The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (8 page)

Every woman’s vaginal geography is unique, and we encourage you to explore your own to discover any “hot spots” or particularly pleasurable areas inside your vagina. Some women have no interest in pursuing vaginal stimulation during sex, while others find that penetration enhances a sexual experience:

I’ve definitely noticed a difference between coming with penetration and coming without. With penetration, there’s more of a total body sensation, whereas without (i.e., with finger, tongue, or vibrator on my clitoris), sensation is more localized. Both are great.

I differentiate between the intense clit-centered climaxes I have during oral sex or manual stimulation and the wave of full-body climaxes I experience during vaginal penetration. They are both equally desirable, and I usually experience both.

Male Anatomy

External Organs

While most of us are familiar with what the penis and the scrotum look like externally, there’s a surprising amount of mystification around what’s beneath the surface. There are no bones and no muscles inside the penis. Instead, two long cylinders containing erectile tissue run down the length of the penis. These cylinders are called the
corpora cavernosa
and correspond to the clitoral legs in women. The urethra runs along the bottom of the penis, surrounded by a third cylinder of spongy tissue, the
corpus spongiosum,
which is connected to the glans, or head of the penis. The urethral opening is in the glans. The head of the penis is generally the most sensitive part, particularly around the coronal ridge at the base of the glans, and corresponds to the tip of the clitoris. However, nerve endings are not as densely concentrated on the head of the penis as they are on the clitoral tip, so the glans of the penis is considerably less sensitive than the clitoral glans.

Uncircumcised, circumcised, and erect penis

If you hold your penis in your hand, you’ll notice that the skin covering the penis slides easily over the shaft. All men are born with a foreskin, a retractable extension of the skin of the penis, which covers the glans. When boys or men are circumcised, this loose skin is cut off. Since the glans of an uncircumcised man is protected by his foreskin, it is usually more sensitive when exposed than the glans of a circumcised man. Try stroking all around your glans and coronal ridge to see what spots feel particularly pleasurable. Some men find stimulation of the urethral opening pleasant, while others find it irritating. The frenulum, the piece of skin on the underside of the coronal ridge between the shaft of the penis and the glans, is another area rich in nerve endings. As you move your hand down the shaft of your penis, pay attention to the hump of skin running along the underside of your penis—you are feeling the
corpus spongiosum,
which lies just beneath the skin. This ridge, known as the raphe, runs from the frenulum all the way down the shaft of the penis, along the middle of the scrotum, to the anus and is particularly sensitive to touch.

The scrotum is the loose sac of skin hanging below the penis that contains the two testicles. Testicles are the glands involved in the production of both testosterone and sperm. They can vary from grape-sized to egg-sized. The scrotum serves to protect the testicles from injury and from extremes of temperature, which would inhibit sperm production. You’ve probably noticed that when you’re cold, physically active, or sexually excited, the muscles in your scrotum contract, thereby pulling your testicles protectively closer to your body. It’s common that one testicle will hang lower than the other.

As we’re sure you’re aware, most men’s testicles are extremely sensitive to pain and require gentle treatment. Although even light tapping on the testicles can be painful, firm pressure or steady pulling on the scrotum can feel good. Many men enjoy having their scrotums stroked, squeezed, and tugged on. This is one principle behind the numerous cock-and-ball toys on the market. Cock-and-ball toys, which resemble harnesses for the male genitals, are variously designed to snap around the base of the penis and scrotum, lift and separate the testicles, or stretch the scrotum. Some men enjoy hanging light weights off their scrotums to create a sensation of steady pulling. And some men crave more vigorous treatment:

I like lots of strong stimulation of my balls. Squeeze them, smack them, twist them, pull them apart from side to side, slap them on the steering wheel of my car—I don’t care. I love it all!!!

A Word about Circumcision

The foreskin, nature’s way of keeping the glans of the penis protected and lubricated, is a sheath of skin lined with mucous membrane. Not only is the foreskin itself packed with sensory tissue, rich with blood vessels and nerve endings, but it serves to enhance the sensitivity of the glans of the penis and to provide natural lubrication.

Nothing feels quite as good as my lover’s uncut penis. I must emphasize that my favorite form of penetration is from an uncircumcised penis. As for circumcised, bleah! Once you’ve felt the amazing feeling of a foreskin sliding back and forth over the penis inside you, you’ll never want a cut man again. Believe me.

In recent years, many men and women have begun to question the American social norm of circumcising infant boys. While circumcision is a religious ritual in both Judaism and Islam, it’s a purely secular, medical tradition for the majority of American families, one that is arguably outmoded and unnecessary. Circumcision became widespread in twentieth-century America owing to a legacy from the Victorian age, when circumcision was promoted as a method of controlling masturbation, and owing to post-World War II standards of hygiene. By the sixties, doctors routinely circumcised between 80 and 90 percent of American boys, as it was widely believed that circumcision would reduce chances of infant urinary tract infections (UTIs), penile cancer, cervical cancer, and the transmission of STDs.

Recent research has shown that good hygiene and safer sex practices are the key to avoiding infections (including genital warts, which are linked to cervical cancer). Penile cancer is very rare, and while circumcised infants are at lower risk for UTIs, the risk for uncircumcised boys is at most 1 percent. In 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics reversed its former position, stating that circumcision does not have enough benefits to warrant routine recommendation. If you’re an expectant parent, we strongly advise you to research and come to your own decision before the birth of your child, so that you’ll be prepared to communicate your wishes to doctors after delivery.

The majority of circumcised men in America experience the penis as a great source of pleasure. There are, however, men who experience desensitization of the glans and mourn the loss of the foreskin to such an extent that they seek “uncircumcision” or “foreskin restoration.” If you’re interested in pursuing the nonsurgical methods of restoration, all of which involve gradually stretching the skin of the penile shaft until it covers the glans, more power to you. However, we’d strongly advise against surgical intervention, which frequently results in scarring and other problems.

Internal Organs

There’s more to the male genitals than what’s visible outside your body. The base of the penis extends into the body—in fact, there’s enough room in the pelvic cavity that the entire penis and testicles can be tucked inside the body when soft. If you press your fingers against your perineum—the area between your testicles and anus—you can feel this root, or bulb, of your penis. The root of the penis is sensitive and can be stimulated through the perineum or the rectum—one reason anal penetration feels pleasurable to many men.

The urethra passes into the body and through the prostate gland to the bladder. The prostate gland, an internal organ that produces ejaculatory fluid, is situated behind the pubic bone and just below the bladder. The prostate is a source of sexual pleasure for many men. Tucked close to the root of the penis, the prostate lies along nerve pathways between the penis and the brain, and is exceptionally well situated to pick up pleasurable signals both coming and going. Many men can have orgasms purely from prostate stimulation. Prostate massage also enhances genital stimulation, as it produces pressure against the root of the penis that feels like an internal erotic massage. The prostate corresponds to the G-spot in women—like the G-spot, it is connected to the pelvic nerve, rather than the pudendal nerve, which may explain why prostate-triggered orgasms are often described as particularly “deep.”

Male genital anatomy

You can massage your prostate by inserting a finger about three inches into your rectum and stroking toward the front of your body. You’ll feel the prostate as a firm bulge about the size of a walnut (it may be larger in men over 40). Given the angles you’re working with, you may find it difficult to reach your prostate with your own fingers, but a partner’s fingers, an insertable vibrator, or a dildo can come in handy. As with G-spot stimulation in women, men are more likely to enjoy prostate stimulation once they’re already aroused, and responses to prostate stimulation can range from extreme pleasure to irritation:

Too much prostate stimulation makes me lose the desire to orgasm. Is this common, I wonder? Perhaps it “oversatisfies” me.

The most intense orgasms I’ve ever had in my life have come through prostate stimulation. I have a particularly delicious memory of a threesome in which I was fucking a friend of mine while my wife pushed her fingers into me and touched my prostate. The orgasm that resulted was truly shattering.

Since my wife turned me on to the “male G-spot,” I have had orgasms that far surpassed anything I had previously experienced.

Erection

The penis would be blood-engorged all the time were it not for smooth muscle cells that constrict local arteries, minimizing blood flow into the corpora cavernosa. In response to sexual stimulation, your brain signals the nerve cells around the penis to release a neurotransmitter that causes these smooth-muscle cells to relax, and voilà: Arteries widen and the erectile tissues fill with blood. The corpora cavernosa expand against their surrounding membrane, thereby squeezing shut the veins that would normally carry blood back out of the penis and creating a firm erection.

An erect penis can hold eight times as much blood as a nonerect penis. Erect penises don’t, however, expand in direct proportion to their nonerect size. Some penises increase in size more during erection than others; there’s actually a smaller range of sizes among erect penises than among nonerect penises.

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION: More commonly referred to by the loaded term
impotence,
the inability to sustain an erection is something that all men experience at one point or another in their lives, whether as a result of a few too many drinks, physical fatigue, or lack of desire. Recurring erectile dysfunction is another matter, and is generally the result of ongoing physical conditions, rather than temporary, situational problems.

A number of neurological and/or circulatory problems can short-circuit the physical process of erection. Pelvic surgery, spinal cord injuries, multiple sclerosis, or diabetes can all cause nerve damage, while certain drugs—such as antidepressants or high-blood-pressure medications—can interfere with signals to the smooth muscle cells. Circulatory problems, such as hardening of the arteries, can interfere with blood flow into the penis. Diabetes, smoking, pelvic injury, and aging can all reduce the elasticity of the erectile tissues, resulting in blood leaking out of the erection.

If you have had recurrent episodes in which you couldn’t sustain an erection, the first thing to do is determine whether this failure has physical or psychological causes. All men who are physically capable of having erections have several throughout the course of a night’s sleep, and most wake up with an erection at least one morning a week. If you haven’t woken with an erection in a few weeks, you can try a low-tech diagnostic test by attaching a ring of postage stamps around the base of your flaccid penis before going to bed—check to see if the ring is broken when you awake. Or, a doctor can set you up with a device like a mechanized cock ring, which will measure the quantity and firmness of the erections you have throughout the night.