Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (24 page)

32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; 33but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or girl is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Christianity
97

36If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38So that he who marries his betrothed does well; and he who will refrain from marriage will do better.

39A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40But in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I have the Spirit of God.

[Revised Standard Version]

Document 2–7

e p h e s i a n s 5 : 2 1 – 6 : 4

5:21Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. 24As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.

25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church; 33however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

6:1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your mother and your father” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3“that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.” 4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[Revised Standard Version]

Document 2–8

1 c o r i n t h i a n s 1 3 : 1 – 1 3

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love
(agape),
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and un-98

l u k e t i m o t h y j o h n s o n a n d m a r k d . j o r d a n derstand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have no love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; 5it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. 7Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; 10but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. 13So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

[Revised Standard Version]

APOCRYPHAL CHRISTIAN TEXTS

Already by the mid-second century Christians wrote and read religious literature outside the canonical Scripture. Some of these writings claimed divine authority, and some of them enjoyed wide popularity. Many of them contained views of marriage, family, and sexuality that were even more stringent than those in the New Testament. Some apocryphal writings came from more or less organized parties, like the Gnostics, and were rejected by their orthodox opponents.

Others entered quietly into popular piety without much attention or fuss. But in all these writings—in contrast to Paul—we find a genuine “body/spirit” dualism that evaluates the body (especially the sexual body) negatively We cannot accurately assess the impact of such writings on Christian consciousness, but it is clear that the failure to develop a truly positive theology of marriage within the Christian tradition owes something to them. We here provide short excerpts from two apocryphal writings from the second century. In The Acts of Paul and Thecla we see Paul recasting the beatitudes in a form that virtually equates faith with virginity. And in The Gospel of James the simple report of the canonical Gospels that Mary was a virgin (Matt 1:23; Luke 1:26–35) is elaborated into an extensive legend concerning Jesus’s mother in which even natural bodily processes are regarded as dangerous and polluting.

Document 2–9

And when Paul was entered into the house of Onesiphorus there was great joy, and bowing of knees and breaking of bread, and the word of God concerning
Christianity
99

continence and the resurrection, as Paul said: “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are they who have kept the flesh pure, for they shall become a temple of God. Blessed are the continent, for to them God will speak. Blessed are they who have renounced this world, for they shall be well pleasing unto God. Blessed are they who have wives as though they had them not, for they shall inherit God. Blessed are they who have fear of God, for they shall become angels of God. Blessed are they who tremble at the words of God, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are they who have received the wisdom of Jesus Christ, for they shall be called sons of the Most High. Blessed are they who have kept their baptisms secure, for they shall rest with the Father and the Son. Blessed are they who have laid hold on the understanding of Jesus Christ, for they shall be in light. Blessed are they who through love of God have departed from the form of this world, for they shall judge angels and at the right hand of the Father they shall be blessed. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy, and shall not see the bitter day of judgment. Blessed are the bodies of the virgins, for they shall be well pleasing to God, and shall not lose the reward of their purity. For the word of the Father shall be for them a work of salvation in the day of his Son, and they shall have rest for ever and ever.”

[“The Acts of Paul and Thecla,” trans. R. McL. Wilson, in E. Hennecke,
New Testament Apocrypha,
ed. W. Schneemelcher (Philadelphia: Westminster, 1964), vol. 2, pp. 354–355]

Document 2–10

8.2. Now Mary was in the Temple of the Lord like a dove being fed, and she received food from the hand of an angel. 3. When she was twelve years old there took place a conference of the priests, saying, “Behold, Mary has become twelve years old in the Temple of the Lord our God. 4. What, therefore, shall we do with her, lest she defile the sanctuary of the Lord?” 5. The High Priests said to Zacharias, “You stand at the altar of the Lord. Enter and pray concerning her; and whatever the Lord God may reveal to you, this let us do.” 6. The priest entered the Holy of Holies, taking the vestment with the twelve bells, and he prayed concerning her. 7. And behold, an angel of the Lord appeared, saying, “Zacharias, Zacharias, go out and call together the widowers of the people, and let each of them bring a rod; and to whomever the Lord God shows a sign, to this one shall she be wife.” 8. The heralds therefore went forth through the whole Jewish countryside and sounded the trumpet of the Lord, and all came running.

9.1. Now Joseph, casting down his adze, came himself into their meeting.

When they all were gathered together, they came to the priest, taking the rods.

2. He, having received the rods of all of them, went into the Temple and prayed.

When he finished the prayer he took the rods and came out and returned them; 100

l u k e t i m o t h y j o h n s o n a n d m a r k d . j o r d a n and there was no sign on them. 3. Joseph received the last rod, and behold, a dove came forth from the rod and settled on Joseph’s head. 4. Then the priest said, “Joseph, Joseph, you has been designated by lot to receive the virgin of the Lord as your ward.” 5. Joseph refused, saying, “I have sons and I am an old man, but she is a young maiden—lest I be a laughing stock to the children of Israel.” . . . Joseph, frightened, received her as his ward. . . .

[When it is time for Mary to give birth, Joseph places her in a cave and goes out in search of a Jewish midwife] 19.1. Finding a midwife, he brought her.

They came down from the mountain, and Joseph said to the midwife, 2. “Mary is the one who was betrothed to me, but she, having been brought up in the Temple of the Lord, has conceived by the Holy Spirit.” And she went with him.

3. They stood in the place of the cave, and a dark [bright] cloud was overshad-owing the cave. The midwife said, “My soul is magnified today, for my eyes have seen a mystery: a Savior has been born to Israel!” 4. And immediately the cloud withdrew from the cave, and a great light appeared in the cave so that their eyes could not bear it. 5. After a while, the light withdrew, until the baby appeared. It came and took the breast of its mother Mary; and the midwife cried out, “How great is this day, for I have seen this new wonder!” 20.1. The midwife went in and placed Mary in position, and Salome examined her virginal nature; and Salome cried aloud that she had tempted the living God— “and behold, my hand falls away from me in fire.” Then she prayed to the Lord.

[“The Gospel of James” in
Documents for the Study of the Gospels,
ed. D. R.

Cartlidge and D. L. Dungan (Philadelphia: Fortress, 1994), pp. 104–105, 108]

AUGUSTINE OF HIPPO

Augustine of Hippo (354–430 ce) is rightly regarded as the most influential theologian for the western Christian churches after the authors of the New Testament. The story of his slow conversion to Christianity in the
Confessions
is most famous, but he wrote a small library of other books that fixed the terms of theological debate on many central topics, including sex and marriage. The selection here is from one of Augustine’s shorter treatises,
On the Good of
Marriage
or
On the Marital Good,
written around 401 ce. Augustine composed it in response to those who claimed that serious Christians should not marry.

He offers a limited defense of the goods that Christians can expect from marriage if they seek it with the right motives and sufficient self-control.

Document 2–11

a u g u s t i n e , o n t h e g o o d o f m a r r i a g e 3. This is what we now say, that according to the present condition of birth and death, which we know and in which we were created, the marriage of male and female is something good. This union divine Scripture so commands that
Christianity
101

it is not permitted a woman who has been dismissed by her husband to marry again, as long as her husband lives, nor is it permitted a man who has been dismissed by his wife to marry again, unless she who left has died. Therefore, regarding the good of marriage, which even the Lord confirmed in the Gospel [Matt. 19:9], not only because He forbade the dismissal of a wife except for fornication, but also because He came to the marriage when invited [John 2], there is merit in inquiring why it is a good.

This does not seem to me to be a good solely because of the procreation of children, but also because of the natural companionship between the two sexes.

Otherwise, we could not speak of marriage in the case of old people, especially if they had either lost their children or had begotten none at all. But, in a good marriage, although one of many years, even if the ardor of youths has cooled between man and woman, the order of charity still flourishes between husband and wife. They are better in proportion as they begin. the earlier to refrain by mutual consent from sexual intercourse, not that it would afterwards happen of necessity that they would not be able to do what they wished, but that it would be a matter of praise that they had refused beforehand what they were able to do. If, then, there is observed that promise of respect and of services due to each other by either sex, even though both members weaken in health and become almost corpse-like, the chastity of souls rightly joined together continues the purer, the more it has been proved, and the more secure, the more it has been calmed.

Marriage has also this good, that carnal or youthful incontinence, even if it is bad, is turned to the honorable task of begetting children, so that marital intercourse makes something good out of the evil of lust. Finally, the concupiscence of the flesh, which parental affection tempers, is repressed and becomes inflamed more modestly. For a kind of dignity prevails when, as husband and wife they unite in the marriage act, they think of themselves as mother and father.

4. There is the added fact that, in the very debt which married persons owe each other, even if they demand its payment somewhat intemperately and in-continently, they owe fidelity equally to each other. And to this fidelity the Apostle has attributed so much right that he called it power, when he said: “The wife has not authority over her body, but the husband; the husband likewise has not authority over his body, but the wife” [1 Cor. 7:4]. But the violation of this fidelity is called adultery, when, either by the instigation of one’s own lust or by consent to the lust of another, there is intercourse with another contrary to the marriage compact. And so the fidelity is broken which even in material and base things is a great good of the soul; and so it is certain that it ought to be preferred even to the health of the body wherein his life is contained. For, although a small amount of straw as compared to much gold is as nothing, fidelity, when it is kept pure in a matter of straw, as in a matter of gold, is not of less importance on this account because it is kept in a matter of less value.