Sheet Music - A Rock 'n' Roll Love Story (69 page)

She wiped the tears from her face and did her best to appear in control of herself.  “I need more time to sort through this in my head.  Take it or leave it,” she shrugged indifferently, but there was nothing indifferent about her actions.  Quietly, she held her breath.  “And, I’m not making any promises either.”

He stood to leave and pushed his hands into his pockets.  He tipped his head back and searched for the sun in the sky.  She watched his body language change from defiance to resignation, as the war within him played through to conclusion.  “Okay.  I can accept that,” he answered.  He stepped toward her with trepidation.  The lines in his face reflected his lack of confidence.  It was an emotion that he was obviously not accustomed to experiencing.

“Can I ask you something before I go?” he asked quietly.

“You can ask, but I’m not sure I’ll answer.”

He inched closer, studying the perfect details of her face as if he were discovering something new.  With a finger, he reached out and softly touched the tanned skin on her face and traced the outline of her chin.  When he proceeded to her throat, Annie grabbed his finger with her hand.

“What did you want to ask me?” Annie asked.

He inhaled deeply, caught her eyes with his, and held her captive.  “Do you still love me?”

Once again, Annie pulled away.  “I can’t answer that.”

“You can’t…or you won’t?”

She tilted her head up to him and tipped her chin in a silent stand-off.  “I refuse to reveal too much of myself to you.  That was a hard lesson I learned a long time ago, Michael.  I won’t make the same mistake twice, because I’m certain I couldn’t survive the backlash a second time.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that.”

“Oh, yes it does.  This time, it’s not just me I’m protecting.  I have two little girls to think about now and how my actions effect their futures.”

“I understand,” he sighed, leaning in to press his lips to her cheek.  “I'll miss you,” he whispered with tenderness.  “And I
will
call.”

“I’m not doubting that you will.”

He smiled, exhaustion registering in his eyes.  Then his hand slipped around her neck again and pulled her toward him until their foreheads touched.  The tip of his nose grazed hers.  She could feel his breath teasing her.  Hot and moist, it bounced off her lips.  Her mind struggled to retain control.  His mouth reached for hers, fluid and smooth, he breathed life back into her soul.  Their hands clasped and entwined themselves tightly beside their bodies.  He gave himself up to the sensation and moaned shamelessly.

When their lips parted he embraced her protectively, as if he never intended to release her.  “You don’t have to say the words for me to know how you feel, Annie,” he sighed against her throat.  “I know exactly what you’re feeling.  I can feel it in your kiss.  It’s written all over your face, and when I take you in my arms, your body positively sings to me.  It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever felt.  And, it’s all I can do to restrain myself from making love to you right here on the floorboards of this deck.”

He kissed his way back up her exposed throat and found her mouth.  The pleasure was so exquisite his body began to tremble.  “I know you’re not ready, sweetheart, and that’s okay.  I don’t mind waiting.  I’d wait forever because you’re worth it.”  He smiled lazily and wiped the wetness from her swollen lips with the pad of his thumb.  Mischief made his pale blue eyes twinkle with life.

Annie was speechless and stood like a wooden mannequin.  Without further conversation, he disappeared, leaving an inferno blazing beneath her skin.  She touched her throat where his mouth had been only moments before and exhaled slowly.  No man had ever made her feel the way he did, and it happened naturally, like spontaneous combustion, whenever their flesh collided.  Even after all they had been through, their years together and apart, one thing remained consistent.  Her heart still belonged to Michael Wade.

She turned toward the ocean and closed her eyes.  One whole week without him, she sighed.  How would she ever survive?

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

The days dragged on endlessly that week for Annie.  She was left with too many hours of loneliness to think about all the events that had led her to this moment.  Sometime between his departure and Thursday night, it had all become clear to her.  It was like a heavy fog had lifted from the harbor waters, and everything suddenly fell into place.  Jay was right.  Once she had relaxed and allowed herself to see beyond the hurt, she was able to see the man she had fallen in love with so many years ago: a man very different because of the lessons he had been forced to learn, and yet the same.  So many miles they had traveled - so many tears they had shed, and still they kept falling back together.

Sammi answered the phone when it rang on Thursday night.  Annie was busy washing the dinner dishes, her arms up to the elbow covered with soapsuds.  When she heard the recognition in her daughter’s voice she nearly dropped the glass she was scrubbing.

“Dah-da.”

After a short one-sided conversation, Sammi handed the phone to her mother.

“Thank you, baby,” Annie replied, drying her hands as she pressed the telephone into the crook of her neck.  And then she heard his voice, smooth, silky and warm.  “Hi,” she cooed back, in a sweet school girl sort of way.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m good.  How about you?” she smiled, fanning the heat that now flushed her face.

“It’s been an interesting week, but somehow I still managed to accomplish a lot.”

“Oh, really?  I’m happy for you,” she sighed nervously.

“Did Sammi or Angel do anything spectacular this week that I missed?”

Annie laughed.  “No, nothing that monumental.  It was a fairly typical week for us.  A little boring without you here though.”

“Really?  Does that mean you missed me?”

Annie felt her eyes begin to mist and squeezed them tightly.  A silent pause filled the phone.  “We can talk about that when you get here.  That is, if you’re still coming over to the island?” she asked hopefully.

“I’m already packed.”

“Good.  The girls can’t wait to see you,” she sighed with relief, a nervous shiver quaking her body.

“How about you?  Are you as excited to see me as the girls are?”

“Michael, you said you wouldn’t pressure me.”

“You’re right and I’m sorry.”  He paused thoughtfully before he spoke again.  “Do you think you could ever forgive me?”

The meaning of his question ran much deeper than he made it sound but Annie understood the enormity of it completely.  Another uncomfortable pause filled the phone line.

“I think I can,” she exhaled slowly.  “What’s that old saying?  Time heals all wounds?”

“Yeah, I believe that’s it.”

Annie could almost feel the warmth of his smile coming through the phone.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he answered.

“I’ll be here.”

He arrived at the house just after lunch and played with the girls straight through their nap time.  After dinner, he built a fire on the beach and taught Sammi how to roast marshmallows over the open flame.  By dusk, both girls were asleep in their beds.  Quietly, Annie and Michael slipped from the house and stood awkwardly on the back deck.

“Well, I suppose I should get going,” he said.

“You can stay for a while, that is, if you don’t have anything else to do.”

He followed her down onto the beach and sat beside her on the log in front of the fire, careful to keep a safe distance.  It was the first time they had been alone since he had arrived.  Nervously, he toyed with the long stick Sammi had used earlier to roast her marshmallows.

“Nice night,” he said, trying to ease the awkwardness.

“Yes, it is.  It’s my favorite time of the day, when the house falls to silence, and the girls are finally down for the night.  Don’t get me wrong,  I love being with them.  I can’t imagine my life without them.  We’re best friends.  But I do love the quiet of the night while they’re sleeping.”

“I used to be your best friend,” he commented sadly.

“Yes, you were.”

He stood and tossed a few more logs onto the fire making it roar back to life.

“So, tell me about Boston,” she asked, changing the subject.

He sighed heavily.  “Well, I saw the guys mid-week.”

“All of them?”

“Yeah, it was the first time we were all together since the… funeral.”

“So, how did it go?” Annie asked.

His shoulders began to slouch.  “It was really hard,” he replied, turning to face her.  “There were some hugs and some tears.  John thinks we should get the band back on the road as a tribute to Brian.  He wants to audition for a new front man.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I think it sucks.  There is no replacement for Brian, and I think it’s an insult to his memory to even attempt to find one.”

“I think you’re probably right,” Annie agreed.  “So, how was it left?”

“We also discussed the option of going forward as we are, a four member band, with me doing the lead vocals.”

“And?”

Michael rubbed his hands together, uncomfortable with the conversation.  “I don’t know.  We’re all thinking about it for now.  To tell you the truth, I’m not real thrilled with that idea either.  It wouldn’t be the same without Brian and I don’t think I could ever pretend that it is.  Know what I’m saying?”

“I understand completely.  Brian was your brother and it will never be the same without him, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be good on another level.  Give it some more thought and maybe you’ll see things differently then.”

“Yeah, someone once told me that time heals all wounds,” he replied, forcing a faint smile to his face.

“I suppose it does - in some cases.”

“What about in our case, Annie?  Do you think your wounds will ever heal?”

Immediately her back stiffened.  “The conversation we were having didn't involve 'us'.  It was about you and
your
wounds healing – not mine.”

“Okay, so why don’t we talk about your wounds.”

“Lets not.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because it won’t be pleasant for either of us.”

“I didn’t say it was going to be fun, Annie, but I thought we agreed before I left that we would try and work through some of the issues between us.”

Annie’s eyes began to tear.  “Why must we keep going back there, Michael?  It’s not a place I like to visit by myself, never mind with you, so drop it!”

“Maybe we should have gone to see a counselor or something before throwing it all way.”

“Maybe you should have kept your pants zipped and none of it would have happened in the first place!”  She stood defiantly and brushed the sand from her pants.  “I think you should leave now.”

He rose and faced her, toe to toe, refusing to back down. “I don’t want to leave.  I want to get this shit out in the open so we can move forward.”

“I already have,” she screamed and began to storm toward the house.

“No you haven’t!  If that were true, then you wouldn’t be standing here arguing with me.  You’d be in bed with Jay!”

Annie stopped in her tracks then marched back to confront him.  “You bastard!  Don’t bring him into this!  He has nothing to do with what happened between us.  He’s decent and loving and never lied or cheated on me the way…”  Annie choked on a heavy sob.

“The way I did?  Go ahead, say it!”

Annie covered her ears with her hands.  “I don’t want to have this conversation!”  Quickly, she turned and began to run down the beach.  He caught her by the wrist and spun her around.  She fought like a lioness, struggling beneath his grip, clawing and slapping at his face and chest.

“It needs to be said,” he panted into her face.

“It’s all been said before and it makes no difference now so, back the hell off and leave me alone!”

“No!  I don’t want to let you go!”

“You made that decision a long time ago!” she screamed, struggling in his arms.  Then her ankle twisted in the sand, which sent them both crashing to the ground with Michael landing on top of Annie.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Get the hell off me!”

He made no attempt to release his grip.  He just stared at her - almost dazed to be that close to her again.  His breath was quick and dry.

“What are you going to do now, force yourself on me?” 

With every ounce of strength she had left, she shoved him hard against the chest with her hands and pushed his muscled body off hers.  She heard him grunt in agony when he hit the sand, but chose to ignore it and sprang to her feet, preparing to flee.

“Sometimes, it’s best to leave certain doors shut,” she said, as she began to walk away.  “Because all the truth does is bring more hurt.”

He sat up and rubbed at the searing pain throbbing in his healing arm.  “You know, I believe you’re right.  I’ll make sure to thank my therapist when I get back to Boston.”

Annie heard the pained distress in his voice and spun around.  She saw Michael grabbing at the location of his bullet wound and felt the bottom fall from her stomach.  He was hurt and suddenly nothing else mattered.  She went back and knelt in the sand beside him.

“You’re hurt,” she whispered with concern.

“I hit something hard when I landed.”

Annie’s hands brushed the top layer of the sand and felt the peak of a boulder sticking above the surface.  She closed her eyes tightly, trying to remain calm.  She knew how fragile his arm was now because of the gunshot and the surgery the doctors had performed to piece it back together for him.  Further injury would undoubtedly end any hope of him playing guitar in the future.

“You hit a rock, Michael.  Let me take a look at your arm,” she said evenly, riddled with guilt.

“Don’t worry about it.  I didn’t feel anything crack.  It will probably be okay in a minute or two.”

“Take your coat off, please.”

“Annie…”

“Just do it!”

She helped him slowly pull of his coat and then laid it across her lap.  She moved closer to survey the exterior of his shirt.  There was no blood, which she was hoping was a good sign.