The Bucket List (27 page)

He pulled her into his lap and held her in a tight embrace at her words.

"Don't say that. I'm not going to lose you. You're not going anywhere," he said through her curtain of hair. "I can't lose you."

She lifted his head up and met his teary eyes with her own.

"Listen to me, baby," she started, her voice below a whisper. "We got dealt a really shitty hand, there's nothing we can do. You need to prepare yourself for the worst."

"No..." he said, his voice broken as he held her eyes.

"We have no choice," she whispered back.

"No," he said again, this time strongly. "We're going to beat this. We'll get the best doctors... the best drugs... I'm not going to lose you, Rae. I can't... "

He buried his face in her hair in another hard embrace, completely missing the guilty look on her face at his words. No, she couldn't die on him. He would have nothing left to live for.

***

Rae watched
Corey from across the room as he stared blindly ahead of him. She'd had to literally drag him to the shower and leave him under the hot spray for a bit before pulling him out again. He had just stood there and cried. It had been heartbreaking. In all the time they had been friends, he had always been the strong one. Even as a child, he'd been the one to hold her hand through her numerous injuries, the one who'd beat her bullies up for her, the one who never cried. He'd always been her rock. Now he looked so lost.

He was dressed now and was sitting on one of the chairs while she paced the room, brushing away her own tears. Poor man. It would take him a while to get his head around what she had told him; then she knew the questions would come. She would have to put on the best performance of her life.

"I'm going to talk to Vince. I'm taking some time off," he stated lowly.

She didn't try to dissuade him. It was probably for the best, just until he'd had time to digest it. He wouldn't have listened to her anyway if she'd told him he needed to work to keep his mind occupied.

There was a tentative knock on the door and she knew straight away who it was.

"It's open, John," she called out.

She had called him to come to Corey's locker room and sent Mandy a text from Corey's phone. She knew she wouldn't come otherwise.

"Hey," she smiled weakly when John poked his head around. "Come in."

She saw the way he looked over at Corey as he walked into the room.

"Rae?" he questioned, coming to stand in front of her. "What's going on?"

She took his hand and led him to the unoccupied chair.

"You need to sit down for this," she said.

As he sat, he looked from her to Corey then back again and she saw the wheels turning in his head. He more than anyone had seen her distress; she knew that was the reason he had given in the night before.

"Last night," she started as she sat next to him, his hand still in hers, "I tried to tell you something but I chickened out, and in doing so cost you your relationship with that incredible girl."

She nodded her head in the direction of the door, where Alyssa had entered unannounced.

"Don't go," she begged the brunette when she noticed she was about to leave again. "Please."

"Please," Corey repeated in a hoarse whisper.

Alyssa
turned back round at the sound of her friend's voice, a frown on her face as she finally noticed his pain.

"I never meant to hurt you,
Alyssa," she said sincerely. "I was just so desperate that nothing else mattered except hiding the truth. I would have done anything not to have to tell any of you what I'm about to say now."

"What?" John asked, gripping her hand as if he'd already figured it out but was afraid to say it.

She lifted his hand to her lips, holding his eyes as tears started streaming down her face again.

"I'm dying, John."

Nate stood outside Vince's office, his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall next to the door. He'd been summoned. He didn't know what it was about but he guessed someone had told Vince what had happened at the party and everyone probably thought he had something to do with it. Maybe someone was trying to get him kicked out and thought this was as good a time as any to have him tested. Stupid pricks. He'd been clean for a while now; they wouldn't get rid of him that easily.

Or maybe it was because he'd been completely shit in his match that night. His head hadn't been in it at all. How was it that everyone expected one hundred percent all the time, even when his heart was breaking? He wasn't a freaking machine! The entire match, Rae's words had replayed in his head.

She'd cheated on him. Hell, he'd expected that from the beginning but just not so soon. He had known that eventually she would fall into Corey's bed. He'd known that he never stood a chance. She'd been in love with Corey from the start; he'd been stupid to let his guard down. He lived his life on pure emotion; he should have known there was no such thing as letting her in just a little bit. When he fell, he fell hard. Everyone knew that. Opening the door just a crack had forced a full scale invasion. She had left none of him untouched and he had let it happen.

So could he really blame her for what she had done when he had known it was inevitable?

A crash at the end of the hall caused him to look up and he saw the reason for his pain apologizing as he stepped over the cables and tools he had knocked down. Then he saw the completely lost look on the other man's face as he continued towards him, tears falling unchecked down his cheeks as he came to stand next to him. He looked like a completely broken.

He knew then that she had finally told him.

"Hey," he said.

Corey
looked up as if only realising there was someone standing next to him. He only managed a little nod of acknowledgement before dropping his eyes to the floor again.

"I'm sorry about Rae."

Corey looked up, a frown on his face.

"You knew?" he asked.

"She passed out on me the day we met," he explained. "She had no choice but to tell me."

"Passed out?"

"Yeah. She wouldn't let me get you, she wanted to find the right time to tell you herself."

The other man's eyes dropped to the floor again. It was obviously hurting him too much to talk about it but he had one more thing he had to get off his chest.

"About last night," he started, "I wanted to hate you so bad but I've had a bit of time to think about it."

"What?"
Corey frowned.

"She told me what happened," he explained. "I know you're in love with her,
Corey. I know you're what she needs right now. I won't stand in your way."

"What the hell are you talking about,
Nate?" Corey frowned again.

Nate
looked at the younger man and saw the utter confusion in his eyes. He probably wasn't thinking straight. It was understandable, considering what he was going through.

The door opened and he decided to leave it as it was. His assuring
Corey that he wouldn't come between them at this time wouldn't mean a damn thing.

"
Nate, you can come in now," Vince said as he opened the door wider. Then he noticed Corey standing there and his demeanor became sympathetic. "Corey... I spoke to Irving earlier. I assume you're here for the same reason?"

Corey
just nodded without even looking at him.

"Take the rest of the week off, son. Call me over the weekend so we can come to some sort of formal arrangement," Vince said. "I'm really sorry,
Corey."

Corey
just nodded again before whispering a small, "Thanks."

He didn't even look up when he asked, "John, too?"

"Yeah," Vince answered, even though he knew he was losing his three crowd pullers.

Corey
nodded again before walking away.

Staring at his retreating back, neither Vince nor
Nate had ever seen a more sorry sight.

"She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Vince asked
Nate as he stood aside to let him in.

"Was," he corrected sadly as he walked into the office.

"Oh. Sorry to hear that. Anyway, I called you down here to discuss your match tonight, but that was before I heard what was going on. News like that about someone you're close to is bound to mess you up. I can't offer you time off, not with Irving, Corey and John out of the picture for a bit, but I do have your renewal contract for you to look over and sign."

"I'll make you guys something to eat," she said when they walked into their house.

"I couldn't eat anything right now," Corey said sadly, pulling her back into his arms. He hadn't really let go of her since they'd left his locker room. And John hadn't let go of her hand.

John hadn't cried yet, not really, not like
Corey. She could tell he was trying to be strong for her. After she'd told him the news, he'd let a few tears fall while he held her tightly in his arms. A quick glance at Corey had revealed that the news had released another uncontrollable dam of tears. Mandy had been at his side straight away.

John hadn't said a word. Even when
Corey had gone off to find Vince, he'd said nothing. He'd just held her. The only indication she'd had of how hurt he was, was how tight he'd held her, and the slight tremble she felt through his body as he tried to hold it all in. He would break down eventually, she knew that. But it was just like John to want to be strong for everyone first. Mandy had had no such problem. For that moment, something as small as sleeping with the man she was in love with wasn't important at all. She'd sat next to John and held them both, bawling her eyes out, hurting for her friends.

"Me either," John agreed as he dropped the car keys on the table.

"Okay. Beer and a movie in bed then?"

They both nodded their heads and she freed herself from the protective arm around her.

"You guys pick the movie, I'll be up in a minute with the beer," she told them.

The truth was she just needed a bit of space. She'd had nothing but death on her mind that day and looking at her friends' faces was just breaking her heart. It would be a while before they got used to it, a while before she saw anything resembling a smile on their faces. It got her wishing she hadn't messed things up with
Nate. At least then she would have had some sort of normality in her life, if you could call Nate normal.

Her phone buzzed and for a second, she thought it was
Nate. Maybe if they talked, really talked, he would overlook her little indiscretion and they could start over and this time just as friends. She needed him so badly, needed him to take her mind off everything.

But it was a message from
Irving, letting her know he would be with them for breakfast. They had agreed he would stay a few days. With the three of them walking around like they were already in mourning, she didn't know how she would get through that. That and the fact that she still had to face Corey's family...

Nate
would have helped her through that...

On an impulse, she took her phone out again and quickly sent a simple text before her guts deserted her.

I'm so sorry Nate. Please forgive me. Can we still be friends?

Would he read between the lines and realise she needed him? She hoped so.

"Rae?"

She turned round to smile at
Corey.

"I've got the beer," she said as she picked the two six packs up.

In her room, she knew the men didn't even know what the hell was going on in the movie. She lay between them, secured with Corey's arm round her shoulders and John's round her stomach. Her eyes were on the screen, but their eyes were on her. Every once in a while, one of them would run a finger down cheek or play with a lock of her hair in silence. And every once in a while they would both wipe the tears from their cheeks. None of them said a word.

Wryly, she thought how they probably wouldn't mind the stuff they'd flushed down the toilet right about now.

Her phone buzzed and she had to move John's hand a bit to get to it. A sad smile formed on her lips when she read the message.

Yes, friends. You know where to find me if you ever need to talk.

She should have known he would never have shut her out, just as he hadn't shut Beth out. He was a good man.

***

She'd been up for hours, having escaped her bedroom the minute both Corey and John had fallen asleep, when Irving rang their doorbell. He looked like he hadn't slept all night either. He followed her silently to the kitchen where she offered him a strong cup of coffee before sitting across him at the table with her own.

"How are the boys?" he asked softly.

"Devastated. I don't know how they're going to get through this, Irving," she replied sadly.

He put his hand over hers and squeezed it gently.

"They will. We all will," he assured her.