Sweet Sins (13 page)

             
“You quit your job, just like that. I thought you liked it there.”

             
“I did, but I had to make a decision and that’s the one I made. I told Patty Jo I was going to file and she became hysterical. She said she would never sign the papers. She wants us to go to counseling. If I leave, no one can find me and you won’t want me anymore like this, especially with no job now. I’m not going to be able to make her car payment or pay her credit card bills, that will make her want to sign those papers. If I go and everyone hates me, maybe that’s for the best.”

             
“Where are you planning to go?”

             
“Some place…some place where no one can find me. Christ, you could probably find me, it’s like you’re telepathic about me.”

             
“You make it seem as if I were hunting you instead of trying to love and please you. I’m sorry this all had to happen, sorry for both of us.”

             
“I know. I know, you’re a good kid and you deserve someone better than me. It’s not you, girl, it’s me. You’ve been good to me, the best. But I can’t stand being pulled apart like this. Anyway that I look at the situation, I lose. Whatever I do will be wrong for someone.”

             
“How does it help to leave town? I just don’t understand that. Do you plan on staying away permanently? What about your Mom?”

             
“I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I guess she’ll just have to get used to it. I’ll keep in touch with her by phone. I want to travel and see some of the USA, she’ll understand that.”

             
“What will you do for money?”

             
“I guess I’ll just go from town to town, picking up odd jobs along the way, enough for me to get by. Some religious person will always try to save me and probably give me a room to stay in.”

             
“How long have you been thinking about doing this, it didn’t just come up yesterday like you were saying?”

             
“No, it didn’t. Before I even met you, I used to think about it all the time. Getting away, being free to do just what I wanted to do for me and no one else. Just once, to live my life the way I want. I would have probably left then but I met you.”

             
“You were going to leave without saying good-bye, without any contact at all with me?”

             
“Damn it, I told you. I can’t handle it. You’re not listening. I’m going to lose it if we keep talking about it.”

             
“I will talk about it. How much more can I lose now if you’re leaving? I’m already broken, what else do I have to lose if I’ve lost you? If you go, will you take me with you, just for a few days? Let me get use to the idea of having to say good-bye to you. Will you do that for me?”

             
“You’re crazy. I just said I was leaving. What purpose does it serve for you to come along with me? Besides, I’m taking the bike. I’m roughing it. I didn’t plan on staying at any hotels. I’m going to sleep outside and what about your boys?”

             
“If you leave me now, like this, I don’t know what will happen to me. I wouldn’t be any good to anyone. I will have a break down. Chris can take a few days’ vacation and stay with the boys. I won’t make it if you leave me like this. I don’t care where we sleep if I’m with you, I’ll sleep outside and eat berries off the bushes. I don’t care, I don’t care about anything if I’m going to lose you forever, let me say good-bye, let me do it gradually. I promise you, just a couple of days and I will let you go. I’ll fly back from wherever we are.”

             
Adam said nothing but took his bedroll and went down to his bike. She just stood there watching him for the last time, trying to take all of him in her memory. Then he turned to her,

             
“All right, all right—I can do that much for you. If you promise you won’t try to change my mind and that you won’t cry. If you cry, I’ll take you to the nearest airport and leave you. You have to promise. Are you sure you really want to do this?”

             
“Yes, yes, thank you. I promise. If these are the last days I will ever see you, I promise I won’t ruin them. I will just be with you and try to let go.”

             
Chris was already with the boys and wouldn’t be back till evening. She would write him a note and then call him later to explain that she would be gone for two or three days. Two of those days would be a weekend; she thought it would be all right. When she came back, she would tell him everything about Adam and finally start to weed through all this mess and try to figure out if there was any salvaging her marriage to him. Probably not, but for right now, she would savor these days and say good-bye to the love of her life. She had to do this, no matter what the cost. She thought, maybe it’s not that great to love somebody that much that you would throw yourself against the railroad tracks, but she did and that’s all there was to it.

             
“I have to get going, Arianna. I don’t want my Mum or Patty Jo to show up. I have to go right now. I’ll follow you to your house so you can drop your car off. Hurry up and get your food and balloons and stuff.”

             
On the ride back to her house, she was sure he would just ride off. Why wouldn’t he? She would have no way of controlling that. She kept looking in the rear view mirror and he stayed with her. Every mile further, she was sure he would dart off and leave her but he didn’t.

             
He came with her into her house, like a wooden statue with a grim look. She hurriedly took the belongings from her car, the balloons now floating around her family room. She grabbed some clothes and wrote her note, knowing Chris would believe she had lost her mind completely. She had some extra cash she had put away and had her Visa that she would use to get her through. She would live these next days as though they were her last, because for her, it felt like that was true.

             
She centered herself on the back of his bike and gripped her arms around his waist. For now, she would cling to him, as if she were on life support. She had these last days, they would have to last her a lifetime.

             
“Don’t be breathing hate down my back. If you’re going, Arianna, you have to somehow act normal. I know it’s not going to be easy, but you promised. We can’t travel on a bike safely if you’re going to be too messed up. We have to move together and react together or it will be too dangerous. Are you sure you can do that?”

             
“Yes, I promise. If this will be the last time I am with you, I want to have great memories. It will be an adventure.”

             
“Let’s go, I want to put Florida as far as I can behind me.”

             
She held him tightly, hanging on like a noose was tightening around her neck. Knowing every mile they drove took him further away from her on their ride of good-bye. She had finally found him, her true love, her every fantasy, now she would have to let him go somehow.

Chapter XIII

Fleeing Tampa Bay

             
Driving on I-4, he picked up speed and the wind violently pushed against them. She felt that if she released her tight grip, even for an instant, that she would fly backwards like a ping pong ball to certain death. She wondered how long she could endure to travel like this. Emotional and physical panic had set in. By the time they were nearing the Florida border into Georgia, her skin was tingling with sunburn. Three hours had passed and they had not stopped even once. She hoped soon she could rest her arms and have a drink of water somewhere.

             
He drove tirelessly, despite the intense heat. Finally she saw the sign that said
Georgia
2.5 miles. He motioned to her to look at the sign, that he patted her leg affectionately. It felt good to have him touch her again with any type of kindness.

             
After entering Georgia, he took the first exit for food and gas. She jumped from the cycle and lifted her bug stained helmet, glad to be finally stopping. Adam took his helmet off and started wiping it down, then he looked up at her and said,

             
“I’m nuts, aren’t I, girl?”

             
“Don’t even get me started—never mind—just don’t ask me that question twice. I might tell you what I really think.”

             
They both started laughing and he seemed more like himself. There was some barrier he broke when the escaped the Florida border into Georgia. Some overwhelming relief came over him. He put his arm around her and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Anyone observing them would never have suspected anything was amiss.

             
“You know you’re going to be the death of me, Mr. Ryder. You’ve got so many sides; you should come with user instructions.”

             
“Don’t make me laugh. I don’t want to laugh. I got the Dylan blues and that’s the way I like it. I’m never going to be happy again.”

             
Even as he said this, he was smiling. The Adam iceberg had begun to thaw. He started to laugh again at himself.

             
“I guess it’s ok that I can laugh now. We’re out of Florida. We can talk now. I guess it’s time to decide where the hell I’m going now.”

             
“How about New Orleans? You would love it there Adam. There are all kinds of eclectic people and places. Everything is colorful and interesting, nothing even remotely resembles mundane. Witches and everything, I’ve been a couple of times and it’s a fascinating place.”

             
“New Orleans, I’ve never been and it sounds as good as any place to start. It will be good to get lost in a crowd of flamboyant people and one that has such a rich history. New Orleans it is then. If I flip out in New Orleans, sounds like no one would notice. That’s perfect for right now.”

             
“After New Orleans, then I’ll be on my way alone. We’re clear about that, right?”

             
“Yes, I’m grateful you took me along. I’ll take whatever memories I have with you and keep them in my pocket forever. Just like Arlo Guthrie says, “Heading for the city of New Orleans”, except he was on a train. I guess I wish we were on a train right now, it would be a lot easier.”

             
“Girl, you’re never going to make it if you think like that. We have a long way to go.”

             
“My sunburn hurts when the wind hits my skin. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying, I promise, no regrets.”

             
“Whatever happens, I love you.”

             
“That’s an incredible thing to say considering that you’re leaving me but I’ll always love you. I’ll carry you around in my heart no matter how many miles separate us. No one could ever take your place. No man will ever touch me again. If I can’t be with you, then I won’t be with anyone.”

             
“I’m really screwing up your life. Maybe you should go back and try and fix things with your husband.”

             
“No, it’s too late for that.”

             
What were they doing here? She had known he was in turmoil over all events that had taken place but this, this was borderline schizophrenia. For her, it didn’t matter if it made sense; she was all in for whatever happened next.

             
“New Orleans it is then, ready girl?”

             
“Yeah, I’m ready, ready for anything.”

             
The sun had gone down offering them relief from the blistering rays, but now she was shivering from her hot skin under the cooler air. The wind was piercing; she would have to tolerate it. There was no other choice.

             
After another 100 miles, there began a light rain but they still soldiered on. He had injured his right eye in a motocross accident years before and it made it difficult for him to focus when riding in the rain.

             
He exited and drove into a small restaurant next to a gas station called “The Peking Moon”.

             
“Chinese?”

             
“Are you kidding, that would be awesome. It’s been a hell of a ride so far, I’m glad we’re stopping. I feel like a deep fried slimy clam.”

             
“I told you it wasn’t going to be easy, I can get you to an airport if you want.”

             
“No, Babe. I’m going to N’Orleans and I’m going there in style. As long as I’m with you, that’s what I want. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

             
The air conditioning had them huddled together as they were both wet and miserable.

             
“Adam, what the heck are we doing here?”

             
“It does seem a long drive just for Chinese.”