Stranger in the Mirror [Shades of Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) (16 page)

And a mother
.

She pushed that errant thought away.

He turned and started the truck. “I’m not going to do anything stupid.” Then he laughed. “My ‘fragile’ mother?”

She shrugged. “Got us another tree, didn’t it?”

“You are one clever girl, you know that?”

She couldn’t help but beam at his compliment.

They dropped one of the trees off at Helen’s. She was more annoyed at Jesse’s bloody lip than she was at having the live tree forced on her. When Jesse and Marti pulled back into their drive, her heart tightened at the lights. Caty had confirmed what Marti didn’t want to know: Jesse had never decorated his house full tilt before. Just a paper Santa on the door and a few strings of lights. She bit her lip. How could his decorating touch her more than a long-ago gift of a red Porsche? He was so sweet.

Damn him.

CHAPTER 9

During the entire Christmas Eve day, Marti was surrounded by a flurry of activity. First work, where Chuck gave them fifty-dollar bonuses and let them go home early. He’d actually smiled.

After cleaning up, Jesse locked himself in his bedroom while he wrapped packages. Dressed in a red and black flannel shirt, he looked like a misplaced lumberjack. Handsome, but misplaced.

“I won’t tell Caty what you got her,” she’d teased.

He had pinched her chin. “But you’ll tell Marti what I got her, so scoot.”

She had turned crimson, realizing for the first time that Jesse had actually bought her something for Christmas. It was the perfect time to wrap her own presents, and she scrounged up a pair of children’s scissors with green plastic handles and some tape. For once, the country music took a backseat to traditional Christmas music by Bing Crosby and Johnny Mathis. It filled the house with the sweet warmth of anticipation.

All those empty Christmases with her mother slipped away with every song, with every package she wrapped in red and gold foil. This year she would spend the most special day of the year with a real family. As Jesse had said, she would treasure the memory when she was alone in California. She shook her head, flinging the lonely thought from her mind.

Marti saved Jesse’s presents for last. They were more expensive than the other gifts put together, but it would be worth it to see his face when he opened the box and pulled out the gray ostrich-skin boots. The other box contained a gray cowboy hat with a matching ostrich band. She’d known the moment she saw them in the window that Jesse must have them.

Later in the day, Caty, Helen, and Billy showed up to decorate the tree. Marti felt like a kid, stringing fresh popcorn and twirling it around the tree. Dinner was eggnog, tarts and fried cheese. Helen snapped a picture of Jesse wrapping his arms around Marti’s waist and lifting her up high to put the angel atop the tree.

Bumpus even got into the act, fetching the red velvet balls that got knocked off the tree and rolled away. Marti tied a red ribbon around his neck, although it dangled upside down beneath his chin most of the time. And hell’s bells, they even had country Christmas music, but she could live with that. Nothing was going to spoil her evening.

Except Billy. Melancholy tinged his smiles, and sometimes she caught him staring off. She remembered his boys, celebrating Christmas without their father. He had made mistakes, but he still deserved his kids for the holidays. Marti involuntarily put her hand on the small mound of her stomach. This baby, she knew, would never be without his father.

She found Billy standing in the kitchen alone, looking out the window. His wispy hair stuck out in places, reaching way past his collar. He was always either quiet or making jokes, and those wild, beady eyes of his fit both personas. She had all but ruled him out as her attacker.

Marti had never quite connected with him, as she had with the other Wests. Most of the time, she wasn’t bothered, but watching him standing there like a lost boy made her approach him. The part of her that said
go back to the fun and forget about his problems
lost out to this new side of her.

“Billy?” she said softly.

He turned. “Nice night out, huh?”

“I’m sure they miss you as much as you miss them.”

He rubbed his nose, looking away. “I wasn’t....” Then he met her eyes and shrugged. “I hope so. How’d you know I was thinking ‘bout my boys?”

She put her hand to her belly. “Woman’s intuition. We’ve got a box of tinsel out there that we could sure use your help with.”

Jesse’s expression was one of curiosity when she and Billy walked out of the kitchen together, sharing a private smile. Let him wonder, she thought with a grin.

After every inch of Jesse and Marti’s tree was duly covered with ornaments, everyone packed up the food and eggnog and drove over to Billy’s to decorate his tiny tree (because Jesse insisted that he have one), and then to Helen and Caty’s house. Even though it wasn’t exactly frosty outside, Jesse lit the fireplace. Billy lifted Caty up to top the tree with a sparkling star. By the time their tree looked as merry as everyone else’s had, exhaustion claimed Marti. She glanced at the clock: nearly midnight. Almost Christmas.

Billy settled in for a night on the recliner. Jesse was sprawled out on the couch, his bare feet resting on the arm at one end. Helen had retired some time ago. Christmas music floated faintly on the air. After throwing scraps of wrapping paper away, Marti sat down on the floor in front of Jesse. He looked like a sleepy-eyed boy with his head resting on his hand.

“Did you have fun?” he whispered, trying not to wake the others.

Marti didn’t have to worry about whispering. Her voice was still soft and raspy. “Yes, I did.”

He glanced toward the tree where Caty shifted in her sleep in front of the fireplace. “When we were kids, we used to sleep under the tree every Christmas Eve. Even after we knew there wasn’t a Santy Claus (that’s what we used to call him) and Mom and Dad put the presents underneath early, we still spent the night there.”

His eyes sparkled with the reflection of the flames. “Pa used to try to talk us into going to bed ‘or else Santy Claus won’t come for you’ he’d say. That’s when we believed. The three of us would conspire to go to bed, then get up and meet under the tree. And we did, although one time Caty fell asleep and didn’t come down. She was mad because we didn’t come get her, but we didn’t want Pa catching us.”

Marti watched the amber glow of the fire dance across his features. “Did Santy come?”

“Yes, he did. We were usually asleep when Santy Pa did his thing. One time we stayed up late, and you know what? My pa actually dressed up in his Santy costume before he came downstairs. Billy and I had already figured out by then that Santy was pa, but we didn’t want to spoil it for Caty. She was so cute, her eyes were this big.” He gestured with his finger and thumb, then glanced Caty’s way again. “I’d feel silly sleeping under the Christmas tree now, and so would Billy, I’m sure. But Caty looks just right down there, like she did when she was six. Hey, what’s wrong?”

Marti snapped out of the mental pictures she’d conjured of the Wests’s Christmases. She didn’t even realize tears had been slipping down her cheeks until Jesse reached out and wiped one away with his thumb.

“I wish you could give me your memories for Christmas. They sound so wonderful.”

He pulled her close. “I can share mine with you.”

“You are,” she said, her voice a squeaky whisper.

What is wrong with me? she thought as they drove back home. This was Christmas Eve, and thousands of lights cheerily lit the town. She stared out the window and hoped he couldn’t see the silly tears that continued to flow. But she knew what was wrong. Christmases without Santy Clauses and family and lots of presents were normal for her. Then, when she got older, watching people trying to outdo one another with the most expensive presents.

Everything she’d been told ‘was just on the television’ had really been happening at Jesse’s house. The warmth and love and sharing—it had been going on without her.

When they got home, she went in ahead of Jessie, and by the time he got inside, she was standing by the Christmas tree, a pillow in each hand, blanket on the floor.

Her nose all stuffed up, she sounded like the little girl she wished she was. “Will you sleep with me under the tree?”

He took the pillows from her, laying them down side by side. After stripping off his shirt, he took her hand and pulled her down. He tucked her hair behind her ears, his gaze never leaving hers. That made her stomach tickle, so she lay on her back, looking up at the glittering tree. Her pulse started racing when he leaned down over her.

“Why are you still crying?” he asked in a soft voice.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. For everything, for nothing.”

He looked at her for a few moments. “What can I do to make them go away?”

Her lips twitched.
Tell him, Marti.

No.

Tell him.
“Hold me.”

Without hesitation, he pulled her into his arms. She nestled her mouth on his bare shoulder, her arms slipping around him as if they belonged there. She realized that she’d wanted this for a long time. Her hands were splayed against his back, and she fought an urge to run her fingers through his hair.

After a moment, he pulled back a few inches and looked at her. His finger trailed down the tracks her tears were leaving.

“You’re still crying.”

She managed a laugh. “Happy tears.”

Jesse leaned close and kissed the tears from her cheeks. He looked angelic, with the colored lights setting off his hair and the planes of his face. Her heart pounded, in fear and excitement.

He seemed to watch her warring emotions. His broad shoulders looked strong, and at the same time soft and creamy in the blinking ambers, blues, and greens. She remembered, for a dreamy moment, what his mouth tasted like, wondered what his body might feel like lying next to hers naked, holding her close through the night. All that warmth and affection in him might pour into her, and fill her with it.

Was it a dream, his lips grazing hers and then capturing her mouth? No, wonderfully, deliciously real. She drowned, lost in the swirl of lights and the dazzling brilliance of his kisses.

She backed up and sucked in a deep breath, meeting his gaze. “Is that your cure for crying? To kiss a girl senseless?”

One side of his mouth quirked up. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Like a charm.”

She dropped back down on the blanket. She remembered his earlier words and tried to lighten the mood that threatened to crush her under its weight. “Do you feel silly, sleeping under the tree?”

The grin she hoped would materialize didn’t. “Silly isn’t quite the word I would use.”

What then? Disappointment? Uneasiness? Her heart raced as his gaze stayed locked to hers.

“Do you want to leave?” she asked.

“No.”

She smiled, snuggling under the blanket.
Leave it at that
.

“Merry Christmas, Marti,” he said, pulling the blanket over his shoulder and closing his eyes.

Great. She didn’t want to cry anymore. Now she wanted to jump him. “Merry Christmas, Jesse.”

The crinkling sound of Bumpus sniffing around the presents under the tree woke Jesse. He glanced at the clock: almost seven thirty Christmas morning. He rolled over to see if Marti was awake. She wasn’t. Her left hand was tucked beneath her pillow, and her right hand rested between them, as though she’d tried to reach out for him in her sleep.

The wan glow of the lights barely reflected on Marti’s skin. He watched her for a few minutes, wondering about the woman who sometimes seemed like a little girl. Now he understood better what her past was like and how it differed from his. Her loss touched him.

That wasn’t why he’d kissed away her tears. Not pity, but out of a deep desire to take away her pain. He didn’t even want to think about why he’d kissed her mouth, why he’d kept on kissing her. It hadn’t been the same as that night when the first Marti had leaned over and kissed him, and they’d made love because he’d felt sorry for her. Still, he was going to make sure he didn’t confuse what was obviously a big brother feeling for anything more than that.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at him, then around her in confusion. She smiled when she saw the tree. “It’s Christmas.”

As though she suddenly remembered their kiss, her gaze shifted away and her cheeks flushed. He threw off the blanket and stretched, aware of the thousand goosebumps that rose on his bare chest when the chilly air hit.

She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and sat looking up at the tree. “It’s so beautiful,” she said, an almost reverent smile on her face.

“Haven’t you had a Christmas tree before?”

“Yes, but not a real one. My mother had an old silver tree, made from tinsel. She only put red and green balls on it, nothing else. Especially not pretty ones like you have, with the trim and beads and bits of jewelry.”

He looked at the pile of presents. “I’ve always packed up all the gifts and taken them over to my mom’s. What do you want to do?”

She shrugged. “Let’s keep with tradition.”

They both took showers and bundled the packages in the back of Jesse’s truck. The sun was shining, and the chill in the air was giving way to a comfortable warmth.

The Christmas music blared from Helen’s white house when they pulled up, and even Bumpus hesitated before approaching. Trick and Treat quickly persuaded him to start trotting toward the back of the house.

“Hey, Bumpus,” Jesse called out. “Merry Christmas.”

He handed the dog a bone-shaped present, which he quickly ripped open. Trick and Treat each got one, too. Within a few minutes, all three dogs had decided they wanted the other’s bone and were chasing each other around the yard. He was surprised to see Marti pull out a little bag of beefy bits, open it, and give one to Bumpus. Of course, the other two raced over.

She gave him a funny smile. “I’m starting with the dog. Sort of.” She kept her fingers far from the slobbering dog mouths waiting for the next treat she pulled from the bag.