for tonight?”  She asked.

A smile and casual shrug was my only response
.

Angel rolled her eyes playfully. 
“Uh-oh.  I take it you already have plans with your boo.”

“I’m supposed to meet him later.  I haven’t seen him since September.”

Angel’s expression conveyed her sympathy.  “Dang….that sucks.”

“Tell me about it.”

She sighed.  “Well…..take plenty of condoms; you’re gonna need ‘em.”

I laughed and shoved her arm a little.  “Shut up.  I’m on the pill, stupid.”

“What time you leaving?  You’re eating with us first, right?”

“Yeah.
  He’s not coming to get me until eight.”

Angel nodded distractedly as she sent off another message from her phone.

“Who you over there sexting?”  I asked, leaning over to look at her screen.

She didn’t try to hid
e it, just laughed while I read the conversation between her and some guy named Carlos.

“Who’s he?”  I asked.

Angel shrugged nonchalantly.  “Just a friend from school.”

I shot her a look.  “Whatever.”

“Honest.  Believe it or not, it’s possible to have guy friends and not give up the booty, Sammy.”

I laughed and got up to put m
y things away while Angel rested against the headboard and continued her conversation with Carlos.  Her statement made me think of Terrell and how close he and I had become over the past three months – Maisha, too.  They really did make this time away from AJ more bearable.  On several occasions, they came to my room, forcing me to go out and act like a college kid.  One particularly stubborn evening, when I put up more of a fight than usual, Terrell confessed that he and AJ had been talking some and that they were both concerned that I was closing myself off so much.  After the initial shock of hearing that they’d been communicating, I listened to what Terrell had to say and joined him and Maisha at a concert on campus. 

Initially, I thought it’d be awkward hanging with them as a third wheel, but they never made me feel that
way.  Deanna hung with us often, and sometimes even Karl.  For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had a real group friends again.  The only thing missing was AJ.

Dinner was served promptly at 6:30 just like it
always had been.  Mom had really outdone herself in the kitchen, too - meatloaf, mashed potatoes, asparagus, dinner rolls, and a homemade apple pie for dessert.  Daddy said grace and then we all dug in.  Aunt Lisa continued to stare at me like I was fragile and pieced together.  I smiled at her reassuringly every time I caught her looking my way, but it didn’t do much to ease the tension on her face.  While Mom and Angel discussed how school was going so far, Uncle Todd and Daddy discussed the latest sports news. 

“So, Sam, y
ou’ve been feeling alright?  You
look
well,” Aunt Lisa said.

I smiled at her again and nodded while I swallowed my food.  “Yeah, I’m all healed up now.  No pain or anything.”  She smiled at me sympathetically and I looked back at my plate.  When my eyes shifted downward, I caught a glimpse of my exposed wrist
where I’d permanently be sporting AJ’s initials, and tugged at my sleeve anxiously in an attempt to cover my tattoo.  Unfortunately, I was too late; Angel had already noticed it and she nearly choked on her roll.  I stared at her from the corner of my eye as she hacked and reached for her drink.

“You ok
, honey?”  Mom asked as she patted her on the back.

“Yes, I’m fine
,” she replied in a strained voice.  “Something just got caught in my wrist, I mean throat,” she amended.  Our eyes locked and she shot me a questioning look and glanced down at my wrist again.  I widened my eyes and quickly turned away, knowing that Angel would make me explain later.  At least it was her who’d seen it, and not my parents.  Hopefully, I’d be able to dodge that bullet for at least a little while longer.

*****