The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (7 page)

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body whose sole function is to transmit sexual sensation. It is made up of approximately eight thousand nerve fibers, a higher concentration than in any other body part, and twice as many as in the penis. Despite the constant outpouring of sex “information” in popular culture, thousands of men and women still have no idea that the clitoris exists or how to locate it. At the same time, many women who know all about the clitoris and who regularly enjoy orgasms from clitoral stimulation are convinced that “vaginal orgasms” are somehow superior. Freud’s dictum that clitoral pleasure is an “immature” substitute for vaginal pleasure cast a long shadow over the twentieth century, even though medical writers down through the ages have always identified the clitoris as the main site of female sexual pleasure.

In truth, the majority of women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. However, some women do report that clitoral and vaginal stimulation result in what they identify as different types of orgasm:

In my experience, there are clitoral orgasms and G-spot orgasms. Clitoral orgasms feel like a roller-coaster ride. G-spot orgasms feel deeper and somehow more intense, like my whole body is involved.

Researchers have proposed that different nerve pathways between the genitals and the brain account for variances in orgasmic experience. John Perry and Beverly Whipple, two of the authors of
The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries about Human Sexuality,
theorize that subjective perceptions of orgasm are based on which of two primary nerve pathways is involved. The pudendal nerve is connected to the clitoral glans and the PC muscle (see below), while the pelvic nerve is connected to the clitoral shaft, clitoral legs, G-spot, bladder, uterus, and deepest part of the PC muscle. Perry and Whipple suggest that the ways in which nerve signals travel on one or both of the pathways can create a variety of different or blended sensations. That the pelvic nerve connects to internal organs and inner muscles could explain why many women describe orgasms resulting from vaginal or G-spot stimulation as “deep” and “full-bodied.”

If reading about these distinctions makes you worry that you’re missing out on some “better” type of orgasm, remember that orgasm is a subjective experience that can’t really be neatly categorized. After all, the clitoris and vagina don’t inhabit separate postal codes, and the sexual pleasure each provides is completely interconnected.

The Urethral Sponge and Female Ejaculation

As you move your attention down from your clitoris toward your vaginal opening, you should be able to locate the opening of the urethra, the tube that conducts urine from the bladder out of the body. The urethral opening is more visible in some women than others. You may have to spread your labia and bear down with your pelvic muscles to get a good look at this area. The spongy, acorn-shaped protrusion around the urethral opening is loaded with nerve endings and is an erogenous zone for many women. For others, stimulation of this area may be irritating and unpleasant.

Inside your body, the urethra runs parallel to and above the vagina, so that the ceiling of the vagina is closest to the floor of the urethra. The urethra is surrounded by spongy tissue dense with blood vessels and containing glands similar in their makeup and in the fluids they produce to the male prostate gland. These glands are most densely concentrated in an area equivalent to the outer third of the vagina. This urethral sponge is what has come to be called the
G-spot,
or female prostate, named after Ernst Grafenberg, a gynecologist who first published research on the erotic pleasure potential of the urethra in the 1940s and 1950s. Some women greatly enjoy stimulating the urethral sponge, and some women experience an ejaculation of fluids through the urethra as a result.

SO YOU WANT TO FIND YOUR G-SPOT

We’ve chosen to use the somewhat arbitrary term
G-spot
throughout this book because it’s made its way into popular usage, thanks to the publication of a book by the same name in 1982. Unfortunately, this terminology plays into a common sexual misconception that specific physiological buttons need only be located and pressed to produce mind-blowing pleasure. The G-spot has variously been described as a dime-sized, quarter-sized, or half-dollar-sized raised area located in the front wall of the vagina. Many women are understandably confused by this notion of the vagina as piggy bank and fret that they “don’t have” or “can’t find” their own G-spot.

It took me a while to realize that the G-spot wasn’t just a button you press to cause orgasm (from all the talk…well, it was a bit exaggerated), but with a little patience, it’s fantastic. For me it creates a totally different experience than clitoral orgasm—equally pleasurable, but more involved…a whole-body thing.

The G-spot is not a vaginal ecstasy button—rather, it’s simply a cushion of tissue wrapped around the urethra. The reason this cushion can aptly be described as a “spot” is that the urethra is only about one and a half to two inches long. Your urethral sponge can be stimulated through the front wall of your vagina in the same way that a man’s prostate gland can be stimulated through the front wall of his rectum. While every woman has a urethral sponge, not everyone has the same response to its stimulation—your reaction could range from pleasure to indifference to irritation:

I’ve never had an orgasm through intercourse or stimulation of the G-spot. I can’t seem to find it!

The only orgasm I have ever experienced was elicited by intense penetration and stimulation of my G-spot by my partner, using her fingers.

G-spot stimulation to me simply feels good; it does not generate an orgasm.

Female genital anatomy

If you’d like to explore G-spot stimulation, warm up first with other types of sexual stimulation. If you are tense or insufficiently aroused, prodding your urethral sponge will probably only irritate your bladder. Once you’re aroused and your erectile tissues are swollen with blood, the urethral sponge will be easier to locate. You may find that G-spot stimulation initially makes you feel like you need to pee—this is a natural response to pressure on the urethra, and the sensation should subside in a few moments.

Choose the position that best enables you or your partner to reach the front wall of your vagina—squatting, lying on your stomach, or rear-entry intercourse are all good bets. Dildos are also particularly handy helpers, as they can reach farther than most people’s fingers. The G-spot is not responsive to light touch, so you’ll need to press firmly into the vaginal wall—the G-spot can’t be felt
on
the vaginal wall, but only
through
it. If you explore with your fingers, you should encounter a slightly ridged area just behind the pubic bone that feels distinct from the smoother vaginal walls around it. Press down on this area—experiment with rocking, massaging, and rhythmic touch to discover what you like best. Some women find it helpful to place one hand above the pubic hair line and press down through the belly to feel the urethral sponge swelling between their hands. Others only become aware of the G-spot if they’re being penetrated by something larger than fingers.

I have experienced G-spot stimulation more on my own than with a partner. I can take the intensity longer by myself than with someone else.

Doggy-style sex seems to provide a highly pleasurable form of G-spot stimulation.

I found my G-spot with a vibrator. I have to angle it toward my belly and put it on high. Intense.

There are numerous G-spot vibrators and vibrator attachments, curved to hit the front wall of the vagina. You may or may not find these long enough or curved just right to hit your individual G-spot.

FEMALE EJACULATION

With continuous stimulation of the urethral sponge, the paraurethral glands fill up with a clear, odorless fluid. This fluid can seep, flow, or spurt out of the urethra during ejaculation. While all women have a urethral sponge, not all ejaculate. Of those who do, some ejaculate during orgasm and some during arousal. Ejaculation and orgasm are two distinct physiological phenomena in both women and men.

Female ejaculation has been around as long as females have been around, and was recognized in folk wisdom and medical literature from classical antiquity through the Renaissance. Until the eighteenth century, the prevailing theory in the Western world was that successful conception depends on the mingled sexual fluids and sexual enjoyment of both men and women. When the invention of the microscope revealed that only male fluids contribute to conception, female fluids (and the value of female orgasm) disappeared from medical literature. For centuries thereafter, doctors dismissed anecdotal reports of female ejaculation as evidence of urinary incontinence:

I had never experienced ejaculation before I was with a woman. I have always had orgasms, but never like those I have now. At first I would love the wet sensations but seconds later feel guilty, thinking maybe it was pee. It smells like pee, and there aren’t too many documents supporting the female ejaculation theory. I wish I wasn’t so uptight, because it is a very enjoyable experience.

In fact, research shows that female ejaculate is chemically distinct from urine. If you’ve ever felt embarrassed or intimidated by the fear that you’re peeing in bed, we hope the following quotes will inspire you to go ahead and do what comes naturally:

I’ve found that ejaculation happens when I’ve been slowly aroused and teased maximally (clitorally speaking) by a patient partner, as this can take one to two hours. It’s wonderful and very intense! At first I thought I peed, but then I thought, “Who cares?”

I’ve ejaculated many times, especially during pregnancy when I’m particularly juicy anyway.
Has made me nervous (partner reaction-wise), but it feels goo-oo-ood.

I ejaculated the first time when I was 25 and was on top during intercourse with a man. The next time I ejaculated was recently during G-spot stimulation by my girlfriend’s hand. I just realized that urination anxiety was holding back my ejaculate, so I let it go, and I did ejaculate!

When I was younger, I thought ejaculation during masturbation was wrong, sorta like peeing the bed. I’d feel great, but guilty, because I’d left a huge wet stain on my mattress (of course having the urge to masturbate just before leaving for church might have had something to do with that). Now that I’ve read a bit more, I realize that ejaculate is a natural and normal occurrence, even if it doesn’t happen all the time. Now I plan ahead by bringing in towels.
While sitting on top of my lover with his lovely curved cock inside me, he said, “Look at you, baby,” and when I looked down, I was coming and it was gushing! The G-spot exists and he really hit it. It was a glorious release!

If you’ve never experienced ejaculation and would like to, try incorporating G-spot stimulation into your usual masturbation techniques. As your urethral sponge grows more swollen and sensitive, bear down with your pelvic muscles. Women’s experiences of ejaculation can range from simply feeling more wet than usual to shooting jets of fluid. Of course, plenty of women may never ejaculate and may never want to. We are pleased that female ejaculation is now acknowledged as a genuine sexual response, but we don’t like to see it promoted as a new goal that every woman should strive to achieve. Ideally, you’ll undertake your explorations in a spirit of fun and curiosity, rather than one of grim determination. Whether or not you “find” your G-spot or hit the ceiling with your fluids, you’re certain to learn new things about your sexual responses:

Discovering my G-spot, actually seeking it out rather than just having occasional, accidental stimulation of it, has totally increased my sexual pleasure—whether alone with a dildo or with a partner. I never knew what was producing the giant wet spot underneath me until then. I love the feeling that I might be about to pee.

I still haven’t found the G-spot yet, but I’m enjoying the search. The longest, most intense multiorgasm I had was with a man stimulating my clit while thrusting my new G-spot vibrator in. Whoa. I didn’t realize how much fun that G-spot vibrator was until I put someone else behind the wheel.

I was so blown away the one time I climaxed with G-spot stimulation that I didn’t notice if I ejaculated, though I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. I definitely ejaculated verbally!

The Vagina

You’ll notice that the vaginal opening appears as folds of skin, rather than as an open space. The vagina is extremely expandable—think childbirth—yet most of the time the vaginal walls rest companionably against each other. The vagina is about four inches long. After the initial bulge over the urethral sponge, the vaginal canal curves back to the cervix, the neck of the uterus. The outer third of the vaginal walls consists of ridges and folds of tissue, has more nerve endings, and is more sensitive than the rest of the vagina. The inner two-thirds of the vaginal walls are smoother and contain fewer nerve endings—therefore, the inner part of the vagina is more responsive to pressure than to light touch, friction, or vibration. Like the inner vagina, the cervix can be quite sensitive to pressure. During sexual arousal, the uterus elevates and the inner vagina balloons, creating a sort of cul-de-sac behind the cervix—some women find pressure on this spot particularly pleasurable.