Survivor's Remorse: Brothers of Ink and Steel (15 page)

Copper nodded. “Just go easy on him. He’s had it hard in the past.”

“I know. He told me.”

Copper nodded again and motioned her ahead of him with a finger. Jamie put the truck into first and started rolling again. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this… together.”

***

“You want me to come in?” Copper asked as Leo hobbled into Jamie’s house.

“No. We’ll be fine. Thanks, Copper, for calling me and taking care of Leo, but I’ve got him. Go home and get some rest.”

“Not going to happen. I’ll call the guys. We’ll have someone outside all night if you need us. I think you’re good for him, but we take care of our own.”

Jamie smiled. “Thank you. You’re a good friend.”

“We’re brothers,” Copper said as if that explained it all.

When Copper stepped out of her garage she closed the big rolling door and followed Leo inside. He had the Southern Comfort out and was pouring a shot. She picked up the shot and downed it, gritting her teeth against the burn. “Thanks. I needed that,” she said, taking the bottle from his hand and putting the lid back on. “You’re on pain meds, so none of this for you tonight.”

“I don’t fucking care,” he said as he reached for the bottle.

“
I
fucking care,” she said, holding it out of his reach. “I’ll pour it down the drain, Leo,” she warned as he moved to reach for it again.

“Just give me the goddamn bottle.”

“No.”

She watched his face twist up in anger. “Then take me home.”

“No. The doctor said for someone to watch you tonight. You’re stuck here, so just get over it.”

“You’re being a complete bitch,” he said softly as his face relaxed.

“Aren’t I, though?” That brought a ghost of a smile from him. “Take me to bed?”

He stared into her eyes a moment. “Can you give me some time? I’m… messed up. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I understand. But I will be here, no matter how long it takes, okay? If not tonight, then tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, the next day. Or the next.” She rose up on her toes and kissed him tenderly on the lips. He didn’t respond, but she didn’t expect him to. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.” With a soft caress of his cheek, she walked toward her bedroom, the bottle of Southern Comfort still in her hand.

Sometime in the dark stillness of the night she awoke and heard Leo moving about in the front of her house as he muttered to himself. His voice, though low, was harsh and guttural. She listened to him a moment, catching enough words and phrases to understand he was promising vile retribution on anyone involved in the death of Tuck and Two-Tone, or the attempt to harm her. As she listened, tears slowly leaked from her eyes.
So much pain…

She reached to the floor and touched the bottle she had brought with her into the bedroom to confirm its presence. With a sigh, she wiped her eyes and then listened to his muttered threats until she drifted back into sleep.

***

“How are you this morning,” she asked as she wandered into the kitchen, her voice still slow and thick from sleep. 

“Fine,” Leo murmured as he sat at the kitchen table staring out her kitchen window at the morning light.

“Did you sleep?”

“No.”

She glanced at the clock on the microwave. “You can have another pill for pain. I’ll get if you need it.”

“No. I’m fine.”

Jamie stewed. He was talking to her, but his voice was flat and lifeless. “Can I get you anything else? Would you like me to fix you some breakfast?”

“No. Thank you.”

“Do you want to talk?”

“No.”

Okay. Fine…
She stepped around behind his chair and took him into her arms, placing her head on his shoulder. Bent at the waist she held him, saying nothing, doing nothing, standing still and quiet as she offered him her silent support.

Just as she was sure her back would break from her position she heard him gasp as his shoulders shook. She had been about to give up her position, but she gritted her teeth against the discomfort. She felt another shudder go through him, then a moment later, another. His hand came up and he gripped her wrist, holding it to him. She felt his shoulder collapse in slightly as he leaned forward and his head tipped down. As he began to shake, a tiny splash of wetness landed on her hand.

Never releasing her embrace, she slid around to the side and went to her knees beside him. “It’s okay to grieve, Leo. If you don’t grieve, you can’t let go of the pain. If you don’t let go of the pain, you can’t heal,” she whispered softly as she held him. He turned slightly in his chair and fell into her embrace, holding her as he was racked with sobs.

“Why, Jamie? Why them? Why couldn’t it be me? Why did it have to be them?”

“Shhh… There is no answer to that,” she answered softly as she held him tight, rocking him as he sobbed.

“I should have died! I should have died in Iraq and I should have died last night! It should have been me and not Tuck! Maggie… she’s…”

“I know, Leo. I know,” she cooed, trying to ease his pain. “But I’m glad you didn’t die. I am so very glad.”

Slowly his sobs quietened as he began to relax into her arms. She stood and with gentle coaxing, got him to her bedroom. She put him to bed and he was asleep in an instant. She thought about joining him, to be there to comfort him when he woke up, but she had things she needed to do and he would probably sleep for hours.

***

“Danny, right?” she asked the man sitting on her front porch, smoking a cigar.

“That’s right. How’s he doing?”

“Tough night. He’s in bed, asleep at the moment. Can you come in and watch him for a little while? I have things I need to do.”

“Sure,” Danny said as rose to his feet.

“Make yourself at home, but no smoking in my house. There’s food and beer in the fridge. Don’t let him have anything to drink if he takes any more pain meds. And don’t let him drink too much in any case. Got it?”

He chuckled as he ground the cigar out in a planter. “Damn, Jamie… you missed your calling. You should have been a Drill Sergeant.”

Jamie smiled at him. “It’s the only way I can get you Army types to listen to me.”

“Yeah, but I was Air Force.”

“Oh! In that case… please,” she said, her smile growing wider. 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Leo was unaware of Jamie leaving as exhaustion from yesterday’s events and his sleepless night caused him to almost instantly fall to sleep. Jamie had been gone almost an hour when he rolled over and his bandaged arm bumped against the nightstand.

***

“Not as bad as being shot, is it?” Miller asked. He pulled the hospital sheet back to look at the bloodstained bandage wrapped around Leo’s middle. “Damn…” he drawled. “That looks like it hurts.”

“I’ve felt better,” Leo wheezed.

“Doc said you were going to make it. It was touch and go there for a while. They were able to save the lung, you lucky shit, but don’t plan on running any marathons.”

“Yeah… lucky.” Leo wheezed again.

“I know you don’t think so, but it’s true. And I’m glad for you, Sarge, I really am. You’re a good guy, even if you are a pain in my ass sometimes.”

“I don’t feel so lucky.”

“What are you talking about? You have friends who like you, a growing business… not to mention Jamie. Jesus Christ, she’s so hot I’m surprised she doesn’t set the bed on fire.”

Leo chuckled then coughed, grimacing against the pain. “Don’t make me laugh, you asshole.”

“You have a lot to live for, man. A lot of guys would trade places with you a New York minute – me included.”

“You’re dead.”

“Yeah, I know. That kinda cramps my style, but if I weren’t, I would give you a run for your money with Jamie.”

“You can have her.”

Miller snickered. “You would give me the best thing that has happened to you in years? You’re either the best friend a guy could ever have or you are the stupidest shit that ever lived. I’m leaning toward the second.”

“Maybe you could keep her safe.”

“Maybe. I would sure try, but you didn’t do too badly. You probably saved everyone’s life in the bar the other night, including Jamie’s. Of course, if I had been there, the guy would have never gotten off a shot… just because I’m awesome that way. But, you know, being dead, that makes it a little harder for me.”

“I can’t save anyone. I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t save Tuck or Two-Tone.”

“Yeah… about that. Come on, let’s walk,” Miller said as he and Leo walked through the remains of their convoy. “I don’t know what you expect. Both times you were severely overmatched. We were outgunned by at least three to one here…” the landscape changed to the highway where Tuck and Two-Tone were killed “... and a bike versus a full-sized truck? You’re a pretty big guy, but you aren’t that big.”

“You did good, Sergeant Graves,” First Sergeant Hitchens said. “You took down a gunman with no civilian casualties.”

“The man and the woman were—” Leo objected.

“—shot by the gunman… not you. Had you not been there, it would have been worse – much worse. He would have been able to kill almost everyone in the room before anyone could have done anything to stop him,” Hitchens said

“But I wasn’t able—”

“Sergeant, you’re a damn fine soldier, but you’re not superhuman. Nobody could have prevented what happened in Iraq. Hell, I was killed in the first ten seconds. I was honored to serve with men like you and Miller.” 

“But Tuck and Two-Tone…”

“What about us?” Tuck asked.

“You were killed.”

“Yeah. Ain’t that a bitch? But it wasn’t your fault.”

“If anything, it was my fault,” Two-Tone said. “I let that guy ride right up my ass before I realized what was happening.”

Leo looked at his companions. His wounds were healed and he was dressed in his Army BDU’s with his Lima 6 jacket over the top. “Everyone I care about dies. I should leave before anyone else gets hurt.”

“And go where?” Tuck asked. “And what about Jamie?”

“Anywhere.”

“And leave Ron completely in charge? Let him start a full scale war with the Prieto Cartel? How is that helping to protect anyone?” Two-Tone asked.

“The war is coming anyway.”

“Yes… yes it is, but without you to balance Ron—” Tuck said.

“It doesn’t matter… I can’t stop it.”

He drew his sidearm and placed it to his head. Before he could pull the trigger, Jamie placed her hand on his. He pulled the trigger with all his might, but it wouldn’t budge.

“No,” Jamie said softly. “You can’t do that. Too many people in Vallecito depend on you. I depend on you.”

“I can’t do it! You can’t depend on me!” he wailed as he strained to pull the trigger.

“You can. And you have. I, and a lot of other people, would be dead now if it weren’t for you. We need you to stay… I need you to stay.”

“We’re counting on you, Leo,” Tuck and Jamie said in chorus.

“I need you to protect Maggie for me,” Tuck said.

“I need you to protect me. Vallecito counts on you. I count on you,” Jamie said alone. “Don’t leave Vallecito to get caught between Lima 6 and the cartel. We need you, here, with us. Please don’t go. Promise me you won’t leave us.”

Leo looked into Jamie’s large brown eyes and he felt a new determination. He had failed Second Platoon, and he had failed Tuck and Two-Tone… but he hadn’t failed her. And he wouldn’t. He would protect her no matter the cost. “I promise,” he said quietly.

She beamed at him as she steered his pistol back into his holster.

“What prevents me from simply pulling it again?”

“You have given me your word and a knight always keeps his word.”

He blinked at her. “Knight?”

She nodded as she handed him a box. He opened it and his eyes watered from the glow emanating from the object inside.

“What is it?” he asked.

“It’s a beacon.” She reached into the box and pulled out a five-pointed star attached to a ribbon. It glowed impossibly bright in the palm of her hand. “You, and others that believe in you, are the beacons that prevent Lima 6 from becoming evil.”

“I’m not a beacon,” he said softly, looking away from the star.

“You prevented Ron from killing the kids. You have been the voice of reason and restraint and—”

“How did you know?”

“Everyone knows, Leo. That is why we depend on you. Your voice keeps Lima 6 from taking the wrong path. You’re Vallecito’s knight protector, our paladin. If you were to leave, darkness would follow and people would die. You, and others like you, are the true protectors of Vallecito.”

He looked around and saw Lima 6. Some members, Copper, Tuck, Two-Tone, Fitz, Wade, Duck, Boggs, along with others, hold a glowing star in their hand, as he was doing. Those holding the stars stepped from the crowd and joined him. Those left behind closed ranks, as if they were never there.

He turned to look at Jamie, wondering what it all meant, but she was gone. He quickly looked back to those that had joined him, but they, too, were gone. He was alone, the star still glowing in his hand.

***

“How’s he doing?” Jamie asked Danny when she returned from the bar after the workmen had finished for the day. One more round of wood repairs tomorrow, and when the replacement mirror arrived, it would be like the shooting had never happened. She had left Rachel in charge. She had more important matters to attend to this evening.

“He’s quiet now. He was talking in his sleep to Tuck and Two-Tone… the poor bastard. I wish there was something I could do for him. You know his story?”

“Yeah. Life isn’t fair, is it?”

“No. Even less so for some.”

“I’ll watch him if you want to go.”

“Copper will be here in about an hour to relieve me, but I’m going to step outside for a smoke.”

“Okay. How’s Maggie?”

“I heard she’s taking it hard. Some of the girls are staying with her. This whole thing is fucked up. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“I’m afraid it’s going to get worse,” Jamie said as she looked at her feet.

“Yeah. Me. Too. Take care of him, Jamie. The club needs him.”

She smiled slightly and looked into Danny’s eyes. “Yeah. We all do.”

When Danny stepped outside, she moved to her bedroom. Leo had obviously been thrashing as her bed was a mess. With a sad smile she settled into the bed behind him and took him into her embrace. His shirt was damp with sweat, but she didn’t care as she snuggled in tight. She lay still, listening to his deep rhythmic breathing, until after an hour he began to stir.

“Hi,” he mumbled.

“Hi yourself. How do you feel?”

“Better, I guess. How long was I asleep?”

“About nine hours. Do you need more pain meds?”

“No.  I’m okay. Have you been here the whole time?” he asked as he rolled over to face her.

“No. But Danny has been. He said you were talking to Tuck and Two-Tone while you slept.”

“I was? I must have been dreaming. I know I dream because I can feel it, but I never remember them.”

“Maybe that is a good thing.”

“Maybe.” He looked at her, his face clouded with sadness. “I’m sorry about last night and this morning.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The way I was acting. I… said some things. I just want you to know that I’m sorry, that I don’t want you to leave. I
need
you, Jamie. I just worry…”

Jamie struggled to hold her tears. “I know. But your leaving won’t protect me. It will place me in greater danger. Had you not been in the bar the other night I would be dead now. You
saved
me Leo. You saved us all.”

“The cartel will come for me. It will come for Lima 6 and everyone close to us.”

She could sense him slipping back into his pain and darkness. “Then we will fight them together,” she said as she touched his face. “It will be okay, Leo,” she said, trying to reach him, to pull him back from that dark place. “When you are with me, I feel like nothing in this world can hurt me. I
trust
you Leo. Trust yourself.”

He lay still, staring into her eyes, his emotions in turmoil. He wanted to believe her words, her assurances that it would be okay, but he had failed so many times and allowed so many deaths. “I’ll try.”

She smiled warmly. “That’s all I ask.”

“I have to get up.”

“Come back to bed afterwards?”

“I need to think, Jamie. Tuck and Two-Tone. I—”

“Shhh… Leo,” she whispered, interrupting him. “Don’t… don’t go there, okay? I need you to come back to bed. I need you to hold me. Please. I need to feel you close to me. I was so afraid last night when I couldn’t reach you. Then you wanted to send me away. Will you just hold me for a little while? Please. I need to know everything is okay.”

He looked at her and he saw the fear in her eyes. “Yes,” he said then kissed her softly on the lips.

She smiled at him. “Thank you.”

The moment he stepped into the bathroom, she leapt from the bed and quickly stripped. Whether they made love or not was not as important as simply feeling his closeness. When he returned she folded back the linens in invitation. Seeing her nakedness, he sat down and removed his own clothes then slid beneath the covers with her. As she scooted in close, her back to his chest, he surrounded her with his arms.