Stranger in the Mirror [Shades of Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) (21 page)

The noise she expected to hear when she walked inside made the silence even more profound.

“Jesse? Bumpus?”

Nothing. She changed out of her greasy uniform and slipped into jean shorts and a white shirt. As soon as she walked out back, a high-pitched child’s squeal pierced the air. She followed it down to the river.

The disquiet that had settled under her skin sunk deeper when she saw a woman sitting next to Jesse on the bank. They were laughing at something in the water. Whoever she was, she felt relaxed around him, touching his shoulder as she giggled. She was wearing crisp white pants and a blue dress shirt, and beneath her was a towel Jesse had thoughtfully placed to keep those pants clean.

Bumpus’s greeting barks made the pair turn around. Jesse got to his feet and walked toward her with an easy smile. She wished she could look that easy-going. He put his arm around her and steered her toward the woman.

“Hey, doll, I want you to meet someone.” The woman stood and extended her manicured hand. “This is Abbie, Billy’s ex-wife. And those rugrats in the river are her boys, Turk and Clint.”

Abbie squeezed Marti’s hand, giving her a warm smile. The boys perfunctorily waved and went back to splashing each other. Marti found it hard to imagine this attractive woman married to Billy.

“It’s nice to meet you, Marti. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Marti forced a smile. “Nothing bad, I hope.”

“No, of course not.” He gave her a slight shake of his head; he hadn’t told this woman the truth.

Jesse gave Abbie a sideways hug. “When this lady left, she was running around barefoot in cut-off jeans.” He gave her an appraising look. “Then she shows up in a business suit, a sophisticated banker from the big city.”

Marti felt grubby all of a sudden. If she’d known the visitor was a woman, she would have dressed nicer.

Abbie smiled modestly. “I’ve been working my way up. I manage the loan department at one of the largest banks in Atlanta.”

Marti forced a smile. “That’s great. And you’re down for… a vacation?”

She gave Jesse a look that smacked of intimacy. “It depends. I’ve interviewed at a bank in Ft. Myers for the management position.”

“Marti’s been working on redecorating the house. I keep telling her she should start advertising. She’s good.”

She beamed at his compliment, glad he didn’t mention the waitress part. The boys climbed up on the bank and flopped their wet bodies on the dirt and leaves. They were cute, with brown hair and hazel eyes rimmed with long, wet eyelashes. Both studied her with Billy’s scrutinizing eyes.

That black feeling gnawed at her stomach, the same way it had the day she’d seen Desiree with Jesse at this same spot. Abbie wasn’t sexy like Desiree, but a look of sensibility that came from accomplishment and confidence accented her bland beauty.

“Abbie’s going to stay with Ma until she decides what she’s going to do. I invited her to stay for dinner; hope that’s all right with you.”

Before Marti could even shrug a vague confirmation, Abbie said, “Hey, I can make my famous Turk casserole. I used to make it all the time when I was pregnant with my first, so I named it after him.”

“Uh, I’ve already got something planned for dinner,” Marti blurted out before she even realized it. Jesse gave her a surprised look, and she smiled. “I thought about it today at work.”

“Okay. What are you going to make?”

She went blank, making it up as she went. “Spaghetti. I have an Italian recipe for the sauce. You’ll like it, I think.”

“Sounds fine to me,” Jesse said.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Abbie said with a gracious smile. “The boys love spaghetti.” They nodded without a great deal of enthusiasm.

Then Marti realized she’d have to go to the grocery store to get the ingredients she remembered Jamie putting into the sauce. That meant leaving them alone for a while longer. But what could happen with the boys there? And why should she worry about it anyway?

Dinner was a minimal success, even though the sauce hadn’t simmered long enough and the noodles were sticky. Nobody mentioned it, and the boys were too busy sucking each long piece into their mouths to notice. They reminded her how little she related to children. Every time she said something to them, her voice sounded phony. Her inner voice rated every sentence: too cutesy, too adult. Her inner voice was becoming a real pain. She’d never heard it before her life-after-death experience.

When Marti started carting the dishes into the kitchen, Jesse started helping.

Abbie stood, too. “Let me do that. I’m sure the boys would love to spend some time with you.”

“Yeah!” cried Turk. “Will you twirl us around again like a helicopter? Please, please?”

Marti noticed how easily he left her to Abbie’s company and went outside with a squealing boy under each arm.

Abbie had a soft smile on her face as she watched him go outside. “He’s good with kids, isn’t he?”

“I think he’s good with everybody.”

“He sure is. He would have made a good preacher.”

Marti’s eyes widened. “Jesse, a preacher?” She couldn’t help but remember him in his briefs, kissing her in the river. It made her feel better that Abbie didn’t know him quite so well.

“Sure. He has a warmth that reaches out and touches people. They’re drawn to him.” She turned on the faucet and started rinsing dishes. “How old are you, Marti?”

“Twenty… three.” Twenty-seven, she’d almost said.

“So young. You’re going to have your first about the same age I had Turk. You’re not really a blonde, are you?”

Marti stiffened, then wondered if her roots needed to be done already. “I’m a brunette. Is it obvious?”

“No, but your coloring is more suited for dark hair.” She leaned back against the counter with her arms crossed loosely in front of her. “Jesse says you’re leaving after the baby’s born.”

“Yes,” she said firmly, more for her own benefit than Abbie’s. “I’m going to California.”

“Wow, that’s far away.”

“It’s where I’m from.”

“You’re about five months along, aren’t you?”

Marti glanced down at her belly. “Nineteen weeks last Wednesday.”

“Have you felt the baby move yet?”

“The doctor says any day now.”

Abbie put her hand to her heart. “That’s the most exciting moment, when you
know
there’s a little human inside you. You’re still so tiny. I was
huge
by five months, and I just kept getting bigger.”

Marti cringed. “I already feel like a duck, and I’m not even waddling yet.”

“Does Jesse touch your stomach a lot?”

“Sometimes.”

“He used to put his hand on my stomach all the time when I was pregnant.”

Abbie’s smile was free from an obvious intent to make Marti jealous. Still, her fingers tightened on the plate she put in the dishwasher.

A peal of laughter drew their attention to the large window facing out back. Jesse jogged slowly by with Clint on his shoulders, making horse sounds and pretending to buck. Marti found herself smiling wistfully.

“He’s going to make a great father.” Abbie pulled her gaze, seemingly in reluctance, from the scene. “Are you worried about Jesse having to take care of a baby by himself?”

“A little. Not worried that he’s incapable of doing it, just that it’ll be so overwhelming.”

“Then what I’m going to tell you should allay that concern and maybe take away any guilt you might be feeling: I proposed to your husband.”

Marti stood there with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She ignored the empty space her heart had occupied before dropping down to her toes. After closing her mouth, she asked, “Proposed what?”

Abbie laughed. “Marriage, of course. It makes sense, don’t you think? You’re leaving. He’s going to be alone with a baby. I’m alone with two boys who adore him more than they do their own father. It’s a perfect solution, a marriage of convenience.”

Marriage of convenience?
The relief that Abbie obviously expected didn’t appear on Marti’s face. Marti closed the dishwasher door with a little more zest than necessary.

“Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I just thought that since you were leaving anyway, you might feel better knowing.”

Marti swallowed hard, trying to put on a casual mask. “I—I do, really. I just wasn’t expecting… you proposed to him?” And then what she really wanted to know: “What was his answer?”

“He said he had to think about it, that he still had a couple of things on his agenda before he could consider my proposal.”

Marti’s eyes widened.
A couple of things on his agenda?
What agenda? “I see.”

“Being a reasonable and, I’m sure, compassionate woman, I know you’ll see it’s the best thing for that baby and for Jesse.”

“Yes, the best thing,” Marti said softly as the boys raced through the front door, followed by a breathless Jesse. He collapsed on the couch, and the boys snuggled on each side of him. “The best thing,” she repeated, knowing she should see it that way. After all, it was exactly what he’d just proposed to her.

Jesse never mentioned Abbie’s proposal, and Marti didn’t tell him that she knew about it. In the five days since her surprise visit, Abbie had only been over twice, and that was to drop off the boys. As Marti and Jesse sat across the table from each other after dinner, she couldn’t keep away the picture of Jesse and Abbie and the family eating there. In her picture, Jesse was laughing with the boys, not somber and thoughtful as he was now.

The rain outside made a pitter-patter sound on the roof, and the sky outside was a pasty gray. She crossed her arms in front of her, resting them on her belly. Why couldn’t she get the thought of Jesse and Abbie out of her mind? In the cozy picture her mind tauntingly created, he leaned over and kissed her. Marti wrinkled her nose at that.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse asked, pulling her from her self-torture.

“Why didn’t you tell me my hair looked terrible?”

He raised his eyebrows. “It doesn’t look terrible. I thought you liked it.”

“I do. But my coloring’s wrong.” It was. She had studied her reflection and realized Abbie was right. Damn her, the woman was just too sensible.

He shrugged. “I never liked it all that much to begin with, but who am I to say anything? I’m just your husband.”

His words bit into her heart. A lock of hair hung down over his forehead, making him look like the boys he loved so much. She caught herself remembering how soft his hair was as it had brushed her hands while they danced. To distract herself, she picked up her fork and poked at the elbow noodles on her plate.

“You’ve been awfully quiet lately,” he said. “It doesn’t bother you, the boys being around, does it?”

She noticed he hadn’t mentioned Abbie being around. “No, they don’t—” Her eyes widened and the fork dropped from her hand.

He was out of his seat and at her side in seconds. “What’s wrong?”

A chill washed over her when she realized what happened. “I felt the baby kick,” she whispered, a smile stretching her mouth. “There it goes again.” She took his hand and placed it under her loose shirt at the spot where the baby had last kicked. While they waited the skin beneath his palm grew warm and moist. Crouched beside her, his expectant expression never wavered. Finally the baby kicked again.

Awe lit his face, making him look breathtakingly gorgeous. “My son did that.”

“There’s a
baby
in there,” she said softly, pulling up her shirt . Her belly looked naked and vulnerable compared to his strong, capable hand. “Abbie was right. She said it would feel more real when the baby started moving.”

His expression didn’t change, even when he shifted his gaze to her.

Her throat tightened, and she pushed out the words, “I hope it’s a boy, Jesse.”

“Well, that’s up to the Big Guy upstairs. I wouldn’t mind a girl, though.”

“Do you think you’ll be all right, raising the baby alone?”

He gave her an odd look, and she tried to make her expression light. He reached up and touched her cheek, then tucked her hair behind her ear. She didn’t untuck it.

“Don’t worry about us, doll. We’ll be okay. Course, you can always stick around and find out for yourself.”

She shook her head. “It seems you have a better offer.”

It took him a second to realize what she meant. “Abbie told you?”

Marti nodded. “She figured I would feel better knowing, so I wouldn’t worry.”

He got to his feet. “I’m glad she offered.”

Her chest tightened. “You are?”

“Yeah, it answered a question I’d had on my mind.”

“What question?”

Just as he seemed like he was going to answer, he shook his head. “It’s not important.”

“Are you going to marry her, Jesse?”

He leaned against the wall. “Would it make you feel better if you knew I had a wife when our divorce is final?”

“No, I… yes.” She was screaming inside. It was ridiculous, and yes, selfish of her to not want him to marry Abbie. But how could she explain that to him?
I don’t want you to marry her, because
… She didn’t even know why.

Jesse’s eyes hardened. “Maybe I will, Marti. Maybe I will.”

Time passed faster than Marti cared to think about. She should be happy that her pregnancy was coming closer to an end. It was the beginning of March, the middle of her twenty-fourth week. The baby was happily kicking away a dozen times a day. Still, whenever Jesse saw her expression change, he rushed over and asked where the kick spot was, as he called it.

Abbie had accepted the bank manager’s position and moved into an apartment a few miles away. She had gracefully backed away from Jesse, but Marti knew the woman was biding her time. The boys were a constant reminder of her proposal: a family, a marriage of convenience. Maybe a kiss in the river, and then more.

If I stay
…

What bothered Marti most was the realization that Abbie could offer Jesse so much more than she could.

The sound of a truck door slamming and Bumpus’s barking drew her to the front window. Jesse was walking up with three fishing rods over his shoulder. She opened the door so the dog could see the intruder was his master.