Shame On Me (14 page)

“Thank you.”

I do a quick curtsy and make my way back to my seat. On my way to my seat I see Kate stapling a photo to the karaoke wall of fame. I walk over to inspect it and there I am with my eyes closed holding on to the microphone for dear life.

I guess I was good enough to make it onto the wall. I make my way back to my seat and see Ava is standing next to it. I’m about to make a joke about my photo being up on the wall but when I glance at her I notice her eyes are inundated with tears.

“Ava, don’t cry.”

“You did good Mia.”

“Thanks.” I continue to look at her and will her not to cry.

“Are you ready to go home?”

Singing about my heartbreak was therapeutic but also sobering. “Yeah.”

“Okay lets go.”

****

I’m in my comfy bed but my emotions are too raw for me to sleep. So I grab my blanket off of my bed and head for the hammock. I crank up the space heater, replay memories I shared with Ethan out here, and watch the snowfall until I conk out.

Chapter Twenty-One

I Wish You The Best

Four weeks later…Saturday

“How did I let you talk me into this?” I groan.

“You need to do more than work, sleep, and drink beer with the boys. Tom is a nice guy and you’ll like him.”

I mumble under my breath but continue getting dressed. I know I need to date but I’m just not feeling up to it tonight.

“Maybe I should reschedule the date.”

“Until when? Two months, my wedding, a year, two years? He’s moving on and you need to the same.”

I hate to admit it but she’s right. Damn Ava. Ethan has been dating a plethora of women and shows no sign of stopping.

One week after our breakup his job hired three new employees and he now has tons of time on his hands. If I had listened to him that night, we would have been blissfully happy in six days; but I didn’t and now I’m single. So I need to date nice men like Tom so my heart will mend itself. I need to date, so when I fall in love again I won’t doubt that it’s genuine.

“Okay, make me beautiful.”

“You’re already beautiful, I’ll make you unforgettable.” I smile at her and thank God that he sent me the greatest friend in the world.

****

One week later

I’m on my second date with Tom and it’s just as dull as the first one was. He’s very nice but there’s just no spark between us and I’m bored stiff. I need to plan my escape; so I excuse myself from the table and head to the restroom. When I’m in the hallway outside of the restroom, I call Chris and devise a plan. He’s going to call me in five minutes with an emergency that needs my immediate attention.

After I hang up I turn to head back to the table but I’m not paying attention to where I’m going and run into the wall. I try to steady myself when a pair hands settle on my arms. I know those hands! When I look up I stare into a pair of hazel eyes.

I don’t know what to say. I mean I imagined what I’d say to him when I saw him again but nothing comes to me. My mouth is dry, I start to sweat, and I suspect I have a guilty look on my face. Ethan clears his throat nervously and releases me.

“Hello Mia, you here with friends?”

“No, I’m on a date.”

“A date?” he asks surprised and a little angry.

“That’s what you suggested we do right?” I ask getting angry.

Silence.

“Its not like
you’ve
been abstaining.”

More silence.

Okay this is awkward.

“Well this has been awkward as hell so I think I’m gonna go now.”

I side step him and reward myself with a smile for not turning around to look at him. As soon as I reach the table, my phone rings.

Perfect.

As Tom settles the bill and we prepare to leave, I see Ethan at a table with Karen. She looks perfect with her blonde hair pulled to the top of her head, a skintight red dress, and pair of blinged out stilettos. The image of them is like a shot to the heart. I hurry Tom along because I need to get out of here ASAP.

****

Hours later

I’m sitting in the dark in my recliner when I hear Ava come into the house. A few seconds later my door opens but the figure is too big to be Ava. I reach for my bat the same time that my overhead light is flipped on.

It’s Ethan.

Apparently I never got my key back from him. He scans my room until his eyes find me and he smiles. “My Mia,” he slurs.

“What are you doing here?”

“I miss my Mia.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Yup,” he replies happily.

“How’d you get here?”

“Steve.” Of course he would aid Ethan in this pursuit.

“I think I should take you home.”

“No! Too many memories there; I want to stay here with the real you and not some memory of you at home.” Well at least I’m not the only one having a hard time with this breakup.

“Then you can sleep on the couch.”

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend and he’s not here,” I state as I fold my arms across my chest.

“Good; now I won’t have to beat him up,” he says taking off his coat and letting it fall to the floor.

“Why would you beat him up?”

“Because I love you and no one touches the woman I love.”

“I love you but that doesn’t stop you from letting women touch you.”

“I’m trying to get over you,” he says solemnly.

“By dating Karen?”

“It’s just easier with her.”

“Because you dated her before?”

“Because I was engaged to her before.”

The air leaves my lungs in a rush and I think I’m going to have a heart attack. He must notice my panic because he pulls me from my seat and wraps me in his arms.

“It was just one date.”

“But she means more to you than the others. Are you two serious?”

“No.”

“But you could be.”

“You dumped me.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to date her!”

“What did you expect me to do?”

“Miss me and take me back.”

“You made your bed Mia.”

“So did you.”

Ethan runs his hand through his hair in frustration before speaking. “Will we always talk in circles?”

I shrug my shoulders because it’s a possibility that we will, and I can’t be in a relationship where we’re always arguing about the same thing. Ethan stares at me for a while before his eyes become somber and I know he’s come to the same conclusion. He stares at me so long that it looks like he’s trying to memorize every inch of my face.

“Lets dance.”

When we were together, we would occasionally dance to a playlist he created before we went to bed. My heart had done an excellent job of blocking this memory from my mind and now here he is forcing me to face it.

“No,” is my tortured response.

“It’ll be our closure. We began with a dance and now we’ll end with one.”

I’m shaking my head as he places his phone on my portable speaker and begins the playlist. His gaze locks with mine as he pulls me into his arms and we sway agonizingly slow. We dance our way through Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way You Are,” Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball,” Rihanna’s “Stay,” Mariah Carey ft. Miguel’s “Beautiful,” and Bruno Mar’s “When I Was Your Man.”

During our dance I take in his smell, the softness of his skin, the way his arms feel wrapped around me, and the sound of his breathing; my heart and mind understands that this will be the last time I’ll get to experience this.

I can’t fight the tears and by the time Bruno is done singing about his regrets, I am a sobbing mess. Ethan leads me to my bed and removes our shoes. We climb under the covers fully clothed and he pulls my head to rest on top of his chest.

“Shame on me for neglecting you.”

“Shame on me for walking away.”

“Goodbye darlin’,” he whispers emotionally.

“Goodbye Ethan,” I whisper as I listen to his steady heartbeat for the last time. The finality of our situation is heart wrenchingly sweet, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Desperately Seeking A Friend

June

Ava’s big day is tomorrow and I’m sad to see all of her things gone from our home. She has finally moved all of her things into her new place and Ethan has moved into a loft across town.

Two months ago I began to have a breakdown about her leaving and I needed a friend to lean on. I’m still dating but haven’t formed a bond with anyone so I couldn’t confide in any of them. I tried to talk to the boys but all I got was “stop being a pussy.”

I couldn’t talk to Ava (she would feel guilty), and Charlee is busy trying to land a job (plus she would tell Steve). The only choice I had left was Noah. I know what you’re thinking but Noah is the only one who knows how close I am with Ava and how much I’m going to miss her.

I called him and he didn’t ask any questions; he met me at work and was an unbiased ear. We have been hanging out for several weeks but no one knows it. Ava is crazy busy with the wedding, the boys are busy chasing skirts, and Charlee is trying to keep Steve from stressing Ava out.

I don’t want to go to the wedding alone so I asked him to be my guest and now I have to break the news to Ava. I know Ava is going to flip, so I keep my date’s identity a secret until the day before the wedding. I know that she will be nice and relaxed while we get our nails done, so I’ll spring it on her then.

****

Friday…Spa Day

This morning we had hair extensions added, massages, and now we’re getting our manicures and pedicures done. Once we’re knee deep in relaxing bath crystals I lay it on her.

“So I’ve been hanging out with Noah again,” I say as I casually flip through my magazine.

Scary silence.

I take my eyes off of my magazine to see Ava and Charlee staring at me.

“Come on, don’t look at me like that. I have to bring someone.”

“Why not one of the guys you’ve been dating?”

“Because I need a friend there, not a date.”

“Then bring one of the boys, you could have chosen anyone but him,” Ava says angrily.

“We’re just friends and he knows it.”

“When has Noah ever played by your rules?”

Crap, I forgot how well she knows him.

“Charlee help me out here,” I groan.

Charlee holds her hands up in surrender before speaking. “From what Steve told me about this guy I’m on Ava’s side. It seems like you’re too trusting when it comes to him and this could seriously blow up in your face.” Since I’m not getting any help from her I turn my gaze back to Ava. “Do you remember how I was after he spent the night?” At karaoke that week, I sang “Back To December” by Taylor Swift and when I was done singing, you could hear so many sniffles you’d swear it was allergy season.

Ava glances at Charlee for help but I know she’s on the verge of giving in so I give her a little nudge. “Plus you told me that he’s bringing Karen and I can’t show up alone. Please try to understand my side.” She’s silent staring at me and I know she’s breaking. “I just got to the point where I can say his name without flinching. Please don’t make me feel bad for asking a friend to support me.” I stare pleadingly into her eyes, imploring her to see my side.

“Fine! But if I don’t get any on my wedding night because Steve is pissed, I’ll kill you.” Steve still wants Ethan and I to work things out so he is definitely not team Noah right now.

“Like Steve could ever hold out on you!”

“Yeah, my tricks are hard to resist.”

“Eww come on, did you forget that’s my brother?” Charlee asks disgusted. Ava and I burst out laughing and eventually Charlee joins in.

We finish our day of beauty by getting waxed and going to bed early. I threw her a bachelorette party two weeks ago because she didn’t want to be hung over during the ceremony; at first I complained about the date but now I’m happy we did it her way.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Because This Is Forever

Wedding Morning

My house has been taken over by kids, mothers, and aggravating cousins. I don’t know why they’re here so early when the wedding doesn’t start until 7pm. I can see that Ava is getting annoyed, so I kidnap her and Charlee and hide them in my room. We all settle on my bed and laugh about Ava’s escapades before she met Steve.

“So Ava what’s next for you?” I ask.

“Run my business, pop out a few kids in a couple of years, and live happily ever after.”

“What about you Charlee?” Ava questions.

“Become an infamous photographer and forget about all you little people.” We turn to look at her and stifle our laughter so no one will overhear us. “I hate that I’m not your photographer.”