The Face In The Mirror (7 page)

He led me to the bed and I waited as he undressed. Finally, he scooted in
beside me and pulled me closer. We shared sweet kisses that soon became
more frantic and heated. Finally, his hands were at my back. I felt my bra open
and he eased me up as he pulled it away.

His hands went tenderly to my breasts, lightly caressing. He leaned lower to
kiss them. I felt his tongue explore and I thought I would lose my mind!
He rolled to his side, running his hand up my legs, and the closer he got,
the more unbelievable it felt.
“Mitchell…”
“No, not yet…”
“Oh, my God…”
“I know,” he grinned.
His fingers skimmed the elastic of my panties, finally finding their way
under the fabric and I thought I’d go absolutely, completely mad. I’d never felt
anything like what I felt in that instant. I never dreamed that a single touch
could drive someone insane, but Mitchell’s touch did just that.
He stopped, and I wanted to scream, ‘NO!’ I never wanted him to stop. I
pulled him closer and he whispered one word in my ear.
“Wet.”
We both laughed nervously, slowing our pace. He slipped my panties off,
and then his shorts. Our naked bodies found each other, bare skin touching
wherever we came together.
“Are you ready?”
“I don’t know… yes… I think… no, I
hope
so.”
Please let me be ready…
I reached for him. “No,” he said. “I’ll lose it right now if you touch me.”
A moment later the condom was on. “Relax,” he said. With his hand, he
guided himself inside me. It was slow and awkward.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yes, just go slow.”
It was uncomfortable at first, and I was so nervous. I moved beneath him,
making it easier for both of us, and with each millimeter that he went deeper,
my heart sang of the love I felt for him. I knew that this was a turning point for
us. I would no longer be Mitchell’s girlfriend. Now I would be his lover.
He hovered over me, looking into my eyes, and I thought I could see him
thinking what I guessed were the same thoughts as mine. He lowered his body
to rest on mine, pausing a moment as time seemed to stand still. I felt a
throbbing, like a heartbeat, only the throb wasn’t coming from my heart, or his.
He eased up, and then down. He did it again, and then he exploded.

After, we lay there, trying to catch our breath. He kissed me and rolled off
to lie beside me, and I was happier than I could ever imagine.
“You OK?”
“Yes, I had no idea what to expect,” I admitted and wrapped my arms
around him. I wanted to yell to the world, ‘Mitchell Donovan, I love you!’ But
he said it first.
“Renie, I have to tell you something before either of us makes another
move. I want you to know that wasn’t just to get in your pants.” I felt tears in
the corners of my eyes and he leaned over me to kiss them away. “I love you.”
“Oh, Mitchell, I think I fell in love with you the day you leaned on the rake
at Granny’s and asked me to go to a movie,” I laughed nervously, just as his
watch alarm went off. “I just wasn’t sure what love felt like until now. What’s
the alarm for?”
“So we can get dressed and run by the Teen Center, get our hands stamped
and dance a bit so I didn’t completely lie to your dad.”
Slowly, with trepidation, she began to open up. Sometimes, prompted by
my own revelations, she began slipping the things she needed to let me know
out in the open. And I told her some things. She needed to know what I went
through, too.
“You left me broken, Renie. When you walked away… I told you that I
pouted, but I was in mourning for a long time. I grieved you. Some days, just
getting out of bed was a chore. I struggled to move forward.”
“I was on a date one night about three years ago and I saw you across the
room. God granted me his favor, and I never bumped into you, never caught a
glimpse of you until that night. You were with John Welsley and some other
people I recognized from Welsley and Ryan. I’d prayed for all those years that I
wouldn’t run into you because I didn’t know if it would kill me, or if I would
kill you.”
“The hostess showed us to a table and I quietly asked if there was
something closer to the back. When we reached the next table the girl I was
with wanted to sit facing the window so that she could look out. My only
choice was a seat that faced your direction, but we were far enough away that I
felt sure you wouldn’t notice me. The restrooms were on the other side of the
restaurant so I knew there was no reason you would walk by.”
I watched Renie. I saw ruefulness and sorrow in her eyes. A tear slid down
her cheek. I touched her face to wipe it away. I didn’t say anything for a few
seconds, giving both of us a chance to collect our emotions.
“Adria, that was her name, I couldn’t remember. Adria was chattering
away, and I heard her, but I wasn’t listening. I was trying not to see you but, to
my dismay, I couldn’t STOP seeing you. You looked even more beautiful than
the last time I’d seen you. I closed my eyes and I saw you. Every time I looked
up, my eyes locked on you across the room. In my mind, as Adria babbled on
about her dress, her hair, or her shoes, I saw only you, and every moment of
‘us’ passed through my memory.”
“I wanted to get up and run across the room, grab you, and shake you. I
wanted to yell to the world that I wanted you to come back to me.”
I looked up and Renie was crying, but I couldn’t stop.
“Finally, your group left, and we finished our meal. I took Adria home – to
her home, not mine. I told her I didn’t feel well and that I’d call her, but I never
did. That night, as I lay awake, I still saw you, and my heart broke again.”
“Mitchell,” she wept.
We both cried for our past, but I believed we were trying to look forward,
and wonder about a future.

After our shower, I went to the kitchen to prepare dinner. While the
stuffed shells were in the oven we packed another box to take home. After our
meal, we cleaned up and went to the living room to see what was on TV.

“I want to show you something,” he said as he sat down. He picked up a
picture from the end table and handed it to me. I flipped it over and held it, just
sat there staring at it. Finally, I started to cry. It was our wedding picture.

“Where did you get this?” I blubbered.
“Before I brought the wine to the bathroom for you, I needed to use the
restroom and I went in your mom’s bedroom. It was on the table beside her
bed. I noticed it as I walked by.”
“Are you kidding me? Because it wasn’t there the last time I was here! It
wasn’t, Mitchell!” I wailed.
“I saw it as soon as I opened the door, Renie. Maybe Midge did it when
she stopped over before we came,” he said.
“No, Mitchell! It had to be Mom. Midge wouldn’t have just gone looking
for it to put it there!”
“She knew I’d come, Renie. Your mom knew I’d come for you.”
“Are you saying that the pills and the booze were intentional?” I sobbed.
“No,” he said pulling me close. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. Maybe
she was reminiscing and pulled it out of a drawer or something.”
“Oh, my God, Mitchell, my mom.”
As I cried, I hated my dad even more for driving her to that place. I took
the picture from him and wiped my eyes, looking at the two people we used to
be. As I did, the timer went off indicating that the stuffed shells were done.
I put the picture aside. Numbly, I went to take the pan of shells from the
oven. I finished preparing the meal I’d planned, but I didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure
what
to say. My head felt like a blender full of emotions, whirling every which
way. I’d known that being here would be emotional, but I never dreamed it
would be like this.
Mitchell was very understanding, but most of all he was patient, not trying
to engage me in conversation. I think he sensed I wasn’t capable of talking right
now. He got the bottle of wine he’d opened earlier, poured two glasses and
took them to the table. Finally, everything was ready and we sat down to eat.
Neither of us had said a word for the last ten minutes and it was bordering
on uncomfortable. I wanted to make sure that he understood that it wasn’t him
that caused my emotions; it was the situation. But I guess in a way he was part
of the mix. Thinking about what is, what was, and what might possibly lie
ahead, had my head spinning even more.
I wouldn’t say that I’m a religious person, but I am a woman of faith. I
grew up in the church, but I quit attending, as I got older. I never lost my faith
or my beliefs, I just didn’t feel the need to go somewhere for organized
worship. As I looked at Mitchell, I dropped my head and said a silent prayer - a
prayer for peace and understanding, and a prayer to get our weekend back on
track, because I did
not
want to push him away again.
“What’s on the agenda after dinner,” Mitchell finally asked, trying to ease
the tension.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “You don’t need to walk on eggshells. I’m just
overwhelmed by all of this. I’m OK. I really just needed time to process the
picture, try to understand what it all meant.”
“Want to walk down to the beach when we’re done and clear your head?
It’s the 4
^th
, maybe there will be fireworks that we can see.”
“We can walk down there, but I’m gonna tell you that if we do, I’m going
to run. I’m going to run, yell, and scream.”
“If that will help, I’ll run, yell, and scream right along with you. Someone
may call the po-po and we could wake up in the hoosegow.”

It turned out that a walk in the quiet was all I really needed. When we
returned, Midge was walking toward the door.
“Well, this is a nice surprise!” she grinned.
“Oh Midgey,” I said. “You caught us!” It was a comment that had all of us
laughing. “Come on in.”
“I’ll pour some wine,” Mitchell said, leaving to give us a minute alone.
“Wow, you’ve been busy.”
“I kinda want to get it over with,” I said honestly. “But I haven’t gotten as
much done as I’d hoped.”
“Too many distractions?” she asked, looking toward Mitchell with that
shit-eating grin that she was so good at.
“That too, but I’m glad he’s here - for many reasons.” I said and went to
the end table where I’d placed the wedding picture earlier. I didn’t want to flip
it over, but I did and handed it to her. “Mitchell found this on the table beside
Mom’s bed.”
“I saw it there when I came by before you came over. I couldn’t remember
seeing it there before, but who knows.”
A moment passed. “Renee!” she said suddenly. I saw tears in the corners of
her eyes and felt my own trying to escape once more. “Renee,” she said once
more.
“I know. Mitchell and I already talked about it.”
He returned, and set the glasses on the table and poured the wine. He sat
down beside me and slipped his arm around my shoulder.
“No, Renee, no! I can’t think about that!” Midge said. Abruptly, changing
the direction of our conversation, she asked, “Anything I can help with?”
“No, but thank you. Tomorrow I’ll work some more on the office before
we head back west. I have something I want to give you,” I said and went to
the office, returning with a picture I’d set aside earlier.
“There are more, but this one is so special to me. You both look so happy.
I kept one of a different pose, but I would like you to have this. The frame is so
pretty. She always put great thought into the frames she chose to display
pictures in.”
“This is from the cruise we took last year.”
“You look so happy,” I repeated.
“That cruise was a
very
special time. Thank you, Renee, I will cherish this.”
I noticed how she stressed the word ‘very’ as she spoke. I’d known they’d
had fun, but Midge made me wonder how much.
“I’m sure there will be more treasures to share as I go.” They had been
friends since college, so I was sure of this.

After Midge left, I busied myself in the kitchen while Mitchell watched TV.
I stole glances of him when I thought he wasn’t looking and I noticed him
doing the same. I thought a great deal about the last couple of weeks. Mitchell
coming back into my life had stirred things up and evoked emotions I thought
I’d locked away years before. So much had happened in such a short time. I felt
confused.

I felt sad over my mom’s death, and now I had to face the question of if it
really was accidental, or intentional. And then to wonder if the picture told a
tale of her knowing she was dying, and wanting me - wanting us - to know that
she had hope for us?

Maybe Mitchell was right, and she took the picture out because she knew
he would come. Maybe she had been sad and reminiscing. All of it rattled me.
Why? If it was accidental and she knew, why didn’t she call me? Why didn’t she
call 911?

My thoughts distracted me as I pulled cookie sheets and pans out of a
cabinet, vaguely considering what to keep or what I might be able to use if my
business became a reality. I dropped a pan, making me yelp, and Mitchell
bolted into the kitchen to see what happened.

“Everything OK?”
“Yes, sorry. I dropped a pan. It’s fine.” But all of a sudden the events of
the day overwhelmed me, and I started to cry. I sat down on the rug in front of
the sink and blubbered.
“I just can’t believe any of this. It hurts so much. Mitchell, was she really so
sad, so broken, and defeated by my dad’s indiscretions, that taking her life was
the only option, or was it truly an accident?”
“I hate him,” I said softly. I hated myself for thinking it, but the more time
that passed, the stronger my feelings became.
“I hate my father for causing her such pain. My mother gave him nothing
but support and love, unconditional love, and he repaid that devotion by not
only sleeping with his secretary, but getting her pregnant to humiliate my mom
even more.”
I knew I was on a rant, but I felt as though I had to let it out, let the
emotions go, be mad, be pissed, or I would explode. Mitchell said nothing as he
sat beside me, pulling me to him, holding me tightly.
Suddenly, I inhaled deeply, and the exhale brought the cry-snot flying out
of my nose. I was mortified. Mitchell didn’t miss a beat; he took his shirttail
and wiped my nose. Hysterical laughter had me doubled over on the rug,
laughing, and then Mitchell joined in. By the time I regained my composure, my
belly ached.
And I knew then that Mitchell Donovan really was the only one for me. I’d
known it before, but my path in life took a detour and once more I wondered
why. But I knew right then that a man who will wipe your nose with his t-shirt,
and then laugh about it was a keeper.
He pulled me closer, kissed the top of my head and I turned in his arms to
whisper in his ear. “You mentioned fireworks earlier…”
“Come with me,” he said.