That's a Promise (36 page)

“I think it’s about time I let you start talking…,” I respond to him. I need to hear it. I need to have some kind of closure on the demise of our relationship. I need to know that he really always did love me. I need to know I am not totally crazy for still being completely and utterly in love with him.

 “Ok… I guess I should start with when I found out,” he says playing with the ends of my hair. “You had just told me about what happened to you. I was ready to kill someone when you told me. I was so in love with you though, and I was swept away by your strength and your will power. I have
never
met a woman as strong as you, Josie. I knew when I first met you that I didn’t want to ever let you go, but it was in that moment that I knew for sure you would be the only girl for me. I wanted to protect you and take care of you for the rest of my life.

“When Ma found out your name that day, she pulled me into the kitchen and told me that she recognized your name from the court hearings for my dad. None of us went to the trial except for my step-mom. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him after I heard what he did. I always wondered if I should find out who the girl was, so I could find a way to help her, but I was too much of a coward. I was embarrassed and ashamed that my own blood would do something so disgusting.

“I was so mad, Josie. It was bad enough that he raped some girl, but when I found out he raped the girl I fell madly in love with, I felt murderous. I wanted to go to the prison and beat him until he was dead. And I would have done that too, but Alice directed me to her dad’s gym so I could work out my anger. I know you don’t like her, but I would be in prison right now for murder if she hadn’t taken me to the gym.” He takes a deep breath and grabs my hand. The extra contact is comforting and exactly what I need.

“I couldn’t look at you without feeling guilty. Guilty for what my dad did. Guilty for how I had let myself fall in love with you. That’s when I started to distance myself from you. I thought that maybe if I pulled away, that you wouldn’t feel the same way for me anymore. As much as that devastated me, I knew I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t want you to be hurt more by my father, so I needed to let you go. That was the only way I could think of. It worked…kind of. I couldn’t get you out of my head, Jo. It was selfish of me to plant those quotes in those books. I knew it would prove that I was still in love with you, but if I could get you to look at me like you used to, then I thought it was worth the risk.

“Bottom line is that I am a selfish man, Jo. You came storming into my office that day, and I knew there was no way I wanted to live another second of my life without you in it. I didn’t want you to think about your past, so I never brought it up. Ma and I were the only ones that knew. Brandon didn’t know until after it all went down. You are the strongest woman I know.  I should have never thought you needed protection from the truth, and I am so sorry. I have been paying for that mistake every second for the last year.”

He finishes his explanation and lets out a big relieved sigh. It’s as if he has been waiting an eternity to tell me how sorry he is. I have felt for the last week exactly how much he still loved me, so I do not doubt one bit of his story. I believe he is completely sincere when he tells me that he thought he was trying to protect me, but it doesn’t make being lied to any less hard to handle.

“I’m not sure exactly how to respond…,” I say, still trying to process this new information. It’s been hard to come to terms that Blake’s father is a nasty person, but it’s been harder to let go of the feeling of duplicity. “I guess I get what you’re saying, but I’m still mad at the whole thing. What the hell are the chances that my rapist would be your father? I’m mad at myself for missing the connection. I’m mad at you for lying to me about it. And I am mad as hell that I can still be in love with someone who has a blood connection to the person I hate most in this world.”

“I know, love. I know I don’t deserve you. You have every right to be mad at me… to hate me,” he whispers to me, cupping my cheek in his strong hand. I look at him and try to work out my emotions in that look. At first, I was always trying to piece the familiarity between him and Michael, but it was always hard. Looking at him now, I know for sure that I cannot see the vile creature of his father inside of my Blake.

“I didn’t think I could look at you the same way ever again. I thought that if I ever saw you again after I found out the truth, that I would throw up or hit you again. It was so hard for me to picture a life with you, knowing the connection you have to Michael.” I reach out for him and slide my hand to the back of his neck. “But I know you’re not him. I understand why you didn’t tell me. I’ve been trying to bury that part of me since it happened, and I obviously couldn’t handle that information very well… But I’m ready to get over it and I’ll try, if you’re willing to try.”

A look of relief and longing etches his features as I tell him I want to keep trying. I love him. I haven’t stopped loving him since I took him to my parent’s house three years ago. I wanted to hate him. I tried to hate him, I just can’t do it.

“I love you so much Josie. I’ll prove to you that it’s not a mistake to love me. We aren’t just a memory… we could never just be a memory. You are my future, Jo,” he says to me, inching closer to my face.

All the passion from the progression of the night, built up for the most sensual and electric kiss I’ve ever experienced. His lips meet mine and I whimper from the connection with him. Every cell in my body is longing for him. The simplicity and softness of his mouth on mine is almost too much to handle. I feel a little choked up with emotion, and can’t help the small tear that escapes my eye. He pulls back and looks at the falling tear, and kisses along the wet trail until my tear is gone. His mouth back on mine, tastes salty, but it’s a reminder of how much he wants to take away my pain.

I get lost in the moment and almost forget that we are outside, hiding in the woods while a family festival is taking place a couple yards from us. His hands and mouth make it impossible to concentrate on anything though, so I decide not to worry about it. His hand inches up my dress, and goose bumps cloak my thighs. My body is eager for him to touch me in all the right spots. Heat courses through my veins as his hands tighten on my thighs, kissing me more aggressively.

Blake moans into my mouth as I run my hands across his bare chest. He is so warm and soft under my fingers. Our breathing increases as we both get progressively turned on.  He leans into me as I lean against the tree, and I enjoy the roughness of the bark mixed with the scorching, soft touch of his hands and lips on my skin.

“You are so beautiful, Josie. Words can’t even begin to describe you. I won’t let you go again,” he whispers into my ear.

He places kisses along my jaw, making me shiver. My heart is racing and I can feel and hear it pounding in the silence of the dark night. My hands move to his hair in an attempt to bring him closer to me. I want him to be as close to me as possible. Instead of coming closer, however, Blake pulls away. He is practically panting.

“Let’s go back you your place, love. I’m not going to make love to you for the first time in a year outside in the dirt. You are worth so much more than that,” he explains to me.

I’m not,
I say to myself. Not confiding the complete truth to him is selfish and wrong on my end. I just want one night where he loves me like he used to, so I keep my secret hidden until another time.

“Okay,” I breathe out. He flashes me a smile that makes my heart skip a beat. That smile. That smile that makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world. Makes me feel special, wanted, and loved. That smile, the gentleness and pure genuine happiness that emanates from it, is what I see when my eyes close at night. I told him to never come near me again, but in this moment against a tree and filled with sensuous desire for him, I couldn’t be happier that he came to see me six days ago.

He stands and reaches his arm out to help me up off the ground. Once we dust off the remains of dirt on our clothing, we make our way back to the car and start the incredibly long journey home. Of course, it’s really only a 10 minute drive, but when you are unbelievably turned on and ready to wage war for a touch from the most handsome man in the world, it becomes a drive that seems to be going backwards in time.

I practically run to my front door when we park outside of my building. Blake, being the ever composed person he is, simply chuckles as I rush inside. I want to slap that chuckle off his face, and then devour him in kisses afterwards. I opt for jumping on him as soon as he shuts the front door, instead. He has no difficulty carrying me towards my bedroom while still driving me wild with his fingers running along my thighs and ass. I bury my face in his neck and drag my tongue along the slight stubble on his jaw.

He removes his hand for a moment so he can open the door to my room, and I take the lack of support as an opportunity to wrap my legs even harder around him. I grind my hips into him, keeping my hands locked in his short hair. The friction of his taut muscles against my most sensitive area is exactly what my body is screaming for. I grind harder onto him as he walks in and heads towards my perfectly made bed.

Blake tries to drop me onto the bed, but I refuse to let go of his neck. He laughs as I bring him down with me. The laugh is quickly wiped away as I run my hands under his shirt and across his warm body. So sexy. My breathing is shallow from the desire clogging my body. Blake sits up and pulls his shirt over his head, and I let out a moan as I look at him. It never gets old. Of course it’s been a while since we’ve been together, but even when we were dating for a couple years, I never tired of seeing him. Without a shirt. Without pants. Without boxers. I sigh knowing in a few seconds I would once again be savoring his handsomeness.

He brings his head down to mine, and the only sounds that can be heard are our hearts pounding and heavy hot breathing. I have no desire to wait any longer to feel his lips on me so I raise myself up and gently lay my lips against his. The butterflies in my stomach are going out of control. This is it. Blake must notice the seriousness and intensity of what we are doing, because his hand glides to my face and kisses me without abandon.

Everything we have been missing for the last year is reflected in this moment. Passionate lips and hands seeking reassurance and trying to translate affection.

His eager hands reach for the side of my dress where the zipper is. He drags the zipper down slowly, continuing to kiss me. His fingers trace the bare skin that is slowly being revealed as the zipper is undone. I suck in a sharp breath, and he uses the moment to suck my bottom lip into his mouth. The fire from his hands on my skin and the tug of my lip send me into overdrive with need.

I sit up on the bed so I can slide off my dress, no longer wanting or needing any kind of barriers between us. I hear him moan as I start to slide the dress off of my shoulders. He reaches out and helps me pull the dress down to my waist. His eyes seem mesmerized and I can feel my flesh heating where his eyes linger. He pulls back and, eyes still on my body, he stands to take off his pants. I stand with him and let my dress fall to the floor.

He’s in his boxers and I am in my thong, and those are the only garments left in our way. I can see how extremely turned on he is through the thin fabric of his blue boxers, and even more lasciviousness takes over. It doesn’t take much, after giving each other extremely heated glances, to take off that last piece of clothing. The tiny scrap of fabric barely hits the floor before Blake has me in his arms and touching every inch of my hot skin. His erection is hard pressed into my stomach, and I let out a moan. I need him.

Blake lays me on the bed before I can move to start attacking his body. He slowly dips his tongue onto my skin and licks me. He starts at my collar bone and moves towards my very needy and aching breasts.

“Ohhh…,” I half moan and half sigh as his teeth and tongue assault my nipple. He moves between both of my breasts, seemingly never getting enough of either. My hands stay in his hair, gripping him sometimes harder than other times. My hips seem to have a mind of their own, as they keep rhythmically grinding and bucking into Blake.

“Blake…,” I pant, “…more… need more.” I sound like a moron, but he seems to have fried my brain, making me sound like an idiot.

“Mmm, Jo. I like it when you beg me,” he says coming up to my level. “Tell me what you want, love. I need to know.” His tone demanding, but gentle. It’s an extreme turn on.

“Make love to me Blake,” I say, telling him what I want. My voice is low, but I’m not the least bit embarrassed. He moans, and his hips grind harder against my aching body. “I need you inside of me.”

“Mmm… fuck, Jo. You are so sexy,” he says and kisses me, lustfully. His hand slips between my legs where there is a pool of wet yearning waiting for him.

He groans as he feels how wet I am, and I tilt my head back to focus on his fingers. They move in a pattern, circling my clit, running down to my entrance, inside of me, and then back to my clit to press on it. After a couple of rotations, Blake brings his fingers back up and puts them to his lips. He tastes me off of his fingers, and closes his eyes as if he is savoring my taste.

“So good,” he whispers. “I’m going to eat this later, but right now, the only place I want to be is buried inside of you.”

I smile slightly knowing that he has every intention of making this a long delicious night. The smile is short lived because Blake positions himself in front of me and I feel his cock throbbing and ready to be inside of me.

“I love you,” I whisper to him, reaching my hands to his face. He closes his eyes briefly and takes a deep breath before opening them and staring at me raptly.

“I love you too, Josie,” he breathes out gravelly. He moves his hips so he is edging, inch by sexy inch, inside of me. I feel full and complete when he gets all the way in.

“Ahhh…” I say, rolling my eyes to the back of my head. Complete. This is what I’ve been missing for a year. He’s absolutely
it
for me.