The Darkest Dream (The Darkest Trilogy) (2 page)

“Nobody but the regulars
are
here, Luce.
 
And that definitely doesn’t sound like the description of anyone who would eat at
this
diner.
 
Why?”
 
I imagined her scanning over the few remaining late-night patrons of the diner, rolling her eyes at the limitations of living in a small suburb.

“Oh, no reason.”
 
I covered my mouth as I yawned, plopping down onto the couch.
 
“I kind of bumped into him on the way home and I was just wondering…”

“Nope, not here,
”
 
I
nodded, shrugging to myself and wondering where the man may have gone.
 
“You still want me to come over tomorrow so we can start the decorating extravaganza?”
 
I smiled again, closing my eyes as I shook my head.

“
Phe
,
hun
, I’m going to be moving out in a couple months…what’s the sense in decorating?”
 
Phoebe sighed on the other end and I pictured her rolling her eyes, looking frustrated.
 
She had, after all, explained this to me several times.

“Because.
 
That place looks like it could have been decorated by my grandmother, Luce.
 
And is that really how you want to spend the last few months of your senior year?
 
Living like an old maid?”
 
I laughed at her theatrics. “I’m serious.
 
And this is your
first
apartment, so it really doesn’t matter how long you’ll be there.
 
You have to leave your mark.”
 

She paused, and I heard the familiar sounds of the register opening and closing as she offered a very unenthusiastic,
“Have a good night.”
 
Phe
sighed irritably as she returned to the conversation, and I couldn’t help but shake my head at her complete and utter disregard for the customers.
 
“Besides, you’ll be doing the next tenant a favor.”
 
I laughed again, rolling onto my side to get more comfortable.

“Oh,
Phe
…”
 
I heard my friend laugh softly.
 
“Just call me before you come over, okay?
 
I’m planning on sleeping in as late as possible tomorrow.”
 
It had been a long few months, and I’d spent far too many restless nights tossing and turning, plagued by nightmares—both real and imagined.
 

What I really needed was a good night of sleep, and I was determined to get it.
 
My eyes turned to the small pharmacy bag sitting across from me, on the coffee table.

I’d always been a light sleeper, ever since I was a young girl.
 
It had never come easy for me, and so I’d gotten used to functioning on less than most others.
 
But functioning on next-to nothing…that was becoming much too difficult.

“I won’t even think of calling before noon.”
 

“That’s my girl.”
 
I told her.

“What are best friends for?”
 
The smile was evident in Phoebe’s voice, and I considered telling her how grateful I was for her—for everything she’d done for me.
 
But the moment passed.
 
“
G’night
, Luce.”

“Good night,
Phe
.
 
I’ll see you tomorrow.”
 
I ended the call and tossed the phone on the coffee table in front of me, sighing deeply as I reached for the bag and removed a small box of sleeping pills.
 
I desperately hoped it would be a good night, but as my ears were suddenly assaulted by the dead silence of the small apartment, I was sure it wouldn’t be.
 

***

Phe
stood in front of me, waving her arms in the air, paint samples flapping around as she carried on.
 
I smiled at my best friend, feigning interest in the various themes she was discussing while doing my best to fight off a yawn.
 
I had, once again, spent the majority of the night staring at the ceiling, my mind flooded with thoughts.
 

Not even with the help of sleeping pills could I get a decent night’s rest.

“So?”
 
Phe
asked expectantly, and I realized that she’d stopped talking.
 
I bit my lip, trying to piece a response together.
 
Finally, I sighed, shaking my head.

“How about I let this be your project,
Phe
?”
 

“You weren’t listening at all, were you?”
 

“Oh, I listened…but once you started comparing shades of lavender to shades of lilac, I sort of…lost interest.”
 
I was leaning into the corner between the back of the couch and the arm, my knees pulled up to my chest.
 
Phe
sat down at the other end of the
couch,
her hair tied up with a bandanna, and tucked her feet underneath her.
 

“You’re impossible, Lucinda Malone.”
 
She muttered at me.

“I’m simple.
 
You
, my friend, are the difficult one.”

“I just want you to be happy, Luce.
 
You deserve it.”

“I’m working on it.”
 
I told her, plastering a smile on my lips I knew she would see right through.
 
Still, I had to make the attempt.
 
Phoebe sighed.

“Which reminds me…my mom noticed you didn’t put in for graduation day.”
 
She said plainly, resting her head against the couch cushion.
 
Her parents owned and operated the diner Phoebe and I both worked at.

“That’s because I’m not going.”
 
I braced myself for the lecture that was sure to follow.
 
I was hoping that my decision to avoid an afternoon in a stuffy gymnasium, walking across the stage to that cringe-inducing pity-applause would have gone unnoticed.
 

I should have known better.

“You are most definitely going, Lucy.
 
I don’t care if I have to shackle your wrists and drag you there myself.”
 
Phoebe’s tone was stern, and I imagined her mother using the same tone on
Phe
as she demanded my participation.

“Isn’t it enough that I’m going to Prom,
Phe
?”
 
I made a face, the mere thought of spending the evening dressed in formal wear leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

“No, it isn’t.
 
Prom is for me.
 
Graduation is for my parents.
 
They’re practically more excited about your post high-school achievements than they are about mine.
 
I mean, they’re severely disappointed that you’re giving up Berkeley to go to L.A. with me.”
 
She pouted, teasingly dabbing at the corners of her eyes.
 
“They love you, my best friend, more than they love me, their own daughter.”

“
Aww
,
Phe
, you know that isn’t true.
 
Where do you get off saying they love you at all?”
 
A smile spread across my face before I could stop it, the theme of the joke one we’d shared for years.
 
We were both well aware of how proud her parents were of the two of us.

“Hey!”
 
Phe
said, feigning rage as she grabbed a pillow and hit me with it.
 
“I’m
gonna
remember that!”
 
She laughed, settling back in and suddenly looking at me with somber eyes. “But seriously…”

“I know,
”
 
I
nodded, shrugging a shoulder as I caved.
 
I looked up at my best friend, who had become something more of a sister in recent times.
 
“You guys are the only family I have left.
 
I just…it’s hard, having to face everyone like that, knowing I’m on my own now.”

“You’re not alone, Luce.”
 
Phe
reached over and took my hand and I stared at it, nodding my head.
 

“I know—I know that you guys are here, and I honestly can’t put into words how much I appreciate all that you’ve done.
 
But…”
 
I sighed, shaking my head as I struggled to phrase my feelings.
 
“But they’re both gone, now,
Phe
.
 
I’m all that’s left, and I’m…”

I’m alone
,
 
I
wanted to say.
 
I didn’t, though.
 
It wasn’t something Phoebe, or even her family, could understand.
 
They had a family.
 
They had each other.

I had…silence.
 

I pulled my hand away, biting my lip.

“I still don’t know why you didn’t go ahead and just move in with us.
 
You know my parents wanted you to.”
 
Phoebe told me, almost as if reading my mind.
 
I shrugged sadly as I picked at a loose string I’d discovered on the cushion of the old sofa.

“You know why.”
 
We had been through this before, but every time, I still felt a small well of guilt form within me—always intensified by the sadness that would tint
Phe’s
usually sparkling hazel eyes.
 
“I just couldn’t put that on you guys.
 
I come with a lot of baggage.”
 

“They would have been thrilled, Lucy.
 
You’re part of our family.”
      

I sighed then, sitting up and setting my feet on the floor.
 
“I just feel like I need to be on my own,
Phe
.”
 
After everything that I’d been through in the last few months, and the lifetime before that, really—the thing I wanted most was to be on my own.
 

If I wanted to be totally honest with myself, I would have to admit that it terrified me, though.
 
Being alone—forcing myself to learn to stand on my own—sometimes filled me with a paralyzing fear I wasn’t sure I could breathe my way out of.
 

But I had to.
 
I had no choice now—my parents were both dead, and there was nobody left to take care of me.
 

Sure, the Masons would be there for me.
 
But I needed to learn how to be alone, no matter how frightening a prospect it seemed.

Phoebe half-smiled, her eyes sad as they focused on me, and I yearned to lighten the air.
 
We were suffocating beneath the weight of my melancholy, and I didn’t want that either.
 

“Besides, I didn’t want to take
all
the attention from you.”
 
I added, forcing a playful tone and
Phe’s
half-smile turned full and she nodded, looking at the floor.

“Or is it the other way around?
 
Admit it, Luce.
 
You know how difficult it’d be, living with a star like me.”
 
Phoebe retorted, smiling lightheartedly.
 
She quickly rose from the couch and hurried across the room so as to avoid the pillow I’d lamely tossed at her and after taking a minute to compose myself, I followed her to the poor excuse the landlord had called a kitchen.
 

It was barely the size of the bathroom in the house I’d grown up in.

But as soon as the thought entered my mind, I pushed it away—unwilling to think about that time or that place.

“So what kind of food do you have in this place?”
 
She asked as she opened the refrigerator.
 
I forced a laugh, trying to retain my composure before Phoebe noticed and tried to make me talk about my
feelings
.

That was the last thing I needed to do right now.

As I stepped forward, I cleared my throat, willing the threat of tears away while memories of a past life danced across my eyes.
 
Ignoring them, I showed my best friend around the sparse cupboards.
 
She gave me a funny look, her eyebrow arched questioningly, and I wondered if she’d caught me.
 

“
You planning
on clearing out some space for me?”
 
It took me a moment to realize that the words were sarcastic, as the cupboards were nearly bare as it was.
 
I’d already been in the apartment for nearly a month now, but I still hadn’t quite moved in.
 
It felt strange and unnatural, living as I was—it served as a constant reminder of everything that had happened.
 

Truthfully, I spent as little time as I could in the small confines.

And still, it was better than the alternative.

“That’s the only way to keep you from eating all of my food, isn’t it?”
 
I finally answered.
 
Phe
rolled her eyes at me, knowing full well that she would never touch the garbage I regularly ingested.
 
“You should try eating stuff that’s bad for you every once and awhile.
 
You know, live a little.”
 

It was a suggestion I had often made, and I glanced once more inside the cupboard we were standing in front of.
 
Most of the already limited contents were snacks.

“I’m not as fortunate as you, my dear friend, to come built with a fabulously toned body.
 
Some of us have to work at it.”
 
Phoebe told me.
 
This time, I rolled my eyes, swatting at my thin friend.
 
“Speaking of work, I should probably go so I can get ready.”
 
Phoebe pouted as she began walking toward the door.
 
“Dad has me working all weekend.
 
It’s not fair.”