Stealing Time (9 page)

“You might have died,” I whispered.

He stirred and I looked up to meet his gaze. His expression eased at whatever he saw in my face and he shrugged a little.

Taking in his battered clothing and the dirt smearing one cheek, I asked, “Are you okay?”

My question seemed to surprise him. “I’m fine.”

“The fight was pretty vicious.”

James allowed himself a thin smile. “Liam never got a fang near me and only our teeth can break the skin. Regardless, like many older vampires, he relies on his age and strength too much. He has no finesse. No discipline.”

I barked a laugh. Geez, he was such a guy. My brief flare of humor died when I glanced at the damage I’d caused. “I broke the tree.”

He snorted softly.

A night bird flew overhead, and I let my eyes track it as I stood and brushed grass off my jeans.

“Do you want to talk?” James asked, standing.

“Later, okay?” I said, the last of my tension easing. “When we get home.”

He nodded and offered me his hand, hesitantly, as if afraid that I would reject it…would reject him. His expression was a heart-wrenching mixture of hope and uncertainty, and I had to look away for a second.

Keeping my gaze averted, I reached out to him and heard his small sigh as his fingers twined with mine.

We were in the great room and I was wrestling with the dichotomy that I’d never been more powerful in my existence, yet possessed fewer rights.

James sighed. “It is, essentially, the law of tooth and claw, with the added component of age. Because one’s power increases with age and because there will always be someone older, each of us must remain constantly prepared to fight to keep and defend that which we hold dear.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I snapped, not for the first time—hence James’s sigh.

Über-patient, he said, “I do not disagree with you. Nonetheless, our preferences mean little without the ability to enforce them.”

I clamped my jaw tight, knowing raising hell would change nothing. “Fine. So we can’t change an entire species. But what about
my
preferences?”

He studied me, his expression cautious. “I don’t understand.”

“You
bound
me!”

His eyes darkened at the pain even I could hear in my voice. “Only the person who changed you can do this and, Evie, I did not do it lightly. It was to keep you safe.”

“How do you figure?” I demanded, feeling my anger increase and doing my best to keep it under control.

“Changelings can be killed for speaking out of turn. And killed slowly for defying an Ancient’s command. Kore and the others were purposely provoking you in an attempt to give them an excuse to do just that.”

The breath went out of me. “They want me dead?”

“Kore’s preference is to have you in Liam’s control, knowing that your ongoing subjugation would be a torment to me.” James’s voice was rough. “But your death would cause me pain and she’s observant enough to know this.”

“That bitch,” I muttered. “Why does she hate you?”

His cheeks flushed.

That’s when it clicked. “She wanted you for herself.”

“Nothing so honorable as that. Kore takes partners as she wishes, using her position as an Ancient to coerce the less willing.”

Feeling ill, I asked, “You…slept with her?”

James’s eyebrows lifted. “Vampires do not sleep.”

I just looked at him and, after a second, he got my meaning and reared back. “I would never bed a creature such as she!”

The tight band around my heart eased. “So she wanted to and you said no.”

The muscles working along his jaw, he nodded. “Several times. Energetically.”

I laughed. “And hell hath no fury.”

“Indeed.” He caressed my cheek, his face serious. “I regret binding you. More than you can know. But your spirit and pride would not allow you to stand docilely.”

He was too much of a gentleman to remind me that he’d asked me several times to shut the hell up.

I looked away and had to take a deep breath. “Even if it would have kept you from having to fight?”

He bent to meet my gaze. “I am responsible for you. Of course, I would fight to keep you safe.”

“Responsible,” I echoed.

“Yes, as your maker.”

“Oh.” Words tangled in my throat as I wondered if that was how he saw me. The only way he saw me. The night we danced, I thought there was something more between us…his words, the way we moved together. But ever since, he’d been reserved and courtly, keeping a small distance between us, with only the occasional affectionate caress a brother might give a favorite sister. I was so damned inexperienced with relationships, and my instincts and hyper-acute senses were still so new, I didn’t know what to think.

Apparently, guys were guys—whether preternatural or otherwise—because James seemed to take my one-word response as acceptance. I sensed him relax, content that we’d gotten everything worked out.

He touched my shoulder companionably. “If you’ll excuse me, Evie, I need to get cleaned up.”

I nodded, turning away as he left me standing in the great room. Squeezing my lids shut, I hugged my arms tight across my chest, willing away the feel of hard hands and implacable strength holding me frozen. My eyes burned but no tears came and I wondered bitterly if this was yet another aspect to my new existence—I could be made helpless by others whose power exceeded my own, but could no longer find even the small release that tears might offer.

My mortal life may have been lonely, but dammit, it was
mine
. I succeeded in a male-dominated profession by being twice as good as the men, by working twice as hard. I’d earned the right to pick and choose the stories I wanted to cover, the assignments I would accept. I was strong and powerful in my own right, and even my rivals knew it.

Weak,
my mind and developing instincts whispered.
You are weak.

An image of Mama’s car rounding the corner flashed through my mind and my breath caught as the memory continued, for once not shutting off as I commanded it to. I’d pounded on Gran’s front door until my knuckles bled, blinded by tears and terrified to be alone on her porch. At seven, my short life had given me a heightened awareness of my own vulnerability. And, standing alone in the suffocating Dallas afternoon, the air filled with the screaming of cicadas and the roar of traffic on the nearby highway, this awareness choked my throat closed, ran messily down my cheeks and from my nose.

It felt as if the sky was an enormous blue bowl that would lower until it crushed me. As if every blank window of the empty houses around me were eyes—dark, soulless eyes, observing my terror and reveling in it. When it became too much, when my nerve finally broke, I did what all small, helpless things do. The final option for a little child whose own mother had driven away without a backward glance.

My grandmother found me that evening when she got home—curled under the bushes, covered in thick black mud, cowering from the crash of thunder and harsh sting of hail as a thunderstorm blew through. She only knew to look because, in my panic, I’d left my cardboard suitcase on the porch steps. It had soaked up the drenching rain and fell apart when she lifted it, spilling the few sodden belongings it held.

But before Gran’s wide eyes and shocked face appeared in a flash of lightning, a seed of anger had taken root in my rabbit-quaking heart. Under the low, dripping branches, a resolution formed that guided my life to this day—never again would I be helpless, never again would I succumb to that soul-sucking, black emptiness.

Shaking myself free from the memories, I opened my eyes and stared in the direction James had gone. My acute hearing caught the sound of water being turned off. An angry noise vibrated in my chest and my feet began moving.

He had to have been deep in thought to not have sensed my passage across his bedroom, but it wasn’t until I entered the large bathroom that he looked up. His eyes widened as his hands stilled on the towel he’d just wrapped around his waist.

“Evie?” he asked, surprise coloring his tone.

“What happened tonight,” I began, having to clear my throat to get words past the logjam there. “You will not hold me like that again.”

James stood frozen, no doubt sensing my anger as it danced along my skin. He was quiet for the space of a few breaths and, when he spoke, his voice was low. “It was not my preference, but given the circumstances…”

“Never again,” I growled. “If you want me in your life, you will not do that to me again. Your word, James.”

He held my gaze and I saw when he accepted that this was not an idle statement, that I meant every bit of it. “You have it.”

Releasing the breath I’d been holding, I pushed away the anger’s hold on me, willed my heart rate to slow. It was then that his current state filtered through and my mouth went dry. My eyes locked onto a drop of water as it trailed from the base of his neck, across his muscular chest, and down his flat belly before disappearing at the towel’s edge. James saw the path my gaze took and his eyes darkened, a flush crept across his cheeks, and I wondered which was stronger—his Victorian upbringing or his vampire instincts.

And there were his preferences as a man…whether or not he would even want me.

Hesitantly, he asked, “Was there anything else, Evie?”

Feeling my cheeks heat, I steeled myself. The second part of my resolution when I’d invaded James’s bathroom was wrought with the potential for mortification, since I’d never done anything like what I was about to attempt.

Dropping my gaze, I murmured, “Kore said that any could claim me because…you had not.”

His breath caught and it was a second before he answered. “Under our laws, yes, until you are powerful enough to defend yourself. But I will not allow anyone to claim you against your will.”

I let my gaze rove around the room—the plush white towels, the tidy granite countertop—looking, in fact, everywhere but at him. “But that means you would have to fight again.”

He took a few steps closer. “If necessary, yes. I would do so.”

“And if something happens to you in one of those fights? What then?”

His voice had some growl in it. “I will not lose.”

I caught his darkened gaze. “But
if you did?
”

James’s expression closed off and he didn’t respond.

“I thought so.” Clearing my throat, I asked, “If you claimed me, that would give me enough status that anyone less powerful than you would leave me alone? And it would make it more difficult for anyone to challenge and fight you?”

“Yes, they would have to formally petition the Ancients to do so. But Evie…”

I spoke over him. “And it would give me rights under vampire law?”

“Yes, but it is irrelevant. I won’t allow any harm to come to you.”

My voice dropped to an embarrassed whisper. “And claiming means…sex?”

“Being intimate is part of it, yes. But, again, it is irrelevant. I will not allow anyone to harm you.”

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hands to my blouse’s buttons and began opening them, top-down.

“What are you doing?” His voice was hoarse.

My blouse undone, I shrugged it off my shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor. The whisper of fabric and tiny
tick
of buttons on the tile—things mortal ears wouldn’t have caught—seemed momentous. My hands went to the waist of my jeans and suddenly James was there, his grip on my wrists stilling the movement.

“What are you doing?” he repeated.

“I won’t be helpless again. I won’t…I can’t.” Trying to free myself from his hold was impossible and this reminder of my weakness solidified my resolve. Raising my gaze to his, I murmured, “I want you to claim me.”

His eyes widened even as they went so dark, the pupils were barely visible. As if I’d burned him, he jumped away from me. “You can’t mean that.”

This was hard enough without having to talk about it, without having to freaking
convince
him, so I dropped my eyes again and concentrated on getting my jeans off. My hands were shaking, but I got it done, and then I was standing in my bra and panties.

“Evie,” he whispered, and I wasn’t sure if I heard longing in his voice or reproach.

Still not looking at him, I released my hair from its braid, combing my fingers through the woven strands and letting the loose, wavy mass lie across my left shoulder. He hadn’t moved yet, the distance still existed between us, and I was beginning to feel desperate as mortification heated my cheeks. I’d never tried to seduce anyone. But surely before the woman got to this state of undress, the guy would step forward and
participate.

With trembling hands, I undid the clasp on my bra and was about to let it fall when James was back in front of me. His warm hand on my cheek forced my gaze up to meet his. “Stop.”

Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes. It felt like a fist was squeezing my heart. “You don’t want me,” I whispered and tried to pull away.

“Look at me. Please.” His beautiful face was inches from mine. “I burn for you, Evie. But you feeling like you have to…This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!”

All I could do was stare at him.

He sighed and pulled back, letting his hands fall. “Kore was right that I wish to court you. Not to
rut,
no better than the animals she and most of the others believe our kind to be.”

My breath caught and I made myself hold James’s gaze, not ready to tell him that my request—for all its logic and apparent objectivity—was further bolstered by my growing feelings for him. “My coming to you…it’s not about Kore or about last night.” He made a sound in his throat and I allowed my anger to flare, felt my eyes flash with it. “This is about the next time, James. About the future.”

“But what kind of future…”

“I’m not done,” I interrupted, and his lips compressed in a thin line as he looked at me. “If any jackass can come along and use me to screw with you, how do you think that makes me feel? To be used like that?”

He stirred like he would say something and I glared at him. “Still not done.”

James subsided, but I sensed his irritation and had to stifle a bitter smile. It was good to know that I could at least get to him this way, could get beneath his damned control somehow.

“This is also about me. From the time I was a child, after Mama…” I trailed off and squared my shoulders. “I have always made my own decisions and lived by my own rules. I was never a victim, James. Not even when I was sick. But now…knowing that someone could lay claim to me, could take away my choices simply because he’s stronger…I can’t stand it. I will not live like that.”

He looked at me, hesitant. When I didn’t speak, he murmured, “But it won’t happen. I won’t allow anyone to…”

“Are you going to be with me every moment of every day and night? For eternity? Or is it your plan that we remain inside your home forever, rather than risk running into Kore or Liam or somebody just like them?” I demanded. Suddenly, my anger evaporated, leaving me feeling cold and very small. Wrapping my arms across my bare chest, I became aware that my bra had fallen to the floor at some point in my diatribe.

And that James maintained his distance from me. I’d offered myself to him, made myself as vulnerable as a woman could, and still he refused me. “Are your principles so important?” I whispered, bending to collect my clothes. My pride and my heart in shreds, I fled. Resolving to get on the first plane back to Dallas, I wondered if I could pick up the scraps of my abandoned mortal life, if it was even possible. I’d made it halfway across the bedroom when warm hands framed my shoulders, stopping me.