The Face In The Mirror (6 page)

While he was gone, I thought about forgiveness, mercy, and pardon. I
remembered his face as I’d walked away from him when my dad and Derek
arrived to help me move. I’d broken him. How could he believe in me now?
Could he believe that I could give him my heart and not hurt him again? I knew
where I was in my thoughts, where my heart was. Mitchell Donovan held it.

I wanted him not just as a lover; I wanted him back to share our lives
together. I wanted forever with him, I wanted us to achieve the future I’d
thrown away because I allowed my dad to talk me into believing that I had to
have a career in order to feel successful. I now realized that success was
nothing if I was alone. I was nothing - no one - without Mitchell.

He returned an hour later with boxes, trash bags, my favorite creamer, and
the other things from the list, along with a small cooler for whatever we might
need to take back home with us. I had two trash bags full and he ran them
down to the dumpster. When he came back he had another bag.

“I brought you a surprise,” he said. “At some point today, I’m dragging
you away from this and we’re going down to enjoy the beach. I didn’t know if
you brought one, so I bought you a swim suit.”

“Hello?” I said. “I’d seriously rather be naked than put one of those on.”
“I could live with that, but I’m not sure what the county statutes are on
public nudity.” He pulled part of the suit out of the bag. I held my breath. I
could see the fabric. It was a deep fuchsia bikini bottom.
“Seriously? A two-piece? Oh-dear-God-in-heaven!” I shrieked. “How on
earth would you even know my size?” I asked laughingly. Mitchell smiled.
“So there’s this lady who works in the section where the swimsuits were on
sale, and she’s watching me. I pick up three of the bottoms – did you know that
you have to buy the top and the bottom separately? I’m holding them up, going
back and forth trying to decide which bottom to choose. She walks over and
asks, ‘Can I help you?’
“I told her we ended up at the beach and you had no swimsuit. I said I
wanted to surprise you and not miss this beautiful day and a chance to swim.
She took the three I had and asked if I was sure about the size. I told her that I
really wasn’t, but I sure knew what your butt felt like to me…”
“YOU DID NOT!” I shouted through giggles of disbelief.
“Oh, but I did,” and he showed me with his hands how he demonstrated
to the saleswoman. “She told me she thought this size would be good. Then I
asked her about the styles. I told her you would want to cover more than those
dang stringy things do, but I didn’t want you wearing the big granny-pants
style.”
“Oh for cheeseandrice,” I laughed. “I’ll never be able to go to Walmart
with you!”
“Renie, really?” he said seriously, and I paused. “I went to Target. I have
far more class than you give me credit for.” I roared with laughter.
“Let’s see the top,” I said, with great hesitation.
“Oh wait, it gets better. Same process, I showed her that your breasts felt
like this to me,” he smirked as he raised his hands cupping them widely. “And
she suggested this top.”
“Oh, I can’t believe it!”

We went to the dining room and got busy wrapping Granny Ella’s china
and glassware. As I packed boxes, Mitchell stacked them in the foyer to take
back to my place. I didn’t know what the hell I would do with them, only that I
could never part with them. Mom’s china was already gone; it had no ‘special
meaning’ to her. I didn’t want it, so when she sold the house, she got rid of it.
Two boxes packed and I moved to the pantry.

Just after noon, we had a bite of lunch, and then I started down the hall to
Mom’s office. I entered the room and looked around, seeing her in every
corner of the room. I felt my chest tighten and my heart race, and then I heard
music. I stepped into the hall as Mitchell was adjusting the volume on the
stereo.

“Too loud?”
“Oh no, a nice distraction,” I replied. He found a CD that was
instrumental. I heard violin and guitar. It was soothing and I felt myself loosen
up a little, felt my shoulders relax.
He tapped his watch. “You have one hour. I set the alarm and when it goes
off I want to see you in that swimsuit. So let’s get started!” he said and joined
me to help.
I tackled the photographs first. She had them all over the shelves in the
room. The ones I loved stayed in frames and I packed them to take home with
me. Some I slipped out of the frames and into picture albums. There were a
few of Mom and Midge that I put aside to give Midge. Mitchell continued to
move the full boxes to the living room to take home. Finally the alarm on his
watch let us know that the hour was up.
“Are you sure we have to do this?” I whined.
“Yep.”
“It’s just that, well, my butt doesn’t look the same as it did the last time you
saw it in a swimsuit,” I said, thinking once again,
really? Two pieces?
“You forget that I’ve seen your butt recently?” he grinned.
“That’s different…”
“Do tell,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Stuff isn’t where it used to be and it shows more in a swim suit.”
“Stop yapping and change. C’mon, let’s go,” he ordered with a big grin.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I huffed and walked away. I went in the
bathroom and slipped my clothes off, pulling the bottoms on. I smiled as I
looked in the mirror.
Perfect fit
.
Great color and it covers more of my butt than I
anticipated. Whew!
I slipped the top on and smiled; another perfect fit. I turned, looking from
every direction possible, and decided it was a keeper, so I cut the tags off, took
a deep breath, and opened the door. Mitchell was waiting right outside the
door.
“Told you,” he said. “It’s perfect,” he added as his fingers skimmed my
skin, causing me to hold my breath.
“Whatever,” I replied and pushed past him, grabbing towels from the hall
closet. I pulled his t-shirt from the day before over my head, and we went to
the beach.

The condo provided beach chairs, and two waited at the water’s edge, just
for us. I spread towels on the chairs, lifted the t-shirt over my head, and pulled
my hair back in a hair band. I turned to see Mitchell staring at me.

“What?”
“Just admiring God’s handiwork.”
I turned around, looking to see what he was talking about, but saw nothing

extraordinary and turned back to him.”
“You, Renie.”
“Oh, please.”
I walked to the water. It was too warm to feel refreshing, but it felt good.

Most of the other beachgoers had gone in for the afternoon and it was quiet.
We swam a little, and Mitchell finally came to where I was floating. He did the
same beside me. A minute or so later, he reached for my hand, and I gave it to
him.

“This is nice, Renie. All of it. I know you asked me to come for moral
support, but it doesn’t matter why I’m here. What matters is that I’m with you,
and I’m enjoying every second.”

Me too
, I thought. I wanted to say the words, but I couldn’t make them
come out. Instead, I squeezed his hand and smiled. He squeezed mine back and
I felt as though my life couldn’t possibly be better.

After an hour or so, we returned to the condo. I grabbed clean clothes and
Mitchell said, “You go first,” but after I was in there, I wished that I’d asked
him to join me.

I heard him tap lightly on the door. “I brought you a glass of wine for
when you step out.”
I threw the shower door open and just stood in the spray of the water
while Mitchell looked.
“Renie?” he asked.
“Yes,” was all said.
“Tell me why, Renie.”
“Because I want you to,” I whispered.
“Why?” he asked again.
“Because I screwed up, Mitchell. I want to give you back all that we’ve
missed.”
“You think that’s all we’ve missed, Renie? Sex?”
I looked at him trying to come around to what he wanted to hear from me.
“It wasn’t for me.”
“What besides the sex, Renie? What did you miss? I need to know,” he said
in a hoarse voice.
I felt tears run down my cheeks and I prayed the he couldn’t distinguish
them from the water’s spray. I felt cold and vulnerable and I wanted to close
the door and hide myself. He walked closer, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to
move away from him. I could tell he was waiting and I had to respond. Without
a word, he summoned my response, quietly demanded that I answer him. I
gulped and allowed my heart to speak my mind.
“No, Mitchell, not just the sex. I missed the friendship, and the
companionship, but mostly the love we shared. I didn’t just throw you away; I
threw me away, too. I never realized what or how much I let go.”
“I did, Renie. I loved you more than I imagined possible. I’ve prayed for
this moment with you for all of the last nine years.”
Quickly, as though he couldn’t keep himself away, he slipped his swim
trunks off and joined me.
“Renie,” he said, his hands sliding over my wet body. “You. Are.
Beautiful.”
This was different from what we’d shared so far. It wasn’t low light, it
wasn’t in bed - this was far more sensuous.
“I’ve waited for this since you put that swim suit on. You’re as beautiful as
the first time I saw you naked nineteen years ago. You were beautiful and
tender; an innocent seventeen year old on the verge of becoming a woman, and
you shared yourself with me. What a lucky man I was.”
“I’m the lucky one,” I said in a whisper, tears still streaming down my face.
“First, I’m going to kiss you breathless. My hands are going to make you
want me like you’ve never wanted anything before.”
His hand slipped between my legs and it felt like it was just days ago that
we shared these experiences the first time. Like the very first time, I didn’t want
him to stop. I wanted to feel every inch of him inside me…

It was my seventeenth birthday. We’d been seeing each other a little over a
year, and I was in love. Mitchell had been so patient with me since the very
beginning, when I knew he was the one. Oh, there had been plenty of touching
and kissing, but neither of us had ever made a move to take it to the next level.
I knew it was because of my dad. He often said things like, ‘Remember, Mitch,
she’s still jailbait’. ‘You don’t want to meet me in a courtroom’.

I was mortified every time he opened his mouth, but Mitchell never
bothered responding. I think that pissed my dad off more. Mitchell never
baited him, and I suspect that was exactly what Wayne Ridgeway was looking
for.

When he arrived, my dad began the grilling as I stood with my mom and
waited.
“Where are you taking her?” my dad asked.
“The River House, sir,” he replied.
“You can afford that?”
“Yes sir, I have a good job,” Mitchell replied politely. “I’ve been saving up
for this special occasion.”
“Will you be drinking?” my dad continued.
“I’m not legal age sir, only twenty.”
“I know how old you are, young man. I also know that if you want it, you
can get it, and I won’t have you drinking alcohol with my daughter in the car.”
“I won’t be drinking, Mr. Ridgeway.”
“Mom!” I whispered in her ear, embarrassed at the exchange.
“What time will you have her home?” my dad went on.
“I believe her weekend curfew is midnight…”
My dad dramatically shoved his shirtsleeve up to look at his watch. “It’s
6:30.”
“Yes sir, it is, and our reservation is at seven. We should be going.”
“Where are you going after dinner?”
“Well, I was kind of hoping to surprise her, could we take this conversation
to the other room so we don’t ruin my surprise?” Mitchell asked, and I saw him
wink at Mom and me as he passed.
“Oh my gosh. He’s going to run off and never come back!”
“Now, Renee, they’ve shared this dance before, and I must say that
Mitchell gives your father a run for his money. I like that young man. Let your
father give him the rest of the act and you’ll be on your way in no time. You
look beautiful in that dress, by the way. Teal is your color, darling.”
Finally, Mitchell rounded the corner with a cocky-grin on his face and
reached for my hand, “Ready?”
When we got outside he opened the door to his mom’s car. “I couldn’t see
driving you around looking like that in my old truck.” He leaned to kiss my
cheek as we drove away.
When we arrived, he parked and came around to open my door. He took
my hand as I stepped out, then drew me into his arms and kissed me. It was a
kiss that took my breath away. He whispered my name as he let me go. My
hand in his again, we went into the restaurant.
He’d reserved a table with a river view. I sat beside him so we could both
look out at the harbor while we ate. He held my hand in his lap as we waited.
He leaned close and snuck kisses. It was perfect; all of it was, but being with
Mitchell was awesome.
After we finished our meal, the wait staff came to the table with a cake, and
sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me. I felt so special and I was so happy I was there
alone with Mitchell. After they walked away Mitchell cut into the cake, “It’s
called Chocolate Sin,” he whispered in my ear as he pushed a slice my way,
causing goose bumps to rise on my skin.

As we got in the car to leave, he leaned over to kiss me. “I told your dad I
was taking you to the Teen Center to dance.”
“Is that what you want to do, or did you have another plan?” I asked,
hopeful.
“I kind of made a plan, but it’s a backup in case you don’t want to go
dancing.”
I felt excited. I couldn’t catch my breath. “I think we’ll dance, but it won’t
be on a dance floor with other couples,” I said.
“Let’s go see what happens, Renie,” he said.
I prayed that I was ready, that it wouldn’t be awkward, and that it would be
special; but mostly, I prayed that I wouldn’t disappoint him.
“Where are we going?” I asked nervously.
“My house. Mom is out of town until Tuesday. There won’t be any ‘what
if’s’. It’s just us, Renie. We’ll share whatever you’re ready for. If that means you
aren’t ready, we can wait. I won’t push or pressure you, and I’m not going
anywhere if you aren’t ready.”
We pulled in the driveway, and I waited anxiously as he came around to
open my door, praying once more, p
lease let me be ready…
We went to his room. I’d been there before. We’d spent many evenings
stretched across his bed watching movies, but his mom had always been there
to watch over us. He went to the closet and turned on the light, casting a soft
glow in the room. He kissed me, and his hands roamed my body. They’d done
the same many times, but this was different; it was intimate, it was sexual, and it
was exciting. I’d never felt anything like this before.
Please let me be ready…
As he held me, he unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor, and like the
gentleman he was, he picked it up and put it on a hanger so I didn’t have to
worry about going home and my dad finding me with wrinkled clothes. I stood
before him in my panties and bra.
“I’m nervous,” I told him, honestly.
“Me too,” he replied.
“You?”
“Yes, Renie. I’ve never met anyone I wanted to go to this place with.”
“Mitchell,” I said with tears rolling down my cheeks, “I can’t even tell you
what I’m feeling.”
“I can. Excited, anxious, scared… but ready,” he said. “Right?”
“All of that,” I said and added, “I hope I’m ready.”
His hands touched skin that had only been explored and teased through
the fabric of whatever I was wearing before. It got more heated, more exciting,
more passionate…
“Mitchell,” I said breathlessly.
“Do you want me to stop? Because as hard as that would be, I will.”
“No! No, I don’t want you to stop! I want to tell you I’m on birth control!”
I said.
“You’re what?”
“I think my mom anticipated this. She took me to the doctor about six
weeks ago.”
“I have condoms, too,” he said. “God, Renie, you’re so beautiful. I want
this so bad, but I want it right for you. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Mitchell. I think,” I said, and we both laughed.