Her hand presses against the side of my face, while the other threads through my hair. I love her hands pulling me exactly where she wants me. Our tongues do some sort of rhythmic dance and I savor every second of it.
“Well, that didn’t take long.” Princess scoffs as she pushes the door open. Casey flies off the bed covering her mouth with her hand so fast I can’t catch her. The panic that spreads in her eyes is painful to watch. But I did that shit to her. I’m the one who created it. Now it is time to fix it.
“Don’t you know how to fucking knock?” I snarl at my sister.
“Nope. Time for your meds, brat.” She hands me a small cup as I sit up taking the pills and swallowing quickly. “Good to see you’re playing nice.”
“Mind your own fucking business.” I growl loudly making Angel jump. Instinctively I want to comfort her, but just sitting up causes my head to spin a bit. I wouldn’t make it over to her without falling.
“I have to go.” Casey says grabbing her bag.
“Where the hell are you going? You made a deal!” I bark out, thoroughly irritated with her.
“To my room. I have to get a few things.” She says hurriedly.
“When you come back, bring all your shit so you don’t have to leave again.” I demand.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” She breezes past Princess not looking her in the face. Fuck.
“What was that about?” Princess asks coming to the bed.
“What the fuck, Princess?” I growl.
“Down big guy.”
“Don’t you down me. You need to think before you do shit!” I yell.
“I just came to give you your meds. How the hell would I know you were lip locked with her?” She shrugs.
“You realize that I’m gonna flatten you out in the ring right?”
“Hard to do with one arm.” She smarts back radiating confidence.
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks.”
“Look, you need to tell me what the fuck is going on. I can’t take this shit anymore G.T. You’ve gotta talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Bullshit. We fought. You remember that shit and then you still don’t talk to me. Explain that shit to me ‘cause I don’t get it.”
The night that Princess challenged me to fight, I couldn’t back down. I had to meet her inside the ring. I had mixed emotions about it. I needed to let off steam, but I really didn’t want to do it with my sister. But with each blow that she and I landed on each other, I felt a bit of relief. In no way did it help me forget Casey, but for those few minutes, I had something else to focus on.
“I was pissed at myself. Still am. Sorry, alright.” Looking away from her, I do not want her to see inside me. I hate that shit and she’s always been able to see inside of me, knowing there is more to it than I let on.
“Why are you pissed at yourself?”
“I’m not talking about it.” I stare at her determined to not answer.
“You know she loves you right.” My eyes shoot to Princess.
“What?”
“Casey. She loves you. She’s loved you since we were kids. Now this shit’s in your corner. If you fuck this up this time, she’ll never be yours.”
I hurt her before, allowing the club momma to kiss me.
Fuck.
Closing my eyes, I let the words seep into my body and down to my soul. I cut her deep. Deeper than I even thought I had the power to do. Shit.
“She never told me what happened between you two. I’m guessing you fucked around on her, by what little she did say.”
Growling I jump jerking my body towards her, “I didn’t fucking cheat on her.” I pause as Princess waited. “I just let her think I did.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?” Princess’ anger lets loose, her face turning bright red.
Rubbing my one good hand across my face, “It’s what needed to be done.”
“For who? Casey? Because I know, that’s a bunch of shit.”
“She deserves better.” She deserves so much better than my fucked up shit.
Princess got in my face. “You really are a fucking idiot.” Her words cut deep, but my anger took over, all-consuming rage burrowed through me.
“I’m not a fucking idiot!” I yell as Princess jumps back eyeing me warily. She didn’t say a word for the longest time just standing there staring.
“So that’s the reason. You don’t think you’re good enough for her because you don’t have some fancy degree, bullshit. Let me tell you something. Casey doesn’t give two shits about your education or lack thereof. She doesn’t care that you don’t sit in some office with a fucking suit on making millions of dollars. You know what she fucking wants. Loyalty. Honesty. Trust. She wants a man who only sees her and not the other millions of women in the world. She wants a man who treats her with respect and one she trusts to go out and not sleep with the entire female population. She wants you G.T. Now it’s up to you, to pull your head out of your ass and make it happen. Because I know. She’s the only one you want.”
“You fucking tell anyone about this conversation and I’ll pound your ass into the ground.”
Princess laughs. “Aww… Big bad biker doesn’t want anyone knowing he has a heart.”
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” I snarl. Princess’ laughter overtaking the room. I need her to fucking leave. Now.
“Decide what you want brother and figure it out. What’s this deal you made?”
“She has to stay with me for twenty-four hours and I promised to rest.”
“Good. Then use the time to your advantage.” Princess gave me a slight wave and leaves the room.
Use it to my advantage. The words ring in my ears and penetrated my head. I’d never had to seduce a woman or charm them. But with Casey, I’d be doing a lot of that. How? I have no fucking clue.
Rummaging through all of my things, I need a distraction and escape from the guilt that is consuming me and eating me alive. Not even a day home with him and I’m kissing him like some hormonal teenager. I need to tell him, but shit, he can’t even freaking stand without passing out. How the hell is he going to react to having a child that I lost?
My stomach hurts the ache inside rising.
It’s only a kiss, right? Who am I fucking kidding? Not only was it a kiss, I want so much more out of it. As soon as his lips touched mine, fire seeped in my body, setting it ablaze. Everything with him feels so intense and knocks me on my ass every damn time. Shit.
I turn to the door as a loud knock comes upon it. Opening the door, a smiling Harlow stands there and I want to rip her damn eyes out. Not that I could, but I want to… badly. She knows too much.
“You love him. It’s what’s meant to happen.”
“I can’t be with him, Harlow. I knew coming home would be a mistake.” I shake my head, tired of repeating myself over and over again.
Harlow slams the door shut as she sits on the bed. I join her and wring my hands together. Looking down at my hands, I want to disappear. I want to tell her, I need to tell her. “Coming home was what was supposed to happen. Needed to happen. Fucking sucks it had to be like this, but we can’t change that. You and G.T. need to work this shit out.”
“What’s to work out, Harlow? He wants a variety of women and I can’t deal with that. It’s all or none with me.” And once I tell him about Mia, it will all be over.
Harlow grabs my leg steadying it when I don’t realize it is bouncing uncontrollably. “You need to talk to G.T., you may be surprised. Second, he’s going to kiss you again. You know this and next time, I may not be there to interrupt.” I nod. “I know my brother’s an ass, but you gotta know Casey, he loves you. He won’t admit it because he’s stubborn, but he does.”
“If a man loves you, he won’t want anyone else but you.”
“You need to talk to him about that, Casey.”
“What do you know?” I question, raising my brow.
“Not my place. Talk to him while you’re in there. None of this other petty bullshit. Fucking talk. And get this shit sorted out.”
“He told you?” She nods. “What was I thinking?” I say shaking my head frustrated with myself. This is such a bad idea, being locked in a room with him.
“Oh, I can only imagine. Doc said something about him staying put and he grabbed you, pulling you in.” She laughs. “He’s a smart man. Knew you would help him.”
I give her a small knowing smile because she is right and I went for it hook-line-and-sinker.
“I know that coming back to all this is a lot, but are you okay?” I look down at my hands. This is the time. My opening. I shake my head no.
“What’s wrong Casey? School not working out for ya?” I can’t hold it in any longer. The tears I’ve been doing such a good job of holding back fall from my face and splash onto my hands, my shoulders begin to shake. Everything in my body hurts and aches and my stomach twists in knots.
“Shit. Casey. What’s wrong?” The words will not leave my mouth, it’s like they’re lodged in my throat and I so desperately need them to come out. She wraps her arms around me and that’s when I really lose it. I’ve craved her since I found out about Mia. And now she’s here.
“Tell me what’s going on babe. I can help you.” She whispers into my neck, her hand glides up and down my body.
“I was pregnant, Low.” I sniffle into her neck, close enough to feel her entire body stiffen.
“Was?”
“I lost her about two weeks ago.” I sob uncontrollably.
“Oh God, Casey. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been right there by your side.”
“I couldn’t. Everything with Babs happened and Cooper. Then Rocky… Everything was a mess. I couldn’t add to it.” I squeeze tighter not wanting to let go, needing her now more than ever.
“It was G.T.’s baby.” I nod my head in agreement. “And he doesn’t know anything about it.” Her words come out as statements of fact rather than being accusatory. “And you’ve been dealing with this all by yourself. You should have fucking told me.”
“No. I have two friends in Cherry Vale.”
Harlow pulls away from me. “You told them and not me?” She accuses, hurt lacing her eyes.
“No. I didn’t tell anyone. Not until the pain started and I needed help. I called my neighbor Jace who came and took me to the hospital. I had to tell him. There was so much blood, Low.” My voice trails off as thoughts of that day plague me. The ache in my gut rises to my chest, I rub my heart. “I was so scared and when they told me Mia was gone, I couldn’t take it. I still can’t take it.”
Lows arms clutch me tight as I weep into them. “It’s alright. We’ll get through this.” Her hand grabs my head and she coddles me, like an infant. I relish in the embrace. I need it.
“You said Mia. Do you know it was a girl?”
“No, but in my gut she’s a girl and I named her, Mia Low Gavelson.”
“You named her after me?” the shock in her voice would have made me smile at any other time, but not now.
“Of course.”
“Were you going to tell us about the baby?” I hate that she is skeptical of this fact, but part of me knew it would come up.
“Yes. I’d never keep either of you away from her. G.T. may not want me, but I’d hope he’d want to know his kid.”
“He would never have let you leave if he’d have known.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone. I needed to get my life in order. I needed my degree and a job. I wanted to be able to support myself and my baby. And I didn’t want to trap him into something he didn’t want.” I pull away and look down at the floor. “And I didn’t want to be my mother. Now… It just doesn’t matter.”
“Everything matters. You are nothing like your mother. You have to know that.” I shrug not feeling her words. “You have to tell G.T. Now.” She holds me by my shoulders, her eyes bore into mine and the seriousness in her voice is compelling.
I stare into her eyes. “I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” She barks with anger.
“He can barely freaking stand, Low. What do you think this will do to him? Give me a couple of days and I’ll talk to him, alright?”
“You can’t leave here without telling him, Casey. I mean it. Or I will tell him myself.”
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.” My eyes close and I breathe in deep. This is exactly why I couldn’t tell her in the first place.
“Bullshit. You know I believe in you. I just need your word that you will tell my brother. This is too big, Casey.”
“I know. I will.”
A loud bang rattles the door and walls. “Who is it?” Harlow yells.
“Me.” Cruz’s gruff voice says from the other side of the door. Harlow jumps from the bed opening the door quickly. Cruz wraps his arms around Harlow pulling her up to his awaiting lips. My stomach lurches and I turn away quickly. I’m happy for them. I am. But right now seeing it is too much.
“Casey, G.T.’s callin’ for ya.” I turn to face the man standing with his arms wrapped around my best friend. He hasn’t changed a bit from the last time I was here. Same brown disheveled hair, jeans and rag. Now though, he looks happy, truly happy.
I sigh. “I’ll be there in a minute. Low, go ahead and go.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” I whisper needing just a few minutes to get myself together before going back up to face him.
“Alright, you need anything, find me.”
“I will.” I wave softly as they leave the room, shutting the door behind them. Burying my face in the pillow, I let go. Tears, screams and a few blows to the defenseless pillow occur hard and fast. By the time my body stops, my breathing is hard, labored and my face feels raw from the wetness.