Septimity and The Blood Brotherhood: The Third Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 3) (7 page)

With that announced, Krizzle resumed his seat and waited for the vote to taken, recorded, checked, double checked and re-recorded, which in all reality was a complete waste of time because the vote to approve investitures had always, over millions of years, been passed unanimously. This was to be no exception, but protocol and rules had to be followed and it gave everyone a chance to have a nice long chat with the people sitting next to them.

Finally, the official vote result was delivered to Krizzle and he could get on with the next part. Waiting for April to arrive.

*****

‘I don’t like this at all,’ Sep complained as their shuttle shuddered and shook as it made its way towards Gloth.

‘Have you checked with your brothers?’ September asked ignoring Sep’s complaints.

‘Um, well yes. An hour ago.’

‘Check again. Make sure everything is in readiness.’

‘But I sure everything will be…’

‘Check!’

‘Alright. Alright,’ Sep said knowing September would be like this all afternoon. Anxious. Sep tapped away on his Q’muniktor.

‘And double check that Septenarii has the new constitution ready.’

‘Yes September.’

‘And that Heptahedra has arrived on Terranova Two to disable the Dodecahedron relay.’

‘Yes September.’

‘And make sure Heptad is on Erde to disengage the main Dodecahedron.’

‘Yes September,’ Sep said as he smiled to himself at winning his game of solitaire on his Q’muniktor. ‘Everything’s under control.’

‘Landing in three minutes,’ the squad leader announced.

With a violent burst of shuddering and rattling a few minutes later, the shuttle approached its landing coordinate at the rear of the Grand Hall. One final jerking type shudder and a thumping sound indicated they were there. Two more thumps indicated the first indication was just teasing and more shuddering and thumping happened before a final and unmistakeable loud thud accompanied by a backbreaking sideways jerk finally announced their arrival on Gloth.

‘Ah! Good news September.’

‘What, that we’ve arrived in one piece?’

‘No. It’s a message from Lieutenant Commander Smikkle. The Lacertilian passenger craft has docked with the Cosmic Cruiser and the Erdeans are being transferred aboard.’

‘Wonderful,’ Sep said with a hint of sarcasm. ‘What about your brothers?’

‘Oh, all under control,’ Sep said even though he had been too busy with his game of solitaire to send them the messages September had asked him to send. ‘They’ll let me know if there’s any problem,’ he thought reassuringly to himself. His self-assured reassurance only lasted a few moments though as his Q’muniktor lit up with a message from Heptahedra.

‘Um, September.’

‘Yes?’

‘Heptahedra has a question.’

‘Well?’

‘He’s on Terranova Two all ok. And he’s found the Dodecahedron.’

‘Good. And?’

‘Um, it seems he forgot to take your instructions with him about disabling the Dodecahedron relay.’

‘Oh I really do believe I cloned fools! Give me that thing!’ and Sep handed over his Q’muniktor.

While Sep tapped away, the doors of the shuttle opened and Sep rose with the Lacertilian Guards ready to disembark. September behind them still tapping out his instructions to Heptahedra. They left the shuttle and found themselves in an empty service area at the rear of the Grand Hall.

‘I expected to see at least a few Gregorian Guards,’ the squad leader said.

‘We’re inside their security perimeter. They’re positioned in a circle at a distance of five hundred metres,’ September mumbled as he continued tapping away.

‘I thought they would be much closer,’ the squad leader replied.

‘Ha! So did they,’ September said with a wicked smile.

‘Let’s move then,’ the squad leader ordered and they moved off towards their rendezvous with the other three squads.

September was still tapping away giving instructions to Heptahedra while making displeased ‘
grumphing
’ noises. He was at least reassured by the competence and discipline shown by the Lacertilian Guards. He wished his grandsons possessed a half as much. He ‘
grumphed
’ a lot more when Septenarii popped up on the Q’muniktor asking Sep if constituents was spelled with a ‘c’ or a ‘k’.

Apart from September’s ‘
grumphing
’, all was silent around the perimeter of the Grand Hall as they moved towards the front entry. September gave an approving nod as he saw the other three squads of Lacertilian Guards assembled and ready. It was right at that very moment he realised that he really should have put some Lacertilian genetic material into his soup when he created his clones. If he had, perhaps Ichor would have been all over and done with a long time ago.

‘Waiting for your orders sir,’ the Lacertilian squad leader said to September.

‘Oh yes. Sorry, I was a little distracted. Two squads will wait on each side of the building until the April idiot arrives, while the other two will form a security perimeter around the building. Once he and his entourage have entered the Grand Hall, wait for three minutes and then the two squads with us will enter the hall and spread to the right and left. Take your positions discreetly at the left, right and rear of the hall behind the audience. I will enter shortly after you and will raise my right hand when it’s time for every second one of you to move forward and herd all the members of the Gregorian Royal Family to the front of the hall.

The rest of you will ensure no one leaves the Grand Hall, as there are a number of Erdean half breeds amongst the council and guests who will also need to be gathered up. Once we have all the Gregorians and Erdeans safely contained, the rest of the people will need to be asked to wait patiently in the hall. I will then give you the order to start boarding the Gregorians and Erdeans aboard the shuttles and have them taken to the Cosmic Cruiser. Will ten Lacertilian Guards on each shuttle be sufficient Squad leader?’

‘Yes sir. More than enough. And then the shuttles return for the rest of my men?’

‘Not immediately Squad Leader. Once we have stabilised the situation. Perhaps this evening or even tomorrow morning.’

‘Understood sir. Anything else sir?’

‘No, I think that’s all.’

‘Very well, I’ll have my men take their preliminary positions.’

With that the Lacertilian Guards marched off to their respective positions. One to the right and one to the left of the building and the other two forming the security perimeter. As September started to move with the squad leader and his group to the left of the building, he noticed Sep moving to the right.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Um, I thought if you were going left …..’

‘This way Sep. With me. And leave the thinking to me now.’

‘Eh, yes,’ Sep said hoping his days alongside September’s grumpiness would soon be over.

‘Hurry up, we’re late already,’ January said as the royal dresser made her last minute adjustments to April’s blue and gold investiture robe.

‘I don’t want to go!’ April shouted.

‘Shall we go and admire the palace garden instead young sir?’ Kcrikklli Kcaapaak said in a threatening tone.

‘No! No! Alright. But I want KruddleKrunch after.’

‘Very well young sir.’

‘Promise?’

‘Yes I promise young sir,’ Kcaapaak replied.

‘What’s this about the garden?’ January asked Kcaapaak.

‘Let’s just say that young April and I have come to an agreement.’

‘Hmmph,’ January said, as a fierce itch in her left ear disturbed her concentration.

‘All ready,’ the dresser announced.

‘Very well. We should make our way to the Grand Hall m’am,’ Kcaapaak said and got a nod from January, resplendent in her gold and white formal royal gown, as he led her and April from the dressing room. They made their way downstairs and were greeted in the main foyer of the palace by a troop of Gregorian Guards dressed in their finest ceremonial uniforms.

‘I think we’re ready,’ Kcaapaak told the Gregorian Guard sergeant who immediately did what sergeants do extremely well. Shout.

‘Attention! At the ready! Wait for it! Wait for it! Quiiiiuuuck …. march!’

With January on his left and Kcrikklli Kcaapaak on his right, and surrounded by Gregorian Guards, April and the soon to be April the First, amazingly kept step with them all. Even more surprising was that he didn’t come anywhere near throwing a tantrum.

But he still had all of the afternoon and evening to go yet.

Kcrikklli walked alongside April dreading the afternoon ahead. The Grand Hall would be full of ambassadors, high councillors, councillors, ministers, delegates and of course, every single member of the Gregorian Royal Family. He recalled the last investiture and how the yelps, screeches, anguished cries and incessant buttock scratching by the less than sane members of the royal family had punctuated the ceremony. The looks of shame on the faces of visiting dignitaries from the Twelve Sun Systems as they all witnessed first hand the inter-bred self-destruction of the once respected and powerful Gregorians. Today could only be worse. Luckily his depressing thoughts were broken by January.

‘I don’t want any of those sex obsessed ushers laying a finger on me.’

‘I’m sorry m’am?’

‘They’re all the same. They’re all perverts, who stick their filthy hands where they shouldn’t.’

‘I hardly think so m’am. They’re all well behaved young men I believe.’

‘What would you know Kcrikklli? You’re not a woman with interesting places for these perverts to touch. When April takes charge, I’ll have them all whipped.’

‘With due respect, we do not whip staff anymore m’am.’

‘Alright, I’ll have them executed,’ she said as she suddenly developed an annoying itch and stuffed her hand down the front of her robe to attend to the annoyance. As she did, the accompanying Gregorian Guards tried to keep looking straight ahead. Some failed.

‘That’s a bit extreme m’am.’

‘What? Um, well I had to do something. It was driving me insane.’

‘The ushers m’am?’

‘No, this itch.’

‘Oh, I see,’ Kcrikklli replied and tried to keep a straight face as January pulled her hand from her dress and immediately proceeded to violently attack both of her ears with her index fingers as another pair of annoying itches manifested themselves. All the while April walked quietly between them in an eerily well-behaved manner, until they approached the Grand Hall.

‘I need to go to the toilet.’

‘Not now April,’ January said with a hopeful smile and looked up at Kcrikklli Kcaapaak for reassurance as they approached the entrance to the Grand Hall. It didn’t really help.

‘Nnnooowww!!! I want to go nnnnooowww!’

‘Once the investiture is over…..’ Kcrikklli started to say but was interrupted by April falling to the ground, screaming and thrashing his feet.

‘Nnnooowwww!’ he screamed over and over.

‘Don’t just stand there, do something!’ January ordered.

‘Yes m’am,’ Kcrikklli said with no enthusiasm for the task whatsoever, then bent over to pick up a now semi-blue in the face April.

‘What are you doing?’ January protested as Kcrikklli hoiked April bodily under his arm and headed towards the entrance doors.

‘I’m taking your son to the public toilets that are in the foyer m’am.’

‘No! No!’ January shouted. ‘He’s a Gregorian. Gregorian royals do not use public toilets!’

‘Well in that case m’am, you have a choice. He either comes with me, or he attends his investiture with pooed pants.’

‘How dare you?’

‘I gather you have chosen the latter m’am. Very well,’ Kcrikklli said calmly as he dropped April from his grip. ‘I’ll leave this to you then m’am.’

‘Nnnnooww!! I need to poooo nooooowww!’

‘April my darling. You’re going to be the Sup…….’

‘Nooowww!! Nooowwww!’ April screamed continually. But then went silent very suddenly and his light blue face took on a look of serious concentration.

‘No! No! No!’ January wailed as she tumbled to her knees and hid her head in her hands as April quietly finished what he had started.

‘Now that the matter has been resolved, I believe it’s is time for us to enter,’ Kcrikklli said with no hint of his pleasure at the last few minutes’ proceedings.

‘No. I must attend to this. It’s embarrassing,’ January half cried and went back to hiding her head in shame.

‘No, it’s nice and warm mummy. I’m ready now,’ April said as he got up quickly and walked towards Kcrikklli and the Gregorian Guards and then proceeded with them towards the entrance doors. January looked up from her semi-prone position on the pavement and ran to catch up. But she was too late. Kcrikklli and April, along with their Gregorian Guards, entered the front doors, then immediately into the Grand Hall.

‘Please rise!’ Kaybob Krizzle, The Puissant of Karhoonaa and President of the Grand Council loudly announced as he sighted April, accompanied by Kcrikklli Kcaapaak entering the Grand Hall.

‘Who’s that ugly man up there Kcrikklli?’ April asked in such a polite manner, Kcrikklli almost tripped over his own feet in shock.

‘Eh, that’s Kaybob Krizzle, The Puissant of Karhoonaa and President of the Grand Council. He’s the man who will conduct your investiture.’

‘So he’ll give me the stick thing?’

‘Oh, the Royal Orb. Yes, he’ll order it to be place it in your hands by an usher.’

‘Oh goodie,’ April replied but had Kcrikklli a little concerned by his newly found enthusiasm for ceremonial procedures.

‘Is everything all right?’ January said in a breathless whisper as she caught up with April and Kcrikklli.

‘Yes m’am. Quite surprisingly, everything seems to be going very well indeed.’

The three walked slowly down the red-carpeted centre aisle of the Grand Hall towards Kaybob Krizzle and the other High Councillors on the front rostrum. Just in the front of the rostrum, two chairs attended by four royal ushers waited for April and January. As all the eyes, bar one pair in the Grand Hall were focused on April’s grand entrance, no one noticed four squads of armed Lacertilian Guards entering and making their way quietly, encircling the audience, around the interior perimeter of the Grand Hall. The one pair of eyes that did notice belonged to High Commander Huphnic Grundlestick, who had ordered the Gregorian Guards to their distant security perimeter positions. ‘Ichor at last,’ he thought to himself.

‘Sep! Check on your useless brothers and see if they’ve finished with the Dodecahedron,’ September ordered as they both waited patiently in front of the Grand Hall entrance. ‘It’s not long now before the investiture starts.’

‘But I only asked five minutes ….’

‘Do it!’

‘Oh all right,’ Sep begrudgingly agreed and tapped out his message. ‘
Finished yet?
’

‘But even if they don’t get it disabled, we can still round up all the Gregorians,’ Sep said.

‘No! The Dodecahedron must be disabled,’ September snapped angrily. ‘If not, the twelve facets of the Gregorian family traits will be imbedded into the fool April. To end Gregorian rule, these traits must not be implanted.’

‘I don’t understand. In fact I don’t even now what they are anyway.’

‘The original Gregorian, or Pope Gregory as he was known, installed what he believed to be his own best personal qualities; the ones he decided were needed by a new ruler. He installed them into the Dodecahedron so they could be passed on to each new Supreme Potentate. Clever really, saved them all from learning them.’

‘Doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But what are they?’

‘Benevolence, compassion, courage, discipline, faith, honesty, loyalty, mercy, patience, prudence, tolerance and wisdom.

‘Quite a nice list,’ Sep said flippantly.

‘Yes. And can you imagine what happens when these are implanted into a fool?’

‘No more fool?’

‘Oh at last Sep. You understand. So?’

‘So what?’

‘The Dodecahedron! Has it been disabled?’

‘Oh yes. Let me check,’ Sep said and decided to look serious about checking his Q’muniktor.

‘Well?’

‘Um, Heptahedra says he’s almost finished.’

‘And Heptad?’

‘No news.’

‘Damn!’ September snapped. ‘There’s not much time. Come on, we have to get inside.’

*****

‘In accordance with the articles of succession and the royal statutes pertaining to office of the Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth, it is my duty as President of the Grand Council to conduct the investiture of April Gregorian as our next Supreme Potentate. The powers entrusted to me have been handed down through the generations of our eternal history of Gloth and are living proof of the stability of our benefactorial system of governance we enjoy throughout our Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth and by all who inhabit them. With the passage of time……’

‘Who’s he?’ Sep whispered as they entered the Grand Hall.

‘He’s the Grand Council President, and he’s starting the investiture of the idiot April,’ September whispered.

‘He’s waffling on a lot.’

‘Luckily it’s a long procedure. So hopefully it’ll give your dimwit brothers time to disable the Dodecahedrons.’

‘But everything is going quite nicely,’ Sep whispered with a smile as he tilted his head towards the Lacertilian Guards lining the rear of the hall.’

‘Well I have much more faith in Lacertilians than I do in you and your brothers.’

‘That’s not fair September. We’ve all worked very hard for a very long time. Well, maybe except for Heptad. He gets a bit lazy from….’

‘Oh shut up Sep. I’ve got to concentrate on what we’re doing.’

‘Sorry I spoke,’ Sep said feeling offended.

‘Shhh!’

‘….. and throughout the remarkable history of Gloth it has been the duty of every Gregorian to serve the populations of Gloth and its Twelve Sun Systems,’ Kaybob Krizzle, The Puissant of Karhoonaa and President of the Grand Council said as he continued his long speech, then turned the page of his notes and continued, ignoring the occasional rumble of snoring from some in the audience who had already fallen asleep.

‘How long will he go on for?’ Sep asked.

‘The longer the better Sep. Now quiet,’ September hissed as he concentrated his attention on trying to put some names to some faces, or more correctly, backs of heads, as he scanned the most forward rows in the hall. He could see April squirming in his chair at the very front with his mother trying to keep him quiet as Kaybob Krizzle’s monotone voice was clearly not holding the young idiot’s attention. He could also clearly make out from the epaulets, the row of Glothic High Command officers. The High Commander notable by his more elaborate epaulets, sitting in the middle of some forty or more officers spread across the third row.

‘Will he know what to do?’ September thought to himself, knowing that the initial success of Ichor depended totally on the actions and orders of the High Commander in the first few minutes of mayhem that would follow September’s pronouncement. Even after thousands of years of preparation, waiting, patience and hope, September could feel the butterflies on the move in his stomach. Sep noticed September’s hand trembling.

‘Are you ok?’

‘Shut up Sep!’ September hissed but Sep didn’t reply. As much as September was a grumpy old man and had given Sep the heebie jeebies from the moment he had knocked on Sep’s elevator door, Sep knew all he had ever lived for was now up to September to complete. The moment was now not very far away as Kaybob Krizzle’s intonation was starting to fall at the end of his sentences indicating that his long introductory speech might be finally coming to an end.

Sep felt his Q’muniktor vibrate in his pocket. He took it out and read the message from Lieutenant Commander Stikkly Smikkle.

‘The Lacertilian passenger craft has docked. Transferring the Erdean passengers aboard. Will make them comfortable.’