So Many Reasons Why (12 page)

“Nope. No problem with that at all.” He kissed my forehead,
the touch of his lips sending my senses into overdrive.

“How are you feeling, Em?”

“I’m good.” And I was feeling good.

“Really? I know the hearing date is getting closer. I want
to help you. Please let me help you in any way I can.” His voice was so gentle,
he continued to kiss me softly, working his lips down my neck. How had I
managed to woo such a wonderful guy?

“I am better than I thought I’d be. Dr Mellow has me working
toward getting past the agoraphobia.”

“Mellow? Doctor Mellow?” Simon stopped kissing me and
started laughing. “You’re telling me your psychiatrists name is Mellow?
Seriously?”

“Yes, his name is Mellow.” I giggled, running my hand
through his hair as he rested his head on my shoulder. “He’s an interesting
guy, but he helps.” Finally Simon composed himself. He tilted my head slightly
and placed his lips on mine.

“You deserve all the help in the world Emma.”

“Who's the bitch?”

I tense, knowing he is talking about me. I can't see his
face now, but I know he is looking at me. They both are. I can feel their eyes.

“None of your fucking business. Take your money and fuck
off.” His anger ripples through me. I start to shake. I try and cry as quietly as
I can. I hear the door close, then the footsteps get louder as he nears me on
the bed.

“Now where were we?” He kicks my legs apart and bends
down over me.

"No!" I scream, thrashing my arms. "Get
away from me."

"Em! You're okay." I opened my eyes, brought back
to reality by the sound of Simon's soothing voice. He held me close. I was
shaking. I struggled to catch my breath.

"A nightmare?" He asked gently. I didn't answer.
Poor Maddie sat perched on the other side of Simon, looking terrified.

“I'm sorry Maddie. I didn't mean to scare you.” I gave her a
smile to let her know I was okay. Simon didn't look convinced. Neither did poor
little Maddie.

“That's okay Emma. I get scared too sometimes.” She looked
up at me with her big innocent eyes. I almost cried. I'd once been an innocent
child too. “Maybe daddy should check under your bed for monsters?”

Simon and I looked at each other, both of us had the same
look of adoration on our faces. She was just too cute.

“Maybe I should check out you're bed. Just to be safe. We
don’t want monsters jumping you in the middle of the night.” Simon murmured, a
sexy smile on his face. To my surprise, he stood up, turning to me expectantly.
“Well come on.” Maddie giggled as Simon and I disappeared into the bedroom. I
slapped him.

“What was that for?” He protested, pleading his innocence,
his sly smile giving him away.

“Being inappropriate in front of your daughter.” I muttered,
kissing him. We kissed for a good five minutes. Finally he broke away from me.

“Em? The nightmares. Are they often?” I took a step back. I
hadn't been expecting that. I didn't want to lie, but I wasn't sure I was ready
to admit they were an issue.

“Often.” I finally responded. Simon just nodded. He backed
away from me and knelt down, checking under the bed.

“For monsters.” He reminded me. I laughed and pulled him to
his feet. I pulled him into me, kissing him with such force and passion we were
both breathless.

“Wow.” He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. “I like
you.” I giggled, and followed him back out to the living room.

My mind slipped back to the nightmare. Again, not much to
remember. A man standing over me. I couldn't move. My parents thought my
nightmares had stopped years ago. That was just when I'd learnt to hide them.

I stared at the ceiling.

Would setting my alarm for another hour really be that bad?
I glanced at the alarm clock, which was taunting me with random beeps.

11:04

Mom and Gran would be here in an hour. If I didn't have a
spread of food ready they'd both think something was wrong. And they'd be
right. I was so, so in love it was driving me crazy. Literally. I was going
crazy. I needed him near me, yet I couldn't stop thinking about the other day.

Too close. Too soon. I wondered if I'd ever feel ready. The
feelings I felt when I was with Simon were
so
intense. When I wasn't
with him, he was all I thought about. And when I was with him, all I thought
about was
being
with him. And when were
together
, all I did was
freak out.

I was such a nut job. If he knew what was good for him, he'd
forget about me and move on. I sighed and climbed out of bed. I was not in the
mood for anything today. Not even gran. All I wanted was to curl up in bed and
for the day to be over. As messed up as I was, it was pretty rare for me to be
feeling this depressed. I contemplated calling mom and cancelling lunch. I knew
gran looked forward to our weekly lunches, and so did I.

After a shower I felt better. Doctor Mellow always said
whenever I felt down, I should do something that feels nice to distract myself
from the negative thoughts. I was surprised how effective it was, considering
that twenty minutes ago all I wanted to do was nothing.

“Oh Emma, this is lovely.” The smile on grans face made the
effort I'd put into the chocolate cake worth it. I'd figured I needed something
chocolaty, and what better than chocolate cake. Mom nodded her approval as she
reached for a second slice. I raised my eyebrows at her and grinned.

“I didn't have much breakfast.” She said defensively. I
rolled my eyes. Mom was forever going on about her weight, and dieting, even
though she was the perfect weight for her height and had never had a problem
with being overweight.

“You look happy today Emma.” I almost laughed at mom's
comment. She was right though. I did feel really good now. It may or may not
have had something from the message I received from Simon.

I cannot wait to meet those lips of yours tonight. You
are incredible.

It was exactly what I needed. That and the cake. I listened
as Gran told me about her latest man, Stanley. Stanley was sixty-eight, and
still lived with his parents, who were ninety-one and ninety-four. I hadn't
seen her this worked up over a man since Pop.

“Grandmother, you cannot possibly date a man whose parents
are younger than you. That's just embarrassing!” Mom shook her head. She looked
disgusted. I gulped down my cake. “And who still lives at home at that age?”

“I'll have you know that he is looking after his parents so
they don't have to be put into care. And who are you to tell me who I can and
cannot date. I may be 96, but I am still your grandmother. You cannot help who
you fall in love with, not that you'd know anything about that.”

I glanced at gran curiously. What had she meant by that? Mom
and Dad had been married for years. Mom gasped, her eyes wide with anger. I had
no idea what was going on here, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

“More tea?” I asked loudly. Very loudly. Both mom and gran
looked at me in surprise. I smiled at them
.
Yes, that's right, I'm still here.

Mom stood up, a forced smile on her face. “Thanks for lunch
honey, but I have a doctors’ appointment to get to so we best be going.” I
narrowed my eyes suspiciously and followed them to the door.  I was pretty
sure mom was telling a little fib, but I wasn't about to call her out on it.

Besides, this conversation had turned very awkward. I
welcomed the escape from it.

“Hey you.” I smiled into my phone. I'd set him his own ringtone.
I couldn't handle the anxiety of knowing my phone was on, for anyone to call.
Tom had shown me how I could have it on silent for everyone but Simon.

“Hey Em. I need to ask a huge, huge favour of you.” Simon
sounded tired and stressed.

“What's up?” I asked, concerned. “What can I do?”

“I need to question a witness now, before they leave the
country. Are you able to mind Maddie for a few hours, if I drop her past? She
won't be any trouble, I promise.”

“Sure. I'd love that Simon” The idea of spending the next
few hours with Maddie and her dolls sounded perfect. She was such a lovely
little girl, any nerves I’d had about getting to know her had already vanished,
after only one meeting. I must admit, I loved that Simon trusted me enough to
leave her with me.

I quickly tidied the already clean house. I’d just gone over
the freshly mopped floor with a towel (so it didn’t look like I’d just mopped
it) when my phone rang. Fishing it out of my pocket, I saw it was Cass.

“Hey.” I breathed, racing with the towel down to the laundry
hamper.

“You sound puffed. Wait, Simon is not there is he?” I rolled
my eyes at her snide remark.

“No, he is not here, but Maddie will be soon. I am
babysitting.”  

“Wow. You guys move fast.” She whistled. “So I was thinking
of coming over tonight if you’re free?”

“Sounds good. Maddie might still be here. I’m not sure what
time Simon will get away.”

“That’s cool. I will save my sexual dramas for after she
goes home.”

“Sounds ominous.” I giggled. The doorbell rang. “Look, I
have to go, but definitely, come over whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks I owe you big for this.” Simon said gratefully,
carrying a smiling Maddie into the apartment. “Maddie, you remember Daddy’s
friend, Emma?”

“Daddy, Emma is
my
friend, not yours.” She spoke in a
tone that voiced her frustrations. Her curls were up today in a ponytail tied
with a pink ribbon. The pink matched her dress exactly. The outfit was finished
with a white cardigan. I was pretty sure she hadn't picked her own outfit
today. Simon shook his head, and kissed both of us.

“Hey Maddie. What's your dolls name?” I pointed to the two
cabbage patch dolls she was cradling in her arms. She giggled and introduced me
to Lily and Lucy.  “Are they twins?”

“No Silly.” giggled Maddie. “Lucy is older. By two years.
She's six and Lily is Four.”

“Wow, can I hold Lily?” I smiled at Simon who was sneaking
out the door. Maddie nodded, handing Lily to me.

“You need to be careful. She hurt her arm today.” Maddie
frowned as she pointed to the dolls elbow.

“How did that happen?” I knelt down and cradled the doll in
my arms. “Poor Lily.” I soothed, kissing her arm.

“I dropped her down the steps.” Maddie looked up at me with
her big, serious, blue eyes. She looked so upset I wanted to pick her up and
cuddle her.

“Tell you what.” I began, handing her back Lily. “You go sit
on the couch, I will grab some band aids, and some special healing cream and we
will fix Lily right up.” Maddie nodded and smiled. She raced off to the couch.
I found the band aids, and a bottle of hand cream.

“Here we go.” I patched Lily's elbow up with the band aids
and cream. “Is that fixed?” Maddie reached for the doll and carefully inspected
her elbow. Finally she nodded.

“It's fixed.” She agreed, her tone still serious.

“Why don't the four of us watch a movie?” I walked her over
to my DVD collection and let her choose one. She chose
Aladdin
, an old favourite. Soon, both of us and the two dolls were
curled up on the couch. I glanced over at Maddie. She was fast asleep, her head
resting on a cushion, both dolls tucked under her arms. She looked adorable.

A wave of sadness swept over me. Looking at Maddie now
suddenly made me realise what I would be missing not being able to have kids of
my own. Did Simon want more children? I had seen how he acted with Maddie, he
was a wonderful father. My phone interrupted my thoughts.

Simon.

“Hello.” I spoke quietly, not wanting to wake sleeping
Maddie.

“Hey Em, how are things going? I hope she is behaving for
you.”

“She has been no trouble. Fast asleep on the couch.” I
glanced back at Maddie. Her little curls hung over her face, and her thumb had
found its way into her slightly open mouth. “How are you? How is the case
going?”

“God, it’s going to be a long night.” He dragged each word
out, showing the frustration he was feeling about his case. “Em, Are you okay
if Claire stops by to pick up Maddie? If you’re not, please tell me. I know
it’s a bit weird, but there is no way I’m going to get away before midnight.”

“Sure, that’s fine.” I fought to keep my tone even. Inside,
my mind was screaming. Claire? Here? Was he serious? His ex-wife coming to
my
house to pick up
their
daughter? How could he possibly think I’d be okay with that?
“Don’t worry about it, it’s completely fine.” I heard myself saying.

“You are wonderful. I will call you later.” Hanging up the
phone, I was overcome with fear. What the hell? Why did he think that would be
an okay thing to ask? And more to the point, why the hell did I say yes? After
texting Cass to tell her not to come over, I forced myself to sit down. The ten
minutes that passed until there was a knock on the door felt like hours.

“Hello. You must be Claire.” Who was I kidding? I knew this
was Claire from the Google pics. She smiled and shook my outstretched hand.

“Emma. It is wonderful to finally meet you. Simon has told
me so much about you.” Even after a full day at work, this woman looked
inhumanely stunning. Why did she have to be so damn nice? At least I could
justify hating her if she was a bitch. But no, she had to be one of the nicest
people I’d ever met.

“Maddie is sleeping on the couch. Would you like a coffee?

“Emma, really. I don’t want to impose on you anymore than I
already am.”

“Really, it’s no bother. I was just about to have one
anyway.” I felt myself liking this woman more as each moment passed, and it was
driving me crazy.

“Okay. White with one then, thanks.” She glanced around the
apartment. “This is a wonderful place. It’s so quiet compared to the rest of
the city.” The tranquillity was part of the reason I chose this area when
moving out. I loved that I could be so close to everything, but be so far away
at the same time.