Spurs & Stilettos (15 page)

He sets the plate of food in front of me smiling, “I learn new things about myself every day and I like learning new things about you too, Hope.”

I bite into the bacon after I stick my tongue out at him. When we’re finished eating, I grab his plate with mine bringing them to the sink. I rinse them off before setting them inside the dishwasher. “Sweetheart, you didn’t have to do that.”

“You cooked for me, don’t argue. This is how my sister and I used to do it. If she made something, I cleaned the dishes. My Mom and Dad do it this way too. You don’t have to do it all Wesley, although it’s sweet.”

“Have you been ok, Hope?” he asks seriously. I like when we joke because I know exactly what he’s asking about right now. I mentioned my sister and he knows everything. I can’t ever forget that and how he found out.

“I’m fine.” I answer pursing my lips together. He doesn’t buy it. He doesn’t buy it for one second and neither do I.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you, I promise. I just care about you; I want you to be ok.”

“I am ok. I just have my bad days and good days,” I admit. “Amber has been keeping me in check. She even called me by my full name.”

He just watches me as I tell him. He’s not agitated or annoyed in any way. He’s just listening in the most attentive way like it’s not this big burden to listen to me. “I’m glad you have her. What’s your full name by the way?” He grins slyly. Shit, I should have known this was coming.

I roll my eyes sarcastically and let out a dramatic sigh. “Olivia Hope Trahan.”

“Olivia huh?” He whispers as he nibbles on my ear. For the first time in my twenty-five years, I am totally ok with being called Olivia.

“Yeah,” I answer breathing a little heavier than I want to be. I moan as I turn to face him crushing our lips together. “But I don’t like it, so don’t get any ideas.”

“You’re so damn beautiful, do you know that? I love every damn thing about you.” I freeze unable to think. He said he loved everything about me. He didn’t say he loves me so it’s not the same thing, right?
Don’t think too much on this Hope. Just go with it.
I like him a lot but love? I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet and all it entails. The last time I loved, I learned and the lesson wasn’t that good.

Chapter 18

“You ready to go see what this place looks like?” He asks with a sparkle in his eyes. I nod a little too enthusiastically as I place my hand in his. He leads me out the front door and in the daylight I can better admire the columns outside that I noticed last night. This house is beautiful. The brick home has red shutters around the windows and the grey columns have vines growing around them. There is a porch swing that I catch myself daydreaming about the two of us sitting on watching the sunset. I get goosebumps just thinking about how perfect it seems. I forget I’m not wearing shoes until I step down onto the gravel and step down the wrong way sending myself stumbling. Wesley looks at me and begins laughing. I’m so glad he finds me funny.

“Ow!” I cry out practically leaping into his arms.

He cradles me like a small child pressing a quick kiss to my temple and carries me until we reach the white picket fence that holds Bandit. Bandit is roaming, enjoying his freedom. Wesley offers to call him over but Bandit looks so content, I hate to interrupt that. We just stand along the fence watching. This is too perfect and I don’t mean just the breeze blowing through the trees. The breeze is actually helping ease some of the heat that’s already making itself at home. There’s something about Wesley and I that is so perfect. I’m not allowed to have perfect though, my life insists on nothing but chaos.

I let out a sigh as I lean against the fence making myself a little more comfortable. “This sucks.”

“What sucks?” He turns to face me frowning because he already knows the answer. I don’t know why he even asked such a question.

Time can stand still and I wouldn’t mind at all. The way he is looking at me says everything I need to know. It’s everything that can give me some sort of peace. I feel overwhelmed as if I may cry but I refuse to. I’m a little too damn emotional for my own good right now.

“This. You have to leave again, me not knowing when I’ll get to see you again.”

He grabs my hand pulling it up to his mouth as he gives me a kiss. The touch of his lips sends me to heaven. He leads me to a large tree a few yards away. There’s a red plaid blanket spread out on the ground and a picnic basket on top of that. I’m at a loss for words at this very thoughtful act.

“Wow, Wesley this looks amazing. When did you have time to do this?”

“I have my ways,” he smirks.

I sit on the blanket with my legs tucked beneath me. I get comfortable when he sits behind me and I’m able to rest against his chest. The picnic basket is open to reveal two turkey sandwiches and two small bottles of sweet tea. I turned to face him so I can take all of this man in. He is too amazingly sweet to me.

“Thank you for this, it’s too sweet.”

“You deserve a picnic in the shade. You deserve a lot and I want to be the one to give it to you.” He murmurs. The kiss that comes next shakes me to my core and my heart is breaking slowly thinking about how the hell I’m going to tell him goodbye.

I don’t want to have to leave him again. I need to know that he trusts me. I trust me; I won’t ever stumble like that again. I won’t fall into any traps. I only want Wesley. The picnic is amazing. We eat and then just lay beside each other for what seems like hours before he breaks the silence saying what I know is coming.

“I should get you home sweetheart. Running into you last night, dammit Hope, that was the best thing that’s happened to me besides meeting you. I wasn’t sure I would ever get another chance with you. I reacted shitty that day. I want you to know that.”

“I deserved that Wes. I don’t deserve another chance with you but I’m glad we’re good again.”

“God, I’m going to miss you so much.” He kisses my forehead softly. I’m absolutely dreading this goodbye.

He grabs my heels out of his room and helps me into the truck. I want to turn on the radio, anything to drown out this silence. Neither of us are talking, it would just make this more real and I don’t want to face reality. The hum of the truck is all I hear, the fading sunset is all I see. The day is over and so is my time with Wesley.

He pulls up at the apartment slowly parking beside my car. Amber isn’t home which I’m thankful for. She doesn’t need to see me like this right away. I’d rather tell her about it later. I haven’t heard from her since last night but the only thing I can figure is she left with Nate. We sit in the truck staring at each other for a few minutes. Neither of us wants to be the first to say bye. I just got him back. I’m feeling complete again and with the snap of a hand it’s about to be taken away again.

“God, I don’t want to leave you.” He whispers taking my hand into his.

“Soon right?” I ask hoping he’ll give me the answer I want.

“There’s no other way Hope.” He states as he opens the door. My heart drops, it’s time.

My door is open and he’s standing there in his faded blue t-shirt and Wranglers. I stare down at his scuffed up boots and smile. Perfection. His green eyes show a sadness I don’t want to see because it’s making mine worse. I place my hand in his as I slowly step out of the truck. With one swift turn, my back is against the truck and he’s in front of me. I’m straddling his leg, my arms around his neck. He brings his lips to mine softly, each kiss breaking my world further apart. I’m falling apart at the seams, is it the good fall apart or the bad? His hand cups my ass and I push myself against him. Wow, this is some kiss. If this is the goodbye kiss, I can only imagine what the hello kiss is like.

He pulls away leaving me starving for more. “I have to go home and get packed. I hate leaving you, I hope you know that.”

“I know,” is the only answer I can get out. This is too hard.

His hand brushes lightly against my cheek as he tells me, “This isn’t goodbye Hope. It’s just until I see your beautiful face again.”

I manage to crack out a weak smile before putting my head down. I want to grab him by the cheeks and tell him not to leave me. I want more time with him. As his hand pulls away from mine, it feels like a part of me goes with him.

He climbs into the truck and starts it.
This isn’t goodbye.
I won’t walk in the apartment just yet. I want to see him as long as I can. Until his truck is no longer visible on the road. He backs out, blowing a kiss in my direction as he straightens up. I smile at how sweet he is. All I see is the back of his truck. I can barely make his face out through his side mirrors but I see enough to keep me smiling. I let out a huge sigh finally letting a tear fall as I mouth the word, “Bye.”

His truck suddenly stops, the brakes slam and his door flies open. His boots hit the concrete and he begins walking briskly towards me. I have no idea what’s going on but I run to meet him.

“What did you say Hope?” He asks out of breath.

Baffled I just looked at him. “What are you talking about Wes?”

“I read your lips, what did you say?” Oh god, he read my lips. Do I tell him what I honestly said or play it off?

His green eyes are anxious, they’re watching me. Waiting for me to tell him what I said. All I said is bye, but I remember with him he always told me there is no bye.

I can do this.
You can do this Hope. You can tell him.

In an almost hushed whisper, I look up at him and jump right in head first. “I said bye.”

My heart stops as he stands there watching me. “What have I told you Hope? There’s never bye with us. It’s always I’ll see you soon.”

I tuck a strand of my auburn hair behind my ear before nodding my head yes. Without warning, I’m scooped up in his arms. I let out a squeal as he spins me around. “I miss you so much already and I haven’t even left.”

Butterflies swarm my stomach taking me prisoner. I’ve never felt more alive in my entire life. “I miss you too and I didn’t mean to say bye. It’s just an involuntary response.”

“Are you done blabbering sweetheart?” He asks smiling. I couldn’t fully nod yes before his lips attack mine.

This kiss is a whole new kind of earth shattering and I’m devastated when he sets me back on the ground. My feet don’t want to stand on this concrete; they want Wesley carrying them everywhere.

“I really don’t want to leave you.”

“I know but we’ll see each other soon, I know it.” I’m being the optimistic one now and I think I’m doing a fairly decent job.

I throw my arms around his neck burying my face in his shirt. For the first time in a long time, I’m sincerely happy and I have to let him leave. All I can do is cross my fingers and pray that I get to see him soon. He doesn’t get to leave on time like he wanted and he doesn’t complain. We stand wrapped up in each other for what seems like forever before he finally has to pull away so he can leave. His smile is contagious as he tells me he will see me soon. This right here, in this moment is something I’m trying to figure out. Something about it feels right. This is what I’ve waited for my whole life. It’s what makes me whole. Wesley is what saved me; my heart can only belong to him from now on. No one will ever hold it but him.

Chapter 19

Wesley left an hour ago--, and I already miss him. I miss his touch and the way he makes me feel so amazing by just looking at me. He calls me to let me know he is heading to Oklahoma first thing in the morning. “I am counting down until I can see you again. I’m only in Oklahoma for this round and if I place, I have a few more competitions before I get to go to Vegas and compete for my next title.”

“Vegas huh? Sounds exciting Wes, I know you can do it. I wish I could be there to see you. So how long until Vegas?” Deep down I know the chances of getting to see him before then are slim to none.

“I wish like hell you could be too, sweetheart. I feel like I can’t do it without you but I know I have you there even if you aren’t physically there for me to twirl around when I win. Vegas is in three weeks. I know it seems like a long time but Vegas will be televised though, you’ll watch right?” He asks almost seriously. Does he really think I would pass up any chance to see him?

“You’re kidding right? I wouldn’t miss that for the world. I’m going to be glued to the couch with a gallon of ice cream. Three weeks?”

His laugh gives me goosebumps, he is so damn cute. “You are something else Hope. I know, I hate that it’s that long but after this I’m yours for a while. I swear.”

“Ok, maybe not the gallon but I will be watching to see you. I know you can do this.”

“Thank you babe. I better get to bed sweetheart. I don’t know how well I’ll sleep without you next to me and I’m going to need my rest.”

Isn’t that the truth? I don’t anticipate any sleep tonight. I miss the hell out of him even more now that I’ve heard his voice.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow Hope.”

I hang up smiling. I put my phone on the charger and step into the shower. When I step out the bathroom, Amber is opening a bottle of Chardonnay and whistling. I’m only in a towel, so I dash into my room to change just in case we have company. Once I’m comfortable in sweat pants and a t-shirt, I go meet her to find her alone.

“I know you have a glass out for me.” She turns to face me, her smile is infectious. She reaches for another glass and fills it up before passing it to me. I take a sip savoring it.

“Well, I’m assuming someone had a good night.” I smiles as she casually sips her wine.

“I mean, he may be the sweetest guy ever and I may be the happiest woman in the world.” I say like it’s nothing, but in reality I know she’s finally happy.

My eyes light up immediately. “Wow, this is almost like a fairy tale! When are you seeing him again?”

“Probably tomorrow,” she smiles. “When will you be able to see Wesley again?”

“Yeah, probably in three weeks, but I’m ok. I’ve never felt like this before Amb, it’s kinda scary but I’m all in.”

Having her approval means everything to me. She’s seen me at my worst and my best. She’s been there for it all and stood by my side no matter what. She carries her glass to the couch and I follow her.

“So, tell me how is Nate?” I ask.

Her eyes light up again and she begins chattering excitedly when she sees a text from Nate, “Hope, he is so perfect. I don’t think I can thank you enough for introducing me to him the other night.”

Amber sits there with that grin. It never leaves her face. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her talk about someone this way before. It’s only been three weeks but my best friend may have finally met someone to make her happy. “When’s your family picnic? Are you going to bring him with you?”

“My family picnic is in two days. I know I’m crazy about him but I don’t think I’m going to introduce him just yet to the family. I was going to ask you what you were wearing but I forgot you aren’t coming this year.”

Her Dad’s side of the family has this picnic every year that is a pretty big deal. Everyone brings a dish and before and after they eat, they play volleyball and horseshoes. It’s this all day event that I’ve attended for the last few years. I have to admit it’s going to be a little odd not being there this year, since it’s become a routine for me.

“Oh damn, what am I going to do with myself?” I joke.

“You think I want to see the asshole? He’s going to be there.” She frowns immediately.

“He’s your family Amb, I’m sorry for you.” I gulp the last bit of my wine and set the glass on the coffee table.

“Yeah, but not by choice, only by birth.” She looks up suddenly when her phone rings. Her face lights up and I don’t even have to ask, she practically screams it to me. “Oh my gosh, it’s Nate! I gotta take this…”

She keeps rambling and I wave her off before I retire to my room. I lay across the bed missing the hell out of Wesley. I almost will my phone to ring but I know he’s in bed sleeping and having wonderful dreams of me. Any dream I have tonight will be wonderful. I don’t care if its Michael Myers chasing me, I’ll freaking smile in his face and then flip him off as I skip away because I have the most amazing man I’ve ever met in my life.

********

It’s been three weeks since Wesley left. He calls or texts any chance he can get. I even got a bouquet of pink daisies at work and Bailey knew I was doing well again. Deep down though, I’m a tangled web of nerves thinking about the possibility of being pregnant. It’s only been a few weeks, but he didn’t use a condom and I’m nervous. Things are just getting back to normal. I’m sitting at my desk right now admiring the flowers. The card is so sweet, I can’t throw it away if I tried. I tape it to my computer monitor and every time I look at it, it brings a huge smile to my face.

I miss you across the galaxy and back. I can’t wait to see you again sweetheart.

Those sixteen words light my entire world up. Mr. Collins walks past me dropping a few files on my desk a little after lunch. They land with a thud and I look up to find him smiling at me.

“File these Hope, and go enjoy your day. We’ll see you Monday.”

“Thank you Mr. Collins. Have a good weekend.” He winks and as soon as I file them, I skip out the front doors.

I haven’t been to see Mom and Dad since my birthday dinner and I miss them so much.

I grab my phone before leaving work and almost call them but I’d rather surprise them, instead I decide to text Wesley.

Me: Good luck tonight :) I know you’ll do great.

Wesley: You think so?

Me: Of course! I’m going to visit my parents for a few.

Wesley: Tell them hi for me. If I place well tonight, I’ll be heading to Vegas.

I’m glad he can’t see my face right now. I’m so happy for him, more proud than anything but Vegas means a little longer until I can see him again. If I can’t see him, then I can’t get any kisses from him anytime soon and he won’t be able to hold me. I hate missing him so much.

Me: Well you should go ahead and say you’re going because I know you’re going to make it. You’re too amazing not to.

Wesley: You’re just saying that to get me where you want me.

Me: And where is that?

Wesley: I wish I could kiss your perfect lips. I miss you so much.

I smile just staring at his words. My mind begins to wander and I feel myself growing anxious thinking about the last time we slept together
.
I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it but it’s been plaguing me all day. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember having my cycle this month. Shit, does he love me enough to have a family with me? I really need to put myself out of my misery and take a test. So many things are swirling around in my head right now. I’ve never really given any thought to having children.

Me: I miss you so much too :(

Wesley: Don’t be sad sweetheart. Just a few more days.

Me: I know, I can’t wait :)

He sends one more smiley face. I plug my phone in before leaving work. I shuffle my playlist and let the sounds of everything from country to rock fill the speakers of my car. I stop at a pharmacy where no one knows me to buy a test. My face is crimson as the guy behind the register rings it up. My hands are clammy as I hand over my debit card. My nerves are taking over me, if I am pregnant how the hell am I supposed to tell Wesley?

I pull into my parent’s driveway parking in the same spot I always do. I walk right up to the door letting myself in like I just came home from school. Except back then, Karlee would have been driving us and she would have been walking up with me. I find Mom in the living room watching something on the Home Shopping Network. She’s really interested in whatever they are selling and I spook her when I plop down beside her on the couch.

“Hey Mom.”

“Olivia Hope, you scared the mess out of me. I didn’t know you were coming today. I’m glad to see you.” She pulls me in for a hug holding me tightly. I miss my Mom.

“I’m sorry. I got off work a little early and wanted to come see ya’ll. Where’s dad?”

“He’s out cutting the grass. Will you stay for dinner?” I smile at her offer. No way will I turn her down.

“Yeah Mom, of course.”

“How’s the new guy in your life? What’s his name, Wesley?” I swoon at the sound of his name.

“He’s great. He’s in Oklahoma tonight and possibly going to Vegas tomorrow.”

“He made you smile again, we missed your smile little girl.”

“I know and it feels good to smile again. Can I stay over tonight Mom? Amber isn’t home because her family picnic is tomorrow and I don’t want to stay alone.”

She squeezes my hand and tears fill her eyes. “You always have a room here no matter what, you know that.”

I didn’t bring any extra clothes but I’m sure between my dresser and Karlee’s room, I can find something. That was one of the perks of having a sister close in age. We were the same size and always in each other’s closet.

We sit on the couch watching TV and talking until dad comes in from cutting the grass. He gives me a big sweaty hug that I don’t mind at all. “Good to see you baby girl. Mom said you’re staying for dinner?”

“I am. I’m staying the night too.” I look outside at the fine grass cutting job he just did. “Grass looks good dad, so what are you cooking?”

He looks at me laughing before falling into his recliner. He’s had this same recliner for as long as I can remember. Karlee and I used to pile up on his lap in this recliner when we wanted something. I smile fondly at the memory. “Your mom is cooking kiddo, I think she’s making your favorite but I didn’t tell you that.”

She’s making chicken and dumplings, she’s got to be. That’s my favorite, always has been. I smile and zip my lips before throwing away the key. I’ll let myself be surprised when it’s time.

As Karlee and I got older, we rarely ate at the table as a family but tonight that’s all I want to do. Mom sets the dish on the table and we all take turns digging in. I squeal with delight when I saw it was what I thought, chicken and dumplings.

“Thanks Mom, it looks delicious!” I stick a fork full into my mouth and practically moan as I chew it. It’s amazing as always.

“You’re welcome baby girl.” She grins before taking a bite of her own.

We pretty much eat in silence and I help Mom clean up the kitchen. Dad has the History Channel on and is watching Pawn Stars. I let out a yawn, not realizing how exhausted I am and the way I’m positioned against the arm of the couch isn’t helping. The sun has now set and another day has passed. I felt myself beginning to doze off wanting nothing more than to succumb to it when my phone goes off. I sit up suddenly very alert when I see it is Wesley. I double check the time figuring he must be getting ready to ride. I crossed my fingers for him wishing him the best.