The Embers Of My Heart (32 page)

"Does it now?"

"Yes. Birth is when we begin to end. Everything ends in time, at its proper time, in its proper place. Even time itself. All things end."

Maybe he meant the words to be soothing, but at this point, they were anything but. "You're being uncommonly fatalistic, Andreas. What's the deal?"

He shrugged again. "The Japanese have a similar expression.
Shigata ga nai.
It cannot be helped."

"You're talking about fate, aren't you? I didn't know you were a mystic."

"I am not a mystic. I merely accept."

"Bullshit, Andreas."

He stared at me calmly. "I accept that you cannot do anything right now."

I closed my mouth and grabbed more paper towels. "That's fair."

"If you could have cut her free, you would have."

"Yeah."

"If you could save her, you would."

"Yeah."

"If you can do something, you will."

"You're damn right." I snorted and immediately regretted it.

"That is a difference between you and I." His eyes had never left mine. "You acted. I could do nothing but stare at the blood and think of how red it was."

I shuddered. Sometimes I forgot that I had seen and done things my friends hadn't. "You also had several drinks."

"Yes. But I do know basic first aid. Nothing came to mind."

"You couldn't have done anything," I said. "Trust me."

"I do," he said, then turned and left.

I held the paper towels to my nose until the bleeding stopped. The mirror showed me a swollen face, a crumpled shirt, and big puffy eyes without a trace of power in them. After disposing of all the bloody towels and washing off what I could, I walked back to the group. Jess looked up at me and bounced to her feet, throwing the blanket off her shoulders. "Kevin? What happened?"

"I tripped," I said. Drew was looking anywhere but at me.

"Tripped into his fist?" Jess stared at Drew.

"Just tripped," I said.

Max took her arm before she could say more. He whispered something in her ear and her expression shifted before she nodded at me. Before they could reach their nest, the light above the operating room turned off. We all jumped up. A woman in scrubs stepped through the doors a minute later, looked at us, and lowered her mask. "Are you all friends of Lisa Chen?"

"Yes." Drew stepped forward. "How is she?"

"Follow me." The doctor led us away from the operating room. "We're bringing her to recovery now. We'll let you in to see her then."

"But how is she?" Drew asked.

The doctor stopped just before a set of double doors. She didn't turn to look at us. "Her condition...well, there is severe damage throughout much of her lower abdomen, including her spine." She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "The injury was too severe for us to even make an attempt to repair it. She won't walk again."

None of us said anything. I wanted to ask another question, but couldn't bring myself to be the one to ask it. Drew could. "Just how critical is her condition, doctor?"

The doctor finally looked over her shoulder. "You're Drew?"

"Yeah."

"She was calling for you just before we put her under." She shook her head and put her hand on the doors. "We explored the wound thoroughly, you understand. Human bodies can take a lot of punishment. She's lost practically all of her lower body function. Bladder and bowels, kidneys. Liver damage. There was leakage of fecal matter into her abdominal cavity. We've done everything we can."

"Just how critical?" Drew repeated.

The doctor slammed the doors open. "I'm sorry. The injuries aren't survivable. Her liver is shutting down already, her kidneys aren't functioning, the wound is likely to go septic, and she can't tolerate treatment for any of those. All we can do is keep her comfortable."

Andreas murmured something foreign under his breath. Jess turned and buried her face in Max's chest. Kaitlyn stared down at the floor. "I understand," Drew said.

"I'm so sorry," the doctor repeated. She waved us through the double doors. "Just take a seat and we'll call you when you can see her. I'm sorry. It would take a miracle to save her."

I was the last one to pass the doors. "A miracle?" I asked the doctor, quietly enough that no one else could hear.

"Even a miracle won't let her walk again, or keep her from needing dialysis and an ostomy bag. She'll never have children. If you want her to live in this condition, then you can pray," she said.

"There are miracles, and then there are miracles, doc. I'll see what I can do."

"Are you religious?" she asked.

"In a matter of speaking."

It took twenty minutes to call us into her recovery suite. Her face was cut and swollen in dozens of places. IVs stood on either side of her, needles embedded in her wrists. Snakes of cables twisted under the sheets and a tube under her nose fed her oxygen. Blood spattered the sheets, the most telling sign. If she had any chance, they'd have cleaned her up, or they'd still be in surgery.

Drew stepped to her side and looked up at the doctor who had followed us in. "Can I hold her hand?"

The doctor started to say something, but Lisa spoke first. "You're not going to hurt me any worse than I already am, Drew, sweetheart."

"I didn't think you'd be awake," he said. Her hand was tiny in his.

"She shouldn't be," the doctor said. She examined the IVs and made a small adjustment.

"Wait. I don't want to fall asleep yet." She lifted a finger toward the doctor, who slowly stepped back. "I'll let you know when it's too much."

"Don't force yourself," Drew said. "You need to rest."

She let out a giggle. "Surprised they let a drunk like you in here."

I glanced at the doctor, who didn't even raise an eyebrow at that. "I'm not drunk," Drew said.

"Liar. I'm going to miss you."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"You're going to be ok." Drew's voice caught. "Please. You're going to be just fine."

"Liar." Her voice was gentle.

"Don't say that!"

"Drew, I know I'm broken." She kept smiling. "I can't feel my legs. They already told me. You wouldn't date a cripple."

"I'd date you no matter what."

"Really? You wouldn't mind carrying me around? Helping me with everything?" She coughed. Her monitors flickered. "I feel it, Drew. I know how messed up I am inside. I know they can't do anything for me now. That's why you're in here now. Don't worry so much," Lisa said. Her breathing was deep and ragged. The doctor adjusted the IV without any prompting. "Don't be afraid. I'm not hurting, ok?"

"But I am!"

"It'll be ok." I saw Lisa's hand squeeze around his. "You'll go on without me."

"I'm losing half of myself here," he said.

"And I'm not?" He flinched. "Drew, my love, I'm sorry we couldn't do all those things we promised. The cruise. The trip to Europe. I'm sorry you never met my parents. I know they'd love you too."

"Lisa, it's ok. It's all ok. Please stay."

"Drew, baby." Her voice was fading. "Just one regret. Sorry I kicked you. When you stood me up. I'm so sorry. It wasn't right. I love you," she whispered. Her eyes suddenly turned wide and I could tell she wasn't seeing any of us anymore. "I don't want to go." She gasped for breath and the monitors blared alarms. "I don't want this!"

"Lisa!"

The heart monitor flattened out. She arched her back, gasped for breath, and sank down into the bed. She exhaled. Her chest didn't rise again. Her hands fell limp at her sides. The doctor silenced the monitors and pulled the blood-spattered sheet up over her face. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. We'll inform her family right away."

No one made a sound. No one cried. No one turned away. No one moved, except for the doctor, quietly moving toward the door. Before she could leave the room, I stepped to the foot of the bed. All eyes turned to me. Kaitlyn and Jess were broken, shattered glass. Max and Andreas were dull and faded.

Drew burned with hope.

I'd answer that hope. "Hey, doc? Remember what I said about that miracle?"

Power surged within my mind. I seized it.

Chapter Twenty One

My Sight flashed to life with a sea-green surge of light from my eyes. I felt Jess and Kaitlyn exclaim something and stagger backwards, I felt the doctor's sudden panic, I felt Andreas and Max snap to attention, and I felt Drew's furious hope. I could see the pulse of their emotions along the threads that bound us together. The hole in the center was Lisa.

I poured all of my energy into finding her essence, her soul. Her body was empty, but there were still traces of her there. I sought her sense of self and couldn't find it. That couldn't be right. People could be resuscitated. She couldn't have left her life behind so quickly.

Absynthe hadn't taught me anything more than rudimentary biokinetic first aid. This was so far beyond first aid it was impossible to be sure where to begin. I focused part of my mind toward crude repairs of her body and sought her with the rest. I found nothing, no matter where I looked, just an eerie emptiness where I knew her mind should be. My powers weren't enough if I limited myself. I smiled and took firm hold of my power, my reserves, and my will, and forced myself through to the second tier.

White light flooded the room. My Sight refocused, silver lines connecting to white threads connecting to silver trunks. In the midst of the hospital bed, I saw a tangle of silver threads that was slowly fading away, the individual strands shrinking away to nothing and vanishing. I reached into that tangle with my own silver threads. Each one I touched recoiled from me. I persisted as she rejected my touch. One thread didn't vanish as I touched it and I screamed her name down the line, hoping against hope that she could hear me.

"Kevin?"

Everything burned white. I covered my eyes even though the horrible brightness was in my mind. When I recovered my sight, both normal and psionic, I stood alone on an endless white plain. The hospital room was gone. Only an infinite expanse of white in every direction remained. I couldn't tell where the ground ended and the sky began. There was no horizon. I felt something change and spun around to see her standing there, dressed in a hospital gown, facing away from me.

"Lisa?" I asked.

"I thought it'd hurt less," she said. "I didn't know anything could hurt so much."

"Can you hear me?"

She looked over her shoulder. "Kevin? You're not Saint Peter."

"I came to bring you back."

"I'm dead. There's no coming back from that, silly."

"I've got abilities you don't know about," I said. "I can do it. Watch." I waved a hand in the air and forced the mental realm to obey my commands. It resisted, but slowly formed a familiar room, her room, as best I could remember it. Try as I might, I couldn't force color to the room, leaving us in a grayscale environment.

"It feels like forever since I've been here," she said. "Though I know it was only a few hours ago. It's not the same as I remember, though."

"It's what I remember," I said. "Just think of what it's like. You can fill in the gaps."

She nodded and opened a drawer, pulled out a brush, and ran it through her hair. Her hospital gown morphed into the red dress she had been wearing, the only color here. "So, what's the story? How did you follow me here? I didn't expect this. I just expected to be gone." Her eyes narrowed. "You didn't die too, did you?"

"No, I'm not dead," I said. "I just followed your mind here."

"You make it sound so simple."

"It is, for me," I said. "I have some abilities you don't know about. My mind's here with you, but my body's still back in the hospital room. So is yours. I can return to my body. I can show you how to return to yours."

"Why would I want to do that?" she snapped. "Do you think I want to be a cripple for the rest of my life?"

"I can-"

"I want children!" I recoiled from her. "I know where I was hurt, Kevin! It's gone. Everything's gone. I don't want to live like that! I don't want to put this on Drew, either! That big idiot would stay with me! I can't do that to him! He deserves better!"

"Do you think he'd rather lose you entirely?" She started to snarl something back at me, but I raised my voice and shouted right back at her. "It was an accident! It wasn't supposed to happen!"

Her expression softened and she turned away from me again. "You say that, but it doesn't feel wrong." I frowned as she shrugged. "You tell me it was an accident, but I feel like it was supposed to happen. I wanted more, sure, but I did have a great life, you know? I'm not angry. The more I think about it, the more at peace I feel. The only thing upsetting me is the thought of going back." She turned back to me. "I think if I really wasn't supposed to die there, I'd know it, I'd be angry. I'm not. You get what I mean?"

"In a way," I said. "But would that change if I told you I could fix you?"

"Fix me?"

"Heal your body. Make you back the way you were. No transplants, no wheelchairs. You'll be able to have kids. No bag hanging off your side. Not even physical therapy. I'm already working on fixing the worst of it."

She crossed her arms. "You're going to have to be more convincing than that."

"Why?"

"You're offering me that, but something else is calling me." She gave me her brightest smile. "They're calling me onwards, and it feels right."

"Something else? Calling you onwards? I didn't know you were religious."

"I'm not," she said. "I just feel something pulling me. You're pulling the other way. Maybe you have a chance to make your case."

Todd's words flashed through my head. Saving Lisa was the right thing to do. "You can't just walk away like this," I said. "If I had been able to concentrate better, if I had noticed sooner, none of this would have happened. I could have saved you. Even if I couldn't stop the accident from happening, I could have saved your life, healed you before things got too serious. You don't need to die for my mistakes."

"I don't know how you'd be able to do that," she said.

"I have psionic powers," I said. She raised an eyebrow. "Telepathy, telekinesis, that sort of thing. I could have deflected the car, or shielded you, or even just done some basic healing before the ambulance got there."