Still Human (Just Human) (19 page)

He puffs. “This is my home
,” he says firmly.

“I know, sorry
,” I say, realising my mistake. “So what’s up?’

He sighs. “Nothing really."

I realise straight away that this is to do with baby stuff. "How is it going with them? You know, when I...left." I hesitate to bring it up, but we have to move on. "They'd had tests, but they weren't really sure what they'd do."

Danny looks up at me and gives me a tight smile. "They're ok
ay. Jen’s on meds to figure out her cycle, or whatever. It's fixed her right up." He drifts off deep in thought.

I sit on the bed beside him, watching him. He is oblivious, I can tell he
’s there with Jen. I know it's hard for him being away from her.

After a minute, I take his hand and he comes back to me. "Sorry. I just..." he trails off again.

"You want to help her."

Danny's eyes widen. "I..."

"Danny, it's okay, you can talk to me about it."

"Really?"
he asks, stunned.

"Really. It was obvious to me in LA that you were thinking about it. But it hasn't come up since."

He rubs his head again. "It's complicated."

"Well yeah. But not impossible."

He shakes his head and the corner of his mouth turns up into a reluctant smile. "Can I really talk to you about this?"

"You can talk to me about anything, you know that."

"Okay," he says looking relieved and he turns to face me, holding my hands.

"So when they first started thinking that they were having trouble, the doctors said they should just keep trying. But Jen started looking at all the different possibilities. I told her to quit it, but she can't help herself. She tortured herself with every possibility, so I naturally learned a fair bit along with her. Obviously we didn't know what their problem would turn out to be, but seeing it have such an effect on her, I promised myself that if it was a problem I could help with, I would." He pauses, thinking.

"So that night when you found out that they would need a sperm donor..." I prompt.

"Well I was all different by then. I had you." He lifts one of my hands to his lips.

"Different?"

"Well yeah, I was starting a new life, I wasn't the single guy that I thought I'd be when the time came."

"You didn't think you could discuss it with me?"

"It's a big ask
, Liv. Oh honey, before we have our happy ever after, you don't mind if I impregnate my best friend do you?" he chuckles. "No way."

"But we didn't get to the happy ever after bit did we?"

"No, and that's where it gets complicated," he says. "See, after you left...” He swallows hard and thinks about whether or not to go on, I nod, urging him. “I wanted to put you behind me because I thought you bailed on us. I needed something to focus on. So I offered to be their sperm donor." He sighs. "They we were surprisingly on board, but I made them have a serious think about it first."

I listen patiently. "Then Jen told me that they wanted to go ahead...but only if I talked to you.”
He grimaces. "We had quite a fight. She had tried everything else to get me to call you and apparently she wasn't above emotional blackmail. She was convinced you must have had a good reason for leaving and she told me she couldn't take my first child if I still had a chance with you. She said if you really left because you didn't want me anymore, she would never mention it again, but if I wanted her to consider my offer I had to try. They would only go through with it if we were back on the right track, or if I was single for good." He exhales as he remembers the scenario. "That's when I called Max and found out about Brooke...that's when you fell. By the next day I was here. I haven't talked to Jen about it since."

"How do you feel about it now?"

"Everything is different now. I have you. We are going to start a family."

"Is it the distance? Did you see yourself being more involved?"

"No, I only ever wanted to be Uncle Danny. It's not that. It's us. I don't want anything getting in between us. I just wish helping them could be simpler, less significant, you know?"

"I know, but what you have offered to do is huge."

"Which is why I won't do it." He sighs. "Jen understands. I just wish I didn't feel so bad. Especially now that we are trying to make a baby. How will I tell her when that happens?" I watch him imagine that conversation in his head, it pains him.

"I understand what it is to love someone like you love her. Don't forget that
," I say stroking his fingers. "I would want to help Max." I readjust my grip on him so that his hands are in mine and I dip my head to establish eye contact. "You should do it."

His face slowly changes from pained, to bemused and finally settles on amazed. "Why are you so wonderful?"

I laugh. "I just want you to be happy, I get why this is so important to you."

"But they won't have any trouble picking another donor. It would be less complicated for everyone." He argues.

"Now that you're here though, wouldn't you like that tie to them? We are kind of a family already. It doesn't make it that much more fucked up! You're essentially married to her anyway. You give yourself to her emotionally and I have no problem with that because I have it too. We healed ourselves by replacing each other, in a way that lots of people wouldn't understand. But now that we've found each other again, we are more than just us two...Do it. Make them happy, because by doing that you'll make us happy. I couldn't stand it if we had a baby and I kept seeing that pained look on your face, because you felt guilty."

Danny assesses me, looking for some sort of crack in me that shows I'm just saying this to do the right thing. There isn't one, I truly mean this. I want him to do it. When he is sure, he grabs me in his arms and squeezes me tight. "Thank you
," he whispers and I squeeze him back.

Chapter Twenty

Liv.

Happy birthday, baby.

Ok
ay, where is he now? I’m starting to get a little ticked off. Every time I turn around these days Danny has nipped off somewhere. What is worse is he keeps taking Max with him. I don’t mind sharing, but it’s getting ridiculous. Ever since our offer was accepted on the house, he has been running around like a blue-arsed fly. I don’t even know what he gets up to. It’s an hour here, a couple there, but it’s every day. If he's picking stuff for the house, I’d like to be involved. If he's meeting the solicitor, I should be there…If he’s freaking out, I should know!

He is fidgety, even in the evenings, he is constantly checking emails and sending texts. He’s not troubled, he seems happy and he
’s being really attentive too. Our ‘baby practice’ is going well, he can’t keep his hands off me. If I’m not carrying triplets right now, I’d be really surprised! I’m not, by the way. But we are working on it. I’m impressed with myself for not thinking the worst. The potential meaning of the fact that he is missing a lot, sending private texts and being overly attentive in the bedroom, isn’t lost on me. But I have no doubts this time, it isn’t even a consideration. Danny is all mine and mine alone. I would just like to know what he is up to.

I run into Max locking up the store room. He looks really guilty.

“Hey, where’s Danny,” I ask, pretending not to notice. I cut him a little slack today, it’s my thirtieth birthday tomorrow and they may well be planning something. That doesn’t account for almost a month of this weirdness, but I’ll let it go today.

“Parking the car
, I think.” He shrugs.

“Oh.” I mutter turning away. I catch Max’s look of ‘Phew-that-was-close’ and I round on him. “I will get to the bottom of whatever it is you two are up to!” He pulls a face, but says nothing and I walk away feeling satisfied. I just wanted to put the wind up him, not ruin a surprise.

Danny is walking through the back door when I cross the garden. He looks up from his phone and grins, shoving it deep in his pocket.

“I’ve been looking for you again!”

“Sorry, I had to go out, what’s up?” he says casually as he wraps me up in his arms, distracting me with a deep kiss. This is what keeps happening. If I show any interest in what he’s up to I get the disarming, full-mega-watt Danny.

“My mum’s here, she wants to take me out for the day. I just wanted to let you know.”

He grins. “Perfect. Have fun.” He kisses the end of my nose and lets me go.

Huh! I think as I walk away, nice, I’ll miss you too! I grab my bag and find Mum and Connie chatting in the diner. It’s nice that she has come up to see me for my birthday. I have
n’t really seen her much since I’ve been back to almost normal. She is so sweet coming today so that I can have tomorrow with Danny.

“Ok
ay, we can go.” I huff as I approach them.

“Everything alright darling?”

“Oh, yeah,” I say shaking my head to let her know it’s nothing really. “Danny is just very distracted with the house and stuff. I know he and Max are up to something, it’s probably my birthday present. But I’m hoping he will come back to me once this is all done.” I sigh. I haven’t told her he is also planning to fly to LA in a few weeks to donate sperm for Jen and Scott. He hasn’t even told them yet. Apparently he just wants to sort the house out first, but it sounds like an excuse to me. I think he’s leaving it to sink in a bit, to test how I really feel. But I know how I feel won’t change. I fully support him in wanting to do this and when he goes, I’m going to go with him to prove it.

Mum smirks. “Don’t be on his case about your birthday. You know he will want to spoil you rotten. Don’t you dare ruin it for him.”

“I won’t, Mum.”

I feel a tiny bit tipsy when I get home. Mum and Connie took me to a spa as a birthday treat. We had afternoon tea with champagne and then we ordered more bubbly and sat around by the pool lazily, knocking it back. I’ve had a full top-to-toe and I feel like I’m floating. Mum went to town treating me and after having the works, they insisted we all have our hair done. I feel a bit overdone for a night on the sofa with Danny, especially as I return home to an empty flat. I was expecting Danny to be home, but he’s obviously in the bar. I turn back around to go downstairs and find him, when my attention goes to the door.

Hanging on the back of the door is a garment bag with an envelope attached. Written on the envelope is my name in Danny’s writing. I reach for it slowly, not sure if I should have seen this before tomorrow. He surely wouldn’t have left it here if I wasn’t. I open the envelope and pull out a note on heavy white paper.

Liv,

I hope you had a wonderful time at the spa, you should be feeling pampered and relaxed. I know I’ve been very distracted lately and I want to make it up to you.

Please put on this dress and meet me in the garden at 7pm.

Danny x

I read it again. Did Danny ask Mum and Connie to take me out today? Have I been played? Oh well, I had a great time and now Danny has bought me a dress and wants me to meet him. I wonder what he’s got in store? I carefully slide the zip down, revealing a flash of deep-purple silk. I gasp. The colour is beautiful.

I slide the cover off the dress and step back to admire it.
It’s a fifties-style dress. Knee length, big skirt and nipped in at the waist with a belt made from the same fabric. It’s beautiful. The neckline at the front and back are deep V’s and I just know it’s going to suit me before I even try it. Danny is a genius!

I take the hanger off the door and go into the bedroom, checking my watch. I have half an hour and butterflies are forming in my stomach. I try to concentrate on what I have to do, instead of thinking about what is in store for me.

My hair is loose and falling in shiny waves thanks to the expensive blow dry, but this dress demands an up-do. I twist and pin and artfully arrange it so that the glossy tendrils are piled loosely on top of my head. Next I apply my usual smoky eye makeup and a hint of deep pink lip gloss, then I seek out my sexiest underwear, grateful that I showered at the spa as I slip it on. I pull out my glittery, beaded black ballet pumps. I sigh that I can’t wear the heels this dress probably deserves, but I hated them anyway and I’m not taking the chance now. Danny will understand.

With only a couple of minutes to go, I slide the zip up the side of the dress and fasten the belt. I turn to the mirror and freeze. This dress is perfect, just perfect. I bite back a tear thinking how lucky I am that he loves me so much. Then without another thought, I go to him.

The diner is pretty deserted when I open my door, but I’m too anxious to care. Opening the staff door to the garden I see Danny. I feel a thrill. He is beautiful. I take him in quickly as I walk towards him, he’s wearing dark grey trousers and a matching waistcoat, shirt sleeves are rolled up and his tie is perfect. His hair is kind of slicked over in a style he doesn’t normally wear, he looks like a casual movie star. I swell with fondness when I notice his black Converse. It’s these touches that make us perfect together, the fact that even dressing up doesn’t have to mean selling out.

He doesn’t take his eyes from mine, but
I’m momentarily distracted by movement beside him as I round the corner into the garden. Max is there, so is my mum. It’s then that I notice that know every single face in the crowd filling the garden. I gasp and step back behind the protective wall of the diner, my hand goes to my mouth and my eyes return to Danny.

He beams at me. Chuckling to himself
, he steps forward and takes my hands. “It’s okay,” he whispers. Pulling me gently out into the open again. The crowd erupts into a cheer as he pulls me tight to his chest. I can’t believe this, a surprise party!

“You look beautiful
,” Danny says tenderly against my ear.

I blush. “Thank you for the dress
,” I reply. “What’s going on?” I look to his face. He looks shy and happy at the same time. He is hoping I like this surprise, but he secretly already knows I will.

“Surprise!” He laughs as he releases me and turns me to see everyone that
’s here.

My
mum rushes forward and squeezes me. “Surprise darling,” she says with a knowing smile. Dave joins her, hugging both of us as I start to feel overwhelmed. Over her shoulder I see Grace, holding Mia and Andy clinging onto Matty’s little hand. I gasp and look back at Danny in disbelief.

The next few minutes are
a blur as I hug my sister, kiss my way through the rest of my family and friends and then find that Danny’s parents, and Jen and Scott are also here. I didn’t realise I was crying until Max slips a tissue into my hand. This is completely overwhelming, what are they all doing here? I think I say that out loud to a few people, but no one really offers me an explanation. Then I’m passed back to Danny.

“What is everyone doing here?” I ask again, while Danny catches a stray tear with a fresh tissue.

“They came to see you.” He soothes. “Do you need a minute?” A glass of champagne is put in my hand by someone.

I need a week, I think to myself. But I shake my head. I breathe in deeply and let it out in a long
, juddery whoosh.

“Ok
ay,” he says, taking my hand. “Come with me.”

What I didn’t notice in the chaos and confusion, is that our modular stage that we have in the bar for live music, has been set up in the garden. Danny leads me onto it and I follow in a daze. I turn and gasp again when I see just how many people there are.

Danny casually takes a microphone from its stand and flicks it on.

“Good evening everyone
,” he says, causing a hush to fall over the crowd. “Thank you all for coming and for helping me keep this secret.” He laughs. “Liv is not an easy person to hide something like this from, so well done for all the lies, but remember it’s not over yet!” Laughter ripples through the garden. I frown at that, but Danny carries on. Turning to me, he smiles. “Liv,” he says raising my hand to his lips. “You take my breath away.” He almost whispers. He says it just for me, but shares the thought with everyone via the microphone. Lots of people cheer and I hear a few whoops and words of agreement. I’m not shy, but this is beyond doubt the most embarrassed I’ve ever felt and yet standing here with Danny, I don’t want this moment to end.

“Happy
birthday, baby.” Once again the crowd erupts as Danny picks me up and turns me around, kissing me briefly as he returns me to the floor waiting for everyone to settle down. He continues. “This has been the best and worst year of my life. I started the year thinking it would be just like every other…Without you.” He sighs as fresh tears spring from my eyes. “Then a surprise message from a good friend,” he smiles down at Connie, “changed everything.” He swallows back his own emotion. “From the very first time I talked to you again, I knew my life was never going to be the same. I’ve always loved you.”

“I love you too
,” I sob. Some ‘ah’s’ come from around us.

Danny steps over to Jen at the side of the small stage and Jen hands him something. When he turns back to me I see
it’s the crumpled jewellery bag from his kitchen in LA. I watch him hold up the bag. “Remember this?”

I nod. Unsure of its significance now and wary of its connection to that horrible day.

He looks into my eyes. “I asked everyone to come here today, to shock you into silence so that I could finally get these words out.” He laughs. “I’ve waited a long time for this moment, I hope it’s third time lucky!” He pulls something small from the bag. I watch it fall and then look back to him in time to see him sink to one knee. I gasp and my hands fly up to my mouth.

Steadying himself with a long breath, he finally speaks. “Liv
,” he says sincerely. “You are the most beautiful, vibrant person I’ve ever known. I’ve loved you since I was six years old and I know I’m never going to stop, so please…will you marry me?” Then he opens the tiny box in his hand and shows me the most amazing ring I’ve ever seen.

“Yes!” I whisper. His eyes fill with tears and he jumps up to hold me. His lips press against mine and then several other places in the chaotic, emotional embrace. He picks me up again and holds me so tight. “Yes?” he whispers in my ear. Checking he heard me correctly.

“Yes,” I repeat, louder. I’m dizzy now and no longer aware of my surroundings. “Yes!”

Once again the place erupts, but this time the sound continues, whistles can be heard and
I’m aware of some crying too. I know I am and Danny is having real trouble keeping it together. He sets me down once more and takes half a step back to get the ring, which he slides onto my finger. Oh my God, it’s perfect, it’s grey, or at least it looks it in this light, its beautiful and unusual, and huge! We both stare at it on my finger. I don’t know what to say, my hold on my senses left the building a while ago. I throw my arms around Danny’s neck.

“Thank you
,” I whisper.

We descend the steps and into the waiting arms of first Jen who is sobbing, followed by Max, who is also very emotional. Then just as overwhelmingly as the first time, almost everyone here comes to greet us, offering their congratulations.
I’ve no idea how long this takes but at some point a strong rum and Coke finds its way into my hand, the other hand never leaves Danny’s. He holds onto me like I’m oxygen. I’ve felt his love for me before and it was nothing like this, it’s as if he is finally free to show how he really feels, no holding back.