SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (58 page)

The more sensitive the condom, and many brands highlight precisely this aspect of their product, the more likely unnoticed-condom-failure occurrences become.

Water-soluble lubricants, unlike oil-based lubricants, cause no deterioration of latex. Many experts recommend using water-soluble lubricants that contain nonoxynol-9. (Nonoxynol-9 tastes slightly soapy to some people, however, so some people who give head don’t like using it during oral sex.)

The simplest precaution regarding SM toys is to have equipment for use on only one person. This is particularly important for any equipment that might break the skin or is used for insertion.

Other precautions include:

Sometimes’ I don’t want to have a choice.

1. Not using possibly contaminated equipment, such as whips, on a second person until that equipment has been thoroughly disinfected. Exactly how to do this is not yet widely agreed upon, but common recommendations include washing the toy with warm water and soap, then wiping it thoroughly with a provodonoiodine solution such as Betadine and letting it dry. After it’s dry, wipe off the Betadine with rubbing alcohoL Note: Leather will probably have to be reconditioned after such treatment. Second note: Betadine may stain certain items. Third note: A product called Z-Best, with an active ingredient called Cychohexyl-One, is currently being advertised as a leather and metal cleaner. I haven’t tried it myself yet, but it might be worth looking into.

Such cleaning agents are often used with a fingernail brush or something similar to help make sure all the “nooks and crannies” on braided whips and other “complicated” items are reached.

Caution: If you buy an expensive whip or another piece ofhigh-priced leather equipment, be sure to ask the vendor how to disinfect it. Some disinfectants can be murder on leather. Double-check what you’re told with a second reliable source.

2. Covering dildoes and vibrators with condoms before inserting them. The standard practice after using an item for insertion is to remove the condom, thoroughly dean the item with a substance known to kill the AIDS virus such as Hibiclens, Betadine, rubbing alcohol (70% solution), or hydrogen peroxide (3% solution). If the item is immersible, it should then be soaked in a solution of nine parts water to one part chlorine bleach for at least 20 minutes, then rinsed and allowed to dry at least overnight. It can also be disinfected by soaking it in a glutaraldehyde solution (Wavicide, Banicide, or Cidex) for ten minutes, or sterilized by soaking it for ten hours. Please note that drying itself kills many viruses. The item is then covered with a fresh condom before using it for insertion again.

3. Thoroughly cleaning items that might have become contaminated before using them on someone else. This would especially include anything used in or around the anus, genitals, and mouth, such as ropes, leather straps, gags, etc. For immediate use after a session, and even during the session, diaper wipes that contain nonoxynol-9 are popular. A paper towel dipped in alcohol can also be used.

4. Wearing latex or vinyl gloves. Wear gloves when doing anything that might involve exposure to possibly infectious blood, semen, or vaginal fluids. Many people consider latex gloves to have a better “feel” than vinyl gloves have. On the other hand, an increasing number of people are allergic to latex, and vinyl gloves can be a boon to them.

5. Immediately treat a freshly contaminated wound. If possibly infectious fluid gets onto a wound, clean it at once. Use alcohol, provodone-iodine, or hydrogen peroxide if
immediately
available. (Now do you understand why I recommend that you have your safety equipment in the room with you?) If such disinfectants aren’t handy, go into the bathroom and wash the wound with soap and water.

Saliva has been proven to inhibit the infectivity of the HIV virus in a very substantial way. If nothing else is immediately available, then it’s quite rational to spit on the wound! The important point is to begin cleaning the wound immediately.

After cleaning the wound, apply an HIVKILLING solution or cream. The ones containing provodone-iodine are excellent.

6. Immunizations are now available against Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B. These are particularly recommended for those who do anal play with multiple partners. I strongly recommend that you look into them.

We could fix up this closet as a place to keep me confined.

What To Do If a Condom Fails

OK, guy, while having vaginal or anal intercourse you look down and you see that the condom you were wearing has broken and you are now wearing a small latex ring around the base of your cock. Or maybe you look down and discover that the condom is gone. (You were thinking that this particular brand caused very little loss of sensation.) Perhaps you have already come. What do you do now?

STOP! Then, first of all, if they don’t already know, you gotta tell them. Try not to sound too alarmed (they may regard what has happened as a big deal, or they may not), but let them know what happened.

OK, you told them. Now what? If you’re worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease, go into the bathroom and wash your genitals several times with generous amounts of soap and water, then empty your bladder (and maybe drink fluids so you can flush out your urethra some more). One nurse who worked in a VD clinic told me that washing and urinating after sex would reduce a man’s chances of getting gonorrhea by 50%. (She had no information about whether it reduced his chances of getting other diseases.) Another nurse, who also works in a VD clinic, told me that she spends a lot of her time treating “that unlucky 50%” of men who had tried doing this and it didn’t work.

If you weren’t already using a lubricant containing nonoxynol-9, but have some handy, consider applying a liberal amount to your genitals and the surrounding areas. Let it sit there for five to ten minutes before washing it off. Nonoxynol-9 can kill the bugs that cause AIDS, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and many other diseases, so giving it a chance to help makes sense to me.

When SM energy and creativity blend, there’s just no telling what will happen.

This could be overkill, but after you shower, consider applying an antiseptic (Betadine, or a generic version of it, would be a good choice) as a final touch.

What about your partner? The receptive partner is in a riskier situation. Trying to wash out your semen (and whatever it contains) may drive some of it further up into their body. Therefore, consider immediately inserting two spermicidal suppositories into the vagina or rectum. This will place a considerable amount of nonoxynol-9 or octoxynol-9 into the orifice without driving whatever’s already in there further in (as the pressure caused by using a syringe full of contraceptive foam might).

Once the suppositories have had a chance to work (15 minutes?), then they can wash off, and out. Opinions differ as to whether or not a douche or enema is a good idea. While you’re waiting, nonoxynol-9 can be applied to their external genital region, and washed off later, to help zap any bugs or sperm lurking there.

Again, this may be overkill, but I’ll point out that it’s possible to douche with a dilute Betadine-type solution. Also, antiseptic creams can be applied to the external genital/anal region.

If you feel you need immediate advice, call your doctor or clinic. If it’s late at night (when these events tend to happen), consider calling a hospital emergency room. They won’t consider such a call out of line.

In the morning, it’s crucial (repeat, crucial) that you call your regular doctor, a local VD clinic, or family planning center for advice. They may want you to come in, either that day or within a day or two, for an examination. Among other things, if you’re worried about getting pregnant they can arrange for you to get a “morning after” pilL

Perhaps the most important point of this essay is to point out, once again, that a condom by itself is just not complete protection. I suggest you consider limiting higher-risk activities, particularly anal or vaginal intercourse, to monogamous or fluid-bonded relationships.

A Novice Woman’s Quick Reference Guide to Erotically Dominating a Submissive Man

The most common type of person interested in SM seems to be the heterosexual, submissive male. These men often know “straight” women who feel willing to try erotic domination, but have little idea of how to proceed. Therefore the “single most probable” type of SM play seems likely to be heterosexual, female-dominant type-possibly involving a novice dominant woman and a somewhat more experienced submissive man. I have therefore written this section for such a woman, and will address my remarks directly to her. I hope that others, with different interests, will also find these instructions useful.

All men are slaves to their cocka.

Hello and welcome. If you are reading this, I’ll assume that you are a woman who has been asked by a man to dominate him erotically. You are willing to try, but aren’t certain how to proceed. This section provides quick, basic instruction. Admittedly, it’s a bit “recipe-like,” but it should serve quite well as a blueprint for a first, basic encounter. One major tip: Please read this entire section before beginning the session. (I suggest reading it at least twice.)

Please use as much, or as little, of the advice given below as works for you. Also, feel free to “improvise” if doing that feels right, but please be very conservative about doing so during a first session. In many respects, it’s more important that a first session between two people not end badly than that it end really, really well.

I’ll assume that you would feel comfortable about being somewhat sexual with the man involved, at least to the extent of having him perform cunnilingus on you and/or you masturbating him to orgasm.

Additionally, I’ll assume that the man you’re playing with has already read this material , has no objection to anything suggested below (he should tell you before the two of you begin if he does), feels comfortable about being under your direction, and is at least somewhat familiar with SM.

If any of the above assumptions do not apply in your case, please come to clear agreement about what works for both of you
before
beginning.

Caution: The two of you should do this only if neither of you is noticeably intoxicated, tired, or emotionally upset.

If you do not know each other well, you might call a friend and let them know who you are with, what you are doing (you don’t need to be too explicit) and that you will call them later. Tell them to make sure you are all right if you don’t check in when you said you would.

Before you begin, agree with him about the length of the session, physical and emotional limits, safe words, degree and type of any sexual interaction, and other necessary matters. If you are unfamiliar with any terms, have him explain them. You also might read the “Basic SM in One Page” section of this book.

The Mistress always wins.

His body should be clean. If he is so stupid as to present himself with unbrushed teeth, bad breath, or unshaven beard stubble, he must correct these matters before you allow him the privilege of being erotically dominated by you. His clothing must also be clean, as must be any surroundings he provides.

1. To begin, sit on the edge of a bed. Order him to strip and to kneel at your feet.

2. Order him to call you “Mistress” or some similar term such as “My Lady” or “Ma’am.” He is not to call you by your name (except, perhaps, as a safe word). He is to remain silent unless he is answering a question or you have given him permission to speak (which he requests by slightly raising one hand). When you give him an order, he should reply with “Yes, Mistress” or some similar term as he obeys. It’s probably all right to call him “slave” during this session, but save “heavier” terms for the future.

3. Order him to keep his eyes down. He is not to look at your face unless you give your permission or order him to do so.

4. Collar him. He is yours. It is important to put a symbol of your ownership on him. This collar should preferably lock, and he should not have access to akey. Ifyou don’t have a standard collar, improvise one.

5. Tie him up. Tie his hands behind his back unless you want them elsewhere. (Save more extensive bondage for later sessions.) Only experienced, trusted, submissive males are allowed any significant degree of physical freedom.

6. Bind his genitals. Unless you are using his genitals in a way that requires their freedom, bind them. Wind rope between his genitals and his body and between his penis and scrotum, or make him do this before you tie his wrists. Genital bondage should be attention-getting tight but not so tight as to cause damage.

7. Spank him. It is important for both of you that he learn to accept pain from you and that you learn to accept giving it. Spank him in a firm, yet controlled, manner. Verify that he (and you) remember the safewords before you begin. Start with your hand. Switch to a paddle if that makes things easier for you. Tell him that you’re going to give him a series of five swats, and that he is to nod his head when he’s ready to receive each series of five. Start with five very light swats. If those go well, make the next five slightly stronger.

One hundred or so swats, even if you both feel you could go further, is about as many as you should give for this first spank ing. You can always give him more swats later in the session if you want.

8. His mouth is yours. A dominant woman makes good use of a submissive male’s mouth. Her boots, feet, nipples, and vagina often receive extended attention. A dominant woman should feel completely within her rights to make use of the submissive male’s mouth. (Many of them love doing this anyway.) Also, she should feel under no obligation to reciprocate. (Although, of course, she may - if doing so pleases
her.)