Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) (10 page)

Chapter Thirteen

“Kayles, slow down. I can’t run as fast as you this early in the morning.”

“Megan, speed up. Just tell your mind to tell your body you can do it. Running is good for you.”

Megan stopped several feet behind Kaylan, clutching her side. “I may have better luck telepathically communicating to your brain that you are psychotic.”

Kaylan burst into laughter and paced back to where Megan stood hunched over her knees. “You are a grouch in the morning.”

“No one in their right mind should be up this early in the morning without a caffeine drip. You are killing me.”

“I’m making you stronger.” Kaylan slipped an arm around Megan and led her down the beach. “And you can’t complain too much. Look at this view.”

The sky and sea blurred together on the horizon. Color broke in the dawning Sunday morning and the ocean shimmered like dark glass. Kaylan’s feet met the packed tide-kissed sand where the waves had recently changed the color from gold to brown.

“Kaylan, it’s the weekend. This is ridiculous.”

“You’ll thank me later when you have energy to keep you going all day long.” Kaylan began to run, pulling Megan with her. “C’mon. We’ve got one more mile.”

Megan struggled to keep pace with her. Snatches of muttering and words that sounded close to “crazy, health nut, drill sergeant” floated to Kaylan’s ears before the breeze pulled them out to sea.

On mornings like this, Kaylan felt closer to Nick. It had been almost a week since he left, a week since their fight. She knew the assignment was likely to be brief. Several wives and girlfriends had heard that they might be back soon. She’d only received short, vague emails from Nick. Nothing that addressed the hurt that had sprung up between them. She was beginning to see that his emotional energy had to be directed to his mission, but she longed for the chance to reconnect with him fully.

Her only phone call came from Micah saying he loved her and would see her soon. “Give him time, sis. I think he regrets the way he left and the idiot is too prideful to put that aside and call you. We’re working on him. Just hang tight. He’s miserable. And he loves you.”

His words didn’t bring Kaylan much comfort. Nick could call but chose not to. It hurt. She was miserable, too, but on mornings like this, she imagined him now running slightly ahead as she followed in his steady footsteps, his breath even as he cut a path for them down the beach. She knew the strength in his shoulders and the extra energy he mustered when they reached their last half mile. He added a burst of speed and finished with everything he had. He pushed her and she followed him into the finish line every time, using his strength to bolster her own.

Only this morning, she heard Megan’s unsteady breaths and shaky footsteps as she followed in Kaylan’s wake, straining to keep up. Kaylan slowed down a little. “Almost there, Meg.”

They finished at the pier where Kaylan had been lured into a kidnapping only months before. A chill raced down her spine as she remembered the sweet smell of a drug and then nothing before waking up in a boat shed. She and Megan had barely escaped with their lives, but Nick and the team had come for her. He always came for her.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Megan rubbed a spot on her head, probably remembering where she’d been hit.

“It’s hard not to when I see this pier.”

Megan shuddered. “Scariest moment of my life, but we made it.”

“Do you still have nightmares?”

“Sometimes.” Megan shrugged. “But they aren’t coming as much now.”

“That’s great. What helped?”

Megan turned bright red and looked out to sea. “You and all that Jesus talk. I read a chapter in Psalms every night before I go to bed. It’s hard to go to bed scared or with negative thoughts after reading that stuff. Not to mention it’s got a nice ring to it.”

“My roommate, the closet poet.” Kaylan laughed and wrapped her arm around Megan’s shoulders. “Watch out, Meg. You may end up becoming a Jesus-lover after all.”

“It might not be the worst thing ever.”

“Glad you think so.”

As they began walking back to the car, a high-pitched yelp filtered through the breeze.

Kaylan stopped. “Did you hear that?”

Megan paused as the sound echoed again. Kaylan physically ached at the pain she heard slicing through the air. She turned, searching the beach for the source of the sound.

“Kayles, it sounds like an animal or something.” She tugged on Kaylan’s arm. “Let’s just go.”

“It sounds hurt. We need to find it.”

“Kaylan . . .” A sharp bark followed by yelping sent Kaylan running under the pier, Megan scrambling to follow in her wake.

Sand kicked up behind her, stinging her bare calves. Her muscles ached with exertion from her run and now a sprint down the beach. As they neared one of the pier beams, Kaylan spotted a shaggy dog sprawled in the sand. His white and black fur hung in matted knots. He lay on his side in the sand, struggling to get on his feet. Every time he succeeded, a yelp cut through the air and he crumpled back to the sand to begin the fight once more.

“Kaylan, stop, you don’t know where he’s been or if he’s friendly.”

But Kaylan couldn’t help herself. She approached him slowly. “Hey fella, it’s okay. Let me help you.” His tail flopped in response to her voice, sending sand grains airborne. His skinny belly rose and fell in sync with his frenzied panting. As Kaylan knelt next to him, she held out her hand to let him sniff.

“Look, he’s hurt.” She pointed at his back left paw.  “It’s still bleeding. I wonder if he stepped on a broken seashell or piece of glass or something.” She looked around the area in search of the object in question.

“Kaylan, just leave him. Someone else will help. Maybe his family will find him.”

“Who will help him if we don’t, Meg? He looks like a stray. He doesn’t have a collar, and he’s hurt.”

“Kaylan, don’t you even . . .”

“We’re taking him home.”

“. . . say that,” Megan finished and groaned.

“Hey, boy, can I pet you?” Kaylan stretched out her hand to his head. When he didn’t react, she slipped her hand behind his ear and scratched. She received a slobbery kiss in response.

“You’ve been slimed.”

Kaylan chuckled and wiped her hand on her shorts. “I’ve been approved.”

“How do you know it’s a boy?” Megan questioned as she kept her distance.

Kaylan circled behind him and wedged her arms beneath his belly. He whined and struggled. She whispered, trying to soothe him as she lifted him.

“Yep, he’s a boy.” Megan confirmed as Kaylan moved past her, a furry mass in her arms.

“Hurry. He’s kind of heavy.” Megan ran ahead and grabbed an old sandy towel that Kaylan kept in her trunk for beach visits. She spread it across the back seat. Kaylan did her best to slip the dog in without bumping his leg, then slid into the front seat.

“He smells like wet dog,” Megan muttered on the short drive back to their house.

“Did you expect him to smell like roses?”

“I didn’t expect to smell wet dog, period.”

“Can’t be much worse than fish smell.”

“I’ll give you that.”

Kaylan smiled and shook her head, her gaze alternating from the road to the mangy dog in the back seat. “Tell you what, while I give him a bath, why don’t you start the coffee and get a dose of happy in your system.”

“We’re keeping this dog, aren’t we?”

Kaylan didn’t respond.

“What is it with you and adopting strays?”

Again Kaylan kept silent, basking in Megan’s frustration. Her roommate was too much of a softy to resist long. Once Kaylan had him cleaned up and smelling nice, Megan would melt.

They pulled in front of the house and Kaylan gently maneuvered the dog from the back seat. “He needs a name.”

“He probably has a disease.”

Again, Kaylan smothered a smile as her roommate opened the front door. “Coffee, Megan.”

“No need to tell me that again.” She cut a straight path to the kitchen. “Soldier boy protects and you rescue. You really do make the perfect martyr couple,” Megan shouted as Kaylan marched the dog back to the bathroom and plopped him in the tub.

When Megan put it like that, Nick and Kaylan really did sound like the perfect team, and both in the perfect places to fulfill their roles. One on the front protecting the lives of Americans, and one at home rescuing one puppy and surly roommate at a time.

*

It took an hour to clean the sand and blood from the dog’s foot and wash and comb through all his knots. She’d even taken scissors to some. Megan finally appeared with a mug of coffee and sat on the toilet lid watching while Kaylan worked.

“Now he looks like a drowned rat.”

Kaylan chuckled as the dog licked her. “He is pretty skinny.”

“I put some food and water down for him in the kitchen.”

“What are we feeding him?”

When Megan didn’t answer, Kaylan turned to face her, a cup of water at the ready to force an answer from Megan.

“I may have run to the store real quick and grabbed food, a bed, and a collar. And if you pour that on me, I will take it all back and then kill you slowly.”

“You old softy.”

The chugging of the drain filled the bathroom as the dog slipped and tried to back away from the offensive sound. Kaylan reached for an old towel and began to dry him, avoiding the wound on his paw and leg.

“Sandy,” Megan said over the growling drain.

“I know. I’ll clean it up after I get him out of here.”

“No, I mean his name. Sandy.”

“That sounds a little too orphan Annie to me.”

“Orphan who?”

“You were a deprived child, weren’t you? What did you watch growing up?”

Megan’s lip curled. “Nothing with singing in it.”

Kaylan tried to help the dog from the tub as he slipped and slid and landed in a furry pile on his belly at their feet. Both of them laughed.

“Well, Sandy fits with how he looked when we found him, and I don’t want to keep calling him ‘dog.’”

Kaylan sank down on her knees in front of him and began cleaning and bandaging his paw with supplies she had laid out on the bathroom rug. He whimpered but held still, covering her hand and the bandage with kisses.

“He seems pretty nice.”

“You could pet him, Meg.”

Megan’s grimace sent Kaylan into a fit of giggles. “Or not. You forget I prefer marine animals to the furry sort.”

“He may change your mind.” Kaylan finished the bandage and helped the dog to his feet. He limped a bit but found his footing as she led him to the kitchen and the bowl of food and water Megan had laid out for him. Megan followed and jumped up on the counter, watching him eat.

“He really does have a pretty coat now,” Megan murmured. “He’s too skinny though.”

“We can fatten him up. We’ll take him to the vet and see how old he is and get them to check his health, but he looks okay to me, just underfed.”

“Maybe he got in a fight with a crab or something.”

“Maybe.” Kaylan watched Sandy. His white and black patchy coat shone after the bath and smelled infinitely better than he had an hour before. He seemed friendly and gentle, just in desperate need of affection and care.

“Are you okay with us keeping him?”

Megan smiled. “You are moving out in the next few months anyway, so I can handle him for a while.”

“You’re going to fall in love with him and not want either one of us to leave by the time this is all said and done.”

Megan jumped off the counter and ran her fingers through Sandy’s wagging tail. “All this sweet stuff is hurting my tough image.”

Kaylan slugged Megan’s arm. “Maybe it’s time for a new image,” she shouted after her as she went to her room.

Sandy walked to the bed Megan had laid out next to his bowls and collapsed. Kaylan bent to pet his still-wet fur, wondering if she had just found a companion for Nick’s long absences. “Maybe it’s time for an attitude change for both of us,” she muttered.

Chapter Fourteen

Smelling of crayons and chocolate chip cookies, Timothy snuggled into Kaylan as she read a Bible story to her Sunday kindergarten class.

“How did the donkey talk, Mrs. Kaylan?”

She kissed his forehead and smiled at the other children gathered in her circle. “God told him to because Balaam was being stubborn.”

Abigail, a little girl in purple and pigtails, raised her hand. “Can all donkeys talk?”

“Only if Jesus tells them to, Abby,” Jason answered matter-of-factly.

Timothy turned his big eyes to look up at Kaylan, his black skin and curly short hair reminding her all too much of baby Kenny in Haiti. A wave of nostalgia washed over her, before she pushed back its tide. “If I’m stubborn like that, will God make a donkey talk at me?”

Kaylan gave him a squeeze, sending him into a fit of giggles and making the other children giggle with him. “I think what we can learn from this is that God wants us to be obedient, but he can use anything to make us listen if we choose to run from him or disobey him. So how can we be obedient?”

“Do what Mommy says.”

“What does she tell you to do?”

“Don’t push friends at school.”

“Share my toys.”

“Feed my dog.”

“Those are all good things to do. Jesus loves it when we are obedient. But he wants us to obey Him because we love Him.”

“I love Jesus this much, Miss Kaylan,” Timothy said, stretching his arms out wide and leaning back into Kaylan’s chest.

“I hope you love Him more and more.” Kaylan saw several parents standing at the door ready to pick the kids up for the service. “Let’s pray and meet your parents.”

Timothy prayed quickly and then bounced from her lap to meet his mom at the door. As the other children followed suit, Kaylan rose to help clean up.

“Kayles?” Kaylan dropped what she was doing and turned to find Megan dressed in her ripped jeans and a nice black sweater wearing a terrified expression.

Kaylan schooled her shock. Megan had never come to church. “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“Neither did I. Someone I met said I could find you in here. Does everyone know you?”

Kaylan finished putting the last block in the bucket and stood. “Not hardly. You just happened to run into the right person. You ready for service?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

“C’mon. No one will bite.”

“I’m more worried about the lightning.”

“Nothing has struck the building yet, so I’m pretty sure you’re fine.”

Kaylan navigated through the building, greeting a few people as she went and acknowledging several SEAL families who asked if she’d heard from Nick. With each “no,” a part of her darkened more and more. She missed him. They needed to talk. And she needed to let go. She just didn’t know how. Pinning a smile on her face, she went through the motions during the music and pulled out a notebook and Bible to take notes during the message. But everything fell flat.

Where are you, Lord? Why does everything feel off?

“I want everyone to make a fist,” the pastor said. His request caught Kaylan’s attention.

“Is he about to encourage an all-out brawl in church? No one’s drunk enough for that,” Megan whispered, eliciting a smirk from Kaylan.

“I’m serious, make a fist,” the pastor said as a few people cast bewildered looks at their neighbors. Kaylan formed a fist with her left hand, her heart wound more tightly than her knuckles.

“Now I want you to think of something that’s hurt you deeply. Maybe it’s something you are struggling with or someone that you are angry at. Maybe a husband left you or a child won’t behave or your boss doesn’t respect you or a friend won’t speak with you. Now close your eyes, and I want you to give that pain to your Father in heaven who made you and loves you.”

The medium-sized worship center felt small all of a sudden, like the walls were closing in and everyone was staring at her. She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the people, the room, and the hipster pastor on stage dressed in trendy plaid and asking her to relive her pain. But the pain she desperately desired to hold at bay shoved through her defenses.
Her argument with Nick reared its ugly head.

Kaylan’s last words with Nick stabbed through her mind, searing like a red-hot poker. Her hands trembled, and Kaylan squeezed her fist tighter. She was angry. Angry at the Lord for taking those she loved, for isolating her, for the pain she couldn’t seem to release from losing loved ones. She was angry that the world was hard, angry that it could cost Nick and her new family their lives, and angry that he just accepted it, that at times it ranked higher than her.

But most of all Kaylan was angry at herself for not being able to move past it, for understanding why Nick wanted to go and yet holding it against him in her heart. She was angry that she couldn’t be the perfect fiancée or perfect wife. That she would always struggle because nothing in the world terrified her more than losing her loved ones, than being alone. Nick was a liability to both of those fears, yet he’d chosen her, and she’d chosen him. Now he was asking her to be braver than her fears and trust him on the journey God had called him to travel.

“One last step. I want you to tell the Lord you are going to trust Him to heal that pain and commit to stop trying to fix it in your own strength.” The pastor’s voice sliced through Kaylan’s battle. “Now open your fist and surrender your fears and your pain to Him.”

But Kaylan couldn’t release. Her fingers ached as she squeezed tighter. She wanted to. God, she wanted to let go of the pain, of the fear, of the desire to control and keep Nick close. She wanted to release all the tension and for the first time in a year experience the sweet sensation of relief.

As music began to play, Kaylan opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was an atmosphere of peace, of free people who had relinquished control. Megan sang with everyone else, a single tear running down her cheek.

But that wasn’t the problem. The second thing Kaylan noticed was her still-clenched fist trembling on her lap.