Someone to Love (21 page)

I spoke without even hearing my voice. Only a distant sound telling me to wait. I was shaking with fear. Not for myself, but for her. For Emma.

A strong and intense pain amplified in my belly. I tried to move the airbag with my hands to check how my daughter was. It was the only thing I cared about. I ignored the shards of glass that cut my face and neck, my blood-filled nose continued to pulsate undaunted. My jeans were soaked with a strange substance, I was sure that my Emma was dying.

Rescue had been rapid and in a short time I found myself lying on the cold bed of an operating theatre. A trained nurse told me to count, while a needle penetrated into my skin and a clear liquid flowed into me. Cold, I remembered only being very cold. Emma was gone shortly after.

From that day I hadn't been the same woman, and I hadn't found the strength to keep my marriage together. I would get out of bed just to eat, reduced to little more than a zombie, unable to live. I didn't want anyone by my side, nobody could understand my pain. I kept watching my flat and still belly.

An unbearable pain threatened to choke me. Fear crushed me. Emma was gone forever, too soon.

Everyone improvised in giving me expert advice. I didn't want any of them, or their advice. They had never experienced such a loss.

Even my husband had changed. I couldn't blame him. He had begun to change his attitude, there was resignation in his inability to understand me. That was when our marriage cracked. Davide loved me, I was sure, but the complicity between us had dissolved.

After two months I went back to work, I kept myself busy with something that would prevent me from thinking. I didn't want another child. At least, not yet. Davide had figured it out before me, but he lacked the courage to let go of my hand first.

I had already learned that time was able to cure wounds, but couldn't erase scars. There was no magic wand for those, we just have to learn to live with them, every day, masking them with makeup to forget about them.

I was clinging with my nails onto a relationship that no longer existed. And when my hand let go, even my marriage was over. I had my job and the animals, and that was enough.

I looked in the mirror. My eyes were swollen and I had dark circles under them.

No missed call or message from Alberto.

Just as well, at least he was consistent with his decision.

I felt real disappointment for Diego: he hadn't shown up, and I hadn't contacted him either. In fact, I had only called him once but his phone was busy.

I had to wait. Wait and ponder.

I took a concealer out of my beauty case and began to tap it under my eyes. A light coat of blush on the cheeks, a bit of mascara on the lashes, and I was done. The result didn't convince me at all, but I was at least presentable.

I went down stairs quickly and entered the kitchen, trampling on something with my slipper. The night before I had forgotten to feed Bubu, who had tried to get his own food and torn the dog food bag, which he had dragged for several metres.

Fearing that I would be angry with him, he was curled up in his padded basket and had his paws over his nose, waiting.

“I'm not angry with you,” I said sadly, after cleaning up. “I'm a bad owner because I totally forgot about you,” I apologized. “I'll do something for you so you'll forgive me. I'll take you for a long walk and afterwards I'll give you one of those ham bones you like so much.”

As soon as I went out the morning sun almost blinded me. The warmth of that May morning put me in a good mood.

I called Fiamma to warn her that I would be late and continued my walk with Bubu.

*

“Shall we go for lunch?” asked Antonio, putting some papers that needed filling out on the desk. “Hey, where in the world are you?” he asked again, fanning his hand before my eyes.

I looked up. “Yes, I'm sorry, I was lost in thought, I'm also starting to feel quite hungry.”

“We haven't stopped for a second. I spoke to Fiamma and I think she felt sorry for me, so she gave me her lunch break.”

I nodded, not paying much attention to him, I took a pen from the drawer and began to fill out requests for adoption. Two other dogs had found a home at last.

“Antonio, before I forget: have you heard about that dog on the chain?”

He shrugged. “The police haven't called today, yet. Do you want me to contact them?”

I shook my head. “Don't worry, I'll do it. I have to make a call anyway.”

“I suppose you'll want to call your favourite cop…” he teased me.

“Diego?”

“Exactly! I'm sorry, I forgot your beau's name.”

I burst out laughing. “Oh, Jesus, enough please! What's wrong with you and Fiamma? Diego is just a colleague and a friend, nothing more,” I said. “In a quarter of an hour at the restaurant next door. Antonio, look, I have the spare key of the closet, so I would suggest you find another place for anatomy lessons. And make sure you're not late.”

Antonio snorted. “Too bad, it was such a refined and quiet place. However, one-nil for you! Watch it because the next one's mine,” he smiled, walking away.

I took my cell phone from the drawer and looked for his number. “Hello, Diego, am I bothering you?” I asked.

“Hello, actually I'm a bit busy. I'm getting organized with some colleagues: we have to go and get that dog. The one you saw,” he continued. “The owner didn't answer any of the warnings, and so we're allowed to go into the property and take it.”

“What perfect timing, I was just calling to find out about it. Are you going today? If you want, I'm free in the afternoon and I could join you.”

I heard Diego cover the phone while talking to a colleague. “Sorry, I just got confirmation. We're going in two hours. Do you think you can make it?”

“Sure, no problem. I just have to organize myself because I wanted to give you your book back.”

I looked for a topic for conversation. I've often thought about my relationship with Diego before thinking about Emma, and even if I didn't want to admit it, I was missing it a little.

“So I'll see you there, then. See you later!” Nothing else.

I regretted crossing the line and didn't know how to go back to normal. To get back into my comfort zone.

*

I sank into the soft fabric of the chair, tilted my head back and rubbed my belly with my hands. I had eaten too much.

“Guys, I'm going to get that dog on the chain near the equestrian centre shortly, can you free a box and prepare the room for shearing? I'll also need one of you to give me a hand, I accept volunteers.”

Silence followed my request.

“Please don't fight, I beg you…” I joked, looking at Fiamma and Antonio.

“I'll help you, I can't leave you alone with that guy.”

I glared at Fiamma. “I'm afraid it's an obsession with you, you know?” I added ironically.

“I'd better go…” added Antonio, merely sipping some fizzy orange drink.

“There's no need. I'm willing to leave the storage room available, my dears. Just put everything back in order afterwards,” I teased, smiling.

“So let's take advantage.” Antonio encircled Fiamma's hips and, with a quick gesture, executed a perfect imitation of a casqué with a final kiss. She tried to get back into an upright position and quickly loosen his grip. She was embarrassed.

I burst out laughing. “But wasn't it supposed to be a secret? I would say we're even now.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Fiamma, moving away from him.

I winked. “We'll have time to talk about it. See you later.”

*

I went to the meeting place. It was the place where I had been with Diego. It was as quiet as I remembered it, and I had the impression that people were afraid to speak or be seen around there. The squad car was parked along the side of the road. I parked right behind it.

Diego and his colleague came to greet me.

“The dog seems to be fine,” Diego re-assured me immediately. “Come, I'll go with you. As soon as he saw me, he began to whine. I don't think he can wait to be taken away from here,” he said, passing through the gate that led to the property.

“Here we are!” I exclaimed happily, glad that I could rescue him.

At the sound of my voice, the dog came up, but the short chain stopped him from reaching me.

I reached out and pulled an apple biscuit from my pocket, Bubu's favourite flavour. “Diego, while I distract him with a treat, try to release him from the chain. Don't touch the collar, I don't know how tight it is and I don't want to hurt him.”

He nodded and followed my directions.

“Do you like it?” I asked.

The dog sniffed the biscuit and swallowed it in one gulp. He must have been really hungry, who knew for how long he hadn't eaten.

Surprisingly, he let me lead him to the van, where he ducked into the large cage and crouched down, keeping his muzzle lowered.

“That was easier than we expected,” complimented Diego.

“We should work together more often, you know what to do with animals.”

“I think it's just good luck. To tell you the truth, I've never had a dog. Although I've always wanted one,” he said, with a thread of sadness. “But for a number of reasons I decided not to. Maybe it's better this way, I wouldn't be able to look after it.” He avoided my gaze.

“I think you're wrong, I'm sure you'd be a perfect owner. If you change your mind one day, I would help you choose one with pleasure.”

It was a certainty that I felt and indulged without adding anything more.

His smile stretched. “Since when have you become like this?”

“Like what?”

“Nice, it's not really like you.”

“Indeed! I made a vow…”

“A vow? What kind of vow?” he echoed.

“A vow to some unknown pagan deity. I promise to treat you with respect and in exchange we can try some positions in the book you lent me.”

“So you read it,” he said ironically. “If you need someone to practice with, I'm available. If you only knew what that book's seen…”

“You know? You're an asshole and childish with it!” I said.

“Yes, and I think you just broke your vow. I have this sneaking suspicion…”

“I hate you!”

Diego came up and pulled me towards him. “I knew it.” I felt the urge to shorten those few centimetres that divided us. “Are you going to bite?”

Instead, Diego bent over and touched my lips, and it was such a light and short kiss that I feared I had imagined it. He took a deep breath and stepped back. “We could be really happy together, but I mustn't be the only one to want it.” Diego walked away with his colleague, turning one last time before getting into the police car. They had to go back to the station to fill out the relevant forms.

I drove back to the clinic. I kept telling myself that it was better for both of us to end it before it began. Yet, even to me it felt like a lie.

*

Twenty minutes later, Fiamma and I were ready to take care of our new friend. He didn't make any resistance, indeed, he seemed to enjoy the kindness and attention that we were giving him. He held his long ears back, and kept his tail hidden between his legs, but his eyes showed deep gratitude. He felt the touch of a friendly hand, someone who would help him get out of that hell he had been held in until now.

The dog, whose name we didn't know, lay on the cold and slippery steel bed. Fiamma encircled him with her arms, trying to calm him and keep him still.

I put on my glasses to inspect the chain collar. I took it off without any trouble. I separated a few tufts of hair carefully and noticed that the skin underneath was only slightly inflamed.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “No serious wounds. The chain didn't leave any marks, we just need to take a blood test to get a clinical picture of the situation.”

“Shall we do it now? Or would you prefer to shave him first?”

“Better now. Pass me the scissors so I can cut some hair to see where to put the needle in. He looks like a sheep that's never been sheared…” I joked, looking at the mass of dirty hair full of knots.

When the needle pierced the skin, the dog narrowed his eyes and they became two slits. He yelped, but lay still, turning his face toward Fiamma to find comfort in her clasp.

“It breaks my heart. I'm sure that after we've finished with him he'll change in appearance,” she continued, taking another tube of blood. “We should shave him completely, soon his fur will grow back and he'll be pretty again. Poor thing, he's very thin and you can see all his bones,” said Fiamma, stroking his head.

“We'll put him back on track. No one can beat us at this. However, we've arrived just in time. I'm sure the results will say he's anaemic, but in a mild form. Ticks haven't proliferated yet or sucked a lot of blood!” I cried, grabbing one with the tweezers. The extraction step was delicate, I couldn't make a mistake: it was essential to remove the whole body of the insect, especially the part under the skin which was the most dangerous.

“I don't think he needs a transfusion, or maybe just a tiny amount,” she said, looking inside his mouth. The colour of the mucous membranes was normal, a slightly pale pink: this meant that he still enjoyed reasonably good health.

After finishing that phase, we cleaned him up.

The bath was ready, surrounded by a multitude of soaps and medicated detergents. We put the dog inside and opened the tap.

I used an extendable shower attachment with a disk at the end which controlled the intensity of the jet. The water flowed gently on my hand, and when it was warm, I moved it along the animal's back. Within moments the dirt began to slip away from his fur, dyeing the water that flowed towards the drain black.

“Anyway, you haven't told me anything about the rescue, presumably everything went well?” Fiamma asked.