The Fighter Pilot's Baby: A BWWM Military Pregnancy Romance (11 page)

Turning to Alex,
Bianca was on the verge of professing to him what she had just been
thinking when another cramp, this one worse than the rest, gripped
her belly.

“Oh no!”
She exclaimed, doubling over on the table.

“Bianca!”
Alex yelled reaching for her.

“It
hurts so badly this time,”
she
said, her voice hitching on a sob.

“I’ll
get the doctor,” Alex said rushing towards the door.

He didn’t make
it far however before the doctor came bursting in with the
ultrasound.

“Here we are…”
She began before seeing Bianca’s state. “What’s
happened?” She asked, rushing to Bianca’s side.

“I don’t
know,” Bianca mumbled through gritted teeth, the pain feeling
like it was ripping her in two. “The cramping is back and it’s
so much worse this time.” She managed to say.

“Let’s
get you reclined and check on this baby,” Dr. Gabriel said,
taking charge.

Bianca
laid
back and the
doctor began the ultrasound, wincing with pain as she moved the wand.
Alex gripped her hand, his face a mask of concern. They both watched
the doctor’s face for any sign of what was going on. She gave
nothing away and that made Bianca even more nervous. After several
agonizing moments, Dr. Gabriel turned to them, regret in her eyes.

“What’s
wrong?” Bianca asked, her voice cracking.

“I
don’t see a heartbeat, Bianca,”
the
doctor started. “And it looks as if you’ve begun to
bleed.”

Bianca’s face
crumbled and she began to sob silently into her hands. This wasn’t
happening.

“I don’t
understand?” Alex said eyeing the doctor with incomprehension.

Bianca turned to
him, tears streaking down her face and a lump in her throat that made
her feel as if she was going to gag. “I lost the baby, Alex.
I’m sorry,” her voice breaking on a sob. In only a matter
of two hours, Bianca’s bliss turned to mourning and she wished
more than anything that she could make the pain go away.

Bianca
was rocking a baby, she wasn’t sure if it was a boy or a girl,
but it was hers. She could feel it in her bones. The tiny face was
covered by the soft yellow blanket, but even though she couldn’t
see the baby’s face she could feel the love surrounding her.
She felt so relaxed and calm and almost drifted off to sleep.
Suddenly the fire alarm was blaring and the baby was gone from her
arms. Coughing on the smoke filling the nursery, Bianca turned her
head back and forth frantically looking for the baby. She couldn’t
find it. The baby was crying loudly but was nowhere to be seen. Panic
engulfed her as she searched all of the rooms in the smoke filled
house looking for the baby. A voice beckoned her from outside but she
couldn’t see who it was. But she recognized the voice. Alex!

“Alex!
Where are you?!? Our baby is missing!” Bianca screamed, running
as fast as she could towards his voice.

Where was he?
Finally she emerged from the house but Alex was gone. The sound of
the crying baby had stopped and Bianca collapsed on the ground,
defeated. The baby was gone. Alex was gone. She began to sob as the
house burned down around her. She heard sirens in the distance but
she couldn’t make out the fire trucks. The sirens were getting
louder and louder. Someone was shouting her name again.

Bianca
bolted upright in bed, sobs wracking her body. The dream was still
fresh in her mind and a chill shook her as she realized the meaning.
Her baby was gone. She felt empty, lost.

“Bianca?”
Alex asked, his hand resting on her arm. He must have been trying to
wake her.

“I’m
sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Bianca whispered
sadly.

“You were
crying in your sleep so I woke you. Were you having a nightmare?”
He asked, rubbing her arm to comfort her.

She
nodded, but didn’t tell him about it because she didn’t
want to relive it and she didn’t want to see the pity that was
sure to flash across his face when she said it; pity and sadness. It
was her fault. Her stupid body failed and she lost Alex’s baby.
How could he even look at her? She hated herself right now. Even
though it had been a week since the miscarriage and proceeding D&C,
Bianca still felt raw inside, like there was an opened wound that
wouldn’t heal. Shrugging off the sudden wave of grief that
engulfed her, Bianca lay back down on her pillow, allowing Alex to
pull her into his arms. She didn’t deserve his comfort. She
didn’t deserve anything. Closing her eyes to fight back tears,
Bianca began to count backwards from one hundred, hoping it would
help her fall asleep. By the time she reached fifty she knew it was a
lost cause. Glancing over at her clock and seeing it was just after
four-thirty, Bianca decided to get up. Today was the day she was
supposed to return to work. It was the last thing she wanted to do.
Sighing with frustration, Bianca climbed
out
of
bed, being careful not to wake Alex
since he seemed to have fallen back to sleep while they were laying
there.

Bianca padded down
the stairs and into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.
Hopefully coffee would wake her up enough to get her through the day.
At this rate, she would need at least five cups to sustain her.
Having little appetite, Bianca decided against breakfast and took her
steaming cup of coffee to the living room to watch the morning news.
After several sad stories about shootings and fires, Bianca switched
the TV off, her broken heart unable to take much more tragedy.
Setting down her coffee on the end table, Bianca reclined back on the
couch; she suddenly felt so exhausted. She would just close her eyes
for a few minutes. As she drifted off to sleep Bianca had the faint
image of being covered by a blanket.

*****

Alex
rested the quilt over Bianca’s sleeping body, noticing the dark
smudges under her chocolate brown eyes. She was barely sleeping
lately and when she did she would wake in the middle of the night
crying or screaming from nightmares. At the moment, she looked
peaceful, her dark brown curls spread out on the pillow. Alex heard
her get up, which wasn’t unusual lately. It seemed he couldn’t
remember a time when Bianca didn’t wake before five a.m.
Heaving a sigh of frustration, Alex tiptoed into the kitchen and
brewed a cup of coffee for himself. The job he landed the day of
Bianca’s miscarriage was on hold. He hadn’t even told her
about it because he knew she needed him by her side while she healed.
Alex was equally devastated but knew there was nothing either of them
could have done to prevent it. Bianca
felt
otherwise. She
blamed
herself. Of course she never mentioned it to him directly but he knew
that’s what she was thinking. After just two months, Alex was
able to read Bianca better than anyone he knew.

Running a hand
through his sleep tousled hair; Alex sat at the kitchen table and
dropped his head in his hands with defeat. He felt like they were
drifting apart but that was the last thing he wanted. Or maybe Bianca
was pushing him away. Didn’t she see that they needed each
other now more than ever? Stifling a curse Alex dumped his now cold
cup of coffee in the sink and started back upstairs. He would just
have to try harder, there was no way in hell he was going to lose
her, he’d only just found her in the first place.

*****

Bianca woke up
confused. Where was she and what time was it? Work! She bolted
upright and looked around with panic. She was on the couch, a throw
blanket over her legs. It was light out, but what time was it? Afraid
she was late for work, Bianca stood up from the couch and headed
towards the kitchen, the lights inside blaring. Where was Alex? She
suddenly remembered that he slept over. Rubbing the sleep from her
eyes, Bianca stumbled tiredly to the coffee maker. She glanced at the
clock on the microwave; it was six forty-five. Kicking herself into
high gear, Bianca brewed a cup of coffee. She turned and froze at
what she saw before her. Alex was lying with his head on his arms,
asleep at the table. Sighing with regret at the way their
relationship was going the last few weeks, Bianca forgot about her
coffee and walked over to where Alex was sleeping.

“Alex,”
she
whispered,
leaning down to kiss his cheek. She felt bad waking him but she also
knew he had job hunting to do.

“Hmmm,”
he
mumbled,
turning his head.

“You fell
asleep at the table,” Bianca said, running her hand through his
sandy hair.

“I’m
sorry,”
he
answered, sitting upright.

Bianca shook her
head, “It’s okay I just didn’t want you to get a
stiff neck.”

“Right,”
Alex said rubbing his neck. “I think it already started.”

Bianca smiled at the
way he was playing up his stiff neck. “Would you like me to rub
it for you?”

“I thought
you’d never ask,” Alex smirked, leaning into her touch.

After a few minutes,
Alex moved his neck from side to side and gave her a thumbs up. With
a chuckle, probably one of the first in a week, Bianca stepped back
to retrieve her now ice cold coffee.

“I guess I’m
going to be late for work my first day back,” Bianca shrugged
as she heated up her coffee in the microwave.

“I called them
and told them you needed one more day. I hope that’s okay?”
Alex replied moving behind her and wrapping his arms around her
waist.

Bianca tried not to
stiffen. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to touch her,
but she felt like she didn’t deserve his comfort or affection
after she failed to keep his unborn child safe.

“Bianca,
let me help you. Let me take care of you. You’ve spent the last
week moping around the house, not eating, barely sleeping and not
talking to me. We need to talk about this if we are going to get past
it,” Alex said turning her to face him. “Unless you don’t
want to get past it,”
he
added.

Bianca
shook her head. “It’s not that, Alex,”
she
said, opening her mouth to speak again only to snap it closed again.
Now was not the time to tell him she loved him.

“Please,
Bianca. Talk to me,” Alex begged, gripping her waist.

Tears began to well
in Bianca’s eyes. She couldn’t talk to him. It hurt too
much. Didn’t he see that? And it was all her fault.

Swallowing the giant
lump in her throat, Bianca spoke, “I want to talk to you. But I
can’t speak the words without reliving that awful day.”
She choked back the sob that tried to escape. “Why aren’t
you angry with me?” She added, a few rogue tears escaping her
eyes.

Bianca wiped the
tears away angrily and snatched her cup of coffee from the microwave,
sloshing some over the side.

Damnit!

Tears of frustration
finally falling, Bianca grabbed the dishtowel and sopped up her mess.
From her periphery she could see Alex watching her, his jaw twitching
with tension. He was gripping the side of the table until his
knuckles turned white and Bianca thought he must be holding himself
back from coming to her. But why? That was what she needed from him,
unconditional comfort. She would talk about what happened when the
time was right but just knowing he was there for her through this
awful time would help her heal. Bianca feared he wouldn’t want
to wait for her to heal though and the thought made her stomach
clench with fear.

*****

Alex watched as
Bianca cleaned up the spilled coffee. His first instinct was to take
the towel from her and do it himself. His second was to make her stop
cleaning it up and gather her into his arms and not let go. Instead,
he held onto the table and let her cry and mop up spilled coffee like
an asshole. What was he waiting for? Damned if he knew. Releasing his
grip from the table, Alex ran a hand through his hair again with
aggravation. How did something that was going so well turn to such
shit in a matter of months? Giving up the fight to leave her alone,
Alex pushed off from the table and walked across the room. At this
point Bianca was done with the coffee spill and was leaning over the
counter silently sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her waist again
and ignored her stiffening posture.

“Bianca,”
he
whispered,
pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

“Please
don’t, Alex. I don’t deserve it,”
she
sobbed, trying to pull away.

“Yes you do,
baby. Let me help you heal,” Alex said, continuing to press
light kisses to her neck and cheek.

“Alex,
please.” And he wasn’t sure if she was asking him to stop
or to continue.

Alex didn’t
stop. He turned her to him and continued to kiss her face and neck.
Bianca didn’t pull away but she wouldn’t relax against
him. Refusing to give up this time like he had for the last week,
Alex pulled her to his chest, feeling the curves of her petite body
press against him making his dick hard, and kissed her collarbone. He
ran a hand up her t-shirt, finding her braless breast and squeezing
gently. Bianca moaned and relaxed against him. Alex counted that as
an invitation and continued his exploration of her body with his
hands. He moved on to the other breast, palming her nipple and moving
in slow circles. Bianca inhaled a sharp breath and pushed herself
against his hand. Alex continued to suck on her neck, the scent of
her driving him wild no matter how many times he had her.

“Alex,”
Bianca breathed, the tone of her voice changed from before. This time
she sounded like she wanted him and Alex took the opportunity to
finally be able to make love to her to show her how much she really
meant to him.