The Book of Nonsense (12 page)

“Let me go, then!! I'll get it for you! And I can look for the kids—!”

“Not bloody likely! Now, get out of my way!”

Defeated, Latty relinquished her grip, then stormed back inside the house. Milton moved toward the car, but couldn't get in before she reappeared with her shawl.

“You're out of your mind, Latona! I do not require a chaperone!” Milton slammed his door and started the car. Latty's reply was lost as she climbed in.

Given no alternative, he raced off with her inside, squealing the tires on the driveway as he went.

“Shouldn't we have tried to stop him?” Daphna asked.

“I don't think we could've,” said Dex. “And it wasn't worth letting Latty get her hands on us.”

“Hey!” Daphna said, “we can call this Quarts guy and tell him not to sell the book to Dad!”

“Quartich,” Dex corrected, “but I think we ought to forget about it.”

“What? He's going to get that book right now!”

“I think we should stop bothering with Dad,” said Dex. “This is bigger than him. We need to solve the real problem once and for all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think we should do what Mom and all the other Councilors were trying to do. We should destroy that book.”

Daphna agreed immediately. That was exactly what they should do. “Without that book of nonsense,” she conceded, “that Latin book's no use to Rash, and neither is Dad. But how can we do it, Dex?”

“That other book,” Dex said. An idea was germinating. “I mean that Latin dictionary we have. Didn't you say it looks just like the nonsense book?”

“Great idea!” Daphna cried.

The twins rushed back into the house. Daphna sprinted to the office for the dictionary, then met Dex in the kitchen. He'd grabbed a box of extra long fireplace matches and had one already burning. Slowly, Daphna moved the edges of the book's pages over the flame. Each time the fire took hold, Dex blew it out. The process took about fifteen minutes, but soon enough the pages were charred all around.

Daphna opened a drawer and took out Latty's best knife.

“Let me do that!” Dexter said. Daphna handed him the knife, and Dex, embarrassed only slightly, proceeded to gash the front and back covers. It was an intensely pleasurable experience.

“It was warped, too,” Daphna said, taking the dictionary back before Dex hacked it to shreds. She placed it in the sink and ran water over it. “I can't believe what we're doing to this poor book,” she lamented. “It's probably worthless now.”

When the book was soaked, Daphna put it into the microwave. She set it for three minutes and beeped it on.

“I guess that's the closest thing to a birthday cake that's gonna get cooked around here today,” Dex said. But then he turned back to Daphna, who was already looking at him with eyes asparkle.

“Presents!” they cried.

The twins dashed toward their father's room with nothing but the image of brightly wrapped gifts in their minds. Once inside, they threw themselves onto the floor on either side of the bed.

Their eyes met across the empty space below.

“What are we doing?” Daphna sighed, but her embarrassment was no match for her disappointment.

“Yeah,” Dex agreed, “this is an emergency, and we're acting like little kids.” But he couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice, either.

“Dex,” Daphna said. It was weird talking across the floor under a bed, but she didn't get up. “I—about Ruby—and you,” she said. “I—I'm—Hold on, I found something.” Daphna picked something up off the floor, a slip of paper maybe. She slid out from under the bed and sat up. “Dex!”

Dexter looked up over the bed to find his sister holding out a hundred dollar bill.

“C'mere,” Daphna urged. “Look!” She was pointing at something on her side of the mattress. Dex climbed over the bed. There was another bill, a twenty, trapped against the mattress by the bedskirt.

Dex and Daphna attacked, ripping the blankets and sheet from the bed. There, running along the length of the mattress, was a zipper. A clutch of bills poked out where it wasn't fully closed. Holding her breath, Daphna eased the zipper open.

The twins gasped. The mattress was stuffed with cash, bills of all denominations. Handfuls fell to the floor, along with something else: a bright yellow card.

Grinning, Daphna grabbed it up. But then she read how it was labeled. “That's bizarre,” she said. “Look.”

Dex looked, but he didn't respond. Instead, he turned his attention back to all that money. What did it mean?

“That's totally weird, don't you think?” Daphna said. “I'll bet he was hiding it and forgot! And there's no way he wrote this, anyway. Latty must've done it for him!”

“Why do you say that?” Dex asked, though with little interest. All that money—

“When has Dad ever referred to us that way?”

“What way?”

“Look!” Daphna demanded. “Would Dad ever write, ‘For My Beloved Children on their Thirteenth Birthday'? Hardly.”

“Doesn't sound like him,” Dex admitted, ignoring his sister's tone. “Open it.”

Disgusted, Daphna tore into the envelope. Inside was a folded sheet of paper with something typed on it. She smoothed it flat and began looking it over, but a moment later, she jerked her head up at Dex with saucered eyes.

“
What?
” Dex asked. “What is it?”

“It's from Mom,” was Daphna's somber response. She read it aloud:

My Dearest Children,

I am writing to you now, just minutes before I leave on a most unexpected journey.

For so very long I have been searching for a book. This search has consumed my time in this world and denied me what I truly seek, what we all seek: to live, to love. May you never know loneliness like I have known. May you be surrounded by those who love you all the days of your lives. How blessed you are to have each other!

I broke my word, children, and renounced the search. I found Love. Uttering those two small, simple words, “I do,” set me free. And now I have you and my joy knows no bounds.

Only now it seems that the book may be within reach. I am going to find out. I expect the best, but something I cannot put my finger on worries me, and so I must write you this note.

There is a man, Asterius Rash, who will go to any length to find this dangerous book, including murdering children. Should you ever cross his path, run! Under no circumstances should you have anything to do with this vile man.

It is my profound wish that you ne ver read th is note, for if you do, it will be because I am gone. I love you so much. I must admit I did not think it possible that you two could ever be. Two little miracles! Latona did me the greatest favor in my long life when she encouraged me to try for you. I need you both to know how much I love you, how much I will always, always love you.

There was more, but Daphna stopped reading and dropped her head. “Here,” she choked, holding the sheet out to Dex, “I can't go on.” She looked up when Dex didn't take the paper. “Dex, I can't do it. I just can't.”

“Of course you can,” Dex said.

“Please, it's too hard.”

“Oh, come on, Daphna. Just read the stupid thing.”

“I can't, Dexter!” Daphna shouted. “Can't you just do me a simple favor for once without turning everything into a huge war?!”

For a moment, Dex offered no reply. Then he said, in a slow, measured voice, “I can't read it for you, Daphna.
Okay?
”

“
Why not?!
It's not like it's in French! I'm sorry—look—I'm really sorry I didn't know about you getting help for school and all that. I'm sorry I always say you don't care, but it's really your fault for keeping it all a secret and acting like—”

“You don't get it,” Dex interrupted. “For once in your life, you just don't get it.”

Dex's voice sounded distant, like someone else was talking through his mouth. It was unsettling.

“
What? I don't get what?
” Daphna asked.

“I can't read it for you, Daphna. I can't read it for you because—”

“
What already?
”

“I can't
read
, Daphna.”

There, he said it. Dex had no idea why now, after so long, at this time, in this place. But he said it.

“Oh, my God,” was Daphna's reply. In a single dizzying moment, she reconsidered a lifetime. A thousand little things Dex had said and done since they were little suddenly shifted meaning—suddenly
had
meaning. He'd never help look for street signs in the car. He'd never look at menus in restaurants. He'd never look up a phone number or take down a message. And all the trouble he got into at school for refusing to participate in class!

Daphna knew without any doubt whatsoever that it was true. Her brother couldn't read. But at the same time, she didn't understand how it could possibly be. “But— But—” Daphna sputtered.

“Memorizing,” Dex said, looking at the floor.

“What?”

“I memorize everything.” Dexter understood Daphna's confusion precisely because it was his life's mission—since the moment when he was five and realized something was drastically wrong with him—to make sure she, and everyone else, was at best confused about him. If the world had to think he was lazy or ignorant, so be it, because it was far better to look like you won't than you can't.

“I memorize everything,” he repeated. “If the teacher says it once, I know it. I get books on tape from the library, or I listen when other kids read. Ruby doesn't even know. She liked reading my books to me, but on tests you have to read something you've never seen before. I fail all my tests.”

“Dex—I—I—”

“I can write some words,” Dex said. His eyes were still fixed on the floor. “I don't know how, but I can. They're like pictures I guess—short words anyway. I make the ones I can't do so sloppy that no one can tell. I used to pretend I didn't know answers in class because teachers start asking questions when you know everything you're supposed to but then bomb all the tests.” Dex paused as a pronounced shudder passed through him.

Finally, he looked directly at Daphna, who saw his eyes were filling. “It's like I've got wires crossed up in my brain or something. When I look at a page of words, all I see is—”

The back door banged open.

“
OH, IT'S GONNA BE YOU!
” Emmet screamed. “
IT'S GONNA BE BOTH OF YOU!
”

Dexter sprang to his feet, his face stony and alert. “Shh,” he whispered, kicking the money under the bed as best he could. He was amazed at the calm he felt.

“Listen,” Dex said, hustling his sister into their father's closet. “There's only one way he's going to leave without you, and that's if you stay in here! I have a plan.” Dex said this because he did. “I only hope Dad gets that Latin book to Rash soon!” Daphna was too afraid to respond, and Dex didn't explain. They could hear Emmet crashing his way downstairs.

“When we're gone,” Dex whispered, “get the book out of the microwave and follow us. Go down through the trapdoor to the loft, but be careful. Aim for the line of light at the center, okay?”

Daphna managed a nod.

“Just make sure you figure out a way to get me our book—and cause a distraction when—”

Stomping feet were just outside the room. Dex shut the closet door and had only just turned around when Emmet raged into the room.

“
YOU!
” Emmet screamed, his glasses once again askew, his pale cheeks flushed with fury. “
WHERE'S MY LEDGER?!
Do you know what it's like to search through five hundred thousand books?! If I ever get my hands on that—that lying—she's dead! Both of you are dead!”

“I have no idea what you're talking about, Emmet,” Dex said. Daphna thought he sounded rather composed through the door, and that gave her some comfort, though her nerves were raw. She unconsciously squeezed the note from her mother in her fist.

“Oh, really?” Emmet sneered. Daphna heard a sudden rush of movement, then an awful grunt. A body hit the floor. She bit her lip and tasted blood.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Dex groaned. “
I mean it
.” This was met by another sudden movement and a gruesome thwack. Dex cried out in pain. Violence of any sort nauseated Daphna. She couldn't bear much more of this.

“I'm telling you, Emmet,” Dex grunted, “I have no idea where my sister is. We hate each other.”

There was silence in room. Daphna held her breath.

“Let's go then,” Emmet finally snarled.

Daphna winced at the groan Dex made when he was hauled to his feet. It sounded like he was dragged from the room.

When she was sure she was alone, Daphna crept out of the closet, tottering on her feet. With quaking hands, she stuffed the money on the floor back into the mattress and hastily remade the bed. Afterward, she looked at her mother's face framed on her father's wall. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, then ran to the kitchen. First, she threw up in the sink, but once that was done, she opened the microwave and took out the now badly disfigured but mostly dry book.

One deep breath, and then she started out after her brother.

All concept of time was lost to Daphna the moment she stepped out of the house, but she noticed that scenery passed as she ran along under the gathering gloom of the late afternoon skies.

At some point, the ABC appeared.

There was no sign of Dex or Emmet,

so Daphna headed down the concrete stairs leading behind the store. Halfway down she heard a car screech to a halt on the street. She stopped.

Car doors opened, then slammed. Then Latty's voice. Daphna strained to hear, worried sick about what might be happening to Dex.