Surrendering (49 page)

After our bath, I dress in my favorite black nightie and crawl next to him in bed. I straddle his lap, feeling him harden fully underneath me. He runs his fingers along my sides and pulls the satin back over my head and leans up to roll us over. His fingers circle my moist center. He inserts one finger and leisurely runs his thumb over my clit. Once he hits the right spot, I groan in his mouth. He leans back and watches me as the pleasure runs through me. I moan his name as the orgasm takes over. I’m not off my high yet and he glides into me. Bracing on his elbows, he slides in and out of me never breaking eye contact. I wrap my arms and legs around him, getting him as close as possible. Tears slip out of the corners of my eyes and he notices.

“Baby, please don’t cry. I see you pulling away from me. Every damn day, I feel you pulling yourself and pushing me. I need you to believe in us.”

“I did, but I can’t believe the decision you made. I have a job now so I can’t go with you even if you asked but…”

“Shh, don’t say that. You have to believe in us because it’s what keeps me going.”

I don’t respond; I just let him make love to me.

Chapter 42

Leaving

Saturday is a flurry of activity. I’ve been at my parents since Wednesday night. I’ll be gone almost eight weeks and my parents insisted on me spending my last few days with them. They know what’s going on and have encouraged me to go abroad. My dad wanted to address Declan directly, but Mom and I talked him out of calling him.

Sayge is performing at 2:00. By the time I get backstage, they are ready to go on. Declan spots me and runs over.

“Where have you been? I thought you were coming this morning. I tried to call you, but my phone died.”

“I was with my parents. I start my new job next week so they wanted to spend time with me.”

“This job is going to make you so busy that you can’t see your parents? I thought you were working for a friend of your dad’s”

“Declan, it’s time, get over here.” Jay interrupts before I can tell Declan that I’m leaving tonight.

He gives me a swift kiss and heads on-stage. I join Abbi, Ella, Jimi, and some other friends of Sayge I’ve seen at The Steamroom throughout the year. Jay tries to talk to me, but I ignore him. There’s a familiar face a few feet away taking notes on his IPad.

“Mike Jacobs, what are you doing here?”

“Raven, holy hell, how are you?” He hugs me quickly.

“I’m great! I’m back in Nashville studying at Vanderbilt. What about you?”

“I started a small company last year. It’s still young, but I have a little record label I’m trying to grow. So far there are only five employees, but I’m looking for the next big thing to hit the music scene. So I figured I should check out the biggest music fest around.”

“Yeah, well, Sayge’s pretty great. You should listen to them.”

“I’m impressed so far. I have a meeting with their rep, Jay.”

“Hmm,” is all I say.

“That good or bad?”

“It’s fine; I know all of them pretty well.”

We talk a little throughout the show, but we mostly watch Sayge play. The weather is scorching hot and Declan’s a sweaty mess. The crowd loves them. A few people in the crowd are singing along and several people are wearing Sayge shirts. I know the demand for Sayge merchandise will increase after this performance.

I rejoin our friends as Declan finishes their last song. Our cheers are drowned out by the crowd, but I continue to scream until I’m hoarse. Declan makes his way offstage and comes directly to me. No one stops him as he lifts and swings me in a circle. Pretty soon, I have his sweat all over me.

Jay interrupts our private celebration to tell Declan he needs to do an interview for a blogger that’s waiting. Declan gives him the evil eye, but joins the rest of the band and gives the interview. The blogger asks him who I am, but he refuses to answer. After the third time, the guy asks Jay and he answers that I’m just a friend of the family. Declan doesn’t correct him and he won’t look at me. I look down at the ring on my finger and wipe the tears from my eyes.

I discreetly say my good-byes and make my way to the waiting car. I have just over an hour in the car to cry it out. Then I’m determined to let it go for the next eight weeks. I’m leaving.

*****

Declan

Where did she go? I don’t see Raven anywhere. I want to punch Jay for that little fucking stunt. I was doing fine evading that bloggers questions and I already told the guys I was going to avoid talking about Raven, but I will never deny our relationship. If asked directly, I wouldn’t lie so we all agreed to try and keep the conversation off of her and my personal life.

Jay’s talking to a guy I recognize from the show. He was talking to Raven during our performance and he hugged her when she left. It’s time I find out who the hell he is.

“Yo, Jay! What the hell was that?”

Jay gives me a ‘
shut the hell up’
look and doesn’t answer me. He continues talking to this guy, ignoring me.

“Excuse me for interrupting, but did you see which way Raven ran after your little insult earlier?”

The conversation stops and Jay’s face starts to turn red.

“Raven Hayes?”

“Yeah, you know her?”

The guy smirks at me with a shit eating grin. “Yeah, I know her, known her for a long time.”

“Who the hell are you?” I practically growl at him because the look on his face tells me that he’s thinking dirty thoughts about her.

“Declan, maybe you should lower your voice,” Jay snaps at me.

The other guy laughs. “I’m Mike Jacobs.”

“Great, Mike, how do you know Raven?” I’m starting to get impatient. Jay is trying to intervene by talking about the show, but I don’t look away from Mike.

“Robbie and I went to school together. I’ve known the Hayes family since I was in Junior High. How do you know Raven?”

“She’s my fiancé.”

“Well, congratulations, she’s quite a catch. She’s always been a beautiful girl, but she’s grown into a stunning young woman.”

“I assure you, if you like what you see and we work together, Declan’s situation won’t become public. We understand how important image is.” Jay says to Mike.

“What the fuck, Jay? Why would he care?”

Jay looks at me with anger in his eyes. “Declan, Mike owns MJ Label. They’re the group we’ve been working through to try and get a record deal.”

“No shit, what a small world. What’d you think of the show?”

Mike looks back and forth between Jay and me with obvious skepticism. “The show was great! You’ve got a good sound and solid chemistry among the band members. But I’m going to be completely honest here, MJ isn’t looking for the next big letdown. I need to know what kind of situation you’re referring to when you said ‘
Declan’s situation won’t become public’.’
’

Jay glares at me, waiting for me to answer. “Jay told me about hiding the engagement from the public while we tour this summer. I’m not on board with lying, but I’ll avoid any questions about my love life.”

Mike looks at me like I’m crazy. “Why the fuck would you want to hide your engagement?”

I’m not sure I want to answer this question since Jay’s the one who works with the Marketing team who made the suggestion. I nod my head for Jay to answer.

“Jessica told us how important it is to be desirable and edgy. She explained the image Sayge needs to get the following you wanted for your label.”

“Are you fucking serious? When’s the last time you spoke to Jessica?”

“Last week.”

“I fired her yesterday for shit like this. She’s a dipshit and her message to you is exactly what I don’t want for my label. Desire and edge comes through in your talent and performance- not who you sleep with at night. What about Raven? How’d she feel about her engagement being referred to as a ‘situation’?”

Nate, Blake, and Cooper join us. They catch tail end of the conversation. Blake’s face has gone white. He looks sick.

Mike continues. “I think you guys have what it takes to go mainstream. MJ label isn’t after trouble. I’ve built my business on honesty and I have a solid reputation. We have several big names recording with us right now and none of them have any drama. I personally think the story of Sayge’s lead singer being engaged would draw more fans. Not everyone out there wants the story of drugs, rehabs, and womanizing musicians. If I signed you, I would capitalize on the relationship between you and Raven. As you can see, Jessica didn’t share my vision.”

I lunge at Jay, but someone grabs me from behind and holds me. Jay slinks back not saying a word. Everyone is watching me.

“I’m coming to a few of your shows in North Carolina; let’s talk then. Good luck.” Mike shakes my hand, gives me his card, and leaves.

“Hey, was that Mike Jacobs? I thought I saw him earlier with RJ, but I didn’t get to talk to him.” Jimi asks after missing all the drama.

I don’t say anything, but nod my head to confirm. No longer on my post show high, I push through them hoping to find Raven in our RV. She’s not there.

I search the entire area, but I can’t find her anywhere. I call her phone but it goes directly to voicemail. I leave several messages and send a few text messages, begging her to call me. I’m such an idiot. How many times can I screw up with this girl and expect her to forgive me? I can’t wait until Sunday night to see her. I know she starts her new job soon, but maybe we can get a schedule together for her to meet me on weekends; whatever it takes. I need her with me.

*****

I take a shower and dress quickly. I throw all my stuff in my duffel. I walk out of the bedroom and down the short hall to the kitchen area. Abbi and Ella are waiting for me there. Jimi is leaning against the wall and the rest of the band is sitting on the couch. Jay is nowhere to be found. At least he has sense enough to stay away.

“What’s up? I’m on my way out.”

“Declan man, we’re sorry. We thought Jay knew what he was talking about. We didn’t think it would come to this.” Cooper tells me.

“I really don’t have time to fuck with your bullshit right now. Going behind my back and pressuring me into something I hated was low, but using the band’s success as leverage against my relationship was out of line. Let’s just hope Raven will listen to me when I show up on her doorstep begging for forgiveness.”

The room goes silent and it’s evident that something’s wrong.

“Shit, she didn’t tell him.” Blake whispers to no one in particular.

“Tell who what?”

Silence.

More silence.

No one will look me in the eye. I step right in front of my sisters, knowing they’ll tell me.

“What’s going on?”

Ella answers, “Dec, how much do you know about Raven’s summer job?”

“Not too much. I know it starts this week and her dad set her up with a business associate. I know she only took the job because I told her I wasn’t bringing her on the tour with me. But don’t worry, I’m going to change that tonight.”

Ella and Abbi exchange glances and the room’s still eerily quiet.

“That’s probably not going to happen, Dec. I doubt you’ll get to talk to her tonight, or possibly anytime in the next few days.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Raven’s left. She waited until the last possible minute for you to change your mind, but you never did.”

“Well, now I know a lot of bullshit was fed to me. Maybe she can meet up with us on the weekends. I’ll fly her in when she gets off work. Why are you being so cryptic?”

“Because you ass hat, Raven’s new job is in Paris, France!”

Everything goes black and I barely feel the pain when my knees hit the floor.

Chapter 43

Surprise

Raven

I fly into Atlanta and only have an hour until I board my red-eye flight to Paris. I buy some snacks and find a charging station so I can plug in my phone. I listen to my messages and hear the desperation in Declan’s voice trying to find me after the show. I wonder if he knows about Paris yet. Then I listen to the last message and my heart breaks.

Paris, Sparkle? Were you going to tell me? I am so fucking sorry. Please tell me the damage isn’t already done on us. I know I made a colossal mistake. If you aren’t already on that plane- don’t get on. Call me; I’ll come get you. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life letting you know how important you are to me. I fucking LOVE you! You’re. My. Everything. Please call me and come home.

They announce that it’s time to board. I pack up my stuff and send a quick text to my parents and friends telling them that I’ll let them know when I’ve landed.

I send Declan a quick text as well because I can’t talk to him right now.

You were amazing today. Sayge is going to be great this summer and I wish you all the best. I do love you, Declan Collins, and I will call you when I’m ready. I have to turn off my phone now, but be safe and show everyone how awesome you are. xoxo

I don’t mention the note I left in his guitar case because I’m pretty sure he hasn’t found it yet. A minute later, I feel the buzz of an incoming text.

Please get off that plane and come back to me. I surrender- I need you.

Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore, tears fall onto my cheeks. I wipe them away and turn off my phone.

“Excuse me, I think this is my seat.”

It can’t be. I recognize the voice immediately and whip my head around to see him. I jump in his arms, forcing him to step back.

“Finn Black! What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t think I’d let you go across the ocean for almost two months without me, did you?”

I can’t even form any words. I’m so excited to see my friend; I almost choke him from squeezing so hard.

“Okay, Baby Girl, we’ve got a lot of time for you to squeeze me to death. Let’s get settled for this god-awful long flight. We’ve got some catching up to do.”

For the first time in weeks, I feel a burden lift from my shoulders. Finn is my rock and he came through for me once again, following me across the world to help nurse my broken heart. God I love him.