The Face In The Mirror (2 page)

The closer we got, the more I dreaded each step we took. I hadn’t seen her.
Midge had taken care of all the details - how my mom would be dressed, how
to fix her hair. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even think about it.

“She looks beautiful,” Midge said as she fussed with the pin she’d chosen
to place on my mom’s dress.
She didn’t look beautiful to me. She looked dead. I felt my knees go weak.
Midge held me closer, and together we cried.
Ashley Cooper, my best friend since childhood, approached and stood with
Midge and I as we prayed.
When I turned away, my brother, Derek – the spitting image of my father -
was there to welcome me into his arms but I passed by him and went to sit
with the girls from work as Midge made the rounds. While I sat listening to my
friends, I heard their words, but the only thought on my mind was my fractured
family. As I shed more tears, my friends gave me comfort.

Finally, I made my way around the room, visiting with those who had
come to comfort me and celebrate the life of Mona Faye Webster Ridgeway.
My uncles, William and Peter, along with their families, came and we sat
together and cried for the sister and aunt they’d lost. I was still avoiding my dad
and brother. I couldn’t see them without feeling bitterness toward the parts
they’d both played in my mom’s unhappiness.

At last, I had an escape. I’d been sitting alone for a few minutes, and my
mind wandered - remembering, thinking, and processing all that had happened
in the past four months. I wanted to go home. Home was a warm place, and
this place was cold. I knew that I would feel Granny Ella there, and I needed
that peaceful feeling.

I looked up as he walked in. He was still the most handsome man I’d ever
seen. He was tall, and his dark hair skimmed the collar of his shirt;
he needs a
trim,
I thought. I could see those warm brown eyes holding me across the room
as he approached. He’d filled out over the years. A slight five o’clock shadow
graced his beautiful face, and there was that one, single dimple. Suddenly, I felt
tears come in a rush. As he neared, I rose to greet him.

“Renie,” he said as he pulled me into his arms, a hug that felt like a warm
blanket wrapped around me. He stroked my hair gently. I could see them all
watching as he held me, and the tears rolled down my cheeks.

Mitchell Donovan held me tightly, and I felt months of sadness, hurt, and
anger float away. “Thank you for coming,” I whispered as I wept, and tried to
back away, but he only held me closer. It appeared that the others in the room
forgot why they were there, forgot about my mom’s lifeless body, to stare as
my ex-husband comforted me.

“Renie,” he said again, “I’m so sorry about Mona. I came as soon as I
heard. Mom heard from the Church Ladies. She will be here in a few minutes.
I’m so sorry…”

Derek walked over and I ignored him, so he spoke to Mitchell. “Mitch, it’s
good to see you. Been a long time, you look good.”
I’d noticed it too. I’d tried not to, but he did. So many years ago he’d been
the best looking thing I’d ever seen, and I wondered how it was possible that
he looked even better than the last time I saw him. He looked beautiful -
handsome, and I found such comfort just in him being there.
“I’m sure sorry about your mom,” Mitchell said, still with his arm around
my shoulder.
“Yeah. I guess she wasn’t as OK as we thought she was.”
I swear to God, in that instant, I wanted to smack the piss out of him. Was
Derek really so stupid, so cold? My parents would have celebrated their fortysecond anniversary in September if Roxanne had kept her friggin’ legs together!

Derek was five years older than me and he’d lived a charmed life that I
wanted no part of. He married the daughter of one of the partners in my dad’s
firm. He lived in a big-ass house that his father-in-law gave them as a wedding
present, and they were waiting to have a baby any day, as well.

I thought about the irony of that and decided that it would serve them
right if my father’s, and my brother’s children were both born on the same day.
Janelle, Derek’s spoiled, wasp-wife, would hate that. She would hate having to
share the spotlight with my dad’s trophy-wife. But Roxanne would hate it more,
and the devil in me loved that thought.

I must have zoned out because suddenly I heard Mitchell saying my name
and I realized that Derek had walked away.
“Hunh?”
“My mom, I was telling you that she just walked in,” he said.
“Sorry, I guess I drifted away for a minute.”
“Some trouble with you and Derek?” he asked.
“And my dad. A story for another time,” I said as Alecia Donovan walked
up.
“Renie, I’m sorry about Mona,” she said and hugged me. We talked a few
minutes and I excused myself to greet a few other people who had arrived.

It was after eight and everyone began to leave. Mitchell and Alecia came to
where I was talking with Midge.
“Hey, Midge,” Mitchell said and hugged her.
“Mit-chell Don-o-van.” His name rolled off her tongue like sweet southern
molasses, and she flashed one of those ‘Oh, I’m so happy’ smiles my way.
“It’s so good to see you. You too, Alecia.” She looked over Mitchell’s
shoulder at me as she hugged him, and winked. I wanted it to piss me off, but it
only made me smile.
“Sorry for the circumstances,” Mitchell said.
“Can we steal Renie away for a while? She looks like she could use a bite to
eat,” Alecia said.
“And a glass of wine,” Mitchell added.
“Sure! Take her away from here,” Midge laughed and hugged me,
whispering in my ear. “I’ll see you back here in the morning.”
“Yeah, I’ll be here.”

“Where would you like to go?” Alecia asked as we made our way out the
door.
“No, you pick, I can’t think.” Actually, I didn’t want to think. Thinking
hurt, right now.
“There’s a little place called The Dive, it’s a bistro, about four blocks from
here. The name is a contrast to what you find when you walk inside. I go there
with the girls after work, occasionally. It’s a girlie place, but Mitchell can handle
it,” she snickered.
“I’ve been there before and enjoyed it. I’ll follow you,” I told them.
“No,” Mitchell said. “You’ll ride with me and I’ll bring you back to your
car.” It was a somewhat demanding voice and I kind of liked it.
I saw the smile Alecia tried to hide as she walked away. Actually, I think
she was skipping! Mitchell saw it too, and we both laughed. It felt good to
laugh. It had been days since I had and I’d missed it. He opened the door to his
truck and I felt myself melt into the seat.
As he put the truck in gear to drive away, he asked, “You doin’ OK?”
“Yeah, whatever OK is,” I replied. “I think it won’t really sink in until after
the funeral tomorrow. Never saw it coming,” I mumbled.
“I hate to even ask, but, there’s talk around town,” he began.
“No,” I interrupted, “I don’t think it was suicide, if that’s what you were
going to ask.” I saw him nod. “They called it accidental, a combination of the
pills and the booze…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. Let’s talk about something else. I’m tired of talking about her
death, it kinda sucks the life out of me, ya know?”
“Sure,” he said, but we rode in silence the rest of the way.

He pulled up in front of the restaurant and Alecia was waiting for us. After
we were inside and seated, she ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and Mitchell
chose some appetizers. I wasn’t hungry, but I remembered that I hadn’t eaten
anything but a Kashi bar that morning. I knew I needed to eat something.

“Tell me what you’ve been up to, Renie,” Alecia said, and I smiled. Alecia
knew Granny Ella from church and they’d been friends for years before she
passed away. The two of them had been in cahoots getting Mitchell and I
together.

“No one calls me that since Granny passed away.” Hearing her use
Granny’s nickname for me made me happy. I smiled because it was a nice
memory.

“I bought Granny’s house. It’s so special to me. So many good things in
my memory took place at Granny’s.” I felt Mitchell kick me lightly under the
table, and I knew that he was remembering as well. “I love it there. It’s
peaceful, and I feel her in every room. I sold or donated some of the stuff from
inside, but I kept special pieces.”

“I heard, and I heard you were working hard on it,” Alecia smiled.
“Giving it a little of me,” I said.
Mitchell drifted off somewhere, I knew him well enough to know he was

An hour and a half passed and the bottle of wine was emptied. The time
together was nice, enjoyable, and I was glad that I’d joined them.
“You should get me back to my car. I need to be back at the funeral home
at nine in the morning. Having the funeral that early on Friday morning wasn’t
a choice, it was all they had or we would have had to wait until Monday. I
couldn’t do that. I need to get this behind me, so I can move forward,” I told
them. “Thank you for this. I was glad not to be alone.”
“I’ll be there in the morning,” Alecia said.
“Me too,” Mitchell added.
I hugged Alecia, and Mitchell opened the door for me to get in his truck. It
was quiet as we drove. Finally, I asked, “Where’d you zone out to back there?”
“Just memories,” he replied.
I must have dozed off because when he stopped I opened my eyes and
realized we were in front of my house.
Mitchell saw the question in my expression and said, “This was closer. I’ll
come by early in the morning and take you to your car. It’s on my way.”
“Would you like to come in?” I heard myself say.
“Sure, I’d love to see the old place.”

We entered and I watched as he looked around, seeing the pieces of
Granny, me, and the pieces that I’d kept of the life I’d shared with him. He sat
on the sofa, and I went to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of wine I’d
opened the night before, and two glasses.

He poured the wine in the glasses and I sat in the chair across from him. I
wanted to see him, look at him, but I didn’t want him near me. I couldn’t.
“This is nice, Renie.”
“Thanks, I come home and do a little something every night. You know

better than just about anyone that my attention span is only about this long,” I
said showing him about an inch between my thumb and forefinger. “So it can’t
be anything majorly time-consuming. Can’t start anything I can’t tick off my list
quickly. Weekend projects make me nuts,” I said, nervously.

“I meant ‘us’, Renie. Seeing you, talking with you, us together - but you’ve
done a nice job on the house projects.” He got up and wandered around when
I didn’t acknowledge his comment.

“Go up and check out the bathroom by the master bedroom, you know
where it is. I did it all – new floor and everything - all my handiwork.” I
followed him there, proud for him to see what I could accomplish on my own.

“Nice,” he said, inspecting the floor. I watched him as he surveyed the
octagon mosaic ceramic tiles, noting details that no one else bothered to see.
He turned, and I looked closer. I couldn’t help but stare at that 6’6” of man –
no, gentleman – that still made my heart race. He was beautiful, lean still, but
muscular, and more handsome than any man I’d ever seen.

I stepped closer, close enough that I could smell that familiar smell of
him
.
I looked into eyes that had captured my heart twenty years ago and saw the
same look. I noticed the gray that was beginning to show in his sideburns –
A
touch of class
, I thought.

I felt my breath come in short huffs as he leaned to kiss my cheek.
Comfort
.
I knew that’s what it was. But before I knew it, I was pulling him close, and he
wrapped me into his arms and kissed me. His lips on mine, I realized, was a
feeling that I’d missed…

And I wondered why I’d left him.
“I miss you, Renie,” he said against my lips. I felt myself kissing him back
and liking the feel of being in his arms. His hands tangled in my hair, holding
me tighter. I didn’t want him to let me go, and I felt myself drawing him even
closer.
“Mitchell,” I said breathlessly.
“I want to touch you, Renie, make love to you… I miss you, never stopped
loving you,” he murmured. His lips still on mine, kissing me again.
I couldn’t have stopped him if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to. Being in
his arms, the feel of his hands appreciating my body, felt good. “I don’t care
why,” I said. “I want this as much as you do.”
Zippers opened as we made our way to the bed. My skirt slid to the floor
and I pushed Mitchell’s slacks down his hips, my movements bordering on
frantic. His fingers caressed as he opened the buttons on my blouse, and with
one hand, as he had done so many times before, he unclasped my bra and it fell
away. In a matter of seconds we stood before each other naked. I observed,
and appreciated the body I’d never stopped thinking about. Nine years apart
and I still wanted him. I wondered once more, why I’d left him, and I knew
that I’d never stopped loving him.

His fingers caressed from my back to my breasts and he rolled a nipple
between his finger and thumb, and then moved to the other breast. All the
while his lips were leaving a trail of fire from behind my ear to my breasts. I
could barely breathe. My knees felt weak.

My hands explored a body that I’d learned so many years before, and I
found him hard and ready. His hands were driving me insane. We fell on the
bed. He hovered over me as though he was daring me to make a move. His
hand between my legs slowly teased and taunted until I couldn’t stand it any
longer.

“Mitchell,” I pleaded, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him
closer. I arched so that I was touching him with my body, “Please…”
“Tell me what you want, Renie, because I want to do what you want,” he
whispered back, his hand still working its’ magic.
“Please,” I begged, “you said you wanted to make love to me…”
“That’s what I want. Is that what you want?” he asked moving his hand to
brace himself above me like a push up.
“Yes, Mitchell. Yes!” I shouted, arching my body higher, forcing his
erection to touch me.
“Say it, Renie. I want you to be sure.”
“Mitchell, make love to me now!”
“Demand it,” he said rocking back and forth, his body touching mine,
teasing me.
“NOW, MITCHELL! Now,” I whimpered.
Finally, he reached for his pants to get a condom from his wallet.
“Give it to me,” I said, and quickly put the condom in place. I could feel
him tremble as my fingers touched the length of him. “NOW!”
He entered me and pushed deeper. I felt the world rock on its’ axis as he
pumped into me again and again, each thrust more feverish than the last. At
last, I was ready to let go, but he did so first, shouting my name as his body
dropped to rest on mine. I felt his hand between us again bringing me to the
edge of my own cliff, helping me over the side…
“Jesus, Renie,” he said gasping.
I lay quiet a minute, thinking that I’d just participated in the best sex I’d
had in nine years - almost exactly how long it had been since I’d walked away
from him. Breathless and satiated, he rolled closer to me. I wanted more, but I
wasn’t sure what we were doing.
“Why’d you leave me Renie? You never told me why.”
“I think we just spent too much time apart,” I said, quietly.
He rolled over, pulling me on top of him. Pushing my hair back from my
face, he said, “I don’t care whether we have another go at that, but I’m not
leaving you.”
The response of his body told a different story. He wanted more, and so
did I. “I don’t want you to leave.”
We made love, but we didn’t speak. There was sound, but I want to believe
it was my moans of ecstasy, or maybe it was Mitchell as his body pleasured
mine. I just know it was heaven, and I wanted him to stay there with me
forever.