That's a Promise (38 page)

“What happened?” he asks quietly. This is the part of the conversation that I’ve been dreading. I can feel myself getting sick.

I’ve known throughout our whole relationship that Blake wanted a large family. I’ve also known that his views on abortion are mixed. While he doesn’t disagree with it, he always knew he would never want his partner to get one, especially without giving him the option to take care of the child. He would never have wanted me to get an abortion. He would have raised that child by himself, gladly. I know this, and now I have to tell him that I decided to not give him that opportunity.

I gulp, “Blake, I don’t even know how to tell you this, but I was so depressed after everything that happened-“

“You miscarried?” he asks looking up. The look on his face is breaking my heart, because that would be the scenario that would get me off the hook. That would be the path that could keep his heart from breaking.

“No, Blake… I… I couldn’t…,” I stutter, tears starting to cloud my vision. “I, um…I terminated the pregnancy at ten weeks.”

Silence.

Not a sound. Breaths held.

1 second.

5 seconds.

10 seconds.

20 seconds.

I count the seconds that it takes before Blake explodes.

“You did what?” he says in a voice that sends goose bumps all over my body. 62 seconds. I’ve never heard him speak to me like this. My heart pounds in my chest, knowing exactly the direction this conversation is going to go.

He raises himself from his crouched position and glares at me, waiting for a response. “I asked you a question, Josie! I think I deserve a fucking answer since we are talking about a baby that was
mine!”

I wince at his raised voice. Tears start rolling, and I try to quickly swipe them away.

“Blake you don’t understand what it’s like for me! Just give me a minute to explain!”

“Explain
what
, Josie? That you were too proud and selfish to come to me
first?”

“I was so depressed after everything! I didn’t think I could handle having a baby. So I took a couple of weeks and decided that terminating the pregnancy was the best option.”

“Two
weeks
? Two
fucking
weeks you took to convince yourself that I didn’t deserve to know that you were pregnant with my child? Two weeks to decide that the best option was to shut me, our baby’s father, out of the decision completely? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“That’s not fair, Blake!”

Blake slams his fist down on the dresser next to him, and I flinch.

“Don’t tell me what’s fucking, fair! You don’t get to throw fucking ‘fair’ in my face when you didn’t even consult me first!”

“I couldn’t handle carrying your child, Blake,” I throw back at him, rising from the bed. “I didn’t want to risk resenting that child for carrying your bloodline!”

Blake’s look is filled with rage. I feel the anger and distrust radiating from him and punching me in the gut. He walks towards me and glares through to my soul. He leaves an inch of space between us; an inch of space that was electrifying just twelve hours earlier, but now is terrifying.

“You sound like a self-centered brat saying that. That was
my
child too. If you couldn’t love it, then I would have made up for it.”

“I understand,” I try pleading to him, tears flowing freely. “I really thought we would never see each other again. It was the best option for me at the time.”

“Save your tears for someone who cares. You aborted my child because of your weakness and selfishness. I will never forgive you for this, Josie Sommers.” He leans in so that his eyes are level with mine. “I never should have lied to you, Josie, but my intention was never to hurt you. I am nothing like my father, and having my child should never have been shameful to you. I used to think I wanted you to be the mother of my children.”

He says his words so softly, but I can feel and hear each biting word stabbing me. He pulls back and grabs his keys and shoes off of the floor. He walks to the bedroom door, but before he leaves, he stalls in the doorway. I watch him shake his head and sigh.

“I can’t believe how wrong I was about you, Josie.”

And then he is gone. I hear the front door slam from his angered exit. I drop to the floor and wrap myself into a ball. I sob harder than I have ever sobbed before. The look on his face was torture enough, but the words cut through me in a way I never expected from him.

He
was
wrong about me. He has every right to hate me, but it doesn’t make the pain any easier. I’ve often wondered for the past eleven months, if I made the right choice. There are some days that I agree completely with my choice. There are nights that I do not. Right now, I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I reach out and grab the picture of my unborn child that fell to the floor when Blake and I started arguing. I bring it to my heart and close my eyes. I let myself take five more seconds to wallow in the sorrow that has overtaken my entire being.

One,
Daddy didn’t tell me how hard telling the truth was.
Two,
the anguish that tormented Blake’s face.
Three,
the look of pure hatred.
Four,
is coming clean worth the loss?
Five,
get your ass back up, Josie, and be strong.

Losing Blake will be hard to get over, but I have gotten over being raped, catching the guy I thought I loved with another girl, losing the love of my life once, losing my best friend, finding out that my soul mate is related to my rapist, losing him again, getting an abortion, and losing Daddy. What’s one more thing added to a list that long? Life isn’t meant to be easy. It wouldn’t be a real life story if there are only easy paths.

I choose to live and mo
ve on… That’s a fucking promise.

Epilogue

Present

I get a nice surprise from a purring cat who jumps into my lap while I am reading. He purrs to me, begging to be loved and pet. Sure, I know he’s using me so he can get his comfy on, but I don’t mind the interaction. I put my kindle down on the side table and give the cat my full attention.

“You know, that book was just getting good.” He purrs back in response and sticks his cute black head under my hand to get more action. “If anyone else would have done that to me, they would not be a happy camper.”

I’ve lost it. I’m talking to a cat. In a bookstore… an empty bookstore.

It’s been one week since Blake slammed that door and walked out of my life, and it has been a struggle to get back to normal. I go to bed at night and picture his angry face completely directed at me. It hurts, but I’m getting better.

Boo here just happens to be the little critter who makes me feel normal. Mrs. Woodward has never minded me spending all day in the back corner of her store and giving her cat attention, so I’ve taken advantage of her hospitality all week. Every day after school, I come here and hide away from the world. I read and grade until I need to go home.

I close my eyes and relax a little, while petting Boo. He seems to know that I need a hug, and this is his way of comforting me. We sit like this for a couple minutes, until I hear the front door chime. I don’t hear any talking from Mrs. Woodward, so I take a glance at the visitor in the store.

My heart skips a beat, when I see who is there. My hand flies to my mouth in shock. He walks towards me and gives me a sexy half smile.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, Pussy Cat.”

 THE END

Resources

If you or anyone you know is in need of help in regards to rape, sexual assault, date rape, sexual abuse, incest, marital rape, childhood sexual abuse, or molestation, please use the following resources for help. You are not to blame, and there are many others who are out there ready to help and support you through your emotions. Being able to talk to fellow survivors who have experienced similar emotions, feelings, fears, and doubt, can be very beneficial.

www.rainn.org
(In cooperation with more than 600 rape crisis centers around the country, RAINN operates a free, 24-hour hotline for survivors of sexual assault)

www.nsvrc.org
(The National Sexual Violence Resource Center is a comprehensive and distribution center for information, research, and emerging policy on sexual violence intervention and prevention)

www.mencanstoprape.com
(When some men commit violence against women, all men pay a price)

http://soar99.org/blog/
(Speaking Out About Rape runs national awareness, education and prevention programs to empower survivors of sexual assault, and enhance the public understanding and acceptance of rape victims)

www.vday.org
(A global movement to stop violence against women and girls)

www.svfreenyc.org
(The mission of the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault is to develop and advance strategies, policies, and responses that prevent sexual violence and limit its destabilizing effects on victims, families, and communities)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

There are so many people who make writing and publishing a book possible. Not just through goods and services, but through support and motivation.

I am so very grateful first and foremost for my husband and daughter. My husband went weeks with a dirty house and freezer dinners because I couldn’t pull myself away from writing Josie’s story. I would not have been able to write the ending to this book if it had not been for his encouragement. He is the love of my life and my best friend, and teaches me every day what true love is.

Alexis, my daughter, is my sole motivation for writing. She makes me feel like I can do and be anything I want. I would never have thought I could write and finish a book if she did not bring the happiness and support I need every day. She may be three but hearing “I yub you, mom,” gives me exactly what I need to write one more sentence.

My mom is also a huge supporter for me. There is absolutely no way that I would write the way I do or with the passion I do if it was not for her. She has encouraged me to evolve and be a better women, never questioning my instincts or self-worth, and having that encouragement made me able to write. I would not have been strong enough to write Josie’s story if she had not taught me how to be strong. Thanks mommy. Ben for being the dad I always need, even when you never had to take up that role. Hayley for all the laughs and humor that you bring into everyone’s life (I would use some of your jokes if they weren’t so naughty). Alaina for being the sister who never fails to give me a hug whenever you see me. Bonnie for always being supportive and helpful to our family month after month. Jake for being the best brother-in-law I could ever ask for, especially since I don’t get to see mine anymore.

In addition to them, I am grateful to the rest of my family and friends who have been nothing but supportive in this process. Kait, Tiffany, Wayne, George, Kaitlin, Hilary, Timmy, Wayne, and Heather: thanks for your support and encouragement.

Also, to the creators of Teen Wolf, because Tyler Hoechlin is so sexy that he became my motivation for a certain character. Also, Daryl Dixon’s arms, from The Walking Dead, because… well, do I need an explanation?

To Mindy Nabors who offered her expertise to help me put together a blog tour, thank you SO much! I will always be grateful to you! In addition to Mindy, I have made a lot of new friends: Kerri Mclaughlin, Shelley Custer, and Felicia Tatum. Finally to all the blogs and reviewers who are so incredible, and who gave me and my book a chance. Heather Andrews from
A Crazy Vermonter’s Book Blog
,
A Journey Through my Kindle
,
Crazy About Bookz
,
Unknown Books Reviews
,
Snarky Bloggers
,
Confessions of a Book Whore
,
Book Junky Girls
,
Reading by the Book
,
Her Juicy Reads
,
One-Click Chick
,
The Book Review
,
6 Chicks and their Love of Books
,
The Book Groupie
,
Knock Your books Off
,
Bound by books
,
Book Addict Mummas
,
Debbie the Book Vixen
,
Sassy Sext Addiction Book Lovers
,
The Book Whore-der’s Delight
, and
Kitty Kats Crazy about Books
.

About the Author

Victoria Klahr (pronounced like “Claire”) lives in Elizabeth City, North Carolina with her husband and daughter, Stephen and Alexis. She loves her chug (Pug/Chihuahua), Bandit, and three year old to pieces. She loves to stay home and take care of them, even if they do drive her insane at times. She is a huge and proud book nerd who looks at her bookshelf in admiration daily. She has her Associate’s degree in Business Administration, but her passion has always been the stories that talk to her in her head. One day she decided to take a chance and let the voices write her story. She has never felt more certain or comfortable about who she is than when she writes.