The Confession (16 page)

Colin parked the car
slammed his fist into the steering wheel. Margaret looked at him
with disgust. Both of them
are responsible for
what
happened today. “Sitting there
hitting
the steering wheel is
not going to resolve the issue. We made a terrible mistake. We
should have told the family when it first happened.”

“I know all of this Maggie.
Why bring it up now? I have to live with
this,
and it’s killing
me. Did you see the look on Mary’s face? She hates me, and I don’t
blame her.”

“Let’s not forget about John. What he
said today is the truth. You were indifferent to him once the twins
were born. I tried to tell you this a thousand times over the
years. You have a wicked temper, and it hasn’t gotten better with
age.”

“I know Maggie. Don’t you
think I realize how I
fucked up
his life? You know how we
struggled when the kids were young. I always worked long hours.
John was always a problem child, and my patience wore thin. I don’t
see how bringing up all of this shit solves anything.”

Maggie sighed. “It’s time we put the
past behind us and deal with what’s going on now. How could you say
such a terrible thing about Gail?”

Remorse crept up his neck. “I knew it
was wrong as soon as it came out of my mouth. I thought Adam would
hit me.”

“You deserve his anger. None of this is
Gail’s fault. You know she is a beautiful young woman. You need to
apologize to Adam and Lydia.”

“I know, and I will
apologize.
”

This day has been so
stressful. I just want to close my eyes and drift off into
nothingness. Mary is so wonderful. She opened her house to me and I
will be forever grateful. I follow my sister up the stairs and
in
to
the guest bedroom. My legs feel like rubber, and I
find it difficult putting one foot in front of the other. Once I
sit on the bed, I feel what energy I have left leave me. When Mary
kissed me goodnight and closed the door, I quickly undress and
collapse onto the bed.

Hours later, Mary stood in the doorway
and watched her brother sleep. The worry lines disappeared from his
face, and he looked like a young boy. She prayed her brother would
not leave the church. She wanted John to find peace through
acceptance and move forward with his life. Mary was proud of her
brother, proud that he had the courage to leave a life and family
that held so many bad memories, and make a new life for
himself.

Adam and Lydia drove home
in silence. Taking a detour, they
drove
to
the hospital
to see Gail. “Hey, you too,
what are you doing here so late at night? Have you come to take me
home early?”

Adam laughed. “Not so fast young lady.
We will be back in the morning to spring you from this joint. How
are you feeling munchkin?”

“Not bad. My leg is throbbing, but the
medication takes away most of the discomfort. My headache is
finally easing up, and I can almost think straight. The pain meds
mess up my mind. I hope I won’t need them much longer. I don’t like
feeling spaced out.”

“Once you come home, we can adjust the
medication. I don’t want you taking it while you are alone in the
house. Bobby has agreed to stay with you for a few
days.”

“Yeah, I don’t feel good about being
alone in the house. Besides, I want to be close to both of you. We
still have some things to discuss.”

Lydia sat down next to her daughter.
“Whatever you want to know, your father and I will answer
truthfully. We will have no secrets in this family.” She looked at
Adam for confirmation. “We love you, and we only want what’s best
for you.”

“Would you be upset if I asked to see
Uncle John? I also have questions for him.”

Adam wanted to scream no a thousand
times, and as the anger grew once again, he remembered the
conversation they heard earlier that day. The anger left him. It
was time for the healing process to begin.

“We had a very troubling
meeting with your grandparents, Uncle John and Aunt Mary. We need
to tell you what we
discussed
.” Adam held nothing back from
his daughter, and an hour later, he felt drained and
tired.

Gail was shocked and
saddened by what she had heard. “I don’t know what to say. Why
did
granny
and gramps keep the adoption a secret?”

“I don’t know honey. Your
mother invited everyone to dinner on Friday. You’ll have a chance
to speak to him after
dinner
.”

Chapter 13

Bright sunlight woke John
from a deep sleep. He smiled when he realized he was in his
sister’s house. He glanced at his watch and was surprised to see
that it was ten in the morning. He felt at peace for the first time
in many years. Rising from the bed, he noticed a laundry basket at
the foot of the bed, with a note neatly folded on top of a pile of
clothes. It was
a
letter
from his sister. “I bought these
clothes for you,” the
letter
said. “Take a shower and meet me
in the kitchen. I want to cook breakfast for you. Love,
Mary.”

“Love Mary,” the note said.
Those two words felt like a vice squeezing his heart. His sister
loved him, and it was a humbling feeling. He quickly showered and
ran down to the kitchen. He felt
different
as if
an enormous
weight disappeared from his shoulders. His mind
thought back to the events of the previous day. The truth was out
in the open, and once he decided how to proceed, he hoped to
continue his life as a priest. John regretted his decision
to
resign
and called Father O’Connell.

“Good
morning,
Father
Brady. How are you feeling today?”

“I feel fine Father
O’Connell, but I will feel much better if you would
destroy
my note. I wrote it when I was upset, and I
sincerely
regret it in the light of day.”

Father O’Connell laughed into to the
phone. “I tore it up last night. I refuse to accept your
resignation.”

Relief flooded John.
“Thank
you.
I reacted in a moment of weakness. I
apologize
if I caused you concern. I am at my sister’s house, and I need
time with her before I return to the rectory. I am officially
requesting a sabbatical. I must resolve the conflicts within my
family.”

“I will have Father Mallard
prepare the paperwork. Stop by my office
tomorrow,
and we will
formalize the request. You have made the correct decision John. The
church needs you. Be with God Father Brady. I will pray for your
family.”

Mary is sitting at the
kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and working the crossword
puzzle. She looked up and smiled when she hears me enter the room.
Rising from her seat, she walks over to me and wraps her arms
around me.
“
I love you John and I’m happy you
are
here
with me.”

“When I saw your note this morning, I
almost cried because it has been a long time since anyone said they
loved me. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. I am happy to
be here.”

“Oh, John, you have no idea how happy I
am to have you here with me. Now, sit down while I cook your
breakfast. What would you like this morning? I have eggs, bacon,
hot and cold cereal, waffles, and pancakes.”

Realizing that he had not
eaten in almost twenty-four hours, his stomach let him know he was
starving.
“
If it is not too much trouble, I’d like
three eggs, three slices of bacon, four pancakes, and three pieces
of toast. I’d also like something else.”

“How much food could you possibly
eat?”

“I don’t want food. I want a kiss from
my sister.”

Mary covered her face with her hands
and cried. John walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.
“Hush Mary, please don’t cry.”

“These
are happy tears.”
Several minutes and a
dozen kisses later, John sat with his sister and shared their first
meal together in many years. “Tell me the truth John; do you like
being a
priest
?”

“I do now Mary, but when I first
entered the seminary, I struggled. My life as a priest has been
rewarding. Looking back, I realized I had an empty place in my
heart where love for my family should have been. I have conflicting
emotions regarding Margaret and Colin. I do appreciate that they
cared for me, and I wish circumstances could have been different. I
deserved to know the truth about my adoption. I was an immature,
drunken young man, who made many mistakes that can never be taken
back.”

“My wish is to heal the
wounds and move on with my life. Whether I do that here in
Philadelphia
or some other parish is yet to
be determined
. I
spoke to Father O’Connell earlier this morning, and I have
requested a sabbatical. Apparently, he destroyed the resignation
note that I left in my room.”

“Are you
actually
considering leaving the priesthood?”

“I don’t know. My emotions
are strangling me, and I need time to think.
I knew seeing Lydia again after so many
years would be difficult.
Knowing I
fathered a child excites and terrifies me. Knowing that a part of
me will live on
after
I leave this life is comforting to
me. I am afraid to be near her. I know she has questions that only
I can answer. What do I say to her? How do I convey my remorse?
Will she hate me?”

Mary moved closer to her
brother and wrapped an arm around his tense shoulders. “Start at
the beginning and speak from the heart. I know you are sorry for
what happened, and how you hurt Lydia. Gail will either accept or
reject your apology. What you must do is accept and live with that
decision. You are not the same person who hurt Lydia. You live your
life to serve others. Think of the many people whose lives
were changed
because you touched them spiritually. You are a
good man John, and it is time to forgive yourself and live your
life free of guilt. I only ask that you consider staying in
Philadelphia. I need my brother in my life. I’m not getting any
younger, and I want you near me.”

Unable to speak, John nodded his head
and leaned into his sister.

Gail’s entire family showed
up at the hospital to take her home. She smiled when all three of
them entered her room. She was sitting in a wheelchair, with her
bag on her lap. Adam bent down to
kiss
her forehead. “I see
someone is in a hurry to get out of here.”

“You have no idea how much I want to
leave this place. I’ve had enough poking, prodding, and x-rays to
last a lifetime.”

Bobby stood
in
the
doorway, and he looked as if he were afraid to enter her room.
Sensing his uneasiness, she shouted to him, “Hey
dorkface
, why are you standing in the doorway? Get your ass over here
and wheel me out of this room. I hear you’ve been working hard
getting my room ready for me. I’ll let you know if I approve once
we get home. Come on
big
guy, get me out of here.”