Secrets of a Career Girl (7 page)

One that to Ethan really didn’t make sense, because he liked his women soft, curvy and cute, which was a terrible word and one he’d never admit to out loud, but that was what he liked.

And there was nothing soft about Penny and there wasn’t a curve to be seen, and as for cute...

‘What are you smiling at?’ Penny frowned.

‘Nothing.’ He reminded himself of the reason they were actually out. ‘So,’ he asked, ‘assuming this round of treatment is a success, how many embryos are you having put back?’ He saw her blink at the rather personal question.

‘Two.’

‘I think I’ve just found my phobia.’

Penny grinned. He made no secret of the fact he had no desire to ever be a parent, so she asked him why.

‘I’m not sure really,’ Ethan admitted. ‘It’s the responsibility, I guess. I save it all for work. I’ve just never wanted to settle down, let alone have a baby.’ He gave her a wide-eyed look. ‘And certainly not two at the same time.’

‘Twins would be lovely,’ she said, ‘then I’d never have to go through this again.’

‘You should speak to my mum first,’ Ethan said. ‘I guarantee if you did you’d only put one back.’

‘You said she was a single mum?’

‘No,’ he corrected her. ‘I said that she raised us on her own. My father died when we were six.’

‘I’m sorry.’ She looked at him. ‘Same age as Justin.’

He gave a small mirthless smile, her hit just a little too direct.

‘How did you deal with it?’

Ethan gave a shrug. ‘You just grow up overnight.’ He never really talked about it with anyone. ‘It’s tough, though. I heard Vera, my aunt, telling Justin to be brave, and it was all the same stuff she told me. Then there was Jack, my uncle, he’s my dad’s brother, giving me lectures over the years about how I was the man of the house and I needed to be more responsible. I hope they don’t say the same to Justin, it scared the life out of me.’

Maybe that was why he held on to his freedom so much, Penny mused, and she couldn’t help asking more.

‘And were you the man of the house?’ Penny asked, and she gave a thin smile when he shrugged.

‘I tried to be,’ Ethan said. ‘And resented every minute of it. Then being a teenager sort of got in the way of being sensible.’

‘Did you miss having a dad?’

They were both being honest, and after all she had asked, and he wasn’t going to sugar coat his response just because it was what she wanted to hear.

‘Yes,’ Ethan said. ‘But I do accept that things are very different now. Back then there weren’t so many women raising children alone. I used to feel the odd one out. I’m sure that yours won’t feel like that.’ He reminded himself to smile. ‘Anyway, what would I know?’

They ordered coffee and then chatted about work, about her case review tomorrow, where once a week the senior staff got together and reviewed a case. It was Penny’s turn and, no, she told him, she wasn’t nervous. ‘Just ill prepared,’ Penny admitted. ‘So I’d better get home and rectify that.’

They walked out to their cars and there was a strange moment because had she not been doing her level best to get pregnant, had they just been out, Ethan would have done his usual thing and kissed her. Right now that would prove no problem at all, because as they stood by her car, he actually forgot about needles and ultrasounds and little people that made an awful lot of noise and demanded to be fed a lot.

‘’Night, then,’ she said, going into her bag for her keys and then looking up at him.

‘’Night, Penny.’

He went to give her a kiss on the cheek, but changed his mind midway. Except it was too late for that so he went ahead, but there was an awkward moment because he missed his mark and his lips landed a little close to her mouth.

He felt the warmth of her blush on his lips and knew he should say good night and walk away. Except he wasn’t holding a needle and she wasn’t crying or asking him to stop and he could smell her hair and that musky perfume. He thought of the purple underwear he had glimpsed earlier.

It was all just a second, a very long second, and Penny was a guilty party in this too. Had been complicit as she’d carefully selected her underwear that morning, was as attracted as he was and, yes, she wanted his mouth. Now here it was, just the graze of his lips, and she felt as if a feather was stroking her from the inside. There was just a flare that lit between them and mouths that were a beat away from applying pressure, but neither did. Just two mouths mingling and deciding to linger, two minds racing and about to quiet and give in, but then they were literally saved by the bell, or rather by his pager.

‘Did you arrange that one too?’ Penny asked.

Ethan just grinned, because had he been thinking straight he might have arranged one for a few moments ago because he did not want to start anything with Penny.

Well, not Penny.

He didn’t want to start anything with a soon-to-be-pregnant Penny, Ethan reminded himself as he telephoned work to find out what was happening.

‘The place is steaming,’ Ethan said when he came off the phone.

‘Should I come in?’

‘It’s packed and they’re not getting through them. I’ll just go in for a couple of hours and help them clear the backlog. You go home.’

‘You’re sure?’

Ethan nodded, gave her a light kiss on the cheek that was definitely just a friendly one, a token effort to erase the one that had happened before, saw her into her car and then headed to his.

One more needle to get through, Ethan told himself.

He was almost as nervous about it as she was.

CHAPTER EIGHT

P
ENNY
KNEW
THE
drill only too well.

After a very sleepless night, trying to prepare for her case presentation then later going over and over their near kiss, Penny was up at the crack of dawn and about to have her ultrasound. She went to hitch up her skirt, but she was wearing her wraparound dress and it was a bit too tight.

‘Just open it up, Penny,’ the sonographer said, and offered her a sheet, which she pulled over not just her stomach but her chest, because everything was exposed.

Damn.

She had been dressing for her presentation.

Or had she?

Penny honestly wasn’t sure.

It
was
her presentation outfit, which had been sitting in its dry-cleaner bag for two weeks now, waiting for today. It was her grey wraparound and even though she didn’t have a cleavage, it was a bit too low so underneath she wore a silver-grey cami with a bit of lace at the top, and because it was Penny she wore matching panties, which were rather more lace than silk.

And tonight she’d be getting her needle from Ethan. It was too much, Penny decided. She’d just change into scrubs, except there was a part of her that wanted his eyes on her, a part of her that refused to be silenced, that wanted more than last night, and Penny was most unused to such strong feelings. Even now, walking to get her blood done, she was thinking of the near miss last night and what might have unfolded if they hadn’t been interrupted by the pager. She blinked in astonishment at the depravity of her own thoughts.

‘Morning, Penny.’

It took two attempts to get the blood this morning. She was stressed about her case presentation, worried about her choice of clothes, exhausted after a night of thinking and trying not to think about Ethan and a kiss that never happened and must never happen! This meant Penny sobbed like she never had as they took her blood.

‘Finished.’ The nurse smiled as she pressed down on the cotton swab. ‘I think I left a bruise.’

‘It’s my own fault,’ Penny said, because despite being held down her arm had jerked when the needle had gone in. As Penny blew her nose, instead of standing up and getting out of there as quickly as possible as she usually would, she asked a question. She was a typical doctor and had read up on things herself, but there was one bit now that was honestly confusing her. ‘Can I ask a question?’

‘Of course.’

‘About...’ She was going bright red but tried to sound matter-of-fact as she spoke. ‘Increased libido?’ Her voice came out as a croak and Penny cleared her throat, but the nurse was completely unfazed by her question.

‘You’re a walking cocktail of hormones at the moment, Penny,’ the nurse said. ‘Often women could think of nothing worse at this stage, but for some...’

‘So it’s normal?’

‘Sure. Just make sure that you use protection,’ the nurse said. ‘It’s only once we’ve done the embryo transfer that you need to refrain, and not just from sex, no orgasms either—which is unfortunate...’ she smiled ‘...because an increase in libido is commonplace then.’

Penny blinked. She’d sort of skipped over all those parts, thinking that it would never really be a problem for her.

‘You’ll get a phone call later and we’ll sort out your doses,’ the nurse said. ‘You’ll be ready for your trigger injection any day soon. So just enjoy it for now.’

She certainly wouldn’t be enjoying it! Penny just wanted these feelings to pass, wanted a neat explanation as to why she was nearly climbing the walls at the thought of Ethan. Did she fancy him or was it the medication?

And did it really matter?

Would it be so terrible to have sex with someone you really fancied even if it was going absolutely nowhere?

Stop it,
she told herself as she drove to work.

Just stop it right there!

Of course the second she walked into work she saw Ethan. She tried to douse the fire in her cheeks, only it wasn’t working—he was dressed in scrubs and very unshaven. He was scowling at the bed board and had clearly been up all night.

‘Good sleep?’ His voice was wry.

‘Fantastic.’ Hers was equally wry as she walked past, because she’d be lucky to have slept for more than a couple of hours, though she was glad now that she hadn’t accepted the consultant’s position. There was no way she could have juggled it all, she would not have coped if she’d been called in last night and had still been expected to work through the next day.

Penny got through the busy morning, doing her best to avoid him, and she had a feeling Ethan was trying to avoid her too. Both were trying to pretend that the near miss last night hadn’t happened.

She headed to the lecture theatre and set up her computer, nodding a greeting as her colleagues filed in. She wasn’t nervous as she was a very good public speaker, but her heart was fluttering as Ethan walked in. He’d been firing on coffee all morning but from his yawn as he took a seat in the lecture theatre for her presentation, she wouldn’t be in the least surprised if he fell asleep midway through.

Penny had decided not to present about Heath, the young man with the head injury, and instead spoke about the renal patient who had come in with cardiac failure. She went through it all—the medication, the dosages, admitted to her own hesitation—suggesting a protocol sheet be implemented, and Ethan didn’t fall asleep as she spoke. Instead, he watched her.

Watched her mouth move and speak, but hardly heard a word, his mind more on her pert bottom as she turned and pointed to the whiteboard. All he wanted to do was go home—why did he have to fancy Penny?

He knew that the extra jewellery and make-up and heels were not for his benefit. It was the way Penny was and she was always going to make an extra effort for this type of thing. Except he could see the flash of lace on her cami and he wanted the effort to have been for him.

Then his eyes lingered on the tie of her dress and his mind wandered as to how he was going to get it off, or up, and it was then that she caught him looking. Her voice trailed off and they both just stared.

Really stared.

Ethan clamped his teeth together because he was incredibly tempted to silently mouth something
really
inappropriate to her, just to see those burning cheeks flame further.

‘Penny?’ Mr Dean asked when the silence dragged on. ‘You said he was then given a bolus?’

‘That’s right.’ She snapped back to her presentation and apart from that, apart from nearly jumping off the stage and straddling Ethan, Penny got through the rest of her speech really well. Attempting to be normal, Ethan congratulated her a little while later.

‘Well done,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry if I offended you that day. I didn’t mean to just walk in and take over.’

‘But you didn’t offend me.’ Penny frowned and then remembered. ‘I was having a hot flash, Ethan.’ She watched his face break into a smile. ‘It was the drugs—that was a glimpse of menopausal Penny.’

‘Well, remind me, if we’re both still working here then, that it’s time for me to look for another job,’ Ethan said laughingly.

‘Are you heading off, Ethan?’ Mr Dean walked past. ‘You were here all night.’

‘Soon,’ Ethan said, then he looked at Penny. ‘If I go home now I’m going to crash and I won’t get back.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ He really did look exhausted.

‘I’m going to go into the on-call room and sleep,’ Ethan said. ‘Get everything ready and then come and get me at five to six.’

‘Thanks.’

She tried to ignore the on-call room, but every time she walked past, the thought of Ethan lying in there asleep flashed like a strobe light in her mind. If she was like this now, what the hell was she going to be like after the embryo transfer? She might be needing that straitjacket after all.

Penny set up her needle and swab and had it all laid out in her office and then, because she could at times be nice, she made Ethan a coffee before she knocked on the door of the on-call room. He was so zonked she could actually hear the low sounds of snoring.

‘Ethan.’ She knocked again and put her head around the door. ‘Ethan, it’s nearly six.’ He sat up and sort of shook himself awake.

‘Can you bring it in here?’ He just wanted to get the injection over and done with and then go back to sleep but then he changed his mind and with good reason. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’

‘I brought you a coffee.’

She walked over in the darkness and he got a waft of her scent. He heard the slight rattle as she put his coffee down on the bedside table and it was right that her hand was shaking, Ethan thought, because she was seconds away from being pulled into his bed.

‘Thanks,’ Ethan said. ‘I’ll be there soon.’

He had to get himself under control—physically and mentally—before touching her.

Hurry home, Jasmine
.

He’d never met Jed, let alone his mother, but he wished her the speediest, most uneventful of recoveries from her stroke. Ethan gulped his coffee and splashed his face in the sink and then walked to Penny’s office.

‘Ready?’

‘Yes.’ She was fiddling with the tie of her dress and he could hear her starting to cry, just sort of breathy sobs that she was trying to keep in.

‘Okay, then.’ He walked towards her, and she was a mess, a hot mess at that, Ethan thought as he looked at her eyes. They showed a mixture of fear and lust and if she said no to the injection this time, he would drop the needle.

He didn’t want her to do this.

He wanted her to stop so that they could do what people who fancied each other did.

A lot.

He wanted to go out and have more dinners and have nachos himself next time and go far too far in a car park and then go even further back home.

‘No.’ She pushed at his hand as it reached for her dress tie, and he was breathing very hard now—tired, turned on, pissed off. He didn’t want to do this either.

‘What do you want, Penny?’ He forgot he wasn’t supposed to ask, he was supposed to go ahead and give her the needle. Her hands were on his arm and he tried to ignore the feel of her fingers on his skin. He tried to undo the tie for her as if he hadn’t been thinking about doing just that all day.

She had on silver-grey knickers and a matching cami, and through the silk he could tell her chest was almost completely flat. He liked curves, Ethan told himself, except he wanted his mouth to lower to the thick nipples he could see rising out of the fabric, and as he swabbed her stomach he caught a glimpse of blonde hair above her panty line and he could see a bit through the lace too.

And he did
not
want to give her this needle. He could hear her gulping and soft whimpers and feel her breath on his cheek, and he did not want to do it.

But he’d signed up for the gig so he swabbed her skin and though he hesitated over her stomach, he finally stuck the needle in.

‘There,’ he said. ‘You’re done.’

Ethan rubbed her stomach and then she took over. His hand did not linger, he just wanted this over and done, wanted out and home. Maybe tonight he’d call Kelly, get this Penny fantasy out of his head once and for all.

Then he saw the lust in her eyes and her lips were moving towards his and he jerked his head backwards. ‘Penny!’ he warned.

She screwed her eyes closed at his rejection. She’d have to resign, it was all just so unlike her. ‘I’m so sorry, Ethan. I think it’s the drugs, it’s like I’m on heat.’

He’d embarrassed her, Ethan knew that, which he’d never wanted to do. She had no need to be embarrassed. He wanted her too, so he tried to soften things, except he was rock hard. ‘I just don’t want to start something with someone who’s trying for a baby.’

‘I know. I get that completely. I’m never like this...’ She attempted her excuses again as he dropped the needle into the dish behind her. ‘It’s the drugs.’

‘It’s not the drugs, Penny,’ Ethan said, because he wasn’t taking any, but hormones were certainly raging and he stopped fighting it then, his mouth coming down on hers the way it had wanted to last night.

She almost came just at the pressure of his mouth as her stomach hollowed with lust. It wasn’t a brief kiss, it wasn’t unsure and whatever the opposite of tentative was should be called Ethan, because his tongue was deliciously crude, his unshaven jaw surely shredding her skin. Penny was no saint either. Her hands were in his hair, her scantily clad body pressing into him, feeling his fierce erection, and he pulled away just a little.

‘Penny...’

‘I know,’ she said. ‘I know this is going nowhere.’

‘You understand?’

‘Of course.’ She was in her office, with her dress undone, and it was all so inappropriate, especially for someone like Penny, so much so that she fought an incredible urge to laugh. Then she stopped fighting and laughed a little bit. ‘If you knew me, you’d know that it
is
the drugs. I’m going to be so embarrassed later.’

‘Why?’ He smiled down. ‘It’s just a kiss,’ Ethan said, ‘a one-off.’

‘An anomaly,’ Penny said. ‘Never to be repeated or mentioned again. As soon as you walk out the door we’re done.’

‘I’m not out the door yet.’

She was more than happy with the ground rules, just for the bliss of the return of his mouth.

It was just a kiss but it was a kiss with a secret. His fingers were working her nipples through the silk of her cami till she moaned in his mouth and then he slipped his hand up the cami so that skin could meet skin. He worked them a little more firmly. Normally she loathed that, hated the beat of disappointment when they found out that she really was quite flat-chested, but it just didn’t matter right now. If anything he was even more turned on because he pressed his erection hard into her, and she almost came undone—a ball of hot tension in his arms.

And it was still just a kiss, but the secret was deepening, his hand now sliding into her panties, and they would both never repeat or mention it again, but in this too he knew what to do. He cupped her for a moment before he began to stroke her with precision, and he couldn’t for a moment kiss and concentrate, so he let her mouth work his neck, and then he warned her to be careful because there must be no evidence, and as she removed her mouth, Penny lost her head.