Straightening Ali (3 page)

The punch hit Ali’s nose making a crunching sound. He felt blood dripping from his nostrils and sat down on the floor crying in pain and shock. None of this was fair. He could not believe what was happening. It was as if the freedom that he’d had while at university was slowly slipping away from his grasp.

He had fought with Yunus since they were young. In some ways it was for the best as it had taught him how to stand up to the bullies in the classroom. Yunus was always physically stronger than he, so there was no way that Ali would be able to beat him in a fight, but that did not matter as Ali always fought back. However, right now, he felt defeated as he looked round at his family standing around him with their minds set firmly against giving him his freedom. It felt as if all his strength had been sucked out, and he was unable to fight any more.

Ali’s mother watched sadly. She clasped her hands together in prayer and asked for forgiveness from God for any sin that she may have committed that had made her son turn against her.

She then turned her face to the little glass replica of Mecca Medina that had been brought back by Yasmin from her Hajj and hoped for divine intervention. When none came, she turned back to her son. Seeing him on the ground crying made her heart clench in pain, and she sought to comfort him. “Ali, I will buy you a new house with a lovely garden, wherever you want. You don’t need to live anywhere near us if you hate us so much. All you have to do is say that you will get married.”

“
Ammi, I don’t hate anyone! I love you all very much. I just don’t want to get married. I don’t want to live a lie,” said Ali tearfully through the blood that was dripping down his face. He tried to wipe it away, but instead his hand came back covered in blood. He looked at the red liquid on his hand and whimpered wretchedly. “If I say yes, I will be their victim forever,” he thought.

“
What about a new car to go with your new house,” Ali’s mother said ignoring his plea. “You would like that, wouldn’t you? A lovely new car? What do you say, Ali? I will buy that for you tomorrow if only you agree to the wedding.”

“
No, Mum, I am not getting married. You can’t bribe me. I don’t want anything from you. I’m happy with the car I’ve got,” Ali said. “Please, I’m begging you. Don’t ask me to do this.”

“
What have I done, God? What have I done to deserve this heartless son?” his mother cried dramatically. “You’re my favorite son. I’ve always looked after you and given you what you wanted. Why don’t you do as I ask? Why do you want to hurt me so much? Do you mean to destroy your father’s memory? He would have been so happy about your wedding. All you want to do is hurt and shame me.” Ali’s mother started counting through the prayer beads manically, repeating the same word over and over again in Arabic.

“
Ammi, please don’t ask me to marry. I don’t want to,” Ali begged. “Ask me anything else, and I will do it, just not that.”

“
Stop being so heartless to Ammi, Ali. Why are you trying to hurt her? I’m going to hate you for the rest of your life if you don’t listen to her and get married. We’ll all hate you,” Yasmin shouted angrily. “Your name will be mud in this family. We will never speak to you again, ever! She does not have long to live, so why can’t you make her final years happy?”

As if on cue, Ali’s mother suddenly fell to the floor screaming in apparent agony. “The pain, the pain. I’m going to die,” she screeched, clutching her chest.

Yasmin rushed to her aid. “Ammi, what’s happened?” she asked her mother, who only moaned in response. Yasmin turned round to Ali and immediately found someone to blame. “Look what you’ve done, you bastard. You’ve given her a heart attack. Yunus, call the ambulance, quickly.”

Yunus grabbed Ali by the throat. “I’ll kill you if Mum dies,” he said angrily, spittle flying rabidly from his mouth. He let go and grabbed the phone from the oak dining table.

“
Don’t call the ambulance yet, Yunus,” Ali’s mother whimpered pathetically from the floor. “Ali, come to me. I want to speak to you.”

“
I’ll help you,” Yunus said grabbing Ali by his hair. Ali screamed in pain as he was dragged across the floor to where Ammi lay. Yunus lifted Ali by his hair until his face was level with his mother’s.

“
Son, please say you’ll get married. I don’t want to die leaving you without a wife, knowing that you’ll never marry. Please let me die happy,” Ali’s mother whispered. “Let my last moments be happy ones. Promise me you will marry.”

“
Ammi, I will get married. I don’t want you to die. I’m so sorry. I will get married,” Ali said in anguish. He was willing to do anything to make sure that his mother might live, even if it meant giving up his freedom and any future happiness. He did not want to be blamed by his family for his mother’s death for the rest of his life.

“
Ali, you have made me so happy.” She leaned over to Ali’s bloodied face and gave him a kiss, wiping the blood with her dupatta, which was ruined as the cream cloth absorbed the crimson liquid. “I won’t need the ambulance after all, Yunus. The thought of seeing my youngest son’s wedding has made me happy, and I feel so much better. Ali, you’re a good son and a good Muslim boy. I will put some money in your bank account for you to buy yourself a car. I am so proud of you. Your father would be so happy if he was alive today.”

“
I don’t want any money, Ammi. I’m marrying so that you are happy,” Ali said with the dawning suspicion that his mother may have faked the sudden heart attack. He discreetly wiped the blood from his hand onto the beige rug beneath the coffee table in petty revenge. “Just remember that I will be dying inside on my wedding day,” he added melodramatically

“
You will be happy, you will see,” his mother said contentedly. She looked up at one of the paintings of Mecca hanging on the wall, recited a prayer under her breath and exhaled. "Sajda will make you a lovely bride, and you will both give me beautiful grandchildren. Carry me to my bedroom Yunus. I feel very tired. This day has drained me, and I need to rest.”

“
Bonjour,” said Ali, trying to make his accent sound as French as possible. If he hadn’t had a Birmingham accent, he may have succeeded, but somehow he still managed to retain his Brummie tones while speaking the limited French that he knew.

“
Bonjour monsieur,” said the person at the other end of the phone. “Est-ce que je peux vous aider?”

“
Steve Smith, chambre quatre vingts-six, ś’il vous plait,” replied Ali, hurriedly hoping that the receptionist was not going to try to enter into a conversation. The receptionist muttered something incomprehensible in French before putting Ali through.

Ali had successfully completed the first stage of getting through to Steve, who was studying in Strasbourg as part of his French degree. He lived in a hall of residence, which had its own receptionist to put all telephone calls through to the individual rooms.

Ali dreaded having to communicate in French with the receptionist when he phoned. Steve had given Ali fully written instructions as to how he should ask in French to be connected. The instructions were brief, so Ali did not get too confused, and Ali had telephoned enough times by now to be able to recite the French he had been taught from memory, but he still found it stressful making the call and always ended up referring to the written instructions.

The line went dead for several seconds, and then there was a ringing sound. The phone was answered after two rings. “Bonjour,” said a male voice on the other end of the phone.

“
Steve, how are you?” Ali asked, delighted to hear Steve’s voice. His concern about making the call dissipated into the cold night’s air. Ali was standing inside a public phone box in a quiet side street away from the family home in order to avoid being seen using the phone by family or community members.

“
I’m fine thanks. What’s up? How come you’re ringing me so late?” asked Steve more sharply than Ali had expected.

“
I’m really sorry. Did I wake you? If I did, I didn’t mean to,” Ali said crestfallen, the euphoria of getting through to Steve quickly drying up. He shivered as a gust of cold wind blew through the missing glass panels of the phone box. Ali checked the time on his watch. It showed ten o’clock, meaning that it was eleven o’clock in France. He’d forgotten about the time difference.

“
I’m sorry for sounding so grumpy. I was just in the middle of translating some complicated text. How are you?” Steve asked, switching quickly from seeming annoyed to sounding pleased to hear from Ali.

“
That’s okay, Steve. I have something to tell you,” Ali said, his voice suddenly strained and shaking with emotion with what he was about to say. Ali loved Steve very much and did not know how to break the news about the wedding. How do you tell the one you love that you are marrying someone else because you were told to?

“
Okay,” Steve said slowly after a long pause. “What is it?”

Ali struggled to find the words to explain what had happened. “Well you know when you asked me if I would ever have an arranged marriage?” asked Ali.

The phone went deathly silent for a moment. “Yes, I do. You promised me that it would never happen.” Steve’s voice sounded worried as he ran over all of the things that Ali might be about to tell him in his mind.

“
Things have changed,” Ali said sadly, trying hard not to cry and let his emotions get in the way.

“
What are you saying Ali? Are you telling me that you’re getting married?” Steve asked almost shouting down the phone.

“
I’m sorry.” Ali said, glad that Steve had made the situation a little easier to explain by guessing what he wanted to say. “We all had a massive discussion today, and I’ve agreed to get married,” he said unhappily.

“
What do you mean you’ve agreed to get married?” Steve asked angrily. “What about me? You’re dating me! Where do I come into the equation?”

“
They told me today that they’d arranged my wedding, and there was no way that they were going to let me get out of it. They didn’t even ask me. They just went ahead and arranged everything,” the shocked disbelief in Ali’s voice was still obvious. “Then, they forced me to agree.”

“
Why? Why did you say yes, Ali? You’re gay for God’s sake. How the hell can you get married? You’ve been going out with me for more than two years. Do I mean nothing to you? Don’t you love me?” Steve shouted down the phone angrily.

“
I do love you. You mean everything to me, but my mother nearly had a heart attack today, and she says she doesn’t have long to live.” Ali cried. “You should have seen the state she was in. I had to agree as it’s the only thing that’s keeping her alive. You don’t have a clue what it’s like to be in a Pakistani family. We have obligations and responsibilities. I just knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“
I do understand! Don’t you dare throw that in my face. I’ve stood by you for all this time. You could have said no. You’re gay, so how do you expect to live a lie?” Steve asked, unsure what battle he was trying to win. He knew that once Ali had agreed to do something he always went ahead with it, no matter what the consequences.

“
I’m going to have to. I’ll change. I’m going to be straight,” Ali said determinedly, wondering whether this was something that he could hope to achieve.

“
So when is the wedding?” Steve asked.

“
It’s very soon,” Ali said, trying to sound vague. “I’m not too sure.” He looked out of the missing glass panel of the phone box and shivered again. It was dark outside, and the sky looked pink as if there was going to be snow. Ali hated the snow and shivered again.

“
Ali, you know when it is, so tell me,” said Steve, reading Ali like a book.

“
It’s in two weeks time if you really want to know,” Ali said. He had been reluctant to part with this information, worried what Steve might do. What if Steve turned up to the wedding and told all of the guests that he was gay, shaming him and his family in front of the community? It could ruin everything and devastate his family.

“
Two weeks!” Steve exclaimed. “And you say they only told you today? You’re lying! You must have known for longer than that,” he said accusingly.

“
Honestly, I didn’t know until today. It’s in two weeks, and I’m not joking,” Ali said. “If it helps, I’m not exactly over the moon about it either.”

“
Two weeks! Why so quick? What is your family so worried about?” asked Steve.

“
I don’t know. I’ve finished my studies, and I guess they think it’s the right time,” Ali said. “They want the best for me. They just want to see me happy in their own way.”

“
They’re probably worried that you’re going to elope with some white boy,” said Steve sarcastically. “I wouldn’t be surprised if your family know everything about you already. They have a knack of finding things out.”

“
Steve, you know that if you asked me to leave and run away with you I would leave right now,” Ali said interrupting Steve. Ali’s head was suddenly filled with the romanticism of it all. The idea of packing his suitcase and following his heart seemed to be a second away from reality. “I can do it,” he affirmed silently to himself.