The Good, the Bad and the Unready (62 page)

Anne of a
Thousand Days
see
Anne the
GREAT WHORE

Bejazet the
Thunderbolt

Bejazet I, sultan of the Turks, 1347–1403

For the speed with which he transported his army from one continent to another, Bejazet was nicknamed ‘Yildirim’, meaning ‘Lightning’ or ‘the Thunderbolt’ –an epithet doubly suitable, as Edward Gibbon states, owing to the ‘fiery energy of his soul’ as well as the ‘rapidity of his destructive march’.

Bejazet was certainly never one to let grass grow under his feet. On the battlefield of Kosovo, where his father Murad was killed, his first act as the new sultan was to order the death of his own younger brother Yakub, whom he deemed too popular with the troops. The hapless Yakub was found and immediately strangled with a bowstring. Having quickly avenged his father’s death by a wholesale massacre of Serbian nobility, Bejazet turned his attentions to Asia Minor – a hasty act that was to prove his undoing. At the battle at Ankara he finally met his match in ‘Timur the Tatar’, who, legend has it, kept Bejazet in chains at night, used him literally as a footstool and had the sultan’s wife strip and serve him naked at his table. Bejazet’s spirit was crushed by such humiliations, and eight months after being captured he was dead from an apoplectic seizure.

 
Tiddy-Doll
see
Napoleon the
LITTLE CORPORAL

Toom Tabard

John Balliol, king of Scotland, 1249–1315

To win the Scottish throne from a number of contenders, John had to pledge allegiance to Edward the
HAMMER OF THE SCOTS
. Once in power, however, he found Edward’s demands too stringent and refused to continue to pay him homage, forging instead the ‘Auld Alliance’ with France. Edward reacted swiftly, launching an attack against Scotland and decisively winning the only battle of the campaign, at Dunbar in April 1296. In early July the chastened John formally surrendered.

John’s nickname of‘Toom Tabard’, meaning ‘Empty Surcoat’ or ‘Empty Jacket’, stems from the humiliation that he then suffered. It is alleged that John was publicly cashiered – discharged from service with ignominy – by having the royal blazon from his coat ripped off before a jeering public.

Albert with the
Tress
see
Albert
THE ASTROLOGER

Theobald the
Troubadour
see
NOBLE PROFESSIONS

Abu Bakr the
Truthful
see
Abu Bakr the
UPRIGHT

Tum Tum
see
Edward the
CARESSER

 
George the
Turnip-Hoer

George I, king of England, 1660–1727

Apart from a penchant for truffles George had no interest at all in the finer things of life. Averse to pomp and ceremony, the dour and matter-of-fact monarch preferred instead to concentrate on affairs of state and the prudent development of a well-ordered economy. Common sense was the royal watchword, indicated perhaps by his enquiry as to the cost of transforming the beautiful and ornate St James’s Park into a turnip field.

Alexander the
Two-Horned
see
Alexander the
GREAT

Christian the
Tyrant