SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (62 page)

Two excellent resources for learning more about this type of relationship and finding out what resources are in your area are:

IntiNet Resource Center
P.O. Box 150474
San Rafael, CA 94915

PEP
Box 6306
Captain Cook, Hawaii 96704-6306

To find out about the many things these good folks offer, please send them a self-addressed, stamped envelope, an I’m-over-21 statement, and mention that you heard of them through this book.

In late 1996, Greenery Press will publish a book called “The Ethical Slut,” by “Bottoming Book” and “Topping Book” authors Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. It promises to be an important addition to the literature on the subject.

Piercing, Cutting, and Branding

These subjects are part of a larger practice generally known as “body modification.” The entire subject of body modification can be very rich and deep. Its applications range from the playful to the profoundly spiritual. Many of the practices involved are distinctly dangerous, but can be made acceptably safe with proper equipment and instruction. I’ve provided the major references for such equipment and instruction in this section. Serious, permanent injuries (even fatalities) could result from attempting these procedures without first obtaining such equipment and instruction.

Piercing
refers to making a hole through flesh. Piercings may be either temporary (designed to last only for the duration of the session), or permanent. The nipples and genitals are the most commonly pierced body parts. Many people have their nipples permanently pierced and wear rings through the holes.

Many submissives have themselves pierced as a way of demonstrating their devotion to their dominant. In such cases, the piercings are often done in a ceremonial manner, with guests present. A party usually follows.

While an experienced piercer attends, sets up, and supervises, the actual penetration of the flesh is sometimes done by the dominant. In other cases, the dominant allows the piercer to do the piercing.

Cutting
(sometimes known as scarification) involves making partial-thickness cuts in the submissive’s skin, usually in a decorative pattern. These cuts go only through the upper surface of the skin, typically no deeper than a cat scratch. The results often resemble tattoos, particularly if tattoo ink is rubbed into the cut. Obviously, cutting is a highly specialized art.

Branding
is what you think it is: the deliberate creation of a pattern or design on the skin by burning with hot metal. As with cutting and piercing, this should only be done by properly trained, properly equipped practitioners.

The following highly respected magazines contain information and referrals on body modification procedures.

Body Play and Modem Primitives Quarterly
c/o Insight Books
P.O. Box 2575
Menlo Park, CA 94026-2575
(415) 324-0543

This magazine covers piercing, scarification, branding, and other related practices. Sample issue is $12.00 and I’m-over-21 statement.

Piercing Fans International Quarterly
c/o Gauntlet Mail Order
2215-R Market Street, #801
(800) RINGS 2 U

A sample copy of PFIQ, plus their catalog, is $15.00 plus tax if ordered from New York or California. (Call if you have any questions about this.) Be sure to, as always, include a signed I’m-over-21 statement.

Prostitute Support Groups

(Mailing addresses only. For sex workers. No would-be customers need write!)

Coyote
2269 Chestnut St, # 452
San Francisco, CA 94123

Coyote - Los Angeles
1626 N. Wilcoz Ave., # 580
Hollywood, CA 90028

Prostitutes of New York (PONY)
25 West 45th St., # 1401
New York, NY 10036

Hooking is Real Employment (HIRE)
P.O. Box 98386
Atlanta, GA 39359

Prostitutes Anonymous
11225 Magnolia Blvd., # 181
North Hollywood, CA 91601

This group is for those who want to leave the sex industry or for those who want help afterward.

Tantric Sex

Tantra - The Magazine
P.O. Box 79
Torreon, NM 87061-0079
(505) 271-3155

This is a glossy, quarterly magazine that contains numerous articles and essays on tantra and somewhat related practices such as Quodoushka and Healing Tao. It includes contact information on most of the major teachers in this country.

Transvestism and Transsexuality

More and more people are experimenting with wearing the clothes of the opposite sex (or opposite gender, as it’s more correctly called). Also, more and more people are wondering if their biological sex matches their psychological sex. People exploring these issues can, just like SM folks, often use support and peer companionship. Some of the major resources are listed below. These can put you in touch with many more.

American Educational Gender Information Service (AEGIS) P.O. Box 33724
Decatur.GA 30033
Publishes Chrysalis Quarterly magazine.

Cross Talk
P.O. Box 944
Woodland Hills, CA 91365

Publishes monthly newsletter. Sample $2.00 and I’m-over-21 statement.

ETVC
P.O. Box 426486
San Francisco, CA 94142-6486
(510) 549-2665

Bay Area support and social organization. Can make referrals to resources in other parts of the country.

Gender Identity Center Newsletter
3715 West 32nd. Ave.
Denver, CO 80211

International Foundation for Gender Education (LF.G.E.)
P.O. Box 367
Wayland, MA 01778
(617) 894-8340

This organization publishes the ‘TV/TS Tapestry Journal.” A 150+ page magazine containing articles, references, and other resources. Sample copy $12.00.

FTM
5337 College Ave., # 142
Oakland, CA 94618

Information, referrals, and peer support for female-to-male cross-dressers and transsexuals. Quarterly newsletter.

San Francisco Gender Information
P.O. Box 423602
San Francisco, CA 94142
Extensive data-base listings for $3.00.

Finding Help with Problems

Where and How to Find Local Resources

Probably the most important advice I can give you regarding finding help for the problems listed below, and other problems, is to grab your phone book and start looking. Many communities have local resources to deal with such problems. Check the first few pages and look over the telephone book’s table of contents. Look up these and related topics in both the white and yellow pages. Check your phone book for an index.

If this doesn’t help much, go to your local library and look through the phone books of nearby communities, particularly those of nearby big cities.

Local newspapers and magazines, particular free or low cost ones that come out on a weekly or less frequent basis, often carry valuable listings. Look them over carefully.

Please note that this book is updated frequently. If you know of other useful resources, or if you have feedback on these resources, please let me know so I can include that information in future editions.

Abuse/Battering/Neglect

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-SAFE
National Child Abuse Hotline (800) 422-4453
Parents Anonymous (800) 421-0353

AIDS

National AIDS Hotline (800) 342-AIDS
National STD Hotline (800) 227-8922

Birth Control/Abortion

Check your local yellow pages under “Birth Control Information Centers.” Note: Some anti-abortion agencies have been accused ofbeing less than totally honest about that fact in their advertising. If a given resource doesn’t explicitly say that it offers abortion, please consider that it may have a very strong interest into talking you into taking a particular course of action.

Censorship

American Civil Liberties Union
132 West 43rd. St.
New York, New York 10036

Californians Against Censorship Together (Cal-ACT)
2550 Shattuck Ave., # 51
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 548-3695
(Please include SASE with information inquiry.)

National Coalition Against Censorship
132 West 43rd. Street
New York, New York 10036
(212) 944-9899

People for the American Way
2000 M. Street N.W., Suite 400
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 467-4999

Death During Sex (Warning: I go on a bit of a tirade here.)

People, especially older men, die during sex far more often than is commonly believed. One reason for this reporting gap is that their partners are often too embarrassed to tell what was going on when the death occurred.

Studies have shown that the person in the community who faces the highest risk of sudden cardiac arrest is a man over the age of 50, and the person most likely to be with him when it happens is his wife. If your boyfriend or husband is over 50, I strongly recommend that you schedule such training.

Studies have also shown that the second highest risk group for a sudden cardiopulmonary emergency is, to simplify matters, anyone wearing diapers. Asaying often heard in CPR classes is “Someone is more likely to need emergency life support during the first one to two years of their life than they are in the next 48 years combined.” If you help take care of young children, schedule a class that teaches infant and child CPR. (The technique is considerably different that the technique used on adults.)

By the way, I recommend that a pregnant woman, and those who will be helping to care for her baby, take a class during the first three months of her pregnancy that includes infant and child CPR. Repeat the class within three months after the baby is born.

You can look in the yellow pages under “First Aid Instruction” to find out where classes are offered. The American Red Cross, American Heart Association, some hospitals and emergency service agencies, and private firms all offer classes.

One final note: I worked on ambulance for eight years and have been a first aid and CPR instructor for over a dozen years. I’ve seen and worked with many other instructors. Frankly, entirely too many of them did extremely poor quality work. If you take a CPR class, try hard to get a good instructor. I suggest someone who has a minimum of one year of full-time experience in pre-hospital emergency care. A paramedic might be a good first choice. (Although people who are good at providing emergency care are not necessarily good at teaching others how to do so.)

All else being equal, I would prefer someone with experience in pre-hospital emergency care to someone with in-hospital experience. Hospitals, even busy, inner-city emergency rooms, are protected ivory towers when compared to the streets.

In any event, try to find someone who has considerable experience. It’s entirely reasonable to ask your proposed instructor how often they have performed these skills “in real life.” A person who has seen many, many heart attacks and strokes can teach you things that the inexperienced simply cannot. A person who has done CPR dozens, maybe even hundreds, of times will have priceless tips and insights to share.

If you get a good instructor (and that’s different from an instructor that you like or one who takes it easy on you) learn all you can. If you get a bad one, and they’re common, complain to their boss and (note this next part well)
take another class from a different instructor.
Anybody who thinks they can learn life-or-death skills from an incompetent instructor is asking for disaster.

Herpes

Herpes Resource Center (HRC)
P.O. Box 13827
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina 27709

These folks offer wonderful information for those coping with any aspect of herpes. Among other things, they sponsor a nationwide network of excellent support groups. If somebody I cared about had herpes, I would make certain that they were fully informed about what these folks offer.

National STD Hotline (800) 227-8922

Incest

Incest Survivors Anonymous
P.O. Box 5613
Long Beach, CA 90805-0613
(310) 428-5599

Survivors of Incest Anonymous
P.O. Box 21817
Baltimore, Maryland 21222
(410) 433-2365

Both groups sponsor meetings all over the country. They will also help you start a group in your area if one does not already exist. (Starting a group is not all that difficult.) Incest is one of the most under-reported forms of abuse in this country.

Old Age

Sex Over Forty Newsletter
PHE, Inc.
P.O. Box 1600
Chapel Hill, North Carolina 27515

As people age, their needs and their bodies change. This newsletter is one of the most informative and useful sources of information on the topic.