The Girls They Left Behind (37 page)

‘Cheer up. It’s over now. I was only in for a few months anyway. And I spent the last couple in Wormwood Scrubs, they had a better attitude there. It wasn’t too bad, not when you think what my old man went through in his time. And when I came out, I volunteered to work on the land.’ He smiled again. ‘Daft, I know, but I don’t mind volunteering, I just won’t be forced. And now I think maybe it’s time I volunteered to do something more. I don’t like being safe here, when there’s people being bombed back in Pompey.’

They had reached the little river. It wasn’t much more than a stream really, running through the fields with willow trees hanging over its banks. Dennis sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree and looked down into the water.

‘There’s only one thing bothers me about going away,’ he said quietly. ‘I’d miss you, Betty.’

There was a little silence. A few rooks cawed as they made their way home across the chilly fields. A cloud of gnats danced above the surface of the stream.

She looked at him, sitting there on the fallen trunk. He had had his curly brown hair cut short and his face and neck were tanned. His body was lean and hard. Suddenly, Betty felt a powerful urge to hold herself against that body, to feel his warmth on her skin.

‘I’d miss you too,’ she said wonderingly. ‘I don’t want you to go away, Dennis.’

There was a catch in her voice. She heard it with surprise, and felt another flood of emotion. What was the matter with her?

Dennis lifted his head. His hazel eyes looked straight into hers and he reached out his hands.

‘Betty…’

‘Oh, Dennis,’ she said, and moved blindly into his arms.

His body was warm and hard, just as she had known it would be. She could feel his heart beating against her breast.

His cheek was slightly rough against hers, and his lips were firm as he kissed her. He held her closely but not tightly, and she felt safe and secure within the circle of his embrace.

For a few moments they stayed close together, and then he let her go.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ‘

‘No. It’s all right. Please, Dennis.’

‘You’ve already got a boy. You’re engaged ‘Not properly,’ she said. ‘It’s just a game really. To make him feel better while he’s away.’

Dennis stared at her. ‘What d’you mean?’

Betty reddened. ‘It wasn’t serious at all at first. We just went out together a few times. And then he got called up and he wanted me to - to wait for him. He wanted to know I wouldn’t go out with anyone else. So that he could think of me when he was away, you see, knowing I’d be there when he got back. And I sort of thought it would be nice to be engaged, only I knew my mum and dad would never agree, so he gave me this little ring - she fished it out of her collar, where it hung round her neck on a thin chain - and when we’re by ourselves I wear it on my engagement finger. But it doesn’t mean anything, not really.’

‘Doesn’t it?’ Dennis asked gently. ‘Are you sure?’

Betty’s blush deepened. ‘I don’t really know,’ she said honestly. ‘I thought it did, for a while. But since I’ve been here … I’m not sure, Dennis. And the last time I saw Graham ‘

‘Yes?’ he prompted, and she looked away from him.

‘Well, maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but he wanted - he wanted -‘ She shook her head. ‘I can’t say it.’

‘AH right,’ Dennis said. ‘You don’t have to. I can guess what Graham wanted.’ He sighed. ‘I can understand it.

Having a girl like you, and going off to sea, not knowing whether he’d ever see you again. How did you feel about it?’

Betty looked at him. Her face was still scarlet, but suddenly it was easy to talk to him. His eyes were calm and warm, full of understanding. She said, ‘I wanted to a bit, but it was wrong. I knew it was wrong. In the end, he kept on so much that I promised I would after supper, and then Mum made us all play cards till it was time for him to go.’ She glanced at him sidelong, still a little embarrassed. ‘She knew perfectly well what was going on, she did it deliberately. And Graham knew too. He was furious but there was nothing I could do about it.’

Dennis laughed. ‘So a game of whist saved you from a fate worse than death!’

‘Actually, it was rummy,’ she said seriously, and then laughed with him. ‘Would it have been worse than death?’

‘I don’t suppose so,’ he said, ‘but you might have been in a difficult situation now.’

‘I know,’ she said with a shiver. ‘That’s what scared me.

Well, partly. But it just didn’t seem right.’

‘Perhaps Graham wasn’t the right one,’ he said lightly. ‘It has to be the right one, Betty. And you have to really want it.

It’s no good giving in just because a chap keeps on. That’s not love.’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I know.’

She looked at him again. His eyes were grave. He reached out a hand and she took it and let him draw her close. The warmth of his skin radiated and enfolded her, and she rested against him, her head against his chest, his cheek against her hair.

‘I’d like to think I might be the right one, Betty,’ he said quietly. ‘But I won’t keep on at you. I want you to be sure. I want us both to be sure.’

Betty looked down at the stream, flowing gently at their feet. She and Dennis seemed to have come a long way this afternoon. Or perhaps they had been moving slowly towards each other for a long time - ever since that first afternoon, when she had stepped off the bus and looked into his hazel eyes for the first time.

‘I love you, Dennis, she thought experimentally, as if tasting the words. And then, more strongly, with a power that surged through her body: I love you.

The words tasted right. They sounded true and honest in her heart. She knew now that what she had felt for Sandy was friendship. Now, with Dennis, she felt a flowering of joy within her, an opening and blossoming that she had never experienced before, with either Sandy or Graham.

Graham…

Her heart sank. What in heaven’s name was she going to do about Graham?

Graham was back in Portsmouth. His ship was in dock again and its crew employed in helping to clear up the devastation in the city. He spent his days shovelling debris and helping to demolish buildings that were considered dangerous.

‘It’s a respite,’ Elsie Philpotts told her son when he went to Gosport for some home cooking. ‘I’m thankful to know you’re safe here and not at sea. The longer it takes, the better, as far as I’m concerned.’

Graham pushed away his plate. He had packed away a huge mound of fried potatoes and his parents’ entire week’s ration of bacon. He was accustomed to eating large amounts on the ship, but it wasn’t like Mum’s cooking. He gave a sigh of satisfaction.

‘That was smashing… It’s all right, I suppose, but I wish Betty was home. There’s not much to do when you haven’t got a girl to go with.’

‘Not much to do? In Pompey?’ Elsie gave a little scream of laughter. ‘And you a sailor? Still, I suppose you’re right. It’s all right going to pubs with your mates in strange places, but when you’re home you want something different. You want your own sweetheart. And with Betty out on that farm, you’re bound to feel lonely.’

Graham nodded. He’d been annoyed to come home and find Betty away, even though he’d known it would happen. It was what he’d foreseen when she’d first announced her intention of volunteering for the Land Army, and he’d told her then he didn’t approve. Her father hadn’t liked it either, but she’d gone ahead and done it just the same.

Maybe we ought to get married, he thought, remembering how she’d let him down that last evening he was home. She’d have to do what I say then, and she’d have to let me make love to her as well. There’d be none of this ‘mummy wouldn’t like it’ nonsense then.

She’d been wearing his ring long enough, after all. Last Christmas, he’d given it to her. It was nearly Christmas again now. That was plenty of time to be engaged. They ought to be thinking about getting married.

‘She’s coming home this weekend,’ he told his mother. ‘I’ll talk to her then. It’s time we got things sorted out.’

He went to Betty’s house at the weekend, filled with determination. This time, there would be no games of cards, no hiding behind her mother’s skirts. Betty was his girl, and if she wouldn’t give him what a man needed, they’d just have to have a showdown. They were getting married, he’d tell her, never mind her dad’s objections. There were ways of getting round that.

‘What d’you mean, ways?’ she asked when he said this.

They were in the front room as usual, holding hands after their first reunion. He’d have gone straight ahead then, he was ready enough for it, but Betty had held back, as he might have known she would. In fact, her kisses weren’t as enthusiastic as he’d expected and he already felt annoyed. He wished they’d gone out for a walk, so that they could talk properly, without her family in the next room, but it was pitch dark out there in the blackout, and raining too, and there was no chance her mum would let her go out with planes liable to come over at any moment.

‘We could fix it so he had to let us get married,’ he said.

‘Plenty of people do.’

She stared at him. ‘Get me in the family way, you mean?

Deliberately?’

‘Better’n doing it by accident,’ he said flippantly.

Betty snatched her hand away. ‘I don’t know what you think you’re suggesting, Graham Philpotts. I’m a decent girl ‘

‘Oh, for crying out loud!’ he broke in. ‘I’m not asking you to do anything unnatural. I’m asking you to get married. Don’t you know a proposal when it hits you on the nose?’

‘It’ll be you that gets hit on the nose if you go on talking like that,’ she retorted. ‘My mum would die of shame if I had to get married. She’s always told me what would happen if I got into trouble.’

‘I’m not talking about getting into trouble. I’m talking about a wedding. You know? White dresses, bridesmaids, a cake? Isn’t that what you want, Betty?’

She looked at him. They seemed to have had this conversation before, but last time she had been the one dreaming of the day that was supposed to be the best day in a girl’s life. Now, the glitter seemed to have faded. There was more to life than that one day.

‘I don’t want it all in a rush,’ she said quietly. ‘Getting married - it’s serious. It’s not just an excuse for a pretty frock and a party. Anyway, how could I get married in white if-if’

‘Well, that’s all right - I don’t want to wear a pretty frock, and it doesn’t matter a tinker’s cuss what colour yours is. It can be sky-blue-pink for all I care. And I couldn’t care less about the party. We’ll just keep it simple, all right? A quick dash into the church, or the registry office, it’s all the same to me, and then a pint or two up the pub and home to bed.’ His face was flushed and he grabbed her hand again. ‘How does that sound, Bet?’

‘It sounds horrible!’ Again, she pulled away. ‘Graham, what’s all this about? Why are you so keen to get married all of a sudden? What’s the point, when you’ll be going away again?’

‘That is the point! Don’t you understand? I’m fed up with going away and not knowing you’ll be here waiting for me when I get back. I’m fed up with coming back to Pompey and finding you’re out grubbing about on some farm miles away.

I’m fed up with taking second place to a spud!’ He glared at her, his blue eyes hard and angry. ‘You were keen enough before. You wanted to get engaged. Well, now I want to get married, and I want to know why you don’t.’ His eyes narrowed with suspicion. ‘Is there some other bloke, is that what it is? Some country yokel you’ve gone and fallen for?’

‘No!’ The word was out before Betty could stop it, and she turned scarlet. Oh dear, she thought despairingly, what can I say? I ought to tell him things are different now, I don’t feel the same. But I didn’t want to tell him like this. And I don’t even know if I do want them to be different, not really. I don’t know what I want!

I only know I don’t want to hurt him. But he’s hurt anyway.

And now I’ve gone and told him a lie, and I don’t even know how much of a lie it is.

‘All right, then,’ Graham demanded, ‘so tell me why you don’t want to get married, all of a sudden.’

‘But we never did say we wanted to get married,’ Betty said, trying to remember if this was true. Her mind was so confused, she could hardly recall what had happened. ‘We just wanted to get engaged, so you’d know I was here waiting for you.’

‘Right. And you’re not, are you? You’re cavorting round the countryside with a lot of farmers ‘

‘Graham, I’m not! I’m not cavorting. I’m working, working hard.’ She showed him her hands, the skin roughened and calloused by toil. ‘I’m working as hard as you.’

‘Yes, and I don’t like it. I don’t want my girl slaving away in all weathers, spoiling her looks. You’ve got hands like a navvy’s. What sort of a welcome is that for a bloke when he comes home, to find his girl’s got hands like sandpaper? If we were married, you’d come back and act like a woman again instead of trying to pretend you’re a man. You’d have my supper on the table and you wouldn’t be too tired or too strait-laced to give me what a man wants.’

‘Yes, that’s it, isn’t it,’ Betty flashed. ‘That’s what it’s all about. You just want me here, ready to wait on you hand and foot the minute you step through the door. And ready to go to bed with you. It’s all for you, isn’t it - never mind what I want to do. Never mind that it’s my life we’re talking about.’

‘I thought it was our life.’

‘So did I. But you want it all your own way.’

‘And don’t you?’ he shouted. ‘Don’t you want everything your own way? First you want to get engaged, so I’ve got to buy you a ring. Then you want to go off and work on a farm so I never know where you are and you can’t be around when my ship comes back to Pompey. God knows what you’re doing out there or who you’re going with, you could have a different bloke every night for all I know.’

‘Graham! That’s disgusting!’

‘Well, and how do I know it’s not true?’ he demanded. ‘You don’t tell me everything in your letters. Do you?’

His eyes were on her face and Betty looked away, biting her lip. It was true that she’d never mentioned the outings in Geoff’s car, the walks with Sandy and the others. She hadn’t even said much about Dennis. Most of her letters had described her work on the farm. It wasn’t surprising Graham had found them boring.