The Child Whisperer (40 page)

A child may lose respect for you as their parents as a byproduct of not being taught and supported in becoming their own authority. Don’t assume that your child understands their nature to be their own authority. I have worked with hundreds of Type 4 adults who did not have a conscious understanding of this aspect of their nature. Once I pointed it out to them, it made perfect sense, since most of their life’s struggles resulted from the limiting belief that they were not their own authority. They had this deep inner feeling that they wanted to be their own authority, but had not been given permission. When a Type 4 child does not respect their parents, they tend to ignore them and begin to do things their own way in an attempt to be true to themselves. They can put up emotional walls and refuse to let their parents in.

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JONATHAN AND MARK’S STORY

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It took my husband Jonathan a few more years than it took me to understand our Type 4 son’s nature. During Mark’s high school years, he and his father had huge power struggles. Jonathan would not treat Mark with respect and support him in being his own authority. Jonathan also had a tendency to be sarcastic with Mark and he knew how to push his buttons, which only resulted in Mark becoming embittered towards his dad, pulling away and speaking very bluntly about how much he resented and did not respect him. He would say to Jonathan , “I am not going to respect you since you don’t respect me.”

I attempted to get involved and straighten things out for both of them. I saw how easy the solution was. I urged Jonathan to treat Mark in a respectful manner as his own authority. But Jonathan held on a while longer to an old parenting model that says, “I’m the parent. You should do what I say!” Once I let go of trying to mediate their power struggles, things started to shift.

Now, several years later, they have openly talked about their patterns and what each needs to feel supported. Jonathan learned to approach Mark in an adult-like manner with respect. When he trusted that Mark had deep insights to what would shift their relationship, it all started to change. They now have a wonderful father-son relationship and enjoy doing many activities together.

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Child Whisperer Tip:
Never demand respect from your Type 4 child. Respect them first. Show that respect in the way you speak to them and you speak about them. Type 4 children express a reflective quality. If you give them genuine respect, they will mirror that same respect back to you, strengthening your relationship from both sides.

In my experience in parenting a Type 4 child, parenting became easy once I knew that two of a Type 4’s primary intrinsic needs are a sense of their own authority and respect from others.

True to their nature of all or nothing, you can have it all: love, cooperation, enjoyment, closeness, easy communication. Or you can have none of it with a Type 4 child. It is up to you as their parent to be the one to initiate that opportunity. It is never too late, no matter how old they are!

Parents worldwide have found the information of Energy Profiling to be life-changing in the way they interact with their Type 4 children. Some of them have experienced the challenge of their child’s resistance to being classified. Because they are their own authority, Type 4 children especially do not like the idea of someone telling them who they are.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Acknowledge your child always as a unique individual first. Honor their preferences if they do not wish to use the title Type 4 or do not want to use the language of Energy Profiling. You can always talk about this information in terms of your child’s true nature, natural gifts, and tendencies.

Whatever challenges you face with your Type 4 child, the joys can easily outweigh them, especially when you reach a place of mutual respect and trust together. Your child is naturally reliable and responsible. They are deeply loyal. Their bold and blunt nature makes it easier for you to always know where you stand with them. Take a moment today to sit down one-on-one with your Type 4 child and tell them how much you respect them and admire the way they contribute to your family, just by their presence in it. Your earnest expression of respect will make a huge difference for them.

The Type 4 More Serious Daughter

Boldness and dignity are the keywords that come to mind when I think of a Type 4 daughter. Boldness in knowing who she is and the dignity of self to live it. Since some parents do not expect their sweet little girl to be so bold, they may be taken aback by her willingness to see the bigger picture of what she wants at a very early age and worry she is growing up too fast. Since Type 4 energy has not been classified by our culture as the standard feminine expression, you could easily repress your Type 4 daughter’s nature at an early age.

Many moms of Type 4 girls have come to me very concerned that their little Type 4 girl is drawn to things that only older girls should be interested in. One mom shared the story of her six-year-old Type 4 daughter who came out of the bathroom and announced, “Mom, I just shaved my legs!” This Type 2 mom was shocked! She could not understand why her little six year old would even want to shave her legs. Little Type 4 girls watch their big sisters and their mommy and are drawn to things like makeup, clothing, hair—all the things that have to do with appearance and how to perfect it. I shared with this mom to not discipline her daughter for following her own instinct for wanting to shave her legs, but to redirect her focus to things that would be age appropriate, like playing with new hairstyles, giving her permission to put together her own outfits, and to let her master the skill of applying her own nail polish.

As your Type 4 daughter grows, she naturally takes time to reflect on who she is and what is important to her. She is not someone to follow the crowd. She may spend time alone, as this is necessary as part of her reflection time to discover herself. She is designed to grow into a beautiful, stunning woman who holds herself with dignity and expresses herself with clarity. She is a gift to others as one of her natural attributes is to hold a reflective light so others more clearly see who they are in her presence. Self-esteem comes naturally to her when she has been raised true to her nature. And in that gift of self-esteem, she esteems others to be of great value, thus leaving a beautiful footprint of her good character wherever she goes.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Allow your Type 4 daughter to have a bold voice in your household. I have met many adult Type 4 women who have lost or never had a chance to develop their bold voice. This does not mean a loud voice, just a clear, bold expression of their own sense of self, their own values, and thoughts—a bold voice that also honors the voices of others. As your daughter grows, she takes on an air of dignity and regality. She knows who she is and respects herself, her body, and others. She is deeply caring and deeply sensitive.

The Type 4 More Serious Son

Honor and loyalty are the keywords that best describe a Type 4 son. These sons are very honorable and loyal from the very beginning of their lives. When you are on good terms with your Type 4 son, he is a joy and delight due to the respect and loyalty he shows to you. Since these sons do not share their feelings with just anyone, it is such an honor to know that you are someone in your Type 4 son’s inner circle.

Type 4 little boys may not like to roughhouse and wrestle as much as some of their dads would like, but they will always enjoy learning new things. They have a love for learning about animals, machines, how the world works, and thanks to this time of internet access, they quickly learn how to get online and Google things to learn more. An iPad or similar tablet device can be a great investment for a Type 4 son.

Type 4 sons can be great at anything they put their mind to. Just don’t expect them to be great at a lot of things. If they are into sports, that will be their primary focus. Or maybe they prefer academia and learning, or maybe they are into music. Whatever their focus they will naturally apply themselves to be the best they can be. Your job is to help them experience fulfillment by supporting them in creating reasonable expectations of their progress with whatever they are drawn to. Accept that they do not have a lot of diverse interests, but are drawn to fewer things that they want to master and perfect. Let your son lead the way in showing you what he finds the most interesting and fascinating in life.

Be respectful of their personal belongings: their clothes, bikes, phones, computers, or any other personal item that is very special to them. My son takes impeccable care of his car and his mountain bike. I know that those are two items I should not expect to borrow from him. He treats them with great respect and care and knows no one else will treat them the same.

These sons also love rules and following them. Give them a chance to make up some of their own rules to live by when they are small. It will be fun for you to see what they come up with.

Child Whisperer Tip:
If you are not close to your Type 4 son, I believe that can change over time. It may take some patience, as they need time to warm up to you and believe you can be trusted and that you have their best interests in mind. Follow the guidelines I have introduced to you in raising a Type 4 child. No matter their age, with proper care, they will come around to respect you and let you into their world.

The Type 4 Child Through the Years

The following are some examples of the many ways Type 4 children express their true nature from birth to age 18 as they mature and develop. They express many general tendencies in their first 18 years. The ones I note here are those I have seen most commonly.

At each developmental stage, your child has a specific emotional need. This is true for all Types of children. I offer some specific phrases to share with your Type 4 child to help meet each need. Use these phrases in words, or consider how you could express these phrases in action to help your child feel loved and wanted in each stage of their life. When your child is supported in living true to their nature, they can more easily enter their adult experience ready and able to create emotionally healthy relationships. You can meet your child’s developmental emotional needs in many ways—just use my examples as a way to get thinking.

Baby 0 to 18 months

Primary Emotional Need:
To be validated for their inwardly still, structured nature and to be supported in starting to explore and sense the world around them.

All Type 4s start their life experience with a primary connection to the intellectual experience of this world. They are observant from day one and take in their world through careful observation. People often note how reflective and still they are. You may hear a lot of people comment that your Type 4 child seems very serious. They are the most serious of all children from the very beginning of their lives.

Messages your Type 4 child needs to hear in this stage of life:

• Welcome to the world; we’ve been eagerly waiting for your reflective energy.
  
• We have a special place prepared for you.