Tell Me No Spies (9 page)

“I’m so sorry.” He
opened his mouth as if to say something else, but sighed instead.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It doesn’t matter.
Too late to be sorry about anything now.” I dragged myself up off
the couch and wobbled toward the door.

Kane stood quickly and
placed a firm hand under my elbow. “Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“You’re in no shape to
drive right now. I’ll take you. We still have something else to
talk about anyway.”

I looked up into his
troubled face. “No, I really don’t think we do.”

“Aydan,” he said
urgently. “What we had… this summer… that was real for me.”

I shrugged.
“Whatever.”

“Aydan, you have to
believe me. I would never do anything to hurt you. I’ve never lied
to you.”

I pushed down my anger
and pain and kept my voice level. “No, murdering my husband
wouldn’t be likely to hurt me, would it? But I agree, you didn’t
lie to me outright. When I think back to it, you gave me the whole
‘do you love me’ speech this summer, but you never once said
you
loved
me
. You just made it sound like you
did.”

I shrugged again.
“That’s my favourite trick, too, when I don’t want to actually lie
to somebody. Tell unrelated truths, ask questions that sound like
they’re answers. You talked about love, but you never lied to me in
so many words. So thanks. At least I don’t have to worry about
hurting your feelings anymore.”

I turned away.

“Aydan…” The rawness
in his voice made me turn back to see what looked like anguish in
his eyes.

I blew out a breath
through my teeth. “Jesus, John, the Oscar’s in the mail already.
Can the act, okay? It’s getting old.”

I left him standing in
my office and hauled myself down to my car.

I drove home without
seeing the familiar road. My mind yammered ceaselessly, trying to
find grounding in a worldview that had been completely upended. My
Robert, so quiet and unassuming, so dependable. An undercover agent
for twenty-four years. Twenty-four years! That was as long as I’d
known him.

I slowed to take the
corner onto my gravel road, autopilot guiding my hands while I
thought back. How I’d met Robert right after I’d begun dating my
first husband. How he’d determinedly pursued me until I told him
I’d already promised to marry Steven. The way he’d hovered in the
background for the next miserable years of my life until my
marriage ended. How he’d been there for me. How he’d patiently and
persistently wormed his way into my heart over the next six years.
How I’d finally agreed to marry him, not because I wanted to be
married, but because I just couldn’t bear to hurt such a sweet
man.

How much of that had
been lies? Spies lied. It was what they did. But why would he
expend so much time and energy on me?

The car skidded,
crunching to a halt on the gravel as I braked hard at my driveway.
Icy horror slithered down my throat and coiled itself around my
heart.

Oh, God. Oh, God,
no.

I sat paralyzed with
my foot jammed on the brake as the monstrous thought flared into
sickening suspicion. Sam Kraus. Working for Sirius all these years.
Brainwave-driven networks a specialty. The tests, three times a
year since I was four years old.

They couldn’t.

They wouldn’t.

I sucked in the breath
I’d forgotten to draw and stiffly guided the car down my
driveway.

The persistent
‘recruiter’ from U of C, when I was in Grade 12. He’d tried so
hard, seemed so irritated when I chose to take drafting at SAIT
instead of… what had he wanted me to take? Computer science. And
then Robert had shown up a few months later.

I pulled into my
garage, hands trembling on the wheel. How long had they been
controlling me? Since childhood?
My father died of a heart
attack
… Oh, God, had they killed him, too? And what about my
mother? I was only seventeen when she died in that car accident.
They told me it had been an accident…

I was gasping jerky
breaths, hysteria building. Trapped. Utterly controlled by others.
No allies left. All my family dead. No way to find the truth.

I clamped down hard on
control. Suck it up. Nothing had changed. The dead were long dead,
and nothing would bring them back. I was doing valuable work,
helping to protect our country. Never mind that I’d been
manipulated into doing it. It was still the right thing to do.

Logic didn’t help.

I had to know if
they’d killed my family. I had to know if they had been controlling
me all along. I needed more information, and I knew I wouldn’t get
it from Stemp.

Idiot. I should have
stayed in the network and gathered all the information I possibly
could. By now, Stemp would have locked everything down.

I shook myself and
peeled my fingers loose from their deathgrip on the steering wheel.
I had one faint hope left. One distant family member they’d missed,
as far as I knew. It was probably too late, but I had to try.

And maybe, just maybe,
I could find an ally. If Arnie would help me.

I strode for the house
as quickly as my trembling legs would carry me.

My mind whirled while
I stuffed my mouth with leftovers, swallowing without tasting. I
had to get to my one remaining aunt before anybody else did. I
could drive to Calgary tonight, spend the night, and head for the
coast in the morning. Sirius owed me some time off, and Kane was
always encouraging me to take it. Fine. Their precious decryptions
could wait a few days.

I jammed my dirty
dishes into the dishwasher and went into the bedroom to stuff some
clothes into my backpack. Minutes later, I was on the highway. I
stopped in Drumheller to buy some snacks for the road, then hauled
out my cell phone to dial Hellhound’s number.

“Yeah.” His sexy,
gravelly voice tickled my eardrum.

“Hi, Arnie, it’s
Aydan.”

“Oh… Hi, darlin’.” He
sounded wary. My heart sank.

I kept my tone light
and cheerful. “I’m heading into town tonight. Are you going to be
around?”

“Uh… no, I’m tied up
tonight. Actually, I’m gonna be busy all week. Sorry ‘bout that.
Maybe next time.”

Shit. I knew the
brushoff when I heard it.

I held my voice steady
as I replied, “Okay. Maybe next time, then. Take care.”

“You, too. ’Bye.”

I resisted the urge to
pitch my phone across the parking lot. Goddammit! I’d never known
Hellhound to turn down a chance to get laid. Now my last hope for
an ally had faded, I didn’t have a place to stay, and I hated to
run up my credit card by getting a hotel room in Calgary. This trip
was going to be expensive enough as it was.

I fumed for a few
minutes before heaving a deep sigh of resignation and dialling
again reluctantly.

The perky hello at the
other end made me wince. I just knew this wouldn’t end well. Maybe
I should go to a hotel after all…

“Hi, Nichele.”

“Aydan!” Her squeal
made me jerk the phone a few inches away from my ear. “How the hell
are you, girl? I haven’t heard from you for so long, I thought
you’d fallen off the face of the earth!”

I couldn’t help
smiling. She had routinely shoved me far outside my comfort zone
ever since we were kids, but Nichele’s fearless and flamboyant
personality still made her one of my favourite friends. And it
didn’t hurt that her aggressive investing as my stockbroker had
made me good money even while it gave me fits.

“Not quite, I’ve just
been buried at work lately.”

I pictured her
bouncing eyebrows and lascivious grin as she purred into the phone,
“I’d stay buried at work, too, if I was working with a hot hunk o’
man like John. Did you get it on with him yet?”

“…Uh.”

“You did! Aydan, you
have to tell me all about it! Oh-em-gee, he’s sooo hot! Tell me he
was good!”

“Uh…”

“He wasn’t? Oh, no,
don’t tell me he wasn’t good!”

“Okay, I won’t tell
you that. Listen, Nichele -”

“I don’t believe you.
He had to be good. With a body like that? And what a package that
man has, Aydan. You can’t tell me he wasn’t good, girl. It’ll
destroy my faith in mankind.”

“Yes! He was good! He
was fucking amazing, literally fucking amazing, and it’s over, and
it’s never going to happen again! Now can we please talk about
something else?”

“Oh, girl, no wonder
you’re cranky. You come right on down to Calgary, and I’ll fix you
up with somebody. You just need to get your Eggs Benny heated up
again, and everything’ll be fine.”

I sighed and pinched
the bridge of my nose with my free hand, willing the tension
headache away. “Skip the fix-up, but that’s actually why I’m
calling. I’m on my way down. Can I stay with you tonight?”

“Aydan!” I winced
again and held the phone at a safer distance. “Girl, you know you
don’t even need to ask. When will you be here?”

“About an hour and
half.”

“You just leave it all
to me. You’re going to be smiling by the end of the night, I
promise.”

“Nichele, sorry to be
a party pooper, but I’m really tired, I have a headache, and I’m
pissed off. All I want is a beer and a bed.”

“Don’t you worry about
a thing, girl, you’ll get all that and more. See you soon!
Bye-bye!”

The phone clicked in
my ear, and I scowled as I stowed it in my waist pouch again.
Already, I smelled trouble.

By the time I’d fought
my way into downtown Calgary and paid my pound of flesh to park at
Nichele’s upscale condo building, my temper was even more frayed
and my head throbbed relentlessly. I slung my backpack over my
shoulder and trudged to the elevators with a sense of foreboding. I
knew better than to believe Nichele would heed my desire for a
quiet night.

At my knock her door
popped open, and she flung her arms around me and dragged me
inside. “Girl, it is sooo good to see you! Here.”

She took my backpack
and handed me an ice-cold bottle of Corona, complete with the wedge
of lime jammed in the neck. I sank into her buttery-soft leather
sofa with a groan and sucked back a long, long swallow.

“Nichele, you’re the
best friend in the world.” I gulped another generous slug as she
curled up in the overstuffed chair opposite, grinning.

A few beers and some
lively banter later, I lay back on the sofa, sides aching while I
wiped tears of laughter from my eyes. The raw tension was gone from
my muscles and the headache had miraculously subsided in the
presence of alcohol and upbeat company.

Nichele eyed me
mischievously. “Do you need another beer, or are you finally ready
to act like a human being?”

I let out a cavernous
belch, just because I could. “This is as human as it gets. And I’d
better quit.”

“Okay. Come on, I have
something to show you.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me off the
couch. In the guest room, she pointed toward the bed. “Put that
on.”

I regarded the sexy
brown leather top for a few seconds before shooting her a
suspicious glare. “Why?”

“Because that T-shirt
won’t work for where we’re going.”

“We’re not going
anywhere. It’s ten o’clock at night, I’m drunk, and I’m going to
bed.”

“Oh, no, you’re not.
You’re coming out with me, and you’re going to meet Dante. And he’s
going to show you a gooooood time.” She bounced her eyebrows.
“Trust me, I’ve already taken this one for a test drive. Talk about
Dante’s Inferno!”

“Nichele, I told
you…”

“Girl, shut up and get
that top on.” Before I could protest, she’d dragged my T-shirt over
my head. Lucky I’d worn my ankle holster instead of my waist
holster.

She eyed my bra
critically. “At least you wear sexy underwear under all those
crappy T-shirts. Here.” She threw the top at me. “Put it on. Or
I’ll tickle you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. I’ll tickle
you until you pee.”

“That only happened
once. When we were five.”

She advanced on me
with fingertips wiggling, and I yanked the top on hurriedly. With
that much beer in my system, I couldn’t afford to take a
chance.

“That’s better.”
Nichele surveyed me smugly.

I squinted at myself
in the mirror. “Jesus, Nichele, where are we going? A street corner
on Third Avenue? This thing’s so tight you can see my friggin’
pores through it. And if I make a sudden move, the girls are going
to fall right out of this low-cut neckline.”

She put her hands on
her hips and glared with mock severity. “If you stop bitching right
now, I won’t make you put on makeup.”

“Okay, okay!”

I know when I’m
beaten.

She prattled happily
while we zipped to the downtown club district in her bright-red
Mazda Miata. The evening air was still warm, and the breeze from
the open convertible top blew my hair around my face. I clutched
the armrest as she darted into a tiny parking spot with an airy
wave at the horn-honking driver behind her.

“Come on, comb your
hair and let’s go.” Nichele bounced eagerly on the sidewalk, and I
smiled despite my misgivings.

“Just hold on a
second.” I delved into my waist pouch for my hairbrush, and she
snorted.

“Do you really have to
wear that thing? You’re a walking fashion faux pas.”

“Bite me. This was
your idea, not mine.”

She smirked. “You’ll
be thanking me later.”

“I seriously doubt
it.”

On the sidewalk, I
tugged at the tight top, unable to decide whether to pull it up to
cover my half-exposed boobs or down to conceal the bared muffin-top
hanging over my jeans. I groaned. Definitely hide the muffin-top.
At least the top was tight enough to hold the fat roll in place
once it was covered.

As I squirmed and
pulled at the top, Nichele shot me a quizzical glance. “Aydan, what
are you doing?”