Tales From a Broad (36 page)

“Okay, I know you hate this, but I’m a
visuals girl, so please humor me. Now I’m picturing Bradley Cooper.
Maybe even a young Colin Farrell. You know, the hottie with the
sexy accent?”

“Well, Simon’s from Chicago and his
Midwestern accent isn’t as sexy, but he is just as hot. Or haat as
he would say.” I looked in the mirror and saw my cheeks redden in
my reflection.

Morgan laughed into the phone. “Did you hang
out for a bit?”

“More than a bit. We spent a few hours at a
local garden and then wandered around the city for a while. We were
totally sweaty and gross, but completely happy. So, guess who we
ran into?”

“Noooo,” Morgan groaned.

“Yep. And I could tell immediately he was
bothered that I had been out with Simon.”

“But he cancelled on you,” Morgan said
matter-of-factly. “Not only that, but what did he expect, to come
here and regain your trust in two days?”

“Well, hang on.” I gave my teeth a quick
brush and filled her in on the conversations I’d had with Cooper
about our future.

Morgan groaned again when I was finished.
“Shouldn’t you make him work a little harder for you? Do you really
think he’s changed that much? No offense, but there’s no way he’s
going to move into your little place.”

“Who knows?” I anxiously looked at the clock
and ran to my closet to select an outfit before I got into the
shower.

“Hmph. So were you totally psyched to
discover this metamorphosis?”

“Yes and no. I thought I would be. But
something seems different. I think
I’m
different.” I shook
my head and sighed. “There’s also the slight issue that I can’t
stop thinking about Simon. He and I had such a nice day and ... I
kind of miss his company already.” I was surprised by my own words
and cringed after I said them.

“Is that weird?” I continued. “I thought he
wasn’t boyfriend material, but after spending the day with him,
well, I don’t know. I just love how I feel when I’m with him. I
love who I am. He brings out the best in me,” I gushed. “Now I feel
really nauseous. Or maybe I’m just worried I hurt his feelings and
that’s what’s making my stomach churn.”

“Or maybe you just really, truly, enjoy his
company. Is that so hard to believe?” Morgan said. “You know, I
think it’s a good thing Cooper’s heading back home. A
fan-freakin-tastic thing, actually.”

“Morgan,” I chided.

“What? You obviously like the guy, Ms.
Denial. I think you should talk to him later. Come to terms with it
or get whatever it is out of your system before you’re fully
committed in New York. If that ends up happening,” she said
reluctantly.

“I should be fully committed all right.” I
sighed. “In a straight jacket.”

“If you’re unsure about Cooper...”

“I don’t know if unsure is the right word,
but spending more time with Simon made me realize just how much
work I need to do on Cooper. I mean, we can all use a little
improvement, right?”

“Well, that depends,” Morgan said
skeptically. “What kind of work are you talking about?”

“You know, subtle things. Tweaks.”

“Like...”

“Like, I love the way Simon is truly present.
I’ve come to realize that nothing is better than spending a day
with someone whose main focus is me. I know that seems selfish, and
I don’t mean a guy has to be focused on me 24/7, but sometimes I
feel I would get more attention from Cooper if I had a delete
key.”

I heard Morgan laugh on the other end.

“Maybe I should start taking Cooper to Dr.
Colter when I get back. I’m sure this is a very common issue in
couples therapy. Right?”

“Probably,” Morgan agreed.

“And probably much easier to fix than some
other things.” I sighed. “I just love the way Simon goes with the
flow. Would Cooper ever walk around a city for hours? Or anywhere,
for that matter? Um, no,” I said, answering my own question. “I
also like the way Simon does little things for me by himself. Like
buying me chocolates in Paris that I mentioned I wanted to try, as
opposed to Cooper sending the concierge to shop for me or how about
the way he took me on a hot air balloon ride?”

“No!” Morgan cried in disbelief.

“Yep. I guess Tess forgot to tell you that
one. It’s as if
his
head is in the clouds.”

“No,” Morgan said firmly. “More like his nose
is in the air. The only thing he’s good at is throwing money at
people. To tell you the truth, I often wonder if he even picked out
your engagement ring himself.”

“Yes,” I said firmly. “He totally did.”

“You always wanted an antique ring. He didn’t
know that?”

“He did,” I said reluctantly, “but I guess he
thought I would be happier with a big fat diamond. Who isn’t?
That’s water under the bridge anyway. Or at least a three carat
diamond on the George Washington Bridge,” I added.

“I never thought I would say this, but I
actually think you’re simpler than I ever thought.”

“I think you might be right,” I exclaimed
with surprise. “You know, growing up poor, Cooper truly believes
that money can buy happiness. For him it does. But I don’t share
that belief and to think I owe this revelation to meeting a
younger—not to mention poorer—man. It’s nice to be with someone who
appreciates the little things in life. I really am going to work on
Cooper. I bet I could tweak him a bit.”

“Um, Lu, I hate to say this, but your little
tweaks are not so little. You act like you’re talking about Botox,
but what it sounds like to me is a full-on facelift. And honestly,
some faces are just too far-gone to be lifted. I wouldn’t make that
bet.”

“What are you saying?” I said, biting my
nail.

“You think you’re happy being simple with
that type of guy, but it seems to me you are just simply happy with
that
guy, in particular. Caviar on an imported cracker from
Cooper or crap on a stale rice cake from Simon? From what Tess has
told me, I’m thinking you’d take the latter. She told me how sweet
he was when you fell off that ladder. Didn’t he even bring you a
cane? Cooper would have taken the cane and pulled you into hiding
like an old sitcom.”

“Oh come on. Don’t you think you’re being a
little hard on him?”

“I think you’re being a little hard on
yourself. Take a page from Simon’s easy, breezy book. Instead of
changing Cooper to be like Simon, just take Simon as-is. He’s
ready-made, sweet, and totally fresh.”

“Okay, now it sounds like you’re talking
about a pastry. Newness isn’t always goodness you know. Over time,
people change, and I’m sure Simon has his own annoyances that will
irk me as well. I barely even know the guy.”

“Well, ask yourself this,” Morgan said
carefully, “what was it about Cooper that made you fall for him in
the first place? Are there things that don’t irk you?”

“Ha.” I chortled.

I paused for a moment and scratched my head
while I gathered my thoughts. “Well, I guess I felt honored to be
with someone who had such sky high standards. Because he chose me,
I felt really good about myself. Which is odd because he also makes
me feel horribly insecure at the same time. I feel like I always
have to apologize for my appearance or don’t feel happy with the
way I look until he gives me the seal of approval. But when he
approves, he really approves. He brings me up in ways I have never
known before. It’s weird.”

“Um, hello? That is called mind-fucking 101.
He’s a chopper. He builds you up and cuts you down. In the past,
you’ve said you have a weakness for him because of his childhood,
his inability to please his mom and make her happy. I get all that
and blah blah blah, but I see him having a weakness
because
of that. He needs everything and everyone to be perfect, and he
doesn’t get the whole unconditional love thing. Your, no offense,
crazy brain takes it as a compliment that someone so hard to please
chose you, but let me tell you something, Sister, you will always
be under the microscope with that one. He’s under his own
microscope, for goodness sake. Nobody will ever measure up to his
standards. Not even himself.”

“But Morgan, I’ve always felt so safe with
him,” I whined. “He takes care of me. He treats me like a lady. I
guess you can say that he’s kind of like my Mr. Big.”

“You and your romance. There are more
important things than being wined and dined, as you very well know.
You want to be damn certain that your Mr. Big isn’t a big
mistake.”

I groaned inwardly and chose to ignore her
comment. “Speaking of wining and dining, I’d better run. I’m
meeting Cooper in thirty-five minutes. Thanks for the pep talk. And
I’ll
still
take that bet. I’m a firm believer that people
can change,” I said punching my fist in the air, even though I
wasn’t truly convinced. Especially, after hearing all my inner
thoughts come to life.

“Oh!” Morgan exclaimed. “That reminds me. Can
you pick me up a leather wallet, with a zippered compartment for
change? Maybe a nice brown one?”

“You got it.”

“Grazie
. Text me later. I hate cliff
hangers.”

“You need to get a life.”

I hung up the phone and jumped in the shower.
Moments later, when I stepped out of the bathroom in a towel, I
noticed an unmarked envelope sticking under my door. I plopped on
the bed and opened it up to find Simon’s sketch of the tree-lined
passageway. It was the most beautiful gift I’d ever received. I
traced a finger along the edge of the drawing he’d created with his
own two hands.

Morgan was right. There were more important
things than being wined and dined, and I knew that. You couldn’t
put a price on a gift from the heart. I put the drawing down and
fell back onto the bed in despair, pulling my ratty old nightshirt
from behind my head. It had been rolled up in a ball, along with a
lacy bra Cooper had included in the gift bags.

“Somebody, help me,” I groaned to the ceiling
as I held my beloved t-shirt in one hand and the fancy bra in the
other. What a difference between the two guys. I had loved playing
dress up with Cooper, but after five years, maybe it was time to
stop playing and just be me. I was beginning to get to know that
person and definitely wanted to see more of her.

I sat up with a start. Quickly, I threw on a
dress, twisted my hair into a bun, and applied a coat of lip-gloss.
Smacking my lips together, I picked up my purse and headed down the
stairs. As I came around the corner, I heard my nephew’s voice. I
realized he was talking to Cooper.

“Dude, what’s your beef with Xbox,” Landon
asked.

I slowed down on the landing to listen and
peered over the banister. “Don’t disparage the greatest invention
known to man,
ever
. Just play,” Landon said, holding up a
joystick. “It’s tennis. You might surprise yourself and be a
natural.” He pretended to serve a ball in midair.

“I’m pretty solid on the court,” Cooper said
dryly. “I really don’t think I would surprise myself with some dumb
game.”

“It’s just for fun.”

“I didn’t make it this far in life playing
video games,” Cooper snapped.

“Oh, lighten up,” Mark said. “My brother
plays all the time. It doesn’t affect his career.”

“Is that what your brother calls it? A
career?” Cooper said in a nasty tone.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I opened my
mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead of
entering the common room, I walked right out the door. I decided to
leave Mark to shove the joystick up Cooper’s ass for insulting his
brother. As I picked up the phone to call my sister again, the last
thing I heard was Mark’s voice.

“Didn’t your mom ever teach you never to
judge a book by its cover?” Kudos to him for taking the high road.
He’d handled it a lot better than I would have.

I speed-dialed my sister. “Morgan? It’s me
again,” I said quickly as she answered. I stepped onto the sidewalk
and quickly ducked into a leather shop beside the pensione.

“Wow. Twice in one—”

“Listen,” I said with my voice breaking. “I’m
really upset.”

“Oh, honey,” Morgan cooed. “What
happened?”

“Oh, I’m just such a mess,” I whispered.
“Simon left me a sketch of the garden and oh my God, Morgan, you
should see it. The best part is that he made it for
me
, with
his own two hands. I feel like I’ve been so blind and—”

“Okay, take a deep breath,” she interrupted.
“When exactly is Cooper leaving?” She sounded like a sergeant in
the army getting ready to deploy a missile.

“I don’t know. Sometime after we have
dinner.”

I looked around the store and remembered the
promise I’d made to Morgan.

“Did you say you wanted a zipper close or a
snap?”

“What?” she said.

“The wallet. I’m in a leather store. Just
answer the question.”

“Why are you worried about this now? Have a
nice meal, say your goodbyes, and go find Simon. You have a few
days to hang with him before Venice. That’s plenty of time to
figure things out. You’re out of the U.S. You’ve already crossed
the border, so in my opinion, whatever emotional borders you also
cross shouldn’t count.”

“You’re right.” I had to laugh despite the
crappy way I was feeling. I chose a wallet for Morgan and on my way
to the register, a brown one caught my eye. It was handsome and
rugged, reminding me of Simon and the disheveled way he had carried
his cash in Paris. I tossed it onto the counter.

“Cooper will be waiting for you in New York.
You need to use the rest of this trip to clear your head and make
damn sure,” she said firmly, “that he’s the man you want to
marry.”

The word ‘marry’ caused my temple to pulsate.
I closed my eyes and rubbed the center of my forehead. “Do you
think he is?” I said weakly. “Everything feels so different all of
a sudden.”

I held the phone away from my mouth and
looked at the store clerk. “Morgan, hang on a sec. Can you gift
wrap that?” I said. The woman behind the counter looked at me
quizzically and I pointed to a roll of wrapping paper that sat next
to the register.