That's a Promise (34 page)

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, Josie,” Blake says finally, looking straight into my eyes. I see the sincerity in his eyes as he gives me his apology. “I should never have lied to you for so long, and I am truly sorry.”

Blake betrayed me, and I still love him, even knowing that he was a liar and kept something from me that changed everything.

Chapter 31

May One Year Earlier

Recovering from the hypothetical loss of your best friend was not something that came easily, or something that I could wish away.

No matter how many times I asked the universe to take the pain away, the pain remained. A constant stab to remind me that my immaturity and stupidity was the reason I didn’t have him around anymore. In a lot of ways, that loss was a lot harder than the loss of my innocence.

Blake was there for me, but he wasn’t Seth. He wasn’t the boy I punched on the playground. He wasn’t the one who defended me through elementary school, middle school, and high school to all the bullies who picked on me about having two dads. 

I missed Seth.

It was the moment when I found out Seth left, that I decided to pick myself up, and focus on moving on. I was picking up some groceries for Daddy, when I ran into Gayle. She was always sweet to me, and that particular time was no different. She asked about my dads and proceeded to tell me about the farm and about how George was doing.

I listened to her talk about her life in the middle of the pasta aisle in the grocery store, but I was not fully committed to the conversation. One particular person was on my mind, and the blue green eyes Gayle had only made the ache in my chest more prominent.

“So… How’s Seth,” I finally asked. She stayed clear of his name, and I could only assume that she knew about what happened between us. Pity and sadness etched her features, and I was regretting the decision to ask her.

“Oh dear, I thought he told you,” she said with a thoughtful look. She started rummaging through her purse in search of something and I felt a deep sickening feeling rest in the pit of my stomach.

What didn’t he tell me?
I wondered, worry lacing my insides. Gayle must have found what she was looking for, because she stopped rummaging and looked up at me slowly.

“Seth left a week ago,” she said to me eventually. I was shocked. I didn’t understand what she meant by left. He was an adult, so it wasn’t like he could run away from home. So where did he go? 

“What do you mean?” I croaked out. The same sorry look etched her features again, and I started to get red in the face from embarrassment and anger. She handed me a white envelope that had my name scrawled on it in handwriting that I knew very well.

“He told me to give you that, but I just assumed it was some silly note. I didn’t know he didn’t tell you he was leaving,” she said, placing her hand on my arm in what people would say is a comforting gesture. It wasn’t comforting though. It was like a foreign touch that I didn’t want on my hot skin.

“Where did he go? I don’t understand!” I said, anxiety starting to tighten in my chest and hinder my breathing.

“I’m sure he explained everything in the note, but he was offered an opportunity to freelance for a magazine across Europe. He is travelling all over Europe, going to different places to take pictures.”

I staggered back a step after she finished explaining. Seth had mentioned that his photos at the gallery could provide him with an opportunity like this, but I had never considered that he would leave the country without telling me first. It was a true testament to where our relationship had gone. I had been reduced to a person only worthy of a little fucking note instead of being told about a great opportunity like that in person.

Gayle and I said our goodbyes, and I rushed through the rest of my grocery shopping so I could have my little meltdown in the privacy of my car. When I did make it to my car, I ripped open the note that Seth had so ‘thoughtfully’ left for me.

I’m sorry. –S

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I yelled to no one in my car. ‘I’m sorry,’ was the only thing he thought he should say to me before leaving the fucking country?

On the back of the piece of paper was an e-mail address that I assumed was his way of saying that I could still have contact with him while he was away. I was embarrassed, hurt, angry, and disappointed that our friendship was summed up into that one small note. I gave myself a few seconds to work out my hurt before I decided to move on and accept the direction that the universe was taking me.

One,
how could he leave without telling me?
Two,
will he even talk to me if I e-mail him?
Three,
I have to at least give it a shot.
Four,
he will always be my best friend.
Five,
I miss him.

In my next breath, I let go of the sadness and shook myself of the depression I had let myself be sucked into.

I knew that no matter what happed in life, Seth would always be the boy who used to lay with me under the stars in my backyard and tell me we would be best friends until the day we died. Seth might be in another country, but we still looked at the same sky at night and still wished on the stars that we would be best friends forever.

I started my car and drove home with a new sense of motivation and perspective. I wrote out a long e-mail explaining how sorry I was to Seth, but I ended up not sending it. I took a little lesson from him, and instead decided to keep things simple with ‘I miss you.’ That was all I needed to say to him, because I knew he would understand that I was sorry. Time was what we needed in order to heal. If it was something he needed, then I could respect that. So, that’s what I did.

I let Blake be there for me. He knew that Seth had left the country, and that I was still communicating to him through e-mail. I never told him that Seth had fallen in love with me which had been the ultimate demise of our relationship, but I never thought it was something I should share. I always got the impression that Blake knew about how Seth felt, but he never brought it up, and it just became a mutual respect not to talk about it to each other.

It was my fault that Seth had started to develop any feelings for me in the first place, and then it was my fault again for preying on his feelings as a way to make myself feel better. I was the awful person in this scenario and I needed to work on fixing my immaturity. I wanted to be a better person so I fixated on being successful in work and school, vowing that I would never use anyone, especially Seth, like that again.

There were many moments that I would catch myself wishing that the highlight of my day would still be whether or not Daddy would cave and buy Seth and me a ring pop at the store. Our hardest problems as a child were deciding what ice cream to choose when the ice cream man came down the road, and how to forge our parents’ signature on a test that we did poorly on. We wished we could grow up and move out of our parents’ houses when we were little, but when the moment came to actually grow up for me, I found myself wanting to revert back to being a 10 year old again.

Blake and I looked for apartments near the elementary school where I had been offered a long-term position, and even though he had his own place back in Raleigh, we both knew that this would be a sort of “home” for us. Forty minutes wasn’t that long of a distance, so we both knew we were looking for a place that we could share as a home, rather than be a place to meet up when he was in town.

The place I ended up getting was so perfect for me… for us. It was a one bedroom apartment that took the cute older elements of the apartment and made them modern without stripping away its character. I knew as soon as I walked in the door that it was the place I wanted. There were hard wood floors and beautiful molding on the baseboards. The kitchen was not humongous, but it was pretty big for an apartment, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better. I just knew that I wanted to live there.

“So what do you think?” Blake asked when we got back into his car. I couldn’t contain my huge grin when I looked at him to answer.

“I love it so much! I want it!” I said excitedly. He tilted his head and his eyebrows creased.

“Really?” he asked, seemingly confused, “Because I was still leaning more towards the one that had the dried blood on the wall from that guy who shot himself. You have to admit it, Jo, there’s a lot of history there, and you may even get some ghosts.”

I stared at him for a few seconds before I shoved his shoulder. He was joking with me, and I swear I almost thought he was serious. He started cracking up while he pulled the car out of the parking spot and onto the road.

“You are a terrible person Blake Porter!” I said and looked out the side window. I didn’t want him to catch the smile that started forming after he had said that.

“Aw Jo, you don’t mean that. In fact, I would have to call bullshit on that statement for the mere fact that I know you find me incredible and irresistible. Some would say my looks are a curse, but I’ve learned to deal with it,” he said it with a sigh as if he really felt like he was hindered with the burden of good looks.

“You’re looks? What? The fact that you look like a grumpy green troll in the morning when you wake up, or the fact that you always look constipated when you are thinking?” I said back to him. I knew very well how handsome he was, even in the morning and when deep in thought, but he didn’t need to know that I did find him irresistible. I spared a glance his way, and he held my gaze for about five seconds before we both started cracking up laughing.

Moments like that were the best to remember. We could laugh with each other more than anyone else, and while I may have lost my old best friend, I had started to gain a new one. Blake and I were good together. It always felt like we were meant for each other; I couldn’t imagine life without him in it.

I ended up picking that apartment, and put all of the money I saved through summer school into the deposit and first month’s rent. Blake offered to pay, but there was no way I was going to accept an offer like that. This was something that I needed to do on my own.  I didn’t have much, but it didn’t matter because it was my own place.

Blake and I picked out furniture and he helped me paint all the rooms. He definitely made me reconsider ever painting with him again, because he threw paint around like a kindergartener. I’m not sure how my walls ended up looking normal with him around, but they did.

The months passed, and we settled into a routine of work and play. Blake would come and stay with me a few nights a week, and those were the highlights of my week. He always surprised me with little things like hidden notes, slightly charred dinners, or very messy desserts, and I seemed to fall in love with him more and more each day. I missed him when he was working and couldn’t come back, but it made the reunions even better.

I never went back to his mom’s house, but we were able to get to know each other through shopping trips and lunches. She was always sweet to me, and I really grew to love her bubbly and warm personality. I hoped that one day I would be able to meet the rest of the family, including Blake’s brother and sister, Brody and Sabrina, but it was never a priority at the time.

Blake, Brandon, Brooke and I always made time to hang out with each other, and we ended up becoming even closer friends than we were before. We had fun meeting up and hanging out with them and some other friends from college.

Brooke and Brandon surprised me with how close they became. I never took either of them for the type to feel so much contentment in being with one person, but they did. They were good for each other in every sense of the phrase. Brandon supported Brooke’s dreams, even when her parents didn’t take the time to understand. Brooke found happiness in her relationship, and she decided she would rather be accepted by the ones who loved her no matter what, than be accepted by her own blood, who has shunned her through her entire life.  

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, Valentine’s day, and St. Patrick’s Day all passed by us with fun celebration. We enjoyed all of the little moments together, and lived our lives to the fullest. Seth and I kept each other updated on life, but it was never the same. Blake and I grew stronger, and we were closer than I ever thought I could be with someone.

Life was good.

Life was perfect.

Life was about to change.

Chapter 32

I woke up that unforgettable Saturday morning with a racing heartbeat.

My breathing was shallow, and I felt a little nauseous with worry. Blake had already left for work that morning, so I was alone in my bed staring at the ceiling. I shook my foot continuously as an outlet to release some of my anxiety, but it didn’t really calm the nervousness that had been consuming me for the past week.

Ten minutes passed before I made my decision to get up and go to the bathroom. The pang of needing to go to the bathroom overpowered my desire to stay in bed and continuously think about what was happening. As I pulled my legs over the side of the bed, I heard my phone chime with a text message.

Your Sexy boyfriend:
Meet me for lunch at Rick’s Café at 1:00

I rolled my eyes at his display name, knowing he must have been playing with my phone again the night before. I made a mental note to check my Facebook for any more “hacking” from my boyfriend.

Me:
We’re going out for dinner tonight

Your Sexy boyfriend:
I want to see you before then… can you blame a guy for wanting to be in the presence of a goddess more than once in a 24 hour period?

Cue the second eye-roll of the morning. He always made me feel giddy and excited for every date we had together. I knew he was being funny, but it still made me feel special whenever I got texts like that from him.

Me:
Well then, we can’t have you being deprived of my company, now can we? I shall meet you there, kind Sir.